“There was a possibility she would’ve said something to us, but you shot it down the drain. Now she’s fucking terrified, all because you couldn’t keep your anger in check. Did you think for a second she hadn’t been through enough? She showed up here with bruises across her entire body, shaking so hard we thought she was having a seizure when she woke up.”
“I want to put the bastard in the ground,” I hiss, closing my eyes. I can visually see how I’d wrap my hands around his neck and twist, dealin’ with the problem quickly. But a part of me wants to make the fucker suffer. I don’t have an idea right now but I can guarantee I’d figure somethin’ out both creative and torturous.
“I understand that, Dix.” Sakura sighs, “You think I’m against you but I’m not. I’m trying to help, but I doubt any of us will get an answer for a long time because of how you reacted. Think about it, she’s obviously been around a man who enjoys beating on her. I’m betting he raises his voice and screams at her too, the same way you did . . . you are her brother, but I’m betting you didn’t look like her brother in that moment. You resembled similarities to the man who enjoys harming her.”
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath, not realizing the severity of my actions until Sakura explained them outright to me.
“I hope you set things straight with Abbey, but not today. She needs space and time. The girl has been through a lot,” Sakura tells me, so I make sure to pay close attention to what she’s sayin’. “One of her good friends just fled the country with someone who used to be her friend. It sounds like a really messed up story, but she didn’t have the opportunity to say goodbye. It seems really confusing and mixed up. I doubt I understand it in the slightest bit, but she said they were in trouble and had to go into hiding.”
“A friend, or like, a friend?” I hate how women these days call guys they’re datin’ a friend, but then again, if he was datin’ her this would be the guy I wanna bury.
Sakura rolls her eyes, “A friend, someone she viewed as a brother. I’m not sure what happened, but it sounds messy. Otherwise, I don’t know much about her. I’m sure you do, though.”
I shake my head at her comment, “No, we didn’t get into conversation besides . . . you know. I’ll be talkin’ to her again soon.”
Sakura nods, “Good, she’ll need you. But you can’t be an asshole again, Dix. If you are, I don’t think she’ll be able to trust anyone here.”
“Is anyone with her now?” I ask.
“Mhm, Cheyenne. She didn’t want to come into the club and didn’t object to staying at the house and spending time with Abbey.” Sakura tells me.
“How are you enjoying your new roommate?” I ask, cocking a brow.
“Eh, she’s not bad. It’s nice having another woman in the house, but Mouser isn’t exactly pleased with someone . . . invading our personal space. You know?”
Chuckling lowly I nod, “I’m sure.”
From the corner of my eye I see Indra walkin’ over in our direction with Jalen’s arms wrapped around her neck. His head is leaning up against her chest. Damn, the poor kid is tuckered out. “I’m thinking we may need to head home,” Indra half-frowns.
“Aw. Well it was nice to see you again and thank you for bringing him by. He’s adorable.” Sakura says.
“Yeah, I’ll have to bring him back again sometime soon.” Indra tells Sakura before she walks off.
I place my hand on the side of Indra’s hip and we leave the clubhouse, goin’ over to my trailer and stop at her car. “You know . . . you don’t have to leave.”
“Huh?” She looks at me with curious eyes.
“You could stay, Zen. I made a room for him for a reason. It’s ‘cause I want you to stay. I want you both to be comfortable here . . . with me.” Damn, I sound like a lovestruck fool spellin’ out my feelings like this but I don’t have much of an alternative.
Indra blinks a few times before she nods and heads up the short set of stairs to my house. She opens the storm door and opens the front door, turns left and goes all the way to Jalen’s room. Standin’ in the doorway I watch as she kneels down and tucks him under the covers, propping a plush dinosaur under his arm and turns the light off. She makes sure a nightlight is plugged in and kisses him on the forehead before she returns to me with a timid look in her eyes.
Our venture to the living room isn’t long, but damn does it feel intense. Not in the hot or cold type of way. The air in the room feels thicker. My clothes feel tighter. But the surroundings haven’t changed. They’re the same as they were when we walked in. I might be losin’ my shit, though I’m confident I’m probably nervous as hell. I’ve fucked women more times than I can count, but fuckin’ them and doin’ what I’m about to now are two entirely different things.
I wanna show Indra how much she means to me. I’m tryin’ to think of a way to show her what I want in a sensitive and sweet way like she deserves. What I’m not expectin’ is to have her hand wrap around the back of my neck and tug me down to her lips. Mine end up crashin’ over hers, and we’re not kissin’ in that sweet way we have every other time.
No, this is fierce. The way she folds her lips over mine, suckin’ my bottom one into her mouth like she’s a ragingly starved woman. Hell, now I’m wonderin’ if she’s been celibate since her husband died. I’ve been withholdin’ from sex for weeks and feel like I’m goin’ crazy. I can’t imagine it if it’s been fuckin’ years since . . . damn.
I pull my lips away from her and snicker, “You’re goin’ a bit fast, Zen.”
With mischievous eyes she glances up to mine, “What. You can’t keep up? Need me to slow down?”
Well, fuck. “Aw, nah baby.” I respond, slidin’ one hand under her legs, I use the other to hold onto the base of her neck, yankin’ on that curly ass hair of hers and slam her against the wall. Holdin’ her there with my body pressed against hers, I’m damn sure she can feel my erection pressin’ into that toned stomach of hers.
We’re quiet as can be given the circumstances. The only thing we hear is the air conditioner runnin’ in the background. Otherwise, I feel her heated breath against my cheek and can’t help but smile. I’ve waited for this moment for weeks, slowly gettin’ to know her before we got here. Now all I wanna do is ravage her body like she’s the first piece of bloody meat I’ve seen in ages. Indra is a fuckin’ filet mignon, that’s for damn sure.
I release her neck and when I do she brings her lips back down to mine. Kissin’ me while I unbuckle my pants and let them hit the floor, shove my boxers down to free my cock and pull my knife from my pocket. I decide I won’t be fiddlin’ with takin’ off her shorts. Imma just cut them off and take what I fuckin’ want.
She gasps loudly when I press the blade to her center, and flinches as I drag the knife down, hearing the tell-tale sign her jean shorts and panties are ripped. I glance down for a second and smirk, seein’ her shaved pussy on display.
“If you want me to be gentle Zen, now is the time to tell me. ‘Cause if not, I’m gonna make it hard for you to walk for a fuckin’ week. I’ve wanted to sink my cock into you for so long, damn . . .” I grumble, shifting my hips back I line my cock up against her entrance.
Her dark eyes stare into mine and she nods, “I don’t want nice or sweet, Dixon. I only want you.”
God dammit. I wanna be gentle with her. I wanna show her I’m a better man than my demons allow me to be, but I can’t fuckin’ help it. I’m gonna take her the way I’ve dreamed, rough, hard and savagely.
I shove myself inside her without warning, planting my hand back at the base of her skull and pull her hair back. I fuck her harshly while I dig my teeth into the base of her neck, bitin’ down. Everyone who sees her will know she belongs to me. My woman, my girl, my light. The woman who somehow keeps me zen. There’s somethin’ about Indra that I haven’t experienced with anyone else. She’s fuckin’ beautiful, so fuckin’ beautiful.
“God, Dixon . . .” Indra moans, diggin’ her long ass nails into my back. Other guys m
ight not like this shit, but damn it eggs me on to keep goin’.
I pick up my speed and slam my cock into her pussy as hard as I can until I hear sloshin’. She’s so close to cummin’ it isn’t even funny. Movin’ my mouth down to one of her tits I suck her nipple in my mouth, rollin’ my tongue around it and pull my hand from the back of her neck. I head straight for her clit and brush the sensitive little nub until she’s unleashing her essence all over me.
As her liquids coat my cock, balls and go down my legs my balls tighten and before I can pull out I’m releasin’ inside her. Normally I pull out, but fuck, I couldn’t. I just fuckin’ couldn’t. I don’t even think I’d mind her gettin’ pregnant, if it were to happen. It would just mean she’d stay in my life forever and fuck, I don’t wanna lose this.
I don’t ever wanna lose her.
Chapter Eighteen
Darling, let me tell you a secret. In my heart we were always kissing
~ Alexandra Vasiliu
Indra
The humming of an obnoxiously loud machine causes me to wake up. Last night all I did was toss and turn, because this thing needs to get slammed so hard it jolts back into normal rhythm or replaced entirely. Dixon lays peacefully sleeping on his back beside me. The man even smiles in his sleep, which only makes me even happier.
When I woke up this morning, I thought the first thing I might feel was regret, that maybe I was pushing this relationship too fast. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel regret, but the exact opposite. I felt relief. There’s a certain type of ease that washed over me. I felt refreshed, reenergized in a sense. Although, it doesn’t make sense. Or maybe it does?
Dixon is the first man I’ve been sexual with since Cornell passed away. I never even thought I’d date after his passing, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t lonely. So, I knew eventually I’d open myself back up to the dating world. I also knew I’d be much pickier about who I let into my life not only because of Jalen, but because I in some way wanted to do right by my deceased husband. I knew I’d need a man who treated me just as well as he did. I knew I wouldn’t settle. I knew I’d have to care for this person so much and almost not be able to make sense of how strongly I felt about them. I wouldn’t be able to understand the reasoning, but I’d have something so strong that nothing would ever be able to tear us apart.
I’ve found that person, and his name is Dixon.
Every day I’m with him I find more things I admire. If anything, I thought I’d find more reasons to end the relationship and run in the other direction. But, nope. Instead I’m going further down the rabbit hole.
Dixon rolls over on his side, smiling brightly at me. “Mornin’ sunshine. How long you been up?”
I shrug, “A little while. I’m an early bird.”
Dixon slides his arm around my torso and pulls me closer, flips on his back and I’m laying down on his chest. “Well, you could’ve woken me up too you know.”
I playfully slap his chest, “No, I think you needed the rest after you exerted yourself so much last night.” We didn’t just go one round, or two, or three. I remember counting five orgasms on my end and he just kept going. It was . . . God, it was so nice.
“Look at you crackin’ jokes.” He snickers.
I don’t mean to change the subject to something so intense, but I do want to know what his plans are. “Will you go see your sister today?” From what he said things didn’t go to well yesterday, so I think going to see her could be something they both need.
Immediately his jovial facial expression falters and he looks like I literally slapped him across the face. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I might give her a couple more days.”
I nod, understanding why he’d think that way. “I’m going to be honest here, alright? Quite frankly I believe the two of you have missed out on enough of each other’s lives. Live in the moment. Go talk to her. Apologize for the way you snapped yesterday, explain it was coming from a part of you that loves and cares for her. How the thought of what happened riles you up, you know?”
“I don’t even know if she really wants to be in my life.” He says.
“Dixon, she came to you for a reason. If she didn’t want you in her life, she wouldn’t have ever come here in the first place. But she did, so remember that.”
Unfortunately, I don’t have any siblings. I always wanted them but my mother and father simply weren’t interested in expanding the family. I remember when I asked mom if I could have a little brother or sister when I was eight or nine. She smiled and told me how they didn’t want to have too much of a good thing, explaining I was such a good child and they worried adding an extra body could ruin what they already had. I brushed it off as a kid because honestly, I didn’t understand half of what she was saying.
One thing I do remember is how lonely I felt as a child. I wanted a sibling more than anything and I’ll make sure Jalen isn’t the only child I have. I want him to experience the joys of having a brother or sister. “How in the hell did I get so lucky with you? You’re fuckin’ inspiring, baby.” Dixon mews, pulling me in for a chaste kiss.
I press my lips lightly against his and smile, “You didn’t get lucky here. We both did.” I say, rolling off him I get out of the bed and start searching for my clothes.
“Aw, aren’t you the sweetest thing.” He chortles, standing up. His cock is standing at attention just like it was last night and for the life of me, my mind goes straight to the gutter. I could continue to look for my tattered clothes, but there’s one thing I want to do so badly. Something I haven’t done in so long.
I walk right up to Dixon and drop to my knees, taking his shaft in my hand and wipe my thumb over the head of his cock. Pre-cum is drizzling a little bit, so I smear it along his head. “There’s one thing I never really told you,” I say excitedly, staring up into his eyes.
He looks down at me in a mischievous way, smirking like a dirty bastard. “Oh, what’s that?”
I stick my tongue out and lick my bottom lip seductively, averting my eyes down to his cock which is now twitching with need. “I love to suck on cock. I lick it like it’s a fucking lollipop, until that sweetness is shooting down my throat.” I push my mouth over his head, down his shaft and deep throat him right here, while I massage his balls. Dixon rolls his hips and fucks my mouth like he’s fucking another part of me.
I pull my mouth away from him, allowing my saliva to hang down and double fist his cock, only wanting to tease him even more. “Fuckin’ hell, Zen. I didn’t realize you were . . .” Dixon loses his words.
I giggle, “Dixon, I can be the girl your entire family wants you to take home. Though, I’m also the girl you want to take home because I’m a dirty little slut in the bedroom. Now close your eyes and let me do what I’m good at. I want to taste your cum this time,” I say, wrapping my mouth around him yet again.
Last night it was all about connecting as a couple. We’d connected mentally and spiritually, but we didn’t connect on the physical level. He unleashed himself inside me more times than I can count, and now I want him to do it again. Except this time, I’m being selfish. We’re doing this on my terms.
Chapter Nineteen
“We are all broken . . . that’s how light gets in.”
~ Hemingway
Dixon
Overall meeting Jalen and having our first night together was a better success than I could’ve ever imagined. What a fuckin’ relief that was, seriously. Before Indra left yesterday, she said again how I should go visit my sister. Even though I knew she was comin’ from a positive place, I felt like I needed to give myself more time to cool down, and Abbey more space. Sure, it had been years since we’ve seen each other, but I sorta lost my shit. And like Indra said, that probably freaked her out.
I spoke to Indra this mornin’, but she’s workin’ a double today at the yoga studio and the jewelry store. Her work ethic inspires me every day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman so committed to creating a better life for her child. The
only women we’re usually around are the ol’ ladies and clubwhores.
Now the ol’ ladies aren’t lazy fucks. They’re constantly doin’ somethin’ but in my experience they rely a lot on each other and their men to help level shit out. Now, the clubwhores . . . well, they’re another fuckin’ story.
Abbey’s still over at Sakura’s house so after my shower I walked straight over. I might’ve texted Sakura and asked her if Mouser was gonna be gone. I plan on mending one bridge today, not two of them.
Sakura let me in a few minutes ago and went to chat with Abbey. I’m guessin’ she wanted to make sure my sister wanted to see me and all that. Though, I did wait patiently until Sakura opened up Abbey’s bedroom door and let me in. I asked Abbey if she wanted me to leave it open, but she instructed me to close it.
Now I’m sitting on the wooden chair, starin’ at my sister, still somehow feelin’ like she’s nothin’ but a damn ghost. This is all . . . so intense. I’ve been through a lot of shit but I’ve never had to do this.
“I’m sorry for the way I went off on you—” I start to say, but she immediately cuts in.
“Don’t apologize. You don’t need to, Dixon. I . . . the way I came in here, of course you’d have questions and demand answers. I should’ve expected that and I didn’t think it through. So, please don’t apologize.” I sit here as my sister with her typically ivory colored skin is merely a few feet away, sitting propped up in a bed with blankets laying on top of her. She’s incredibly thin. A little too thin if you ask me. The purple and blue bruises on her body are both more intense while others are faded today. She looks like a bruised piece of fruit. The swelling on her eye has gone down since the first time I saw her and now I’m just . . . still struggling to accept the fact someone did this to her.
“Abbey,” I start off, sucking in a deep breath. I’m about to say somethin’ to her I never did as a kid. Somethin’ neither of us ever said to the other until we were being split up. “I fuckin’ love you, kid. Seein’ you here like this is hell. There’s no other way for me to say it. Someone . . . doin’ this to you pisses me off. It fuckin’ hurts me to see you hurt. You feel me? I’m sorry I lost my shit on you. I was just so upset. It’s not an excuse though and I know that. There isn’t any excuse that rights what I did to you the other day. Fuck, you’d been through enough and I made it worse.”
Mayhem: A Reapers MC Boxset Page 9
