A stricken expression emerged. “She won’t be able to.”
“Why not? I mean, Sweetgrass is small and not close to anything, but it’s not the end of the world.”
Her hands were folded over her mouth, her eyes lost and upset. Badly upset. She said something too softly for him to hear.
“What’s that?”
“She won’t be able to find me. My name isn’t Brenda.”
“It’s not?”
She shook her head.
“I wondered about that.”
“But you didn’t ask. You didn’t press me.”
He’d wanted to. “Do you want to tell me what it is?”
“Dilly.” She grimaced. “Aurora Daffodil, she named me, but she called me Dilly. But when I ran away, I didn’t want to get caught and sent back so I changed it. Oh, Henry, what if she is looking?” Then her shoulders sagged. “No, that’s not it. She’s had ten years to find me, long before I changed my name. She hasn’t been looking for me. She’s dead or she doesn’t want me. Miracles don’t happen to people like me.”
She looked more fragile than ever and so defeated, he couldn’t stay away. He went to her and gathered her in. “Brenda—” He halted. “Should I call you Dilly?”
She shook her head but didn’t look up. “Dilly was weak. Brenda is strong. It’s too late for Dilly, but maybe Brenda can be someone a person could love.”
Henry clasped her to him, then tipped up her chin. “Anyone would love you, Brenda. There is so much about you to love.”
“Then why…?” Her lip trembled. “Why didn’t my mother?” she whispered.
He couldn’t withstand her any longer. He lowered his head to hers, hovered with his mouth only a breath above her own. He looked into her stricken eyes for a long time, trying not to take that last step.
“Please,” she murmured. “Henry, please don’t say I’m too young. I’m not.”
“But you are, and I—” Before he could finish, she rose to her toes and closed the gap, her kiss sweet and innocent. He kept his own as tender and gentle as possible, only a brush of lips, a sigh of breath. Small tastes at the corners, at the sweet bow of that top lip…
“Henry…” She sighed against him, and he licked at the seam of her mouth softly…softly…
She let him in, and the moment felt…sacred. “Brenda, I…” Love you, he managed not to say, but he poured what he felt into that kiss, feeling her sink against him, her soft, sweet weight a blessing. He spread his hands over her back, slid one up to cradle her head, and he let the moment spin out until he was out of breath himself, near dizzy from the beauty of the moment he’d never thought to have.
He managed not to push it further. Instead he eased himself away and brushed her lips again with his.
They stared at one another for crystalline moments he knew he would never forget.
“That was perfect,” she sighed. “The perfect first kiss.”
Her first kiss. He was humbled and honored. He never wanted anyone else to give her one. His fingers tightened on her, and he nearly went back for more.
But he would be taking advantage of her vulnerability.
So he loosened his fingers, though he didn’t release her. She clung to him, and he soaked in the feeling.
They stayed like that, lost in the dark and the quiet and the peace he knew he couldn’t allow himself to experience again.
Or he would never be able to let her go.
Chapter Seven
“I shouldn’t have come, Kitty.” Blue gripped her phone in white-knuckled fingers.
“What happened? You found her, I presume?”
“I did.” Blue’s throat was full with all the emotion she’d been holding inside, afraid of what would happen if she let go.
“What’s she like?”
“She’s…” Blue’s eyes burned. “She’s…amazing and sweet and smart and beautiful and—” Blue bent double from the force of her grief over all she’d lost.
All she’d done to hurt this child.
“You haven’t told her?”
“How can I? She told me tonight—” Blue’s heart…hurt. “She’s never had a birthday party, Kitty, not since…oh, God.” Pain clawed its way up her throat, and harsh sobs wracked her until she curled on the floor. All she could think, all she could see, was Dilly’s blue eyes nearly apologizing. As though the fault lay in her.
“Dilly…oh, sweet Dilly…” She let the phone fall from her fingers and cried until she thought she’d be sick.
She lay there on the floor, staring at dust motes stirred up by her thrashing, and she wanted to die in a way she thought she’d left behind forever after she’d hardened her shell. She’d thought she’d become someone strong and tough, someone who would never again break…
But her brave, beautiful daughter made her want to stand up and cheer at the very same moment she wanted a sharp blade to take herself away, to end the miserable excuse for a mother she’d been.
And she wanted a drink so badly she couldn’t breathe.
Blue…Blue…Blue pick up, a tinny voice sounded from across the floor where she’d cast her phone.
“Blue!” Louder this time. “Blue, talk to me. Now. Please, honey, please.”
Why bother? she wondered. What would it change? Dilly thought her mother was dead, and making it so would be a mercy. She’d never again be able to hurt the bright, beautiful woman her daughter had become.
Dilly was worth ten of Blue any day.
“Blue! I’m calling the police if you don’t pick up this phone now!”
Maybe that was better. Maybe she belonged locked away, where she couldn’t screw up anything else.
“Don’t you steal this chance from her,” Kitty demanded. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and pick up the goddamn phone!”
She was doing it again, wasn’t she? Like all the times she’d lost herself in this drug and that, this man or the other, running fast and hard from her pain.
All the while leaving her fairy child to stand by her side, frightened and sad. Offering her a beignet or a cracker or whatever Dilly could scrounge up from the miserable stores Cat had provided. Please Mère, please sit up. Please don’t go away again.
“Have some pride, Blue. Have mercy on your child.” Kitty’s voice said.
Pride. Had she actually been proud that she’d become stronger? Had she truly believed she was better?
Have mercy on your child.
With the last remnants of her strength, Blue forced herself up from the floor. Clasped her hands into fists and dug her fingernails into her palms until the pain yanked her away from the despair.
“Blue, stop this. Talk to me,” Kitty demanded.
Head bent, Blue held one hand over her eyes as she sobbed.
But she picked up the phone, though she couldn’t say a word yet.
“Oh, thank God,” Kitty said. “I can hear you breathing. That’s a start. Sit with me and just…breathe. One breath in, one breath out,” the kind older woman guided. “Are you with me, Blue?”
Tears streaming from her eyes, Blue could only nod.
“I’m here, honey. You’re going to be okay.”
Dilly won’t ever be okay. And it’s all my fault.
“So tell me what she looks like. Is her hair still blonde? Does she still look like a fairy child?”
Blue nodded again. Then tried harder. “Yes. And no. She’s—” Blue cleared her throat. “She’s strong. Delicate-looking but stronger than me. Her life has been terrible, but it’s still there, that sweetness she always had. She’s kind, and everybody loves her. And she works too hard.”
“Hard work never killed anyone.”
“She’s determined, and you can’t tell her no.” Blue thought for a minute. “And this dear young man named Henry is in love with her.”
“Does she love him back?”
“Yes, but—”
“What? Is it juicy?”
“No!” But Kitty had startled a laugh from her, and the laughter felt…wrong.
Yet good. “He’s very protective of her, and he thinks she’s too young for him.”
“How old is he?”
“Not that much older. I don’t know his story, but he’s known hard times, too, I’d swear. He works every bit as hard.”
“What’s the place like?”
“Sweetgrass Springs? It’s…amazing. She landed in a lovely spot, my girl did.” She sobered. “But she’s not my girl. She did all this herself. Made herself into this amazing person. Hasn’t let hard times make her bitter or mean. She seems to still see the good in everyone.”
“Then she’ll see it in you. When will you tell her?”
“How can I do that, Kitty?”
“How can you not?”
“I—she won’t want to know it. And she’ll hate me. As she should.”
“She doesn’t sound like the hating type.”
“She’s not, but…it will hurt her, and she’s been hurt enough. How can I possibly explain to her one single good reason why I failed her so often? And to hear that her mother is an ex-con?” She shrugged. “I mean, she may know that already, but not that I’m her mother.”
“You told her about prison?”
“No, I told Ruby. I didn’t want to lie. Ruby’s the one who took her in. Ruby is amazing.”
“Tell me about her.”
So Blue did, losing herself for a while in descriptions of the people she’d met, all the different personalities, the uniqueness of this tiny town, how its heart was so huge. “And she’s throwing what she thinks is a surprise birthday party for Henry on Sunday, but she doesn’t know that Henry is doing the same for her.” She paused. “She asked me to go, but how can I?”
“Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you need to keep building memories?”
“Lying to her, you mean?”
“So leave there. Walk away.”
“I can’t. I want to so badly—” She halted. Did she, really? “Even if I wanted to—and I don’t know what the hell I want except a do-over of my whole life—”
“If you did that, there’d be no Dilly. That sounds like a loss for more than just you.”
Blue fell silent at first. “That’s true. The world needs her. But she doesn’t need me. I might do her more harm than good.”
“So you’re coming back here?”
“I can’t. They really need my help.” She paused. “It’s an amazing feeling, being needed.”
“Then go to the party. You can celebrate her birthday with her for the first time in years.”
She could, she realized. Even if Brenda didn’t know, she would.
“So can you sleep now? Don’t you have to be up at the butt-crack of dawn?”
Blue found a chuckle. “I do indeed.”
“You won’t drink now,” Kitty stated as fact.
“No. I won’t. Thank you again, my friend, for talking me off the ledge.”
“You know you can call me anytime, right? Not like this old gal has anything more interesting to do. Monty asked after you,” she said. “The cranky old fart misses you.”
For a second, she could smell the scent of leather and tobacco that always accompanied Monty, the crinkle of his smile. The way he’d clearly wanted more than she’d been willing to give. He’d even spoken of settling down, putting down roots. She’d been sure she needed none.
But now a town needed her, at least for a while, and her child… She shook her head. Her child had made something fine of herself, something Blue did not want to tarnish.
Her truth…would that tarnish Dilly or heal her? She could tell Dilly that her mother had always loved her, however often she’d failed her.
Would that help with the loneliness, the pocket of loss she could feel inside her child?
Or would the girl who’d become Brenda send her packing, never to return?
Whatever her fate, Blue would deserve it.
But she would like a chance to explain.
She would do that when she was more certain she wouldn’t do more damage than good.
For now, though, she would wait.
In the morning, Brenda thought about pulling the covers over her head and hiding in her room until it was time to go to work. She had a late start today, and so did Henry, now that Blue had shown herself to be an accomplished waitress and Laura was on board to cook.
Tomorrow Scarlett would be back, and the thought occurred to her that they should make a Welcome Back sign and hang some balloons and such. She sat up with a smile. Yes. That’s what she should do. And maybe go to the flower farm to make up a big, showy bouquet. Surely Ruby would like the idea, but none of them would have time to prepare, since they were all hard at work and Dreams would be open tonight.
Ben was in school and Blue was working. She could take her bike out to the flower farm, but she wouldn’t be able to haul back what she’d put together.
She needed Henry and his truck.
A shiver went through her at the thought of him. Of that kiss. With her fingers over her mouth, she rose and went to look outside to see if he was in the garden. It was disappointing not to see him there, but didn’t he deserve a morning off like everyone else? Even if he seldom took one?
She would dress and go downstairs, walk over to the diner and talk to Ruby about her idea. Then if she had the okay, she’d seek out Henry to get his help—if he could spare the time—to gather up what they needed. If she couldn’t find him, she could always tap Big D for help, but…
Her fingers brushed her lips again. Nothing against Big D, just…he wasn’t really part of this place the way Henry was.
She’d hope to find Henry and then wing it if she couldn’t. She made her way down one floor and spotted Mrs. Oldham. “Hi, Mrs. O. What are you up to?”
The older woman was clearing some space in one of the bedrooms and cleaning like crazy.
“Mrs. O?”
“Oh! You gave me a fright, missy. This is where we’ll put little Georgia’s bed, in the room that used to be her mama’s. The Judge helped me move in this rocking chair so Scarlett will have privacy and peace to nurse her.”
“So you’re taking care of the baby?”
“No.” The older woman sighed. “Not that I don’t have my own infant to care for in the Judge.”
“I heard that.” The distinguished older man stepped into the room. “Hello, Brenda. Nice not to have to be in at the crack of dawn?”
“It is, actually. Though I’ll be working until closing at Dreams, so the day will be busy. Lunch at Ruby’s, then tonight at Dreams.”
“How come you’re not sleeping in?”
“I had an idea I wanted to run by Ruby.” She explained, delighted that both thought it was wonderful.
“Have you had breakfast, dear?” Mrs. Oldham asked.
“No, but I can grab something next door.”
“Some pretty astounding cinnamon rolls in the kitchen. Not that someone isn’t depriving me of my fill,” Judge Porter said, casting a dark look at the woman who was the reason he didn’t have to be in a nursing home.
Mrs. O was unruffled. “Your sugar’s up this morning just a tick.”
He sighed. “And I guess I need to watch my girlish figure.” He winked at Brenda, and she couldn’t help a giggle. “If I have to be robbed of my proper due, at least it’s a sweet girl who’s eating my cinnamon rolls.”
“Not your rolls,” snapped Mrs. O. “And give me a hand with this.”
“Need me to help?” Brenda asked.
“Oh, no, dear. You just grab a roll and go on with your day.”
“Thanks, Mrs. O. Bye, Judge.” As their replies echoed behind her, Brenda couldn’t help a smile. She had family here, if an odd assortment. Every day she felt the need to thank her lucky stars that she’d landed in this town.
She took two rolls, reasoning that Henry might like one, assuming she ever found him. She juggled them as she left through the back door and started down the steps—
Just as Henry was pounding his way up. He’d been running, she saw
. His t-shirt was plastered with sweat and clinging to his body.
She knew she was blushing, and she hated how her face betrayed her.
But…oh, my. Henry was lean, but until last night when she’d felt so much of him against her, she’d never realized how he was pure muscle.
Today only highlighted that fact, and his bare legs were also ridged with clearly-delineated bands of strength. At right about six feet, he wasn’t as tall as all the big men in Sweetgrass, so she’d never fully realized just how well-built he was.
“Good morning.” His voice was husky.
She yanked her gaze from his body, noting how his red hair had darkened to bronze with the sweat. “Good morning,” she managed.
His hazel eyes stayed on her, and she thought she could see memories of their kiss reflected in them.
“You’ve been running,” she said like some kind of dimwit.
“Got my gardening done and still had time. I don’t often get to run in the morning, but I like to whenever possible.”
“Oh.” She swallowed hard.
“You okay?”
She met his gaze, then slid hers to the side. The kiss was the giant elephant in the room. “Um…sure.”
“Are you sorry?” he asked.
She looked up again. “Sorry?”
“I’m not. I’m glad I kissed you. Even if you’re too young.”
That stirred her from her daze. “I wish you’d stop saying that. Eighteen’s old for your first kiss.” She knew she was blushing again, but…she wanted a second one. He would never make a move, though, if she didn’t press him. Defiantly she stared at him. “I liked it.”
It was his turn to look startled. “You still feel that way?”
She nodded. Can we do it again, she almost asked, but she couldn’t tell how he felt.
“I did, too,” he said softly. The tips of his ears turned pink, telling her he felt something, too.
Their eyes remained locked on one another.
She started to lean forward just as his gaze was drawn over her shoulder, and he snapped to attention. “Hey, Judge.”
“We could use a hand in here, if you have a minute. Mrs. O is all het up because Scarlett’s bringing her baby here starting tomorrow. With her grandma Sophia as babysitter, but you wouldn’t know that from how that woman is behaving.”
Texas Sweet Page 11
