by Pamela Clare
A bright ding announced the arrival of the elevator, the doors sliding open, releasing a burst of frigid air. The others entered, talking with one another about their work, about the weather, about news from home.
Samantha’s pulse picked up, but she slipped the mask over her face and followed them, Thor behind her. She would be living here for the next six months. She couldn’t be afraid of this area. The bastard who had tried to kill them was dead.
Then her gaze fell on the moving blankets that were folded and stacked in the corner, the same corner where she’d tried to hide—and her pulse raced.
Thor wrapped an arm around her shoulders, turned her away. “Look at me.”
She looked up at his masked face. “I’m acting like a baby.”
“No, you’re not. You’re a badass warrior chick with scars.”
The ride down to the bottom of the Beer Can was quick. She followed the others out, trying not to see the spots where Steve and Vlad had died on the floor. Then they stepped through the door and into the LO Arch with its creepy, flickering lights.
She feared she’d be stepping into her nightmares, but the space was crowded with people she knew. More than that, it had been transformed. Someone had strung white fairy lights along the shelving to mark the occasion, the sight of it putting a lump in Samantha’s throat. Everyone knew how Patty had loved fairy lights.
“You okay, skat?”
“Yeah.”
People moved together toward the entrance to the ice tunnels.
Samantha tucked her arm through Thor’s, needing his reassurance, not just because they were walking through the ice tunnels, but because of what they were about to do. The LO Arch crew had created a shrine for Patty, carving it out of the ice walls of the tunnel. Tonight, they were dedicating it to her.
When Samantha saw it, she gasped. “Oh!”
Somehow, they’d connected a short strand of fairy lights to electricity, the lights making the ice glisten. A plaque of recycled metal was frozen into the ice above the shrine, Patty’s name, the dates of her birth and death, and the words “Daughter, Friend, and Astronomy Badass. Rest in Peace” engraved in it.
“What do you think?” Thor asked.
She blinked back tears. “It’s perfect.”
Ryan called out to everyone, box still in his hands. “Get as close as you can. Keep each other warm. It’s hard to fit fifty-one people in this space. Let Samantha and Thor through. I’ll try to speak so you can all hear me.”
Ryan talked about how much people loved Patty and shared what most people didn’t know—that she’d realized someone was trying to hack the satellite and had taken that information to Delaney. “Patty is a hero. Samantha, do you want to take over?”
Samantha scooted into his place. “A lot of Patty’s stuff is in the Skua area. Some of it will go to her parents. But I saved some things for her shrine.”
Ryan tilted the box so she could see inside.
She drew out the framed photo of the Milky Way that had the words “You Are Here” written on a little tag in Patty’s handwriting. She held it up, swallowed hard. “This was on Patty’s wall when we were in grad school together. She brought it with her last winter, too, and now it will stay here.”
Samantha set it in the back of the shrine, then reached inside the box for Patty’s coffee mug. She held it up for everyone to see, her throat too tight to speak.
Ryan took over. “It says ‘Astronomers Do It in the Dark.’”
“It was her favorite mug.” Samantha set that inside, too.
“I’ve got something.” Lance threaded his way over to her, a bottle of wine in his hand. The charges against him had been dropped, and Samantha had forgiven him. “It’s a bottle of wine that she bought for me. I can’t drink it without her.”
Lance set it into the shrine, too.
“I’ve got something to add.” That was Jason.
“This ought to be interesting,” someone muttered.
Jason nudged his way through the tightly packed bodies and held up what looked like a plastic snake. “I printed this with my three-D printer and painted it. If you can’t tell, it’s a cobra. I thought it belonged here because it was the Cobra team who found Patty’s killer. They should be a part of this, too.”
“Hell, yeah!” someone called out.
Ryan nodded. “Thanks, Jason.”
Jason handed the plastic snake to Thor. “Maybe you should do the honors.”
“Thank you.” Thor set the plastic cobra next to the mug.
Tears streamed down Samantha’s face, though no one could see them because of her mask. “Thanks, Jason.”
“Rest in peace, friend. We all miss you. A moment of silence?” Ryan bowed his head. When the moment had passed, he made an announcement. “Tomorrow night, we’re having a special dinner in honor of the Cobra team. They’ll be flying out the next morning if the weather holds.”
Not for the first time, Samantha hoped the weather didn’t hold.
Thor knelt next to the bed and sucked Samantha’s clit into his mouth, stroking her with his lips and tongue the way she liked it. He did his best to memorize her taste, her scent, the sound of her sighs. Her body was as precious to him now as his own—the mole next to her navel, her sweet breasts, her beautiful eyes.
Don’t think about leaving tomorrow. Be in the moment.
He pushed aside thoughts of his departure, focused on giving her pleasure, sliding his fingers inside her, stroking her, focusing on that sensitive spot right there.
Her hands fisted in his hair, her breathing ragged, her thighs quivering. “Thor!”
She arched off the bed as she came, her muscles clenching around his fingers.
He kept it up, gave her everything she could take until her body slowly melted, the tension draining away, the rush of orgasm slowing into ripples.
She exhaled, a long, drawn-out sigh. “How do you want me?”
Thor stood, grabbed a condom, slid it over his erection. “Face to face.”
He needed her tonight, needed to fill himself with her.
She scooted up the bed, a smile on her lips, her gaze locked with his, her blond hair tangled around her shoulders.
Without breaking eye contact, he climbed in at her feet, crawled up to her, settled his hips between her thighs.
She reached down, took hold of his cock, and guided him inside her, the two of them moaning in unison as he buried himself in her slick heat.
But this wasn’t about fucking or getting off—not for Thor, not this time.
This was different.
He moved slowly at first, doing his best to draw this out, to make it last, unable to take his gaze off her face. She felt so good—the way her body gripped his, the silky feel of her skin, her softness. “Samantha.”
She wrapped her legs around his waist, her eyes drifting shut.
“Look at me.”
She opened her eyes again, her gaze locked with his.
It was the most intimate thing he’d ever experienced, seeing the effect he had on her, letting her see inside him. It felt more like sharing souls than sex, their bodies joined, their hearts pounding together, their breath mingling.
But soon their bodies took over, his hips thrusting into her hard and fast, her eyes going wide as she came again, her cry sweet. A few more thrusts and he was flying with her, bliss washing through him, hitting him straight in the heart, as pure as sunlight.
He tossed the condom in the trash and drew her with him, the two of them lying in a tangle of limbs as heartbeats slowed and sex cooled into tenderness.
She broke the silence. “I wish I could freeze time and make tonight last forever.”
He kissed her hair. “Yeah.”
“That was a really nice dinner. Prime rib at the Pole. You guys looked so embarrassed when people stood up and cheered for you.”
“We’re not used to that. We were just doing our jobs.”
She was quiet for a moment. “What’s going to happen after you
leave?”
“You’ll be able to focus on your work discovering galaxies, and I’ll probably make a half-dozen trips to the Middle East.” That was after he completed physical therapy and was medically cleared.
“No, I meant what’s going to happen to us? Most relationships on the ice are over when people get on the plane, but I don’t want this to end.”
How like Samantha to come right out with it, to be so open.
“Neither do I, but six months is a long time. You might not feel the same way in November. Crisis situations can make people feel close quickly, but the emotion doesn’t always last once the adrenaline is gone.”
She sat up. “Are you saying you don’t want to stay in touch?”
The absurdity of it made him laugh. “God, no. That’s not what I mean at all. I want to stay in touch—email, Zoom, whatever. I just don’t want you to feel burdened.”
“Burdened?”
“I know you’re going to be lonely without Patty, and if you need to take comfort with someone, I hope to be a big enough man to accept that.”
She gaped at him. “Are you giving me permission to have sex with other men? That’s a Danish thing, isn’t it?”
He supposed it was rather Danish of him. “You don’t need my permission.”
Her expression fell. “Does that mean you want to have sex with other women?”
Okay, he wasn’t doing a very good job with this.
He sat up, too, tucked a silky strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t plan on having sex with anyone until I see you again. But I’m not the one who lost my best friend and was almost murdered by someone I trusted. You’ve been through hell, Samantha. I just want you to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I don’t want you to be lonely or afraid at night. If you need someone to hold you, I will do my best to understand. I care too much about you to see you unhappy.”
He didn’t tell her that he’d changed his will so that she was his beneficiary if the plane went down on his way home or he were killed in action on another assignment. He had no heirs and no siblings, and his parents sure as hell didn’t need the money. He felt good knowing that she would be taken care of should anything happen to him.
She seemed to consider his words. “God, you’re sweet, but the only man I want is flying out on a damned plane tomorrow.”
He cupped her cheek, kissed her. “Then don’t talk about tomorrow. Let’s make the most of tonight.”
Samantha stood with Thor inside Destination Alpha, fighting not to cry. “You’ll let me know when you’re safely back home?”
“Count on it.” His brow furrowed. “You have friends here, Samantha. These people care about you. You don’t need Patty to open doors for you any longer. Ryan and Kristi both promised to look after you. Let them help you.”
Kristi stood not far away, crying, she and Malik locked in an embrace.
Samantha nodded, tears coming at last. “You stay safe. Do you hear me? No heroic sacrifices, no more getting shot.”
His lips quirked in a lopsided grin that melted her heart. “I’ll do my best.”
From outside the station came the sound of the approaching plane, and staff began to gather to say goodbye.
If only she could freeze time. If only she could replay last night.
At least he’d left her one of his T-shirts. It smelled like him.
Lev stuck his head through the door. “He’s landing. Let’s move out.”
“They have to refuel,” Jones fired back. “Chill, man!”
Thor kissed Samantha, soft and slow, then wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. “You’re going to be okay.”
“I know. I’m just going to miss you.” She hesitated then blurted the words. “I love you, Thor. There. I said it, and I won’t take it back.”
He kissed her again, a tender sweet kiss—but he didn’t tell her that he loved her.
She told herself she wasn’t surprised. He’d been straight with her from the start. He wasn’t the kind of man who played for keeps. Still, a woman could dream.
This is the price you pay for getting involved. You knew this day would come.
Yes, and it had been worth it.
Lev stuck his head in again. “They’re refueling. Time to roll.”
Thor drew her into his arms, held her tight for one precious moment. Then he touched his forehead to hers, his gaze warm. “We’re not finished, Samantha.”
Her heart held onto those words. “I hope not.”
Then he and Jones put on their masks, picked up their duffel bags, called out their goodbyes to the staff, and left the station.
Samantha and Kristi rushed into the coatroom, put on snow pants, hats, gloves, masks, and their parkas, and hurried outside and down the stairs. They watched as the LO crew loaded Delaney’s body and his and Patty’s personal belongings onto the plane. Then Thor, Malik, and Lev boarded, Thor glancing back and waving to her just before the doors closed. The fuelies stepped away, and the plane was ready to depart.
Please don’t crash. Please don’t crash. Please don’t crash.
Kristi took Samantha’s gloved hand in hers, neither of them speaking as the plane headed down the skiway. Then the rockets fired, and the plane left the ground.
Kristi sniffed. “Well, I just said goodbye to the best sex of my life—and the nicest man I’ve ever known. I’m going to miss Malik so much.”
But Samantha couldn’t speak, tears freezing on her face, her heart breaking, as the plane’s lights disappeared in the distance.
24
July 10
Thor’s face appeared on Samantha’s computer screen, his jaw covered with a short beard, his skin tanned. “Happy Birthday, skat.”
God, she missed him.
The sound of his voice was like an elixir, her heart seeming to swell, contentment warming her like sunshine. “Thanks.”
“Damn, you look good.” There was a note of longing in his voice.
Somehow, he always made her feel beautiful, even when she hadn’t washed her hair for two days and was dressed in sweats.
“They threw a little surprise party for me with cake and ice cream.” She told him how Kristi had persuaded her to go to the lounge to watch a movie. “When she switched on the lights, everyone shouted ‘Surprise!’”
“You deserve that.”
“I got your present.” She reached for the little white gold daisy pendant hanging from her throat on its white gold chain. “Thank you. I love it. It’s so delicate.”
“It’s probably the most Danish thing I could give you.” Thor explained that the Danish queen’s nickname was Daisy and that a Danish designer had created a line of jewelry in her honor when she was a child. “I wanted to give you something that couldn’t come from anyone else, something that would make you think of me.”
“I love it even more now. But how did it get here?” There was no postal service between Antarctica and the rest of the world during austral winter.
He gave her that sexy smile that made her melt. “I know some people who know some people who know the guys who fly the planes. They got it into the last airdrop.”
“Connections. I’m impressed.” But there was something she needed to say to him, something serious. “You’re the reason I got to celebrate another birthday. Thank you.”
That would be true for the rest of her life.
“I had pretty selfish reasons for doing what I did.”
“What do you mean?”
“I couldn’t bear to lose you.”
Samantha’s heart melted. No man had ever made her feel loved the way Thor did, even though he’d never told her he loved her. “How’s your shoulder?”
“It aches sometimes, but otherwise I’m back to normal.” Thor changed the subject. “What else is going on? Ryan says he taught you to play chess and that you crushed him.”
“Are you checking up on me?”
“Always.”
“Yes, I beat the pants off him. You know what’
s crazy?”
“What?”
“For as long as I knew her, Patty told me there was more to life than science. It took her death for me to learn what she meant.” Samantha told Thor how she’d kept mostly to herself her first winter here and how she’d forced herself to socialize after he’d gone. “At first I did it to keep from feeling depressed and lonely—and because you pushed me. But now I’m actually having fun. I’ve made friends.”
“You’re special, Samantha. They all see that.”
She brought him up to date on the rest of the news. Bai and Kazem were determined to marry. They had applied to Denmark and Sweden for jobs and visas. Lance was back to his old self, and he and Charli were together. The galaxy she’d discovered was, indeed, an elliptical double-ringed galaxy.
“I’ve started a campaign to get it named after Patty rather than assigned a catalogue number. Some of our former professors at UC-Berkeley are helping. I’m also working with them to establish an endowment for women doctoral students in Patty’s name. We haven’t raised much money yet.”
“You’ve been busy. I’m certain Patty would be touched.”
“It gives me something positive to do, a way to turn my grief into something tangible that will ensure that Patty is never forgotten.”
“That makes perfect sense.”
“Remember the ladder we came down—the one that led into the ice tunnels?”
“How could I forget?”
“The guys who work down there now call it ‘Thor’s Ladder.’”
He frowned. “Why my name? Why not ‘Samantha’s Ladder’? You were the first to see the flag that marked the escape hatch, and you were the first one down.”
“Yeah, but I’m not named after a deity. ‘Thor’s Ladder’ just sounds better, doesn’t it?” But Samantha had saved the best news for last. “I haven’t had a nightmare for a couple of weeks now.”
Relief spread across his handsome face. “I’m so glad to hear that. The therapy is helping then?”
At Thor’s request, Cobra had connected Decker with a PTSD specialist who combined therapy with controlled doses of ketamine to help people process traumatic events without retraumatizing them. As a scientist, Samantha had insisted on reading the research before she’d agreed to go along with it.
