Never Alone
One of the great lies that the darkness tells us is that we are alone. We convince ourselves that no one else has ever been through what we’re facing. We believe that no one could possibly understand our pain or our sorrow. When you find yourself drowning in a deep sense of hopelessness, when with every breath you breathe you seem to only be consumed with despair, never forget there is one that not only understands but has stood where you are standing right now.
Our darkest moments rarely come because we have failed or lost a great battle; our deepest wounds come when we feel betrayed by a kiss. This is why the warrior must always guard their heart. This is where the darkness finds its way to steal your light. This is the battle that can be fought only in prayer—to respond to hate with love, to betrayal with forgiveness, to despair with hope, to darkness with light. When you need to run, don’t run from God; run to him. Don’t run from the people you need in your life; run to them.
Life was never meant to be lived alone. The greatest battles demand an army. You are never stronger than when standing between two warriors. It is too easy to run when you convince yourself you are the only one. It is too easy to surrender if you are fighting for only yourself. Never forget that there are no victories won without others, so why would you ever want to face defeat alone?
When you run from the battles you must fight, eventually your journey will take you full circle back to them. There are battles you must fight, wounds you must bear, and scars you must carry. To run from the battle is simply to delay the inevitable. It’s not that God callously insists that you face another struggle; it’s that God refuses to allow you to surrender to a lesser life than the one you were created to live.
Elijah ran because Jezebel threatened his life. The only way out that he could see was to ask God to end his life. Yet when he heard God ask him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” he soon found himself facing the very darkness that he’d run from. There was only one way forward for Elijah; it was to return to face what he had run from—to face his fears. How else would he ever know that God would meet him in his darkest moments?
Moses was born in Egypt. It is too great of a coincidence to assume that he was raised and educated in the wisdom of the Egyptians by accident, too preposterous to believe that it was unintentional that he was raised as a son to Pharaoh, at the side of the son of Pharaoh. Everything Pharaoh knew, Moses had learned as well. All that Moses would face one day, God had prepared him for long before. Yet when it was time for Moses to face his battle, he ran for his life. In truth, he ran from his life. For forty years he ran. For forty years he ran in the wrong direction, until God encountered him and sent him back to where it all began.
Run Toward Your Future
When I first met Angela Davis, I knew she was a force of nature. She filled the room with both gentleness and confidence, with both humility and charisma. When I met her husband, Jerome, it felt as though he was the calm in the middle of the storm. He carries the meekness of harnessed power. There is a steadiness and strength to him, a magnetic kindness.
You would never know that his wife, Angela, a woman who heals so many others has also known deep wounds. Angela was always an athlete. She is the daughter of a former professional baseball player, so she came by her talent naturally. From the age of five until the age of eighteen, Angela was a standout soccer player, but in her senior year, she lost her love for the sport and pivoted her focus and energy to running. In her sophomore year of college, she met another athlete and was married at the age of twenty-one.
Her marriage failed, and at the age of twenty-five, she found herself divorced and a single mother of two. After the birth of her second child, she battled postpartum depression. In the midst of that dark season, she realized that her depression could be overcome only if she once again found the courage to pursue her dreams. Angela realized that when she had lost her purpose, she lost her drive. She remembered that at one time in her life her purpose was to run. This is where she regained her purpose and found God’s pleasure again.
Angela could run, and she could run fast. All the way through middle school, she had always been the fastest runner in the entire school, before finally being beaten by a boy. She ran for five years as a college athlete and then pursued running professionally after her graduation. Her dad found her the best coach in Chicago.
When Angela competed to qualify for the US Olympic team, she was the twenty-fifth-fastest female runner in the world. If she’d started training as a young girl, who knows what world titles she would have attained. In the summer of 2000, Angela and Jerome connected after having met briefly years earlier. Jerome was also an athlete aspiring to make the Olympic team. Despite all their talent and hard work, neither of them made the team, and they bonded as they consoled each other. Heartache drew them together.
It was four years later when Angela was competing, fully prepared to fulfill her Olympic dreams, that she suffered an injury that ended her hopes once again. That Achilles tendon injury may have ended her career as a runner, but she never lost what she had gained.
Years before, after her divorce, Angela’s dad had said to her, “You need to run to your healing.” She knew the only way she would get through the divorce and all the pain she had to bear was by serving others. She knew her healing could not be found in running from her purpose but by running toward it. Angela bears the wounds of a warrior. She is marked by scars of failure, disappointment, and pain. Yet they are beautiful scars, for they mark where healing has been found.
“It was a disappointment to not make the 2000 Olympics. If I raced my best, I would have made the team,” Angela said. Angela was driven by a deeply personal motivation to push herself beyond the limits of an ordinary athlete and press through the boundaries of her pain. She explained, “I wasn’t running to eat; I was running to be healed.” This is why we all should run.
Here in Los Angeles, Angela Davis is the envy of all those around her. She has achieved a level of celebrity and success that most only dream of. It would be easy for her to create a facade where no one could ever imagine the journey she has been on or the pain she has known. When she traveled across the country speaking to crowds of thousands, all people could see and experience was her talent and charisma. I asked Angela if I could share this small part of her backstory, as she is a perfect reminder of what a warrior really looks like. There has never been a warrior who did not know pain. There has never been a warrior who did not know failure. There has never been a warrior who did not know defeat. The strength of the warrior is that they stand in their pain. Angela Davis is a living reminder of that truth.
Sometimes we feel we cannot bear our wounds and do not believe that our healing can be found, so we run. The warrior knows they are wounded and broken. The warrior knows that their healing comes through their purpose. It is only when we return to our intention that we find our healing. If you have run away from the front line because you felt you could not bear one more wound nor brave one more battle, it’s time to run to your healing. For each of us the front line is different and simultaneously it is the same. The front line for all of us is a place where God calls us to stand, to live at our deepest level of faith, to fulfill our highest intention. There is only one way to your future, and that is forward.
Called to More
Jonah was called by God to preach to the nation of Nineveh, to call a nation defined by its own darkness to repentance, to stand in front of a pagan king to tell him to bow before the living God. Instead, Jonah ran for his life. The Bible is full of runners. Once when Jonah was on a ship in the midst of a raging storm, he told the sailors to throw him into the waters, thinking that by his death they would be spared. Strange how the same theme seems to recur in the lives of those we would call heroes of our faith.
After Jonah had been thrown into the ocean, the storm did stop, and a giant fish or perhaps a whale
swallowed him. He sat in the belly of the beast for three days, and, white as a ghost, he was spewed out on land. He hid under a tree and wished he would die. He wanted to end his life because God had demonstrated mercy to the very nation he was supposed to preach repentance to. Once again, God would not have it. How quick we are to give up on God, but he refuses to give up on us.
After coming out of the belly of the beast, Jonah finally did go to Nineveh to preach repentance. The entire nation turned from its destructive ways and turned to God. This, by the way, was why Jonah never wanted to go in the first place. This is why he ran into his own wilderness to hide. This is why he ran from his destiny and his calling. He didn’t want God to be as merciful and kind as he always knew God to be.
Jonah is a stark reminder of why we must win the battles within us.
We cannot give to the world what we do not have.
We cannot bring peace on earth if we do not have peace within.
We cannot create a world with justice if our hearts are filled with injustice.
We cannot bring hope to the world if our hearts are filled with despair.
We cannot give grace if all we know is judgment.
We cannot give forgiveness if our hearts are filled with bitterness.
Often people blame God for all the problems in the world, but he is the unlimited source of love and hope and peace and beauty and compassion. He would pour those into us without reservation and without limit.
Are we like Jonah, running from God and running from our intention because he is calling us to more and we have chosen to remain less? God never gave up on Jonah, even though Jonah did everything possible to run away from his opportunity to do unbelievable good. God could have used someone else. It might have been easier. But God wanted both Nineveh and Jonah to change. Jonah could see the great darkness in Nineveh, but he could not see the great darkness within himself. This story isn’t simply about the salvation of Nineveh; it is about the salvation of Jonah.
The way of the warrior is a path of honor and nobility and service. The heart of the warrior flows from the endless well of faith, hope, and love. The warrior lives to fulfill God’s intention that the world would reflect all that is good and beautiful and true. Is this the path you have chosen? If it is, then you are aware that the battle is always waged within.
I wonder how much of our lives we spend running in circles, running from our destiny, running from our calling, running from ourselves. I wish I could tell you that every battle you are meant to fight you are also destined to win, but I’m not so certain. There are battles we are called to step into not because victory is certain but because integrity demands it. Every wound the warrior bears is a sign of their honor. Scars that simply tell the story of violence or rage or anger are not the marks of a warrior. But when we bear the wounds of love, when we bear the wounds that come in the service of others, when we bear the wounds of fighting the great fight—these are the true marks of the warrior.
I have often been asked if I have tattoos. Most people seem surprised when I say I do not. What I have, though, marking every inch of my soul if not my body, are the wounds that have brought my healing. And I am grateful for every wound that has made a scar, for in them I have found the strength to heal the world. The warrior bears their wounds well, and the wounds they bear make them whole. Not only do the wounds of a warrior help the warrior find their own strength, but it is through their wounds that the warrior is able to give strength. The warrior heals through their wounds.
Your wounds are not your weakness; your wounds are your strength. Do not be ashamed of the scars. They are your marks of honor and courage and beauty. It was Paul who carried within him a thorn in the flesh that tormented him throughout his life. He begged God to remove it, but God did not. Through his suffering, Paul came to know that it was in his weakness that he was made strong.119 I don’t know the battles you have faced, the pain you have endured, the struggles you have encountered, but I am certain of this: they do not have to be your shame; they can be your glory.
I was recently in Mexico City and met an actor named Luis Franco, who had achieved a level of fame in his country on a television series. He was married to a famous actress. At the same time that he expressed a public faith, the end of their marriage also went public. He was being accused by the media of turning to God only because his life was a mess. I could see he was in a lot of pain, that he still loved his wife, and that his faith was genuine. It was also an inescapable reality that his life was falling apart even while at the same time it was coming together.
I told him that his response to the media should actually be very simple: “You think I turned to God because my life is a mess, but you can’t even see how right you are. You think my life is a mess from what you know. It’s far more of a mess than you could ever know. In fact, if we were all honest with ourselves and each other, we’re all a mess.”
Maybe the best thing that each of us could do is to read and reread the stories of the great leaders, prophets, and kings God chose to use. The people we call heroes in the Bible were just humans. They were both the best of us and the worst of us. Adam and Eve messed up everything. To call Cain a mess would be a compliment. Abraham was a mess. Rahab was a mess. Moses was a mess. David was a mess. Scripture is full of people just like us who faced the same fears, the same struggles, the same battles, yet nothing disqualified them from living their most heroic lives.
The way of the warrior is not free from pain, it is not free from disappointment, and it is not free from failure. The warrior is known for courage, for honor, for integrity. Yet the warrior knows well the struggles that come with fear and self-doubt and even despair. The warrior faces their greatest adversary when they have to face themselves. The warrior knows there are no victories that are not first won within. Never forget who you are.
You are a warrior of light. Do not fear the darkness.
You are a warrior of hope. Do not fear despair.
You are a warrior of faith. Do not fear uncertainty.
You are a warrior of love. Do not fear hate.
You are a warrior of peace. Do not fear the battle within.
This is the fight of your life. This is the fight for your life. This is the way of the warrior.
Acknowledgments
Most of all I want to thank my brilliant wife, Kim. You are the ultimate warrior.
To my son, Aaron; my daughter, Mariah; and her husband, Jake, who are always with me in this great fight we call life.
And to all whose names are not mentioned but will never be forgotten.
You are our tribe and we are forever grateful.
Together we walk the way of the warrior.
Forward,
Erwin Raphael McManus
Notes
1. See Ecclesiastes 3:8.
2. Job 3:25–26.
3. John 14:27.
4. Isaiah 9:7.
5. John 14:27.
6. Philippians 4:6, NASB.
7. See Philippians 4:6.
8. John 16:33.
9. Luke 1:76–79.
10. Wikipedia, s.v. “shalom,” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shalom.
11. Philippians 4:6, NASB.
12. Isaiah 26:3.
13. Luke 1:79.
14. Luke 2:14.
15. Matthew 5:40.
16. Matthew 5:41.
17. Matthew 5:39.
18. See Matthew 21:12; Mark 11:15; John 2:15.
19. See Matthew 24:6; Mark 13:7.
20. Erwin Raphael McManus, Uprising: A Revolution of the Soul (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2010), 230.
21. Ecclesiastes 9:13–18.
22. Ecclesiastes 10:10.
23. Psalm 111:10.
24. 1 John 4:18, NASB.
25. P
roverbs 27:17.
26. See Proverbs 27:5–6.
27. Ecclesiastes 4:9–12.
28. See Mark 9:33–34.
29. Mark 9:35.
30. See Matthew 20:20–21.
31. Mark 3:17.
32. Matthew 20:22.
33. Matthew 20:25–26.
34. Matthew 20:26; Mark 10:43.
35. 1 Corinthians 10:31.
36. Matthew 20:27.
37. Matthew 20:28.
38. See Mark 12:30.
39. See John 5:19, 30.
40. See John 13:2.
41. John 13:3.
42. See John 13:4–5.
43. John 13:8.
44. 1 Samuel 17:33.
45. 1 Samuel 17:34.
46. 1 Samuel 17:34–35.
47. 1 Samuel 17:36–37.
48. See 1 Samuel 17:34–35.
49. Matthew 20:26; Mark 10:43.
50. Philippians 2:3–4.
51. Online Etymology Dictionary, s.v. “memory,” www.etymonline.com/word/memory.
52. Laboratory of Neuro Imaging, “Education Brain Trivia,” http://web.archive.org/web/20170313053429/http://loni.usc.edu/about_loni/education/brain_trivia.php.
53. “80% of Thoughts Are Negative…95% Are Repetitive,” The Miracle Zone (blog), March 2, 2012, https://faithhopeandpsychology.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/80-of-thoughts-are-negative-95-are-repetitive/.
54. Romans 12:2.
55. See Romans 12:2.
56. See Hebrews 11:1.
57. See Genesis 2:15–17.
58. Genesis 3:10.
59. Genesis 3:11.
60. Genesis 3:12.
61. Genesis 3:13.
62. Genesis 3:13.
63. See Matthew 25:14–30, NASB.
64. See “Talent Conversion Chart,” Convert-me.com, https://m.convert-me.com/en/convert/history_weight/bibtalent.html?u=bibtalent&v=1; Mary Fairchild, “How Heavy Was a Talent in the Bible? A Talent Was an Ancient Measurement for Weighing Gold and Silver,” ThoughtCo., March 17, 2018, www.thoughtco.com/what-is-a-talent-700699.
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