by Sophia Gray
“That’s a change for you,” Antonia said without thinking. She must have felt more bitter than she realized at first, as she felt a weird sense of satisfaction at the shameful look that crossed Cal’s face. I am mad, she realized. Her heart felt like a ball of fire burning its way through her ribcage. I’m mad that he lied to me by omission, never telling me what he did at night. He never trusted me. Why should I trust him?
“I’ve done some bad things,” Cal admitted. He sighed and scooted closer to the table. “But I’m not a bad man.”
“How can I know that?” Antonia asked. “I don’t know anything about you, not really, other than how you like to be fucked. Why am I supposed to believe you now?”
“Because I’m here trying to help you,” Cal argued. “I’m here for you, Antonia. What else matters?”
“Everything else about you!” Antonia said back, her voice barely below a shout. She let her head hang low between her shoulders, no longer having the energy to lift her eyes to meet Cal’s. “You could be a fucking murderer, and I wouldn’t know the difference. You never let me in. Not even once.”
“I know,” Cal said, his tone increasingly pleading and desperate. “I know. I fucked up. I should have told you sooner. I should have told you right away, right when we met. But I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you?” Antonia asked.
“I was afraid,” Cal said. His eyes flashed back up to meet Antonia’s. “I thought you would judge me. Not that I didn’t deserve it, but was I wrong? Aren’t you judging me now?”
Antonia felt her face flush with heat and her eyes fell back down to the table. “I don’t know,” she said honestly, shaking her head, more at herself than at Cal. “I don’t know what to think. My whole world has been turned upside down over the past few days. What am I supposed to think about anything? My ex-husband is apparently scheming to lock me up. Even though I’ve hated him for years, I never expected that for even a moment. Apparently my powers of judgment aren’t that sharp. So what am I supposed to think about you?” She shrugged, feeling weighed down by the burden of her own ignorance. She was so fucking stupid. So foolish to think that she could ever have a nice, peaceful life.
“I know I haven’t given you any reason to trust me,” Cal said, earnestly enough that Antonia forced herself to look up from her lap to meet his eyes. “But believe me, I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you. Or Daniel. You’re both…you’re so important. More important than I was willing to admit at first, but it’s true. You’re in my life now. I can’t let you go.”
Antonia felt a thousand emotions battle each other, trying to climb their way up her throat to be voiced. But she swallowed them all back and glued her gaze to the blank grey floor beneath her feet, praying for the strength to be reasonable. “You’re a criminal,” she said stiffly, fighting to keep her voice steady and calm despite how much his own words affected her mere moments before. She felt like Cal had reached into her chest and wrapped a metal fist around her heart, squeezing the blood out little by little, making her feel like all her strength was leaking out of her body, more and more with each passing second.
“I’m more than that,” Cal said softly. His voice sounded so sincere that Antonia had to look back to meet his eyes, which were full of an emotion that hit her right in the chest. “I might be a criminal, but I’m a man, too.”
“A good man or a bad man?” Antonia asked, genuinely not knowing the answer.
“I don’t know,” Cal answered. “I really don’t. I guess that’s for you to decide. But I will be honest with you. I have feelings for you.”
“Feelings?” Antonia asked. Her heart pounded even harder within her throat, all of her veins pulsing with excess energy as she considered Cal’s words.
Cal scoffed a little at himself. He turned his head to avert his eyes from Antonia’s, staring at the closed door opposite the table. “I love you,” he whispered. “That’s what I meant to say, okay? I love you, Antonia.”
Antonia’s heart seemed to freeze in her chest. “What?” she whispered in response. She thought she could hear her own blood rushing through her ears.
“I love you,” Cal said, this time turning to look her directly in the eyes, his own pair full of an emotion that made her feel like she was staring into the sun. “I really do, Antonia.”
Antonia was speechless, utterly breathless for what felt like an eternity, her lungs practically aching as she stared across at Cal, searching his face for any sign of deception.
“I do,” Cal said again. He swallowed visibly without breaking eye contact with Antonia. “I mean it.”
“I’m not…sure,” Antonia whispered back, the words seeped from her lips like air leaving a punctured tire. “I’m not sure I know what to say to that,” she said honestly.
“Just be honest,” Cal said, even though his face was covered with worry. “Please. Just tell me if you feel differently. I’ll still help you, I promise.”
Antonia’s answer caught in her throat, and for a long moment they just stared at each other, unsure of what to say. “I don’t know how I feel anymore,” Antonia said honestly. “I thought I felt…” She let herself trail off, afraid of what was going to come out of her mouth.
“I get it,” Cal said a little too quickly. He scooted his chair back from the table so that there was more distance between them before he got to his feet.
“Wait, Cal—” Antonia started to say, but Cal cut her off with a hand in the air.
“No, don’t worry about it,” Cal said in a stiff, curt tone of voice. “I’ll still help out. It’s okay.”
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t—” Antonia said, but again Cal cut her off, shaking his head before she could finish her sentence.
“No, it’s okay, really,” Cal said. He cleared his throat as he stood up to his full height, offering her a weak smile. “Don’t even stress about it. I’ll take care of it, okay? I’ll take care of all of it.”
Antonia struggled to come up with anything to say, weakly sighing out as Cal exited the room, leaving her alone with her handcuffs.
“Well, shit,” she said out loud. She let her head sag down to the table and pressed her forehead down hard onto the cold metal. It was what she deserved, after all. She’d let her whole life fall apart, and right when there was an opportunity to save it, she was too afraid to reach out and grab it. She was weak. Antonia had secretly always known that about herself, but there was no denying it now. I’m fucked, she thought as the guard walked back in to undo her handcuffs. I’m totally fucking fucked.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cal
Cal stormed out of the jail, breathing hard as if he’d just sprinted through the building. He hopped on his bike and took off onto the road against the protests of the MC members who were waiting for him. He couldn’t waste any more time. He had to take care of his family, no matter the cost.
Cal was halfway down the highway before he realized where he was going. The lawyer had given him the address of where Paul, Antonia’s ex, lived. He knew it wasn’t the smartest decision, rushing there without any witnesses, but he just couldn’t hold himself back anymore. It was all that asshole’s fault—Daniel’s bruises, his nightmares, Antonia’s arrest, all of it. Cal couldn’t stand to live in a world without consequences. Even if he himself had to suffer alone for the rest of eternity, he couldn’t stand the idea of Antonia suffering the same fate. She needed to have Daniel back, as soon as possible, and Cal was going to win him back for her, no matter the cost.
Why am I doing this? Cal wondered as he raced even faster down the road, speeding up as he took the final corner towards Paul’s house. She doesn’t love me. She doesn’t give a single fuck. Somehow, even when he repeated that thought to himself again and again, it didn’t seem to have the expected effect. He didn’t stop caring about Antonia. It didn’t matter if she didn’t care about him, if she didn’t care if he lived or died. Cal cared about her, and that was all that mattered.
H
e finally skidded to a stop on the edge of Paul’s neighborhood, barely waiting for his engine to cut off before he hopped off his bike and broke into a run towards Paul’s house, his lungs burning with the exertion of his muscles as he pushed his legs as fast as they could go.
Cal slowed down when he saw the house number, careful not to press his feet down too hard on the fallen leaves as he approached Paul’s house, his heart thudding against his ribcage. What am I going to do? Cal thought to himself. His tongue was going as dry as sawdust as he weighed his options. He couldn’t exactly barge into the house, at least not without expecting to be shot straight away.
As he was debating his course of action, a sudden high-pitched scream tore Cal away from his thoughts. “Ahhh! Noooo!” a small voice shouted from the other side of Paul’s house. Cal broke into a run, dashing towards the origin of the sound. He crawled over the line of bushes to make it to the backyard.
Standing there in the center of the back lawn, dressed only in a pair of white undies, was Daniel, crying his eyes out. “Come here, you little shit!” an angry voice shouted from the other side of the yard. Cal turned around to see a grown man brandishing a knife.
“Whoa, what the fuck?” Cal said. He stepped in between the man and the little boy. “What’s going on here?”
Paul came to a stop, panting for breath and still holding out the knife, which gleamed in the sunlight. “Stand aside,” Paul said between clenched teeth.
“What the hell are you doing?” Cal asked. He spread his arms out as a shield to keep Paul away from his sobbing son.
“Get the fuck out of the way!” Paul shouted, waving his knife around in Cal’s face.
Cal’s heart picked up in his chest, beating like a drum, but he felt weirdly calm, everything slowing down around him as he spread his body out as far as it could go, creating a stronger barrier between Paul and Daniel. “You’re not touching this boy,” he said. He was strangely calmly despite the circumstances. “Not again. Not anymore.”
“He’s my fucking son,” Paul spat. His eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m his family,” Cal said, and he knew as soon as the words left his mouth that they were the truth. “I’m not going to let you hurt him. Back off now, while you still have a chance. I won’t run after you if you go right now.”
Paul scoffed and laughed a little. He turned his head to the side for a second before his whole body launched forward, driving into Cal’s body so forcefully that he was almost knocked entirely off his feet. Luckily, Cal was able to keep his balance and immediately buried his fist into Paul’s stomach, forcing him across the lawn, away from the little boy who was still whimpering and crying behind them.
“You’re. Not. Touching. This. Child,” Cal sad in between punches. He swept his leg out to kick Paul in the crotch, forcing him to fall to the ground. His knife clattered out of his hands. Cal didn’t waste any time. He reached down to grab the weapon and held it to his opponent’s face. “Stay put. Stay fucking put, you pervert!” he screamed as he slowly backed away from Daniel’s father. He reached into his pocket to grab his phone while still holding the knife firmly in his other hand.
“Mr. Amos!” Daniel called out from behind him. He was still sobbing loudly, but a little less hysterically than he had minutes before.
“I’m coming, Daniel,” Cal promised, calling over his shoulder. Then he refocused his attention on the man in front of him. “Hello?” he said into the phone as soon as someone picked up on the other end. “Yes, please come to 112 Oakhurst Drive, as soon as you can. A man is hurting a young child. Get here as soon as you can.”
“Cal! Please!” Daniel called from behind him, sniffling in between the words.
Cal backed up, keeping his eyes on Paul, until he collided softly with Daniel, tucking the little boy under his arm, shielding him with his body. “Hey. Hey, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be fine. Everything’s going to be fine.”
“How do you know?” Daniel asked. He reached down to grab Cal’s free hand.
He didn’t know what to say at first, so he just squeezed the little boy’s hand as reassuringly as he could. When the sound of police sirens appeared over their heads, he sighed in relief. “I’m going to protect you, Daniel,” Cal said softly.
“Why?” Daniel asked in a low voice, barely audible as the sirens closed in on their location.
“Love,” Cal said. “Because of love.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Cal
Cal paced the floor of the waiting area of the emergency room, his legs twitching with excess energy as he followed the same path in between rows of chairs full of waiting patients. “Come on, come on,” he muttered under his breath, ignoring the judgmental looks from the old nurse at the front desk. Daniel had been taken in to see a doctor about thirty minutes earlier, and they didn’t let Cal back with him because he wasn’t a family member. So here Cal was, full of anxiety as his mind wandered to every imaginable worst-case scenario, full of worry for the little boy that he wasn’t even related to. Antonia has no idea, Cal thought. Bile rose within his gastrointestinal tract, but he swallowed it down, refusing to admit weakness even to himself. I have to make sure that Daniel is okay before I go see Antonia today. I have to make sure that they’re both okay.
“Mr. Amos?” someone called out from the door on the opposite side of the waiting room.
“Yes?” Cal yelled back, a little too loudly, disturbing the otherwise oppressively silent waiting room. He darted across as the room and slid to a stop in front of a nurse holding a clipboard.
“Daniel is in stable condition,” the nurse said, not looking up from the stack of papers in her hand.
“What does that mean?” Cal asked.
“He’s asleep, for now,” the nurse said. “His father is in custody for child abuse and reckless endangerment. It seems clear that he was abusing Daniel in the hopes of involving him in online videos of violent exploitation.”
Cal’s stomach turned over as he thought of what Daniel must have been doing to his son, but he pushed the thoughts from his mind, shaking his head to get them out of his brain for the time being. “Can I see him?” he asked.
“Not right now,” the nurse said. She offered Cal an apologetic smile. “It’s just difficult for us to let anyone see underage patients unless they’re the parents. You understand, of course.”
Cal nodded, but his heart split apart in his chest. For some reason, it felt like the end of the world, even though he knew he would be able to see Daniel soon enough, after he picked Antonia up from the hospital.
But for some reason, as he slid down into a seat opposite the doorway, his muscles sinking into the hard cushion, he couldn’t help but feel lost. His arms ached to wrap around Daniel, to cuddle him against his chest and promise him that no one would ever hurt him again. But for now, he would just have to wait, biding his time until he could see the boy again and make sure that he was okay.
His phone rang, snapping him out of his reverie. Cal answered it without looking at the caller id, barking into the receiver, “What?”
“Cal…” It was Bobby, Cal realized. His pulse quickened just from the sound of his son’s hesitant voice in his ear.
“Bobby, what’s wrong? Is everything okay?” he asked. He jumped to his feet, ready to rush home at the first sign of trouble.
“No, no, everything’s okay. Tony is doing a good job taking care of me,” Bobby said. “I was just wondering when you were coming home.”
Cal let out a long sigh of relief and sagged against the nearest wall, practically knocking his head on the hard surface behind his back as all the energy seemed to seep from his body at once. “Soon,” he replied. “I’m coming soon. I promise.”
“Okay,” Bobby said. “You don’t have to rush. I just...” His son trailed off, muttering something under his breath that Cal couldn’t make out clearly.
“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” Cal asked, feeling more an
xiety than usual. It had been a long, hard couple of days, and the battle wasn’t over yet.
“Nothing,” Bobby said, but his voice sounded low and sad, heavy with some unspoken emotion that made Cal more afraid than any knife or gun ever had. “I just miss you, that’s all,” his son added in a small, uncertain voice. His words pierced Cal’s heart.
Cal swallowed several times, willing the right answer to rise up through his throat without his brain having to think about it. But it didn’t work that way. He leaned his head back against the wall just inside the hospital entrance and listened to the sound of Bobby’s breathing for several seconds before he mustered up the courage to form a proper response. “I miss you, too,” he answered honestly. His heart ached like it had been physically punctured. “I’ll be home soon, okay? I promise.”
“Mommy used to say that promises mean nothing,” Bobby said.
“Do you believe that?” Cal asked.
