by Marta Perry
“I’ve got to hear this,” Gabby said.
“Ugh. It was the worst.” Nicole bent to straighten Henry’s hat. “A shipment of supplies came in, and I foolishly left the box on the floor. I turn my back for a minute, and there’s Amelia tossing pink cupcake liners in the air like they’re confetti.”
They all laughed.
“How are you little cuties doing?” Eden covered her eyes with her hands, then played peekaboo with the boys. Eli and Henry kicked their tiny feet and grinned at her. A familiar ache made her straighten. She loved children so much. Holding a baby was one of the greatest things in life. She’d always thought she’d hold her own someday.
She snuck a peek at Ryder, patiently listening to Harper. He didn’t want marriage. And, yeah, she got along well with him, but how much of it was due to the fact she was babysitting the girls? Ninety percent? Ninety-five percent? When summer was over, he wouldn’t need her anymore, and she’d be invisible Eden Page again.
Alone.
Wondering what was wrong with her.
She took in her friends, chatting, holding babies, faces glowing, and she had the sensation of being left behind. Not by them. By her circumstances.
They’d all found love. They all had families.
Was this what the rest of her life would be like? She’d be the single friend. The one secretly envying them their spouses and children. Lord, I don’t want to envy my friends. Keep me from going down that road.
The parade kicked off with a short speech by the grand marshal followed by members of the National Guard. As high school girls dressed in fancy Western outfits and carrying flags rode horseback, Harper whirled and yelled to Ryder that she wanted a horsey and sparkly shirt, too. Eden couldn’t hear his reply. She wanted to scoop the girl up and tell her of course she’d have a horse and she would buy her the sparkliest shirt in the store.
Her lungs tightened. She backed up a few steps to get some air. What was her problem?
I love these girls. She glanced at Ivy, clutching a handful of suckers and Tootsie Rolls, and Harper, bouncing around with the biggest smile. One summer with them would never be enough.
Gripping her hands together, she squeezed her eyes shut. God, help me. I can’t start wanting it again. I can’t slip into the fantasy of wanting a husband and family, and I especially can’t delude myself about Ryder, the girls and the ranch. I’ll lose what little peace I’ve found.
She’d spent the past year putting the husband, the family and the ranch off-limits. She didn’t know if she could do it again. She might not have the self-control to try.
Throwing herself into finishing her degree might be the only way she could halt her growing attachment to Ryder and the girls. She’d be wise to move forward with it.
* * *
He was getting too close to Eden. The next morning in church, Ryder handed packets of fruit snacks to the girls as they waited for the service to begin. Harper sat to his right. Ivy to his left. They each had a small notebook, a sheet of stickers and a few crayons to keep them occupied.
Ivy kept poking her head around to look at the entrance. The twins had been tired this morning when he’d gotten them up. After the parade yesterday, Eden had slipped away without giving him a chance to say goodbye. He and Mason had taken the kids shopping at the Western store for riding gear, and he’d found himself wishing Eden had joined them.
“Auntie Eden’s here!” Ivy whispered loudly. Kneeling on the pew, facing the entrance, she waved Eden over. As soon as Eden neared, Ivy hopped down and reached for her hand. “Sit with us.”
Ryder didn’t bother reprimanding her. He’d have a talk with her later about not messing around in the pew. At the moment, all he could do was fight awareness. Eden wore a short-sleeved white shirt with a flowy coral-colored skirt and strappy sandals. Her hair spilled over her shoulders, and he caught the scent of her perfume. Clean and floral. All Eden.
She glanced at him and smiled. His mouth went dry. He’d been enjoying their time together every evening. When he came in from the ranch each weekday, he wanted to pinch himself. Eden was usually directing the girls how to set the table, where a hearty meal would be waiting.
How did she do it? How in the world did she spend so much time preparing activities for the girls, playing with them, reading to them, helping them make their books for Lily and, on top of it all, cooking supper?
He’d already slipped a bonus for her into each week’s check. She’d called him out on it, of course, but he told her she earned it.
She earned every penny and more.
The opening hymn filled the air, and he scanned the bulletin to follow along. Ivy had settled on Eden’s lap, and from the corner of his eye he could see Eden’s fingers stroking her hair. She was so good to his girls.
Why hadn’t she gotten married? A beautiful woman like her—one who loved kids, was dependable and genuine, and could cook better than most people he knew—should have gotten snatched up long ago by a local cowboy.
There he went again. Making assumptions. Maybe Eden had something against marriage. Or the right guy hadn’t come along yet. He’d made assumptions with Lily, too, and look where it had gotten him.
Ryder turned his attention back to the hymn and sang along. Several minutes later, Harper yawned loudly and climbed onto his lap. He peeked at Eden. She stared straight ahead as the pastor gave the sermon. Then she kissed the top of Ivy’s head and held her closer.
His heart contracted. His little girls hadn’t had much maternal affection in their lives.
Stop thinking about Eden. Get your mind on the sermon.
He tried. He really did. But beyond noting the theme of God knows our needs better than we do, he didn’t get much out of it. If he wasn’t thinking about Eden, he was thinking about the ranch. They’d started prepping the summer pasture this week. He was getting the hang of cattle. Of course, every day or two a new problem arose that he had no idea how to deal with. Thankfully, Chris had a good head on his shoulders. And if Chris didn’t know what to do, Ryder called Mason.
The congregation got to their feet, and Ryder easily hefted Harper up as he stood. Eden shifted. Ivy had fallen asleep, too, so she picked her up, and it was as if he was momentarily outside his own body. With Eden standing next to him, each holding a twin in their arms, the image appeared so right he could barely breathe.
They looked like a family. A real family. A mom, dad and their two girls.
“Let us bow our heads and pray,” the pastor said.
Ryder ignored the pastor’s prayer for one of his own. God, I need some help here. I knew I was playing with fire asking Eden to babysit the girls. It doesn’t help that I’m friends with all of her friends. Spending all this time together is making me feel things I don’t want to feel. Will You give me strength? Help me avoid temptation?
When the service ended, the girls rubbed their sleepy eyes. As ushers directed people out of their pews, Ivy’s face lit up and she gasped. “It’s kitty time, isn’t it, Daddy?”
He’d almost forgotten. They were picking up the kitten right after church.
“You’re coming with us, right, Auntie Eden?” Ivy’s big eyes grew worried.
“Yes, I am. I can’t wait to see your kitten.” Eden tapped the tip of Ivy’s nose. “I’m going to go to my apartment and change first, though. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Another afternoon with Eden. His pulse sped up at the thought. But fear was mixed with anticipation. Nothing involving his heart was ever simple. Not even picking up a kitten.
* * *
An hour later, Ivy cradled the wiggly kitten in her arms back at the ranch. Eden had met Ryder and the girls at Mrs. Ball’s house, and when Ivy spotted the white kitten reserved for her, she’d burst into happy tears, thanking her daddy over and over. Even Harper, who hadn’t been enthused about getting a cat, had oohed and aahed
over the remaining kittens. She’d fallen hard for a striped gray one, and in the end, Ryder had brought it home, too. Eden was helping the girls with the felines while Ryder went upstairs to change out of his church clothes.
“What are you going to name yours, Ivy? Mine looks like Scruffy or Silver or Wonderkitty. She’s so soft. Maybe I should name her Dandelion, like the fluff we blow and make a wish on.” Harper didn’t seem to mind that her kitten had climbed onto her shoulder and was batting at her hair with one paw.
“I want a pretty name. She’s like a princess. Meow. Meow.” Ivy’s kitten tried valiantly to escape her grip, but Ivy wasn’t letting go. “Stop squirming.”
In jeans and a T-shirt, Ryder jogged down the staircase. “Why don’t you let the kittens explore for a while. They won’t want to be held every minute.”
“Good idea. Let’s keep them in one spot for now.” Eden pointed to the sunroom. “I’ll watch them for you while you change into play clothes.”
“Do I have to change?” Ivy whined, kissing her kitten’s head again and again. “My kitty will miss me.”
“Yes.” Ryder was firm. “Cats do not want to be held all the time.”
Or at all. Eden kept her thoughts to herself. Some cats loved being held. Others hated it.
“Goodbye, kitty. I’ll be right back. I’m not leaving you. Promise.” Ivy took hers to the sunroom and set it on the love seat. Harper did the same, then skipped out the door behind her sister.
Eden started to shut the French door, but Ryder blocked it with his foot.
“You trying to get rid of me or something?” His eyes gleamed in amusement as he slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. “Thanks for setting us up with the kittens. They are a hit.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you got Harper one, too. It’s easier to deal with young littermates than introducing another cat later on.” Eden thought back to when Mia had found a cat on the side of the road and brought it home. Their older cat, Brownie, had not been happy. There had been a few days of hissing before the two could tolerate being in the same room.
Eden scooped up the striped kitten and sat on the love seat with it. It immediately began to purr. The little rumbles cheered her heart. “This one is so cute. I’m tempted to go back and get the last kitten for myself.”
“Why don’t you?” He plunked his body down on an oversized chair. Ivy’s kitten crawled between his chair and the wall.
“I don’t know. Where would I put the litter? I don’t even know what my plans are after the summer. It wouldn’t be fair to the poor little thing.” The kitten launched itself off her lap onto the floor and chased its sister.
Ryder scooched forward. “What do you mean? What’s happening after the summer? You’re not moving, are you?”
“No, definitely not. I would never leave Noah. I promised Mia I’d always be part of his life. I want to be here to spend time with him and watch his sports and school plays. I love him so much.”
He nodded, his face clearing. “Then what’s the deal with this fall?”
“I’m at a crossroads.” Somehow over the past month, she’d gotten comfortable being with him. She wanted to open up to him. “When I found out Mia had cancer, it was the first semester of my junior year of college. I finished the term and moved back home. Noah was only six months old when my sister died, and Mason couldn’t take care of the baby and the ranch, so I became Noah’s full-time babysitter. It saved me.”
“Saved you?” He eased back, crossing one leg and resting his ankle on his knee. “What do you mean?”
“Losing my sister so young was something I never could have imagined. It was unbelievable. Indescribable. I had a hard time accepting it. Taking care of her baby gave me a purpose. I’m very thankful for that time.”
“Didn’t you want to go back to college?”
“No.”
Harper’s kitten saw a leaf blowing outside and jumped onto the other chair in front of the window. Its little tail swished back and forth quickly.
“You babysat him until Mason and Brittany got married, right?”
“Yeah. And by then I was babysitting Phoebe, too.” She picked a piece of lint off the cushion next to her. “But a lot has changed in five years. Everyone’s moving on, and I need to, too. I’m thinking of finishing my degree online. I originally went to school for early childhood education, but I’m looking at other majors. I need benefits.”
“What are you going to do instead?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be an elementary school teacher.”
“You’d be terrific at it.”
“You think?” His compliment planted seeds of hope in her heart.
“Look at how great you are with the girls. The activities you plan, the books you read to them, the projects you’ve been preparing for their mother. I can’t thank you enough.”
“Have you heard from Lily? Does she plan on visiting soon?” Eden was surprised their mother hadn’t come out yet. The girls were so enthusiastic whenever they added pages to their books.
“I don’t know.”
“I’m having a hard time putting them off.” Eden didn’t want to make him feel bad, but it was true. “They talk about her a lot.”
“I know.” He tapped his thumb against his leg. “It would make it easier on all of us if she would visit.”
Eden was taken aback. She’d assumed he didn’t want Lily to visit, especially after his cryptic words about marriage being a mistake. She’d been pounding it in her head every time the urge hit to think of him as more than a friend.
“Maybe you could ask her,” she said softly.
“I have.” His eyes were bleak. He shifted his jaw. “I’ll keep trying.”
He had asked her. Why had she assumed he hadn’t?
“I never imagined an entire month would go by without her seeing them,” Eden said almost to herself.
“It’s been longer than a month.” He lifted one shoulder in a careless shrug, but Eden wasn’t fooled. It bothered him. “She was on location for their birthday, so I guess it would have been around Christmas since they last saw her.”
“Is that normal?” It couldn’t be right. Surely Lily spent more time with them than that. There had to be an explanation. “Was she shooting a movie or series or something?”
“She’s not always great about following through with plans. She’ll tell them she’s coming to see them, and at the last minute, she’ll back out, or worse, not show up at all.”
Eden tried to wrap her head around this new information.
“Before you defend her—” he raised his hands “—I’m not trying to bad-mouth her. She’s not an awful person. Trust me, I want the girls to have a mother. I do what I can, but…”
Eden wasn’t sure what to think. Maybe Lily was really busy or felt uncomfortable with Ryder or something.
“I’ve told her over and over she can take them for a weekend or go to Disneyland with them, whatever.” Ryder turned his attention out the window. “For a while, I worried she was trying to avoid me and that’s why she wasn’t showing up. But she wasn’t around much even when we were married.”
Well, there went that theory.
“Where’s my kitty?” Ivy opened the door and ran inside with her arms wide-open, fingers curling in and out. Harper wasn’t far behind. The white kitten poked its head out from under Ryder’s chair. “Daddy! You’re not s’posed to let her get dirty!”
His expression softened. Harper bounced over to the striped cat rolling on the area rug. “My kitty can do whatever she wants. If she feels like jumping in a mud puddle, I’m gonna let her.”
“She better not get my kitten all muddy.” Ivy got down on her knees and dragged the white kitten out from under the chair. Carefully holding her the way Mrs. Ball demonstrated, Ivy proceeded to scold the cat. “You’re not a dust mop. Now go
lick your fur and get clean.” The kitten wiggled to be set down, and Ivy lost her grip. It pounced on Harper’s, and they rolled around, playing.
“Can we call Mommy?” Ivy set her hands on Ryder’s knees and gazed at him. “I want her to help me name my kitty.”
Eden held her breath as she watched Ryder for his reaction. Would he approve?
“I’ll call her now.” His tender smile for Ivy sent a wave of warmth through Eden’s core.
He hadn’t shot down his daughter’s desire to talk to her mommy.
An uncomfortable feeling tugged at her conscience. Why did she keep assuming the worst about him? And why did she keep giving his ex-wife the benefit of the doubt?
Eden had never even met her.
Maybe it was time to face facts. Shortly after meeting Ryder, Eden had taken sides—Lily’s—without ever having met her.
And now that she knew Ryder, she could admit he wasn’t an inconsiderate jerk who kept his daughters from their mother. He was a hardworking man doing the best he could to make a nice life for them.
The bricks she kept trying to pile up against him were toppling down one by one. She wasn’t sure how to keep propping them up anymore.
All she knew was if she didn’t, she’d be in trouble. Because the man in front of her wasn’t the ogre she needed him to be.
CHAPTER SEVEN
“That’s going to be a problem.”
Wednesday afternoon, Ryder looked ahead to where Chris pointed. They were checking the fence surrounding the first section of summer pasture in preparation for moving the herd. Strands of barbed wire had gone slack near the bottom of one of the fence posts. Ryder dismounted. After hammering it to secure it, he turned back to inspect the wire. Looked good.
“Good eye, Chris.” Ryder got back in the saddle, and they continued on. They still had miles of fence to inspect. They couldn’t have asked for a better day to do it. The first week of June had brought mild temperatures, a breeze and sunshine. He wished every day could be this pleasant.
