by Strange, KT
“Your mom’s had a lot of problems with substance abuse, right?” Colt said, picking his words carefully. I could tell there was no judgement there, but was sort of feeling on edge despite it. My mom had always had problems with needing to escape this planet.
Even having me around was never enough to keep her grounded… present.
I closed my eyes against that pain.
It hurt to not have been enough to keep her clean.
“Are you saying she might not be remembering things right?” I asked. My heart lifted, at the possibility that she could be mistaken. I didn’t want to discount what she’d said, that Mr. Barron had hurt her intimately, had… raped her, but at the same time, I desperately wanted it all to be a lie the drugs had told her.
Please, God, let it have been a lie. A misremembering.
Anything.
I rolled onto my back, and gazed up at the creamy white-painted ceiling.
“That could work,” I said softly. Colt smiled, warm and inviting as he moved closer, closing the space between us.
“If that doesn’t help you,” he said quietly, and I felt the warmth of his hand as he cupped my thigh. I inhaled. “There’s always sex.”
My face flooded with heat.
“Seriously?” I asked. “Right now, when we’re talking about-”
He cut me off, his mouth covering mine, his eyes closed. His hand slid up my leg, lifting my skirt, chasing goosebumps as he went.
“I just want to fix you all better,” he murmured against my lips, before biting softly along my neck, to my ear. I tipped my head back and went with it.
It was better to sink into the darkness beneath him than to live in the pain that I was in.
I needed him, and he knew it.
Colt always knew what made me better. He always had the right words, more than anyone.
A moan escaped my lips as his fingers dug between my thighs, dragging over my panties. He split me open beneath the cotton, and I couldn’t help the way my hips surged into his hand.
“I want you so fucking bad,” he said, “Fuck everything else, this is where I want to keep you. Sated, sexed up, and in my bed every day.” His teeth bit a little too hard on my neck and I gasped.
“Don’t leave a mark,” I hissed out.
“But then they’ll all know you belong to me. The other guys can fight me for you. Bet you’d like that, all of us getting in on it, pinning you down, seeing who can make you come harder, faster, yeah?”
God, it was true. His words, the ideas they were spinning out, were making me so wet. I flushed as he tugged my panties down, his hand cupping me even as he slid two fingers deep into me.
I cried out and he covered my mouth with his, swallowing any noise I made. He pumped his fingers once, twice, and I groaned, rolling my hips, asking for more without words.
His tongue licked into his mouth and he hitched his hips between my thighs, fucking up into me as his hand pulled away. I melted into the spread around him and the stretch of it, soothing me at the same time as it built me up. I gasped out his name, desperate as he fucked me, no quarter given, the look in his eyes not mistakable for anything else except complete adoration.
I was drowning in his love, and when his eyes finally shut, the low moan of completion rolling up inside his throat, I shuddered along with him, at the edge and over it in a heartbeat.
He lay beside me minutes later, hand on my stomach, when he tensed.
I lifted my head to look at him.
“What?” I asked. His gaze clouded over with guilt and it flickered from me to his bedside table.
The bedside table lay a single, unwrapped condom.
My mouth went dry.
Fuck.
Chapter Five
“Do you really think you should be skipping like this?” I asked as Colt sat next to me. The plastic chairs in the waiting room were uncomfortable under my ass and I wanted to get up and pace. The doctor’s office was quiet, just the two of us on this dusty afternoon, anxiety bubbling up inside of me.
How could we have been so stupid?
“It’s fine,” he replied, tapping his fingers on his thigh before giving me a side-long frown. “I said we should’ve come yesterday… but…”
I’d felt too queasy then though, and like everyone was watching me as I slipped back to class, the backs of my thighs still damp with scrubbing off the post-sex glow… and other fluids. I hadn’t been able to move, just kept my head down and focused on my notes and getting ready for end of term finals…
I tried to shrug it all off, but Colt had been haunting my locker at lunch and had grabbed me by the hand and insisted we go to the clinic.
The only problem with that was my records hadn’t been transferred up from the low-cost doctor’s office by the trailer park. So I was sitting, waiting to see the nurse practitioner, and wondering if she’d even prescribe me anything without my medical history…
Colt leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“Do you want me to go in with you?” he asked at the same time as the receptionist came into the room, a flurry of dust motes sparkling in the filtering light through the windows.
“I, uh, no,” I said, getting to my feet as she glanced over at the two of us. Her nose scrunched up, and in that second I knew exactly what she was thinking about me.
How often had I seen my old classmates looked at like that?
Like they were trouble. Like they were trash. Hidden River didn’t exactly have a dedicated classroom for young mothers with an adjacent daycare center for their infants and toddlers.
My old school did.
“No, I’m good,” I said with a shake of my head.
“Miss Quinn?”
Right. I followed the receptionist into a stark examination room, the walls long ago painted white and then ignored until their edges were smoked yellow.
“Go ahead and change into the paper gown,” she said, gesturing to where it sat, folded on the examination table. “The nurse will be in to see you in a moment.” She put my chart, a thin file with a single paper clipboarded to it, in the plastic tray on the desk, and left, closing the door behind her.
It felt like I was being swallowed whole by the shark.
They were going to look at me like that.
Like I was trash.
Born and raised in trailers, that’s all I ever was to these kinds of people.
But the guys, and my uncle, had begun to teach me better. I wasn’t what the world thought of me when they first looked over my thrift store clothes and fraying backpack. I changed quickly into the paper gown, not wanting to be caught between clothing and meager paper protection.
I was more than that, wasn’t I? The chilled air of the room held no answers.
A nurse, in her 50’s, buzzed into the room, eyes glued to her clipboard.
“Coach Quinn’s niece?” she asked, not even meeting my gaze as she made some marks on the clipboard. “Well, let’s get you on the bed for your pelvic exam.”
“Wh-what?” I asked, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “I’m just here for—”
She finally looked up at me, her eyes squinty and cold behind her glasses.
Her nose wrinkled, pulling upward as she grimaced for a fleeting second.
“Let me give you the advice that I gave my daughters,” she said, “although it might be a bit late for that. Unless he’s put a ring on it, you shouldn’t be putting out. After all, why would they buy the cow if they can get the milk for free?”
My cheeks burned in a red flush at her blatant… horrible words, and tears prickled along my lashes.
What the… fuck…?
“No,” I choked out, “I’m not… I haven’t… I’m just here to… I have a UTI,” I said, and her eyebrows pulled together and upward.
“Oh,” she said, as she frowned down at her clipboard. “I’m sorry, there must have been a mix-up—”
I shook my head, and laughed, trying not to sound shaky and forced.
; “It’s fine, I just… I haven’t been in before, and my friend said he’d bring me, that’s all. Can I do a pee test?”
The nurse’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. Then she nodded.
“Well, if you think you’ve got one, then I’ll just go get a prescription for Cipro… hang on right here, you may as well get started on it while your test is at the lab.” She shuffled toward the door before glancing at me again, hesitating, like she wasn’t sure what to say to me.
“Where do I… the test?” I asked, feeling helpless, my bad choices setting the dominoes off.
It would be fine.
It wasn’t likely that Colt had gotten me pregnant anyway. What were the odds? I’d washed off right away afterward too. That had to make it okay. Right?
“The bathroom on the right,” she said, “I’m sorry, Molly didn’t fill this out right… well, go do your test, and I’ll bring the prescription out to you in the waiting room.”
She closed the door behind her with a grimace and I let out a shaky breath.
Fuck.
Fuck.
I had to get out of there. Right then. I scrambled back into my school uniform and grabbed my backpack from the floor, rushing out into the waiting room.
Colt got to his feet as soon I entered the room and he looked at me and then the empty reception desk.
“Got it?” he breathed. I nodded, not daring to falter.
I couldn’t tell him. He’d be so… disappointed and stressed out and I didn’t need to add to that. I’d do something else. Like… maybe take the bus into the city and go to the clinic I was familiar with. That was a good idea.
I walked over to him, lacing my fingers through his.
“Yeah, all good,” I said, giving him a brief smile. The thready sound of someone raising their voice in the back office made him stop. “Let’s go. I don’t want to miss any more school,” I said.
“Right,” he answered slowly. “Okay. Let’s get ice cream. It’s not really skipping if we don’t get snacks.”
“You’re terrible,” I mumbled as we left the doctor’s office, the bright sunshine melting over the pavement.
But that was a lie. I was the terrible one. He smiled at me, all the stress having fallen off of his shoulders. I was lying to him.
Actively, in the process of, betraying his trust.
But he bent down to kiss me, his lips warm over mine and I couldn’t help it.
I kissed back.
The odds were good I wasn’t pregnant.
And... and if I was, I’d do the right thing.
He pulled away from me, eyes bright, like the sun had come up just for him.
“Let’s go to the pharmacist and get ice cream after, sound cool?”
“Oh—” Right. “The pharmacist, yeah of course.”
My stomach fluttered uncomfortably. I needed some way to get around this shit. I didn’t have a prescription to get filled.
Could I pull it off? Send him to the other side of the pharmacy to look for like, pads or something, while I pretended to hand in a script?
An engine roared down the road the clinic faced, and Colt squinted, rolling his eyes.
“There he is, Captain Killjoy,” he muttered under his breath as Cael pulled up in a low-riding sports car, top-down. “Isn’t it too cold to drive like that?” He asked as Cael looked up at us.
Cael shrugged and glanced over at me with a grin.
“You weren’t in History. Word got around you two skipped into town. Want a lift?”
And before Colt could tell him no, I discreetly stepped on Colt’s foot and smiled wide.
“Yeah, that’d be great. Can you take my bag?” I handed it to Colt, and slipped into the backseat, squishing myself down into the leather. When he looked at me funny I gave a small shake of my head and mouthed the word ‘later’.
He paused for a split second and then sighed.
“Just easy on the stick. Not all of us have iron constitutions and I don’t want to puke on your upholstery,” he warned Cael as he took the front passenger seat.
We pulled away from the curb as Cael laughed. I sank down further into the leather.
What the hell was I even thinking?
The wind made my eyes water and I ducked my head.
I was so fucked.
Chapter Six
I woke up three days in a row puking my guts out, to the point my uncle gave me a wordless look of worry on day three and handed me a smoothie.
“What’s this?” I asked, eyeing up the green stuff in the to-go cup.
“Some nutrients. You’ve been retching up your toenails for nearly a week now and I saw you barely poke at your dinner.”
It wasn’t morning sickness.
That would be absurd. Also, I wasn’t pregnant. I couldn’t be. It was all just nerves over my bad decisions.
God, I needed to pick up a pregnancy test as quietly as possible.
“Thanks,” I said to Uncle Matt, taking a sip through the straw and doing my best to keep it all down. “Mmm.”
“Ready for class?” Shawn asked, coming up from downstairs, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. I glanced back at my uncle and gave a little half-wave, following Shawn outside to his car.
My head thumped lightly against the window as we rode the short drive to school.
“You okay? You’ve been really quiet these last few days,” he commented as we parked and walked into the school.
“Yeah,” I mumbled, “I’m fine.”
“I know it’s not true,” he said softly, putting a hand on my shoulder. Condensation beaded up on the smoothie cup and I needed to find a garbage to dump it in ASAP.
“What?” I asked him, for a moment paranoid that he knew. Kindness in his eyes nearly undid me as I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. What was wrong with me? Toughen up, Mia.
“That Buck’s dad…” He trailed off.
Right. That inescapable accusation. Somehow the maybe-pregnancy had swelled to be a bigger stress in my mind, and since my mom was out of town, it had seemed more removed and more absurd.
Mr. Barron couldn’t be my father. I didn’t look anything like him.
Right?
Shawn left me at the door of my first class and I zombied through it, barely focusing on what we were studying. Thankfully louder students took the spotlight, and I could hunch over my books at the back of the room, wondering if the cramps in my gut were stress or early pregnancy symptoms.
Colt swung by to get me after class, and I could barely look him in the face.
I had to though.
I grabbed him by the wrist.
“We need to talk,” I said, voice rough. His eyebrows hiked upward and he let me maneuver him through the crowded hall filled with students, and outside. There was a copse of bushes near the side entrance to the school, that I’d discovered had a pretty private meeting space in the middle where the bush had died back.
“I’m sorry I didn’t check in,” he started as he ducked under a trailing limb of a bush. They closed in around us, their green and brown leafiness hiding me from the outside world.
“I didn’t get it,” I said.
For a moment, confusion flickered on his face, before I spoke again.
“I didn’t get the morning after pill.”
That confusion turned blank, and then his mouth pressed into a thin line, and for the first time... Colt looked angry with me.
No, he looked furious.
“Are you fucking serious?” he hissed, his pupils flaring. I could see myself reflected in them, my own expression drawn and… pathetic.
“She was going to give me a… a fucking pelvic exam, it freaked me out, okay?” I snapped back. His mouth opened and then shut, shaking his head.
“Jesus… so what? So what now?”
I crossed my arms over my abdomen, sheltering it from his heated gaze. Stupid guilt, and shame welled up inside of me.
“I don’t know…”
He closed his eyes and r
an a hand over his face. His fingers were shaking and I felt even worse.
“I need to get you a test,” he said, glancing away.
“It’s too soo—” he interrupted me with a hand as the sound of giggling students walking by our leafy enclave filtered over to us.
He peeked out from between the brush and then sighed, turning back to me.
“You need to get tested as soon as it’s going to give us an answer one way or another and then…” He bit into his lower lip, and I could tell he wanted to scream, but instead he took a deep breath.
“And then?” I asked, feeling lost, and like I needed him to tell me what to do next.
“You need to make some choices,” he said roughly, “but… fuck it, I guess… I dunno, I gotta think.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, my palms sweaty. “Please don’t—”
“You don’t tell me how to feel, and I won’t tell you what to do with…” He gestured toward my torso with a frustrated huff. “This. This situation. Okay?”
I wasn’t stupid. I mean, I was, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was handling this with more grace than I had any right to expect, but something inside me was shaky and desperate. I took a step toward him.
“I don’t know what to do,” I whispered. He sighed and his shoulders slumped.
“It’s my fault,” he growled quietly and then pulled me into his chest. I buried my face there, not ready to cry, but not ready to promise I wouldn’t. It was all too much.
And it was as much his fault, as mine, if not more, but I knew him well enough I couldn’t say it. He’d exhaust his entire body, skin his knuckles and wear himself down to nothing just to prove me wrong.
In return I was… I was nothing. I swallowed hard, choking down all my emotions, staring up into his eyes and not letting myself look away even though I wanted to.
God. What would the rest of the guys think? When I told them that I might be…
Pregnant.
Or not.
Colt wrapped his hands around my shoulders, his lower lip thick with a slight tremble as he tried to smile.
“We’re gonna see this through. Together. Got it? No matter what happens, or how this shakes out. I’ve got your back, Mia.”
