Eight months ago, I’d known where my life was going.
Sure, it was simple, and not exciting, but at least I’d known.
Now, I had no safe place, no Theo, and no clue what came next.
The uncertainty was stifling.
I felt Winston watching me, but I didn’t turn from the window. He was worried about me, it was obvious, but I was okay.
Was I great? No, certainly not, but I was dealing and that had to count for something.
“How far away is this place?” I asked Ethan.
“About an hour out of the city. We didn’t want to find any place close to the apartment in case we draw them in. Which we shouldn’t, since I charmed the place we’re going, but you never know.”
“Are there … other things we could draw in? Besides the Iniquitous?” I shuddered as I remembered the Grindor that had been in my house when Theo had come for me. The creature had been the stuff of nightmares.
Ethan shrugged. “Yes, there’s always the chance.”
“What else is out there? What should we worry about, I mean.”
“There are all sorts of monsters and creatures in this world, Mara. Too many to name.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
I hated not knowing what might be out there.
He glanced at me in the rearview mirror and sighed. “There are these things called seekers, and they do exactly that. The Iniquitous breed them like dogs and set them loose to find what they’re searching for. Their job is to find whatever they’re looking for and bring it back.”
“Sounds … lovely. What do they look like?”
“They’re wolf-like, but larger, and more skeletal. They have no hair, only skin, and they’re blind. They can smell what they’re searching for from hundreds of miles away, though.”
“Gross,” Adelaide gagged. “I hope I never see one of those.”
“If I have anything to say about it, you never will.”
***
Ethan turned down a narrow path that really didn’t even look like it was meant to be a road. Tree branches nearly scraped the sides of the car, and I feared Jee would lose his mind if we returned his car with a scratch or ding.
Ethan slammed on the brakes suddenly, the trees closing in on us.
“We have to walk from here.”
He unbuckled his seatbelt and we followed suit.
He went around back and opened the trunk, pulling a black duffel bag from its depths. It looked heavy, and I immediately wondered what was in it, but I didn’t ask.
“This way.”
He started around the car and kept walking straight into the woods.
It was cold and windy, so I gathered the hood of my cloak onto my head and held it close around my body.
Adelaide, Winston, and I walked side by side. I’m sure we looked like a force to be reckoned with, both of them wearing cloaks as well.
Winston’s was a deep midnight blue, almost black like mine, but Adelaide’s was a bright crimson red and I couldn’t help but be reminded of Little Red Riding Hood.
In front of us, Ethan’s was black like mine, but designed differently. It was shorter and fit him more like a jacket than a cloak.
We trudged through the woods, our footprints leaving impressions in the snow.
“How far is it?” Adelaide asked. “We’ve been walking forever.”
“We’ve been walking ten minutes,” Winston scoffed.
“Exactly, forever,” she intoned.
He sighed and shook his head, muttering under his breath.
“About a mile,” Ethan answered.
“A mile,” Adelaide shrieked. “Are you trying to kill us?”
“I know you’re not out of shape,” Winston mumbled.
She shot a glare at him. “No one asked you, Churchill.”
She winced and swallowed thickly, her face growing shadowed with sadness. Her gaze drifted to the ground and she stumbled.
I grabbed her arm. “Are you okay?”
“Fine,” she whispered, and I released her.
She picked up her speed and moved up to Ethan’s side to walk with him.
Winston moved closer to me, our arms brushing as we walked.
“I know I haven’t said much, but I am sorry, you know. I know you loved him, and I’m sorry you’re hurting, both of you. He wasn’t my favorite person, but I didn’t hate him. I saw the …” he paused, gathering a breath. “I saw the way he looked at you, and there’s no denying the way he felt about you. If I’m being completely honest I saw it from the beginning, the way you guys looked at each other, and I knew there was no competing with that, but I tried anyway.”
I glanced up at him. He was slightly gangly and awkward, but he was cute, and he was my friend.
“There’s a girl out there for you, Winston. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.”
He cracked a small smile. “You’re an incredible girl, Mara, and you’re going to do great things. I’m glad I at least get to witness it as your friend.”
I forced a smile back at him. “Thanks.”
Everybody kept telling me I was going to do great things, but I didn’t believe them.
I was average and, if I was honest, I was scared.
How could someone so scared possibly do anything worthwhile?
Yes, I wanted to fight back, I wanted to end this, but that was because I was angry at what I’d lost, at what the Iniquitous kept taking not from me but all of us, and I didn’t think that made me brave. Maybe a little stupid, but definitely not brave.
“I’m lucky to have you as a friend,” I told him honestly. “I don’t deserve you.”
I really didn’t, not after the way I’d used him. In the beginning I hadn’t meant to, but when it became obvious I couldn’t overcome my feelings for Theo I let it drag on because Winston was safe, and simple, and I hoped maybe he’d get under Theo’s skin.
“I know you think you don’t, but you do. You’re not a bad person.”
“Thanks.” I looped my arm through his and rested my head on his shoulder as we strolled behind the others.
His words were kind, but I didn’t really believe them.
There was so much I hadn’t done right, and leaving Theo behind was one of the worst.
I knew it was what I was supposed to do, what he wanted me to do, but that didn’t make it right.
He was more than my protector, he was my other half, and we should’ve fought side by side, back to back, if that’s what it took.
If he went down then so did I, because without him my heartbeat was the saddest song. It was empty, an echo of what it once was.
“Not much longer,” Ethan called back.
“Do you think we’re safe here?” I whispered to Winston, low enough there was no chance Ethan heard. “Can we trust Jee?”
Winston grew quiet and when I looked up at him I could see his lips twisting as he thought.
Jee had been less harsh lately, but there was something about him that still unnerved me. He saw too much, knew too much, and I guess as a seer that was the point, but it didn’t make me feel any better.
“I think we can,” he finally replied. “He’s different, that’s for sure, but I don’t think he’d betray us. I think he’s more afraid of us betraying him. A seer would be a hot commodity for the Iniquitous if they got their hands on him. I’m sure he’s afraid. I would be.”
I sighed and straightened up, letting go of his arm.
“I hate the fact we always have to look over our shoulder now, live in fear, nothing is easy or simple anymore and it’s not fair.”
“Nothing’s fair, Mara, that’s the way of the world.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his cloak, the wind billowing it behind him.
He was right. Nothing was fair. The world liked to chew you up and spit you back up. It liked to test you, to see how far it could push you before you broke.
I refused to break.
It wasn’t long before we stepped through the shimmery orb Ethan had erec
ted previously around the spot he’d found.
Inside, there was no snow but, like he’d warned, it was chilly.
Thankfully, I was warm from our trek through the woods, and I was sure the spell practicing would keep me that way.
“I’ll work with Adelaide,” Ethan announced. “Winston, you can take Mara.”
I glanced at Winston and he chuckled softly. I wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing he’d partnered me with Winston.
I had a feeling Winston wasn’t going to go easy on me. Again, I found myself thankful for the extra training Theo had done with me. Without it I’d be feeling like a lost puppy.
The clearing was large enough the four of us could spread out to practice and not be close to each other, in case a spell went awry.
“Where should we start?” I asked Winston.
He shrugged and took off his cloak, rolling up the sleeves of his flannel, so I did the same.
“Have you worked on offensive spells any?” he asked, squinting from the sunlight shining through the tree branches.
“Yeah, a little.” I stood with my hands on my hips.
“Show me what you got.” He gestured with a bring it on motion.
I paused. “Uh … are you sure?”
“Mhmm,” he murmured. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what I’m working with.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I closed my eyes and let out a breath, rolling my shoulders to loosen up.
Nerves coursed through my veins. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. It felt like it’d been ages since I’d last practiced with Theo.
I tapped into the power that always seemed to hum in my core. It buzzed to life, vibrating through my body and out through my limbs.
I felt the warm lick of flames and opened my eyes, throwing a burst at Winston.
“Whoa,” he cried, knocking it away with a shield. He still stumbled a few feet back from the force.
He looked at me with shock and I shrugged.
“I like fire,” I mumbled.
Fire was one of the easiest things for me to conjure. I noticed I was easily able to tap into the elements, earth, fire, water, and air. Fire spoke to me the most.
“I think you’ve mastered fire. We can cross it off the list.”
I snapped my thumb against my middle finger and a fire ignited on my fingers. “Yeah, I think so.” I grinned and closed my fist, extinguishing the flame.
He chuckled. “What else you got?”
My smile grew wider.
I closed my eyes, imagining the air swirling around me, blowing the leaves in circles, and creating a vortex
When I opened my eyes I saw nothing but leaves. I was completely enclosed in them.
I calmed myself and the wind slowed, the leaves settling on the ground.
Winston stood across from me, his hair mused.
“What do you need me for?” he joked.
I laughed. “Lots of things, I’m sure.” Though I wanted to be great at everything right off the bat. The idea of failing again and again didn’t sit well with me.
Ethan walked over to us and handed Winston the duffel bag he’d brought.
“There’s some stuff in here you might want to check out.”
He headed back to Adelaide, and Winston knelt on the ground, rifling through it.
Eventually he pulled out a teacup and a kettle.
He opened the kettle and waved his hand over it. Steam began to billow out of the inside.
He set them both on the ground and sat down.
I did the same sitting across from him with the cup and kettle between us.
“Pour it into the cup.”
I smirked. “Oh, that’s easy.”
After learning to conjure a specific book off a shelf, I knew this would be a piece of cake.
I stared at the kettle, visualizing in my mind what I wanted it to do.
It began to shake, and tip forward. I urged it on, to lift and pour.
The top of the kettle shot off, flying into the air and disappearing, and the hot tea came spewing out straight up into the air.
Winston and I both jumped up and scuttled back so we’d be out of the way when it rained down.
As the hot tea trickled down onto the ground I frowned.
“That was not what I planned.”
He chuckled. “That’s why we have to practice.”
I crinkled my nose. I was disappointed, I wanted it to be easy. Well, not easy. I wanted to believe I was worthy. If I sucked at this whole enchanter thing how could I possibly be chosen?
Winston chuckled and collected the top from the kettle. “Let’s try again. Take it slow.”
He filled the kettle back up and I sat down.
“Close your eyes,” he whispered softly, his voice soothing. “Visualize what you want.”
I straightened my shoulders and behind my closed eyelids I pictured what I wanted.
D-Don’t o-over
My eyes popped open. “Theo,” I whispered.
“Huh?” Winston looked at me questioningly.
M-Mara n-no
“Theo!” I shouted and stood up.
Ethan and Adelaide stopped what they were doing, running over.
I spun in circles shouting his name. “Theo! Theo answer me! Theodore!”
S-Stop
I covered my ears with my hands and sunk to my knees. My head throbbed, but I pushed away the pain.
Theo please, is that you? I begged brokenly in the confines of my mind.
THEO!
My shout echoed against a void.
The voice was gone, if it’d even really been there to start with. Was it possible I was losing my mind? Slowly being driven mad by the loss of my protector?
Three sets of eyes looked at me questioningly.
I broke down sobbing.
“He’s gone,” I cried, wrapping my arms around my body, trying to hold in the broken pieces of my heart. “He always leaves.”
They looked at me pityingly and I cried harder.
I didn’t understand what the voice was, whether it was real, his ghost maybe, or a figment of my imagination.
Whatever it was, it was too much to bear.
I brushed my damp hair, staring out the bedroom window as more snow fell from the sky.
I heard Adelaide’s feet pad across the floor and the bed squeak as she knelt on it.
My breaths were quiet and even, and I focused on those instead of the feel of her eyes on me.
Avoidance had been my middle name since we got back from practicing.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak to any of them about what happened, though I knew they were all curious. I didn’t understand what’d happened, so how could I expect them to?
Adelaide sighed from the bed. “Will you at least look at me?”
I lowered the brush and turned to look at her from the windowsill. There wasn’t much space, my butt barely fit, but I didn’t care.
“What happened out there today?” Her dark blue eyes were full of concern and that only made me feel worse.
I shrugged.
“Mara,” she huffed, and rolled her eyes.
She glanced down at the bed, toying with a loose thread in the quilt. “You screamed his name, Mara. Did you hear him?”
Silence.
“Dammit, Mara. He’s my brother. I deserve to know if he’s alive. If he’s hurting.” For once, I saw anger flash in her eyes. Adelaide rarely lost her temper, she had her shit together better than the rest of us, but I was currently pushing all of her buttons. I couldn’t blame her for snapping.
I shook my head. “Ade …” I paused, not knowing how to continue. “It’s just a ghost, a memory, that’s all.”
She ground her teeth together. “Do you really believe that?”
I swallowed thickly. “I have to. I … I saw him die. I can’t give myself false hope only to lose him all over again. It’ll kill me. I hurt all the time already. I don’t want to hurt worse.”
Sadness filled her eyes. “You’re right.” She bit her lip, fighting back tears. She’d been hopeful after my outburst and I hated breaking her heart, but the voice was probably a figment of my imagination. Conjured by my desire for him to be alive.
“I miss him so much,” I confessed, “I think my brain is conjuring his voice so it’s like he never left. Or maybe it’s his ghost trying to guide me. I don’t know,” I rambled. “But I don’t think he’s alive. The voice … it’s not normal. It’s faint. Like … like he’s somewhere else, beyond, and trying to break through.”
“You’ll tell me if anything changes, right? If you think he’s alive?”
I felt the firefly in my necklace flutter.
“You know I will.”
Her eyes held hope and for that I felt awful.
Hope was the most crushing emotion to exist on the planet.
***
“Cheer up, buttercup, you look like someone pissed in your Cheerios. That’s not piss, right?” Jee pointed to my bowl of cereal.
“No,” I replied glumly.
Hearing Theo’s voice yesterday had put me in a funk, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to step back into the ring, so to speak.
But Ethan was demanding after breakfast we all head to the woods to practice more.
It’s all I’d wanted for months, but now I was desperate to take it back.
He slid into the stool beside me. “What’s wrong?”
“Why do you care?” I stirred my cereal around the bowl. I wasn’t even hungry. I was never hungry anymore.
He chuckled. “I don’t if I’m being honest. I thought …” He lowered his voice and leaned in. “You might like to talk to someone who isn’t quite as … invested.”
I glanced around us. Adelaide and Winston were arguing over the TV while they ate their breakfast and Ethan was upstairs.
“I’ve heard his voice in my head twice. Theo’s,” I whispered. “The first time was shortly after we got here. We were in your training room. I heard him tell me to duck. Then yesterday, I heard him when we were practicing magic. Both times it was like he was speaking to me from way far away. Quiet, kind of gravelly. Like static. I know I have to be imagining it, or maybe it’s his ghost, I don’t know. It scares me he might be alive, out there somewhere, trapped, and I’m not doing anything about it. But I saw the sword go into him. I saw him die. And I hate feeling this false sense of hope. I want to squash it so I’m not disappointed.”
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