Touché.
It was late when they finally hung up the call. Kelsey had gone to the lobby and had the front desk mail her and Desmond’s guns back to the states. Now she was back in their room. She rolled the map and put it in a small tube container.
There were two double beds and she fell onto one of them, watching Desmond slide into the other one. She grinned as he sank into the soft mattress, groaning in obvious pleasure. There was something to be said for clean sheets and a pillow to sleep on after traveling for days and hiking for miles in the middle of the jungle.
As she closed her eyes, and for the hundredth time, she tried to figure out what it meant for Desmond to have been with her in Tedanalee. If Seung were correct, then a shared consciousness did truly exist. If the latter were true, it meant that Tedanalee, her dream world, was a real place, and if it were, it was in terrible danger. She wondered how Desmond was handling everything. She opened her eyes.
Do I ask him? Indecision rocked her. Finally, she did. “Desmond, are you okay about all this?”
He took a moment before he answered. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t having a hard time accepting it. I think of myself as pretty rational and I’m most comfortable in a world of facts, science, and rules.” He sat up. “But, no one can convince me that what I had experienced wasn’t real. I smelled the flowers in that land, I felt Dorje’s fur. It had a familiarity to it that I can’t explain. And you,” he glanced at her. “You’re different there, too.”
“How?” she asked.
He blinked and swallowed. “Just different.”
Just different. Geez, that wasn’t much help. Still, part of her knew what he meant. Desmond was different there, too. He seemed to light up with an ethereal glow. Was she like that for him? No, I don’t want to think of him that way. To think maybe he has feelings for me. He had just been excited to be in the land, just like he had been excited back in Garters. She had to remember that.
She glanced up at him, their eyes meeting, but then she pulled her gaze away and turned over, her back to him. Within minutes, she drifted off to sleep, the sounds of Tibetan long horns playing hauntingly in her mind.
Chapter 24
DEVAS
The plane bounced lightly as it hit a pocket of turbulence. Staring out of the windows of the first class cabin, the world was a brilliant canvas of white peaked mountains jutting to pinnacle heights across the Himalayan range and stretching for hundreds of miles in every direction.
Huge puffs of snow, appearing like smoke rising from the peaks, tufted up in great swirls, mixing with the clouds that streaked across the horizon. It made the entire landscape seem otherworldly and magical. It wasn’t hard to imagine why multitudes of people took spiritual journeys to this land every year to find peace and contentment. A journey that had been repeated over and over for centuries in their attempts for enlightenment. It was a supernatural world which seeped into the very pores of your being as you gazed upon its beauty.
The Tibetans revered these mountains. According to Buddhist philosophy, mountains were sacred and should never be touched by human feet, and as a result, only a few mountains had been given clearance for expeditions by The Tibet Mountaineering Department. The Chinese made it even more difficult to travel throughout Tibet once they invaded the country. Even the Dalia Lama himself fled to India because of the constant threat of imprisonment by the Chinese.
Kelsey was lost in thought as she stared out at the snowcapped alps and glittery turquoise lakes. They glinted in the barren expanse. She loved it here and was more content and at peace in this land than she was anywhere else on the planet. Even with what was coming, with Raul here, this world tugged on her.
Her thoughts turned to her parents who had made their hut at the base of Mount Abora, tucked nearly a mile away from the Bodhidharma Monastery. Why hadn’t the monks protested it? Had they known the Porters were there to help them? Or, more importantly, had the monks been using the Porters all along, knowing there was danger, but never exposing the risks to them?
That thought plagued Kelsey. To think the monks had put her family in a perilous situation, without ever telling them or giving them the knowledge they’d need to protect themselves. It went completely against the sacred truths. Even the Chinese militia hadn’t known they were there. That was probably why her parents made their home where they did.
What if the reason the monks never explained the danger was because their presence was tantamount to the survival of something they were unable to care for? Was that allowable? Trading one life for another? If Buddhism regarded the mind and the body as two separate entities, then the “vessel” of the body on its own didn’t matter. Maybe they felt if something were to happen to her parents, while protecting a sacred truth, their sacrifice would transcend them directly to Nirvana, straight to the Pure Land. It didn’t matter either way. Her parents were innocent victims.
A bitter thought settled in her gut like a bad stomachache. What about her? Had she been expendable as well? If they had set her parents up, then what did they think would have happened to her? She was lucky to have even survived the attack. She should have been dead.
Unless of course, it had nothing to do with her parents at all, and everything to do with her. What if they’d been using her all along?
She had spent her whole life taking back control. Learning, training, working towards the day she would find Raul and his men and destroy them to avenge her family. It was the driving force of her life. She felt she’d been in charge of all of it, right down to her relationships with men and her friends and family. It hadn’t been easy. She had desires and needs just like everyone else, but she chose to fight them and pursue her demons on her own terms. She had thought it was all her own choice. Now to think the monks had used her and directed her the entire time? To think she may have always been destined for this path because of what they had done to her. She still didn’t understand how she knew about Xanadu, but now she was reasonably sure she did. She knew the language; she knew the meditation to bring her there; and the monks said they had taught it to her. Obviously, it had been during her time in Tibet. Then why don’t I remember it?
She glanced at Desmond, sleeping in the seat next to her. A stray curl fell across his brow. A protective feeling rushed over her and she leaned towards him and gently pushed the lock aside. He stirred and she froze, but he didn’t wake up. The monks said he was connected to her and that she needed him, but what did that mean? She didn’t understand, and it disturbed her.
Her ears popped slightly as the plane descended and the pilot came on the speakers.
“We’ll be starting our descent into the Lhasa Gonggar Airport. Please put away all your portable devices and bring your tray tables and seat backs up as we prepare for landing.”
Kelsey collected her empty cups and snack tray and handed it to the stewardess as Desmond slowly woke up.
He rubbed both his hands up and down his face and turned to Kelsey. “What time is it?”
“It’s early.” She had come to a truce with him. After the deaths of the monks in Colombia, she realized she needed help. More importantly, she wanted it. When Desmond had been with her in Tedanalee, it felt natural and right. Maybe they had been cosmically pushed together because he followed his own path to redeem his family. She didn’t know, but it made some sort of convoluted sense. Buddhism was about continuity and enlightenment. Until they both found their own inner peace, perhaps their paths would continue together until they could finally give up all earthly quests and achieve their own nirvana.
So, ignoring him was no longer an option. First, it would make things much easier if they were on speaking terms and second, she was just too tired to be angry at him constantly. Third, and the one she was still too embarrassed to admit, was that she cared for him. It didn’t mean she wasn’t still uncomfortable and embarrassed by what had happened, but for now she’d try to at least put it behind her until this was over. Then he could disappear from her life an
d she could finally move on.
The plane landed without incident. After they made their way through customs, they secured a taxi to the Qunghai-Tibetan Railway. The train ride would take them to a small village relatively close to the Kungri Nako Monastery where they could pretend to catch up with the tour. After that, it would be over a day’s walk on foot from there to the Bodhidharma Monastery.
As they moved into the train’s cabin, Chinese soldiers strolled by, asking for IDs. Kelsey and Desmond gave theirs, and after a few cursory nods, the soldiers moved on to another cabin.
“We’re going to need to be careful, Kelsey. The Chinese hold no sympathy for the Tibetans, or Americans for that matter.”
She nodded, knowing she and Desmond stood out like sore thumbs. “I know. It’s worse in Lhasa. There are going to be manned checkpoints all over the city, with soldiers everywhere imposing curfews.” She turned back to their small cabin, glancing at the sole bed and with a sigh, shook her head. It was just a small double sleeper berth, because Julia had booked them as a married couple for believability. It wasn’t lost on her how the gods must continuously be laughing at her as they tried to thrust her and Desmond together. She glanced at him. He tried not to smile, but she could see the sides of his mouth twitching.
She placed their bags on the overhead rack. She kept the map on her person, rolled in a poster holder she had flung over her shoulder.
“We should grab something to eat in the dining carriage before the effects of the altitude kicks in,” Desmond suggested.
“How high up are we traveling again? Four thousand feet?” Kelsey sat down and bounced on the bed. It squealed under her weight and she could feel the metal springs thrusting through the thin mattress covering. It was not going to be a comfortable night’s sleep. Sighing, she glanced around, noticing there wasn’t much more room in the cabin, either. As it was, Desmond was flush up against the door, just a few feet from her. Damn, the room at Garters had been bigger than this.
“We’re going higher than that,” Desmond said. “Over the Tangulla Pass, which has a maximum altitude of over 5,000 meters. It’s funny, I read they make individuals sign a Health Declaration form because so many people get altitude sickness when they travel here.”
I guess we better eat before one of us starts puking.
They passed the day talking quietly, eating boiled eggs and noodles and drinking tea while watching the breathtaking scenery streak past them. There were the typical paddy fields and low lying hills. Small, brightly-painted temples dotted the skyline and were seen nestled into the mountains. Villagers and herders drove their sheep and goats across from one valley pass to another.
As they climbed into their bed that night, Kelsey couldn’t fall asleep. The bed tilted to the center and although Desmond kept his back to her, he was flush against her and she found it distracting. To take her mind off of him, she closed her eyes and imagined herself in her magical land. She could take herself there so easily. One moment she was in the cabin, the feel of the train rumbling under her and the next she was thinking of lounging by the stream with Ishu, the creature resting contentedly on the soft grass. Little raccoon-like animals with large rabbit ears cooed and called next to her, sounding like bubbles popping on water.
God, she so wanted to really be there. It was nice to daydream about Tedanalee, but when she fell asleep and dreamed, or when the monks had meditated with her, it truly came to life. Just like when she was a child after the attack. She remembered walking through the village and through the colorful corridors of the sanctuary. She was in the care of the Emperor and Empress and they had accepted her as one of their own. She remembered getting Ishu as a gift from the Empress. The fedelia had been just a baby at the time, about as small as a puppy. Kelsey had taken care of her, learned with her and healed with her. Though she had only been there six weeks in real time, it felt longer. Ishu had grown quickly and before she had left Tedanalee, they’d learned how to fly together.
Kelsey remembered how hard it had been to come back to reality. Through the walls of her conscious mind, she could hear the Goldmans beseech her, but they always sounded so far away, as if there were behind a closed and cloudy window. She could see their shadows vaguely on the other side and hear their muffled voices, but it had been easier to just pretend they didn’t exist. They weren’t her parents and she hadn’t wanted to return to a world without her mother and father. A world that held evil in it, like the men who’d hurt her.
But even in Tedanalee there was blackness. Sometimes it would seep across the sky like an inkblot on paper. Everyone in the court would stare out the windows, silently watching. Some with tears in their eyes. She remembered one time…
* * * * *
“What is it?” Kelsey asked. The little girl stood on a terrace, leaning on the outer balcony’s stone wall and stared at the sky. It was daytime and green and yellow ribbons of color floated in and out of the clouds that day. There was also a blackness like a spider’s web trickling across the sky.
The Empress placed a comforting hand on the ten year-old’s shoulder. “It’s a darkness that’s trying to invade our world, but don’t worry little one. We’re fighting it.”
“It feels funny,” Kelsey said, touching her hand to her chest. “It hurts me here.”
The Empress glanced at her husband. His face was calm, but Kelsey thought she saw fear in his eyes. That scared her, because he was the bravest man in the land.
The Emperor cupped Kelsey’s chin in his large hands, moving her eyes away from the black streaks, and bent down to face her, his expression again strong and sure. “We are powerful beings, Kelsey. Our job is to destroy foes and to vanquish enemies and evildoers who come to this land. We will protect you, so listen to me. I want you to ignore this evil when it chooses to visit us. When you see it or feel it, I want you to push it away the same as you push bad thoughts back during meditation. Reject it and it will disappear and you’ll no longer be in pain.”
Kelsey glanced at the sky again and then closed her eyes. “Go away,” she whispered. She peeked through her slit eyelids, but it was still there.
“Let’s go inside and away from the darkness. It can’t hurt you right now. It’s just testing itself and trying to intimidate us. To see if it can sway us and make us fear. Let’s ignore it and it’ll have no power over us.” The Emperor and Empress took her hands and guided her back inside the sanctuary.
Kelsey heard the laughter of children echoing down the corridors of the monastery. Yes, she’d go back inside and play with them and forget the darkness that was trying to scare her. She glanced once more behind her as she walked with her guardians. “You can’t hurt me here,” she whispered, and turned to disappear into the hallowed halls filled with golden Buddhist deities.
With that, the streaks faded from the horizon, to return another day.
* * * * *
She was always taught by the Emperor and Empress to ignore the blackness and they tried their best to distract her from it whenever it came. There was something about it that was so familiar to her. Familiar and terrifying at the same time.
Kelsey opened her eyes and with a quick glance at Desmond’s back, she took the chance that he might already be asleep and decided to go back to Tedanalee on her own. She closed her eyes and started moving her fingers. Over and over the dance played. Over and over they fluttered like waves on the sand, making ripples, up and down, up and down. It felt so easy and natural. She concentrated on her breathing, forcing her breaths to coincide in time to the motions of her fingers. Over and over they played. There was a slight change in the air. She opened her eyes for a moment, but everything was blurred, and she closed them again, letting her fingers fly, on and on in their incessant dance. She concentrated on her inner self, becoming one with the motions, heard Desmond’s soft snores coming from far away, felt her fingers flying …
…and heard the distant, droning sounds of the long horns playing their haunting aums. Not calling the land to arms,
but to announce the coming of the night. Kelsey glanced at the sky, the setting sun turning the land to dusk and the aurora borealis in deep reds and purples. Riders astride their steeds flew high on their missions to the temple, like little black birds dotting the sky.
Kelsey strolled across the grass and into the woods, the strange curling tree leaves, reaching out to her as if they wanted to caress her cheeks. Now and again, she took one of the leaves in her hand and stroked it. They trembled, as if they could feel her.
She took the path, worn from years of use, but rimmed with wildflowers, towards the little home in the forest. It blended in with the woods. If you didn’t know it was there, you might have walked right by it, except for the strange animals that played in and out of the low bushes nestled against it. Thick sheets of ivy and fragrant flowers climbed the walls, framing the little one room hut. In her dreams, the Emperor and Empress had it built for her when she was a teenager and had given it to her as a gift. Her own little home and haven in this world. She felt safe here.
“Kelsey?”
Kelsey froze, turning towards the voice coming from just beyond the hut. The moon was bright and Desmond slipped through the trees. His eyes were wide in surprise. “I’m here again.”
She stared around her and then back at Desmond. “I must have brought you.”
He wore an open neck, short sleeved tunic, his muscular chest barely contained by the shirt. Loose, earth brown pants and leather sandals completed his clothing. Weapons were strapped to his body in a warrior fashion, with a quiver of arrows on his hip, a sword strapped across his back and a dagger in a holster at his waist. His unruly hair was again swept back from his brow by small strands of glittering beads, held in place behind his ears.
The Hunt for Xanadu Page 17
