“I understand, Master.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t. You only know what you see on the surface. Not what’s below and outside of your own personal existence on this plane. At least, not yet.” He eyed her and she shivered. “This is the same man who’s ripping apart your Tedanalee.”
“Tedanalee? How do you know about that? And how is he destroying it?” The monk put up his hands, stopping her from asking more questions.
“The elder monks have been following you ever since you left Tibet. Your hatred of Raul gave him power and enabled him to poison this world. Your dvesha, your very hatred, has kept his path alive and brought us to this moment. Mara has used that to his advantage repeatedly. ” He turned and continued rapidly down a garden path on the outer pavilion, leaving Kelsey stunned and running to keep up.
They passed through a multitude of dead gardens filled with hundreds of empty flower pots. She remembered sitting with the monks in this very garden as they told her the tales of Siddhartha. How she and the children would listen to the stories told by Bhante Shingen for hours on end about how Siddhartha persevered against the Buddhist devil and won. Kelsey followed the warrior monk down a cobbled path, passing painted pictures of the Buddha that adorned the building’s outer walls.
They entered the temple and through the complex, moving through an ornate inner sanctuary and into the back rooms. The monk ushered them inside one of the apartments and announced their presence. “They’re here.”
Without a further glance at them, he turned and left, leaving Kelsey and Desmond to stare around them in awe. They had entered a world that had not changed in a thousand years. The room was a small temple with red walls painted with colorful mandalas, the Tibetan calendar and the rules for the monks. Prayer wheels rested on tables against the wall and a large golden statue of the Buddha stood at the far end of the room. Butter lamps held in wall sconces adorned the walls, their yellow light flickering and making shadows from an unknown breeze. The smell of incense wafted in the air.
Kelsey heard a haunting chant echoing through the room, floating down the corridors from another part of the monastery. Her gut clenched for reasons she didn’t understand. Its sound was so ominous and profound that she felt, for a moment, she’d been transported to another world. She closed her eyes, letting the melodies flow around her. Something about it pulled at her in a way that made her uncomfortable. She felt herself getting lost in the music. The name “Arati” flitted in her mind and then disappeared. Who is Arati? Oh yes, she was another of Mara’s daughters, wasn’t she? Why did she just think of her?
A light cough brought her back and gave her the power to reject the sound. She turned in its direction. Three men stood at the far end of the room, the eldest, in traditional dress, stepped forward.
“That music you heard. Does it mean something to you?”
Kelsey nodded. “It’s familiar to me, but it makes me uncomfortable.”
The monk stared at her shrewdly. “As it should. It’s the chant ‘Om vajrapani hung’, said to protect the secret teachings. We taught you it under deep meditation many years ago. It’s a very old prayer song, though you may have heard it even before that.”
She squinted. I don’t remember you teaching it to me. Why don’t I remember?
“You’ll understand soon enough. I’m the Abbott of Abora, Dakpa Bakula. On any other day, I’d greet you as welcome visitors and have tea with you, but there’s no time. You have too much to learn. Both of you. Come.”
He ushered them to the floor and the other two monks sat next to them, reminding Kelsey of the scene in Colombia.
“There’s so much you still don’t know, Kelsey. We’ll meditate and all will be explained. Hands on your laps.”
Desmond spoke up. “How will I see? I don’t understand.”
Dakpa crossed his legs. “We’ll be there with you, taking both of you into the depths of our memories.”
Desmond’s eyes widened in understanding. “So you do astral project. You’ve been manipulating yourselves into Kelsey’s dreams all these years, haven’t you?”
The Abbott shook his head. “Not manipulating, but observing and instructing. Teaching her things she already knew. Her own samsara, her own rebirth, influenced her path in this life, not us.”
“My own rebirth?” Kelsey asked skeptically. “You believe my past life is affecting this one?”
The Abbott nodded. “Of course it has, as it does with all of us, but you’ve made choices in this world, Kelsey. Choices that have angered your father.”
“My father? Benjamin Porter died twelve years ago, Abbott. You should know that.”
The Abbott measured his words. “Your earthly father in this lifetime is dead, but your spiritual father is still alive. Now come. This is the fastest way to show you what you need to know.”
Kelsey grasped the Abbott’s arm, her voice desperate. “Wait, the Shaolin Monk who brought us to this room told me I poisoned Tedanalee. How did I do this? I never would have intentionally done anything if I’d known.”
The Abbott gave her a small, sad smile. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know you were doing this. Had you remained in Tibet with us, you may have been able to continue your teachings uninterrupted and protected, but fate didn’t hand that path to you, nor to us. We all come with pasts, Kelsey, and your will has always fought yours, and fought hard. Your spiritual family is now coming for you, because they don’t want you to be successful and reach the enlightenment you’re capable of attaining. You’re like Siddhartha, but where your spiritual sisters came simply to sway the Buddha, in this reality they come to end your path, to destroy your samsara, and the samsara of all others.”
“Who’s coming for me?”
“Mara himself.”
Kelsey sucked in her breath. “Mara? The Buddhist Devil? The bringer of death and the enemy of all truth? You believe he’s part of my spiritual family? That’s ridiculous.”
The Abbott narrowed his eyes. “It is anything, but ridiculous. He’s your first father.”
Anger laced her heart. “And which of his lovely daughters do you believe me to be?”
“It’s not important, Kelsey.”
She grabbed his arm again, her voice rising. “It is important! Which one do you believe I’m reincarnated from? Raga, Tanha, or Arati?
Another monk spoke up. “Tanha. You’re the spiritual image of his daughter, Tanha.”
The biggest slut of them all? The one who sleeps with any man she can find? Was that what Takechiyo was trying to tell her? Kelsey turned to him, so filled with fury she shook. “You all think I’m the Temptress Desire? How can you say this to me? She is the personification of evil. I am nothing like her!”
The Abbott stared at her. “Even beings from the Hell planes can change and move to other domains once their negative karma is used up, Kelsey. They don’t have to remain there for eternity. The truth is, you are Tanha. Please, think upon your life. Your beauty and your brilliance. How one smile from you makes men fall at your feet. How strong you are and your ease with killing. Have you never thought about your spiritual self before this life? Why you are the way you are? But you have a voice and a soul. A soul that has been rejecting your father for centuries. And now he’s angry.”
“How angry?” she asked, spitting out the words.
The Abbott pursed his lips. “Extremely. For hundreds of your past lifetimes, he’s ended your path prematurely as soon as he realized you were again rejecting his orders to return to his side. He’s murdered you countless times in this reality as an infant and as a child. At times your destiny allowed you to make it to your teenage years. This is the first lifetime you’ve ever lived to the age of twenty-two. He tried to kill you in this incarnation already at the age of ten, but we intervened and your Emperor and Empress saved you from that fate.”
Kelsey stared at him, shocked. “You knew this? You knew he was going to come for me?”
“No, when we first met you, all we sa
w was your essence, your soul and your past lifetimes. We saw the torture of the deaths you’ve endured for centuries. The ones you relive in your nightmares.
“When Raul showed up and threatened us, it was then we first thought he might be a minion of Mara. Of course, once he attacked us and then your family, it all became clear. No matter who else died, Mara was always after you personally. He didn’t want you to grow up and pursue enlightenment, for it would go against the very fabric of his existence. He wants to end the entire cycle of rebirth and if you live, Kelsey, you could stop him from destroying the very thing your karma is bidding you to protect.”
“You’re talking about Xanadu, aren’t you?” she asked.
The Abbott nodded. “But while Mara didn’t succeed in killing you, he set up a chain of events in this world which were devastating. He hurt you badly and took your destiny in a different direction. It drove you to become the woman you are today, but it came at a high price.”
“You’re talking about the Three Poisons, aren’t you?” Kelsey asked. “I didn’t know.”
The Abbott shook his head. “Nor would you. We never got the chance to tell you. Your hatred of Raul is a fundamental and deeply-rooted emotion in you. In a normal person it can exist and affect only their own karma and their own path in this life. But you’re different. Tanha is a part of you and because of that you have immense capabilities. You have the power and ability to bring Raul to Xanadu, bridging a gateway to Mara’s world which should remain closed.”
She stared at him, incredulous. “But how?”
“We’ll show you.”
A monk lit another set of incense sticks and soon the room was filled with the aroma of jasmine flowers. The Abbott leaned towards Kelsey. “This scent will help clear your mind and spirit, leaving you ready to receive whatever the atmosphere gives you. Don’t fight it. I know you’ve heard a lot, but remember who you are in this human lifetime, not who you once were. As humans, in this plane of existence, there is always a choice and we are always seeking enlightenment. Accept what we show you.” He clanged a small chime and then sat back, speaking quietly. “Relax your mind. Breathe in and out. Let the events of the recent days flow from you. Breathe in light, breathe out hatred.” This went on for a mere two minutes. “Now, move your fingers in the pattern we taught you, Kelsey. The pattern that brings you to your inner world.”
Without even thinking about it, Kelsey started moving her fingers and the other monks followed, beginning to chant.
Kelsey and Desmond continued to breathe, continued to move their fingers in the same rhythmic pattern, waiting to see what would happen. It happened fast. The air started to shimmer and one moment Kelsey was in the inner sanctuary, and the next, she was…
...gone.
* * * * *
A nine-year old Kelsey sat on the edge of the garden in the back of the Bodhidharma Monastery, playing with a green and pink caterpillar slowly inching up her hand. She stared at it, pretending she wasn’t listening to the monks arguing. They seldom quarreled, but for some reason they were concerned, and it was about her.
“She’s too young, Abbott. We can’t entrust this entire world to the hands of a mere child. Furthermore, you know where she comes from.”
The Abbott stared across the garden at Kelsey and she pretended not to notice. “Her lineage plays a huge part in this. She is who she is and nothing we do can change that. But we can instruct her and guide her along this path to continually make the right choices. The child is strong of heart and mind. She’s pure and noble. Furthermore, her mental transformations enable her to travel the celestial worlds quicker and faster than any others before her. Before even you, Tashi.”
Tashi stared at Kelsey. “The danger is already here and must be addressed immediately. Raul and his men came again yesterday and threatened our brethren. He’s going to threaten her, eventually. You know his quest is to find the land of myth, just like all the other glory seekers, but this one’s different. There’s the chance he’s being influenced by Mara himself. You know that.”
The Abbott nodded and pursed his lips. “Tashi, there is no one else here who can do what must be done. We must trust in the Americans. The Porters are good people. They’re here to help us and will keep the secrets. But the child needs to be taught. There’s the chance she can help them and we don’t have the luxury of years to find someone of her caliber to train.”
Tashi appealed to him. “Please, tell them to send the child back to America and let the parents bear the burden. Let’s teach them instead. This journey is not for a little girl. She isn’t strong enough, no matter what her spiritual lineage is. In this reality, she’s but a vulnerable human child. Completely defenseless to what is possibly coming.”
The Abbott shook his head. “She isn’t defenseless. She has powers she doesn’t understand and we’ll do everything we can to protect her. If something happens, we’ll do what must be done. I wish there was another way, but the choice is made.” He called over to Kelsey. “Child, come.”
Kelsey raced over. “Yes, Abbott?”
“Are you enjoying your studies?”
Kelsey nodded.
“And enjoying the meditations?”
Again, Kelsey nodded enthusiastically.
The monk smiled. “It’s time we learned how far you can go, little one. How would you like to travel to another world?”
Kelsey’s eyes widened in surprise and she jumped up and down, clapping her hands.
The Abbott turned to Tashi. “Go get the other brothers and meet us in the inner sanctuary. It’s time.”
A chime sounded…
* * * * *
Kelsey opened her eyes and saw Desmond shaking his head, bewildered. She realized the monks had allowed him to see a shared memory. He looked at her quizzically, and she just imagined how he tried to rationalize her being both that child and the temptress Tanha.
Kelsey turned to the monks. “So you picked me to learn about Xanadu because you believed I was the reincarnation of Mara’s daughter, Tanha? Why not kill me right then and there? How did you allow me to walk your hallways and teach me your disciplines? How could you even conceive of bringing me to Xanadu? It opens a direct gateway to Mara if I chose a different path.”
“We chose you because you were the most brilliant student we’d ever encountered and because you had a soul, Kelsey. We could see your past lives and see how you’ve grown with each rebirth. You have been rejecting the sway of your father each and every lifetime. You’ve continually evolved, have chosen a better path and grown in each and every existence and we knew we could use it to our advantage.”
Kelsey laughed, scorn edging her voice. “There’s nothing in the scriptures saying Tanha ever rejected her father. You’re reaching, Abbott.”
“Scriptures don’t always tell the true story, as you well know. Our sect is different than others. Most Buddhists believe in one ideology, but we have the knowledge and belief that they are all combined. And, as you know, monks have the unique ability to discern who are the reincarnations of past monks, and with that gift we can see the souls of others as well. When you first came to the monastery, there was utter shock and instant recognition of who you really were. Your abilities astounded us. You learned Tibetan in only months, memorized all the teachings, prayers and mantras within a year. People were drawn to you, even our own brothers who took vows of celibacy. They needed to be isolated from you, because even at your young age you pulled at them, swayed them and occupied their minds during meditation. Even Desmond. He joins you on this quest, not simply because you can help him find the murderer of his family, but because you entice him. And yet, while Tanha’s influence consistently pushes you towards him, your own personal will continually rejects the attraction you obviously feel.”
Kelsey felt the blood rushing to her face. “It’s not true.”
The Abbott waved his hand dismissively. “Of course it is, but you constantly fight with yourself not to give in. Tanha never would have c
urbed any opportunity for sensual satisfaction. She would have used him for her own needs without a care to how he felt and then she would have discarded him and found another to satisfy her lust. But you fight the attraction between the two of you because your inner soul is trying to reject her influence and subsequently, by rejecting her influence, you’re ultimately challenging Mara and his authority over this plane of existence. You’re unique in this world and we couldn’t simply let you go without trying to help you.”
“Help me? You used me and pushed my family towards something dangerous.”
“Kelsey, you would have existed in this world whether we intervened or not. Would you rather have been helpless, once more without protection, when Mara sought you out to kill you? If we didn’t intervene, you would have died on the floor of the hut with your dead mother’s arms wrapped around you. Why not intervene and guide you? Help take you to the next level if that was your fate? Help you attain your true path?”
The monk clanged the chime. “What we just experienced was a shared memory. Now we’ll go even further inside, to a deeper memory. Close your eyes, let your fingers flow and let us take you all the way back.”
The monks started chanting again, the sound so impassioned and haunting it took Kelsey’s breath away. Her mind was a mass of emotions, but she shut them down. Closing her eyes, she let her fingers fly on their own accord, up and down, up and down. It all was coming back to her. Things she had forgotten, things she thought she’d simply conjured as childhood fantasies. Feelings she had kept hidden and repressed. Everything felt as if the pieces from a missing puzzle were all finally joining together. She was Tanha, but other identities started to come back to her in flashes of insight. Names and faces so familiar to her. The dead girls from her dreams. They weren’t symbols of her, they were her. She was Lilly, Sarah, Nadia and Sanzida. She was Leah, Tanisha, Qian and Fatima. She was a baby on her mother’s breast. A toddler chasing a butterfly. A teenager on her first date. Then, the horrors came. Illnesses, murders and accidents. Each life cut short. Lifetimes after lifetime flashed in her mind until she was finally just Kelsey, here and now. The air around her became heavy and when the sound of a Tibetan long horn sounded, Kelsey’s heart soared. It was the call of the dungchen, its droning wail resonating in her mind…yes, there was hope…but also so much more…
The Hunt for Xanadu Page 21
