by Marian Tee
“It’s worse than that. Apparently, those two are religious extremists, and all this was part of an elaborately planned terrorist attack.”
Fuck. Christian had to close his eyes for a moment, remembering how he had forcefully insisted that Jane was to blame.
Even when she was right and he had known from the start it couldn’t be her.
“When was the last time you spoke to Jane or heard from her?”
Christian breathed heavily. “Since the day I had my head up in my ass.”
Jared swore.
His head jerked up. “Did something happen to her?”
Instead of answering him, Jared demanded, “And you haven’t left this place since that day either?”
He shook his head impatiently. “You know how I work under lockdown. Now what is it about Jane? Is something wrong—-”
“It’s the opposite.” Jared switched the Smart TV to browser mode and typed in a YouTube link. “She saved your ass, Christian.”
Christian turned to the screen, and he recognized the location immediately. It was the conference room below, and...Jane was holding a press conference.
He watched her take the stage like a pro, introducing herself as both his fiancée and P.R. head. He watched her field questions effortlessly, the perfect combination of assurance and humility. He watched her singlehandedly prevent a public relations catastrophe as she acknowledged the company’s responsibility, accepted their share of blame, but at the same time assuaged everyone’s concerns and convinced everyone that Christian Ravenhearst would not fail them.
It was her exact words.
“Christian’s work means everything to him. He’s the most dedicated person I’ve ever known, and his integrity is impregnable. He’ll find a way to make things right, I promise you. Christian Ravenhearst will not fail you.”
Ah God.
And she had been right.
He had not failed them.
He had failed her.
Chapter Thirteen
Christian was knocking on her door.
Don’t answer. Pretend you’re out. Or tell him to go away, and you don't want to see him again.
But of course she ended up doing none of those things.
She loved him after all, and just because he had repeatedly said and done things to convince her that they were wrong for each other – love wasn’t something one could kill overnight.
Jane opened the door, and even though she had done her best to prepare herself—-
It just wasn’t enough. Maybe nothing could ever be enough.
Christian Ravenhearst still took her breath away.
“May I come in?”
She nodded jerkily and turned away without a word, leaving him to follow her inside her apartment. His words reminded her of the time she had practically ambushed him in his apartment.
May I come in?
She had used the exact same words. He had let her in, and after, they had made love for the first time—-
Oh God.
That seemed like an eternity ago.
Christian closed the door behind him, using the time to compose himself.
Jane.
A part of him had thought she would just leave him knocking forever on her door, and if she had done that, he wouldn’t have blamed her. He deserved it – and more.
Earlier, on his way out of the office, the receptionist had hurried after Christian, saying Ms. Cooper had left something for him.
And because he was a fucking arrogant fool, Christian had thought the words gave him a reason to hope. Instead, they had severed the last connection between them, and the result was Jane’s engagement ring inside his pocket, a burning and taunting reminder of how much he had hurt her—-
And how it might already be too late for both of them.
After inhaling one last time, he followed her into the living room and saw Jane already seated on the couch, her back ramrod straight and her hands clasped together on her lap.
She looked like she was preparing herself to be hurt all over again.
Christian didn’t let himself think.
He walked to her, went down on one knee, and said hoarsely, “I’m sorry.”
But Jane only nodded, her stiff, cold silence almost an exact replica of how he had been with her days ago, and she was the one begging him with her eyes to talk.
To just let her know that things could still be okay.
“You were right. I knew it wasn’t you before the security breach. And I didn’t have to hear about the FBI arresting—-”
“Christian.” Her low, controlled voice cut him off. “I know.”
Ah. He looked at her, and there was nothing in her eyes.
“I read your message, and you sent it well before the news started reporting about the FBI’s undercover op.”
“But it’s not enough,” he said dully.
Jane shook her head slowly. “No.” The word was a painful whisper. “It’s not.”
He reached for her hands, and she shook her head even more profusely.
“Jane—-”
“No.” She struggled to keep her voice from shaking as she tried to explain, “I’m not trying to be dramatic or anything. I just know you’re right. And that we’re wrong for each other—-”
Christian’s face turned ashen.
A moment later, he started talking – fast.
“No, Jane. I was wrong. You were right. We can still fix things and—-”
The desperation in his voice was familiar, and it hurt.
It hurt because he was too late.
It hurt because she knew it was only temporary.
It hurt because she knew it wasn’t real.
“Jane, I love you.”
And oh God, he was using the exact same words, too, and it hurt.
“You don’t love me,” she said brokenly, “the way I want you to love me.”
He grabbed her hands and squeezed them tightly between his. “I do, pet.” His voice was taut and urgent. “I love you, only you, more than anything—-”
“Christian.” She looked at him helplessly. “You blocked my number.”
He flinched.
And the tears suddenly couldn’t stop falling.
“I know it seems a silly, shallow thing, but God, Christian, I could never do that to you—-” Her throat started to close, but she still couldn’t stop speaking. “And never so soon, and it was just ruthless—-” And her vision began to blur, and she had such a hard time breathing, but she knew she needed to get the words out. “And everyone knew. They knew—-” She choked, and she gasped. “They knew, while I was working my ass off to help you, that you had already erased me from your life.”
Ah, God.
“I’m sorry,” he said rawly. Letting go of her hands, he tried to hold her, to pull her into him, but she scrambled away from him, the look of fear on her face making his arms fall limply to his side.
He watched her struggle to breathe, and frustration and pain struck him, knowing that he could do nothing.
How could he when it was his own mistakes that were strangling Jane, his own blindness and cowardice that had made her like this?
“I’m sorry.” He couldn’t say it enough. “I’m sorry, Jane. I’m sorry.”
Her pain ravaged him, but he forced himself to keep looking, punished himself over and over with the sight of her tears tracking endlessly down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Jane. I fucked up. Everything was too new, and you made me feel too much, and it – it terrified me.”
The words were everything she wanted and expected to hear. But now it was too late.
And when Christian started, she realized she had said the words out loud.
“Please. Jane, please. Forgive me—-”
But she could only shake her head. “I w-want you to understand that this is not about H,” she said shakily. “It was never about you having a third party because—-” An empty laugh escaped her. “You’re H, Christian, and H is you. You�
�re intrinsic parts of each other, and I’ve k-known that from the start, so how could I have hated H when I—-” She swallowed hard. “When I loved you?”
Christian stared at her.
“I’m sorry,” she choked out.
“Jane – don’t you...” And Christian, too, choked. “Don’t you love me anymore?”
Instead of answering, she clumsily rose to her feet and walked to the door. Opening it, she said, “I think you should go.”
IN THE FOLLOWING DAYS, news about their breakup quietly spread and people started visiting Jane like she was sick. Jared showed up regularly, but she had almost barred him from coming. He kept trying to talk about Christian, until she was forced to tell him nothing he said would convince her things could work between them.
Jared had only smiled. “If that was true, then wouldn’t you be closer to falling for me now?”
Jaike had wanted to come, too, but since she was still bedridden after giving birth, Derek had persuaded Jaike to let a "representative" for them visit Jane. This representative was none other than Reid Chalkias, the Prince of Darkness himself, along with his wife Fawn. Jane was friends with them as well, and because there was something about Fawn that made people feel protective towards her, the other girl only had to look at her, and Jane found herself spilling everything out while they were out for dinner. Throughout it, the Prince of Darkness had simply nodded and held his silence, no doubt memorizing everything so he could share it with Derek.
On their way back to Jane's apartment, they had come face to face with Christian, who had been on his way inside.
“Jane.”
Shit.
How was it that when he said her name, he still made her sound like she was the most beautiful girl to him, and that he would die if he couldn’t spend the rest of his life with her?
It frustrated her so much that when he had told her he had flowers for her, she had unthinkingly grabbed the bouquet from his arms, thrown it on the ground, and stomped on it until they were torn into pieces.
And when it was over, she felt completely awful, but she just couldn’t make herself say sorry. Instead, she lifted her chin, asking tightly, “Do you get it now?”
Christian only smiled. “I do. And it’s that I’m glad I’m rich enough to afford to buy you a thousand more without hurting the bank.”
She had shoved past him after that, acting like he had enraged her, but really it was because she didn’t want Christian to see that she was about to cry. Reid and Fawn followed her inside, and she had promptly burst into tears the moment she saw their faces.
The way they were looking at her...
Well, they were also her friends, after all, and so it was no surprise that they knew exactly how horrible she was feeling.
When it was time for the couple to go, Fawn had asked softly, “May I say something, as a friend and someone who's survived...”
"You're being unfair," Jane muttered. "You know I won't be able to say no when you play that card."
Fawn simply smiled.
"Say it then," Jane said tonelessly.
"You promised to be yourselves with each other," Fawn reminded her gently. "You need to remember that also means accepting that we’re all human. That we make mistakes, and that sometimes our real selves can be ugly.” Fawn paused. “Tell me something, Jane – what if none of this happened and everything was going well between you when Christian gets into an accident—-”
Jane frowned warily. “I don’t see where this is going.”
“Bear with me. What if there was an accident, say a car crash—-”
Reid noticed the way Jane shivered and scrambled afterwards to knock thrice on the first wooden surface she could reach. Did she know how telling her actions were?
“Would you still love Christian," Fawn asked softly, "even if the accident leaves him disfigured and paralyzed from the waist down?”
Jane didn’t even think. “Of course.” She knocked thrice on the table again. “There’s no question about it.”
Fawn stood up from the couch. “Exactly, Jane. Think of the security breach as the accident, and everything else that followed after that as the fallout.”
Fawn's words didn’t leave Jane for the rest of the night, even to the point of keeping her awake. Frustrated by how the words kept bothering her, Jane pulled her bedside drawer open and took her phone out.
She hadn’t checked it for any messages, knowing that Christian had been texting and calling her nonstop. She hadn’t wanted to hear from him, but because she was still a stupid lovesick fool, Jane hadn’t been able to erase any of his unread messages either.
The first message she read was an answer to an old message of hers.
Jane: Could you please reply, no matter how late? Just reply when you read this. That’s all I need.
Christian: I will. I promise from now on I will.
And as Jane scrolled down the list of unread messages, she realized to her shock that he had done exactly that, replying even to messages she had sent more than a month ago.
Jane: You’re really not working, are you?
Christian: No. I haven’t gotten back to the office since you returned your engagement ring.
Jane: You’re with your ex. The girl with a split-personality name! I’m right, aren’t I?
Christian: First of all – that’s one hell of a way of describing Elizannie’s name. It’s accurate though. And no, you’re wrong. I’m not with her. I don’t want to be with her or anyone else. I want to be with you, only you.
Jane: If you just want to break off our engagement, then just say it!
Christian: That’s probably my line. But I’ve got good news – you can take it back anytime, and all you have to do is walk out of your building. You know the café across the street? I’ve rented out the second floor, and I’ll be staying here, waiting until you’re ready to talk again. You can come anytime, pet. Anytime. It doesn’t matter if weeks or months or even years have passed before you see this message. I mean it. Nothing will change because I love you, and I always will.
Jane: Anyone there?
Christian: I’m here. I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t there, but I’m here, now and always.
Jane: Baby?
Christian: Baby. Talk to me. I miss you. I love you.
Jane: Christian?
Christian: Jane. Are you there?
The last bit made her laugh, but it also made her realize she was crying.
Oh God, he was being so silly, and it wasn’t like him, and he had to know that, didn’t he?
The last ones were new messages.
Christian: I told my mother about you, and she says she wants to meet you whether or not we got back together again. Also – she thinks the same thing about Elizannie’s name.
Christian: Guess what, pet? H has a new update, and it’s absolutely naff because of you. I hope you check it out. Or maybe I don’t. The thought of what I’ve done is threatening to emasculate me.
Christian: Actually, I’ve made up my mind. Forget about it. Just remember I love you, and I’m always here for you.
Jane didn’t even hesitate. She logged in to her account in H, and as soon as the game’s version was updated, a pop-up notification came out to inform her about the latest ongoing contest in-game.
Retweet this message: #ILoveYouJane – Christian Ravenhearst
Reward: One bonus point
Tweet why you think Jane Cooper and Christian Ravenhearst make a good couple.
Reward: Two bonus points
Tweet suggestions on how H’s developer can get his ex-fiancée back.
Reward: Five bonus points
She remembered how Christian would do his best to repress his revolted shudder at the slightest suggestion of adding a romantic angle to H.
If people want a bloody love story, then they can look elsewhere for it, but H won’t be ever like that.
And yet here they were.
Jane began to run.
“I’M LEAVING
NOW,” THE café’s owner, a sixty-year-old widower, informed Christian. “You’ll be okay here?”
“I’m good,” Christian answered from his usual spot at the counter facing the window, which had a pretty good view of Jane’s apartment building.
Barry shook his head as he took his apron off. “You’re one determined gentleman, Mr. Ravenhearst.”
Christian’s lips twisted. “But what you really want to say is that I’m being a fool.”
“As you should be, since we’re all fools in love.”
The door swung shut after Barry, and Christian watched the older man walk away through the window before returning his attention to his laptop. He had been scrolling through messages from H’s players for some time now, and so far their suggestions on how he could win Jane’s heart had ranged from the ridiculous to the downright impossible.
Butt spelling I Love Jane was stupid enough, but the player had also gone on to suggest that it could only be authentic if Christian added a hashtag. Butt-spell a fucking hashtag symbol? He might as well tear his ass into—-
The sound of the door swinging open interrupted his thoughts, and without looking up, Christian murmured, “We’re closed, sorry.”
Silence.
He frowned.
And then—-
“You’re right,” an unsteady, achingly familiar voice said. “It was absolutely naff.”
His head jerked up.
And there she was.
Christian. She couldn’t stop thinking his name now. Christian, Christian, Christian. And oh God, but it felt so good.
He was still as handsome as she remembered, but thinner, too, and the realization pinched her heart. A smile wobbled over Jane’s lips when Christian continued staring at her like he was seeing a ghost. She started towards him, slowly, because her legs were shaking so hard, and Christian’s expression remained stunned.
When she reached him, he still didn’t say a thing, and she asked teasingly, “Are you going to ask me if I’m real?”
She watched Christian slide off his stool without taking his gaze away from hers. “I think I have to—-”
Her brows furrowed, and Jane followed his gaze, which went all the way down – to her feet. Her eyes widened.
