“Exactly what you’re doing. You deal with them constructively.” Lauren sat forward, her hands clasped on the table in front of her. “Listen, honey, being healthy doesn’t mean you don’t feel things anymore. You will always feel things—good and bad, depending on the day, depending on the minute. That’s called life. Being healthy is talking your emotions out, writing them down, realizing that you don’t have to do anything to change them. Sometimes you just have to ride them out.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Doesn’t it?” She sat back in her chair. “There’s something else I want to point out that I don’t know if you’re seeing.”
Lauren usually avoided highlighting issues that her clients hadn’t stumbled onto themselves. She believed that if someone couldn’t yet see the forest, then they weren’t ready to deal with it. If she was pointing it out to me, it had to be vital. I wrung my hands in my lap. “What’s that?”
“Hudson—I don’t know him personally, but his behavior sounds familiar.”
For a minute I wondered if she’d encountered him at some point in therapy of his own. I knew barely anything about his treatment programs. I guessed it was possible.
But then I realized what Lauren was getting at. I felt the blood rush from my face. “You mean, he sounds like me. Like me in the past.”
“Jealous, manipulative, deceitful.” She ticked them off on her fingers, one horrible adjective per digit.
Hearing the words on her lips made my gut clench. “He’s really not like that. You’re making him sound worse than he is.” Reducing Hudson to such vile behavior was wrong. He was so much more.
“I’m not making him sound like anything. Those are attributes you used to use to describe yourself in therapy.” Lauren cocked her head. “Why do you think you were that way?”
A wave of memories cloaked me, things I’d rather not remember about myself, emotions I’d felt, motives for my behaviors. I always hated wading through the remembering to get to the learning. It made me nauseous and light-headed.
I closed my eyes to ground myself. “Because I felt unloved. Because I was desperate to get the guy I wanted. Because I didn’t think there was any other way to get noticed.”
“Do you think those might be the same reasons Hudson’s done what he’s done?”
I opened my eyes. His words from earlier replayed in my head. I’m merely staying committed to my plan—to you, Alayna. Everything I’ve done has been to protect our relationship and our future.
I had no doubt that he’d meant it. That he honestly believed he was doing what was best for us. It wasn’t the right action, but his intent was decent. Moving, in fact. Was that a good enough excuse for what he’d done?
Lauren read my thoughts. “Look, I’m not validating his behavior. Or yours. It sounds like you both have a lot of work to do before you know how to function together. I’m simply giving you some perspective. It seems you’ve been able to connect with each other because you both come from similar places. Maybe you should use that experience to understand where he’s coming from. It’s a start, anyway.”
My lips drew into a frown. “So what—do I just forgive him?”
“No. You could walk away.” She said it so easily, as if the task would be no big deal.
Leaving Hudson—I couldn’t even entertain the idea. It would destroy me.
Lauren studied me. “You probably should walk away. But I’m sensing that’s not in your plans.”
“No, I don’t want to leave him. And it kills me that right now he probably thinks I’m doing exactly that.”
She smiled. “Then there’s going to have to be forgiveness. It doesn’t have to be unconditional, though. Tell him you understand him. Thank him for his good intentions. Then explain to him what will happen if he does anything like that again.”
“That doesn’t sound too horrible.” Actually, it sounded like heaven compared to losing him altogether.
“Understand, though, that you’ll have to be able to back up anything you say. If you say you’ll leave him if he does it again, then you need to leave him.”
“I don’t want to think about that.”
She winked at me. “I’m sure you don’t. Also, he could put conditions on you. If he finds out you’re keeping more secrets, for example. He could walk.”
“Guess I better come clean on everything to him before any conditions are delivered.” I had to tell him I’d been meeting with Celia behind his back. Honestly, it was the lightest of the secrets I had carried and I had little doubt that he’d forgive me for it. Still, the air needed to be cleared completely.
Lauren’s brows rose. “You have more you aren’t telling him?”
“I know, I know. Don’t look at me like that.” I rolled my eyes, knowing how bad my situation looked. “You think we’re both fifty shades of fucked up, don’t you?”
“Nah, not that bad. Maybe twenty-five shades.”
I laughed, and she joined me. Damn, that felt good—to laugh and relax. I needed to find a way to do it more often.
Lauren stood, and I knew it was time to part. I hugged her and thanked her and promised her I’d be at group the following Monday. Then I left.
After talking to Lauren, I no longer felt the need to see Celia. I tried to call her to cancel, but even after several attempts, she didn’t answer. That was fine. I’d use our coffee date to tell her that I was going to come clean to Hudson. I might as well give her a heads up.
I got to the coffee shop ten minutes early, but half an hour later, Celia hadn’t shown up. I called her several times, texted her, but got no response. I waited another thirty minutes then decided to pop my head in at Fit Nation. She’d said she was working there—maybe she’d gotten caught up.
Inside, I headed straight to the welcome desk. “Hi, I’m looking for Celia Werner. She’s supposed to be doing some design work here. Have you seen her?”
The man who greeted me was about my age and built like a weight lifter. “I know Celia.” His eyes brightened as if he had a bit of a crush. Hell, she was a knockout. Probably all men reacted that way to her. “She hasn’t been by at all today, though.”
“Are you sure?” She’d specifically told me she’d be working there that day.
“Positive.”
“Huh.” A chill ran through me. Considering how little I really knew Celia, I didn’t have any reason to jump to worrisome conclusions. Maybe she did this often—flaked out on her jobs and her appointments. Maybe something had come up. I didn’t know anything about her personal life. But something about the situation was unsettling. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
I left my number at the desk in case she stopped by later. Then I shook off thoughts of Celia and prepared myself for cleaning up my shit storm.
When Jordan picked me up, this time I was ready. “Take me to The Bowery.” It was almost three. I could send someone to take my key to Brian whenever he texted. I’d have plenty of time to pack my bags for Japan and gather my thoughts before Hudson came home. Then we’d talk, heart-to-heart, everything on the line. If he said the wrong things, I could still back out of the trip. But he needed to know that I was committed to our relationship too. He needed to know I was all in.
Except when I got there, the penthouse wasn’t empty like I’d expected. Heated conversation hit my ears the minute I stepped into the vestibule. My stomach twisted as I recognized who the voices belonged to—Hudson. And Celia.
Chapter Nineteen
I found them in the living room, standing so close to each other they would only have to lean in a little to kiss. I could only see Hudson’s face clearly from my angle, and he didn’t look about to make-out—he looked about to strangle.
A fireball mixed of jealousy, hurt and confusion sparked through my body. And betrayal. We’d vowed to not see Celia without one another. I’d betrayed him too in that department. Served me right to get a taste of what that felt like. It felt like shit.
“Why would Celia make it
up?”
I’d been too wrapped up in the scene in front of me to realize Celia and Hudson weren’t alone. The voice that pulled my attention belonged to Sophia. Sitting next to her on the couch was Brian—shit! And Jack was at the window, his back to the room.
What. The. Fuck.
“Because that’s what she does.” Jack turned from the window. “Ah, and many of these questions can now be settled because the subject at hand has arrived.”
All eyes in the room turned toward me.
I addressed my question to Hudson alone. “What’s going on?”
“Alayna—” His voice was as tense as his body, but a flicker of light passed through his eyes at seeing me.
Celia stepped in my sight line, her expression hard. “I’ve told them. They know.”
“Celia, stop it,” Jack said.
“Know what?” The hairs on my arms stood on end, the electricity in the air prickling all around us.
No one answered.
Jack looked around incredulously. “Are you going to tell her, Celia? It’s only fair for her to hear it from the horse’s mouth.”
Sophia’s jaw dropped. “Are you calling Celia a horse?”
“Dammit, Laynie. I knew this was going to happen. I knew it.” Brian stood and began pacing.
“Shut up, Brian.” I took a step into the room. “What is going on?”
Celia exchanged glances with Sophia. “You need help, Laynie.” Celia took Sophia’s outstretched hand for support. “I want you to know, I’m not mad at you and I don’t blame you for anything—”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” While I still did not understand the situation, there was one thing that was suddenly clear—this was an intervention. An intervention for me.
“Fine.” Jack crossed the room to me. “Since you aren’t going to explain, then I’ll do it. Laynie, you know I love seeing you. I’m sorry it’s under these ludicrous circumstances.” He put his hands on my upper arms and even across the room, I felt Hudson bristle.
“Celia showed up at our house this morning throwing a hissy fit with these outrageous claims about you. Then she called Hudson and your brother here,” Jack paused to glance toward Brian, “and arranged for this whole extravaganza. Good thing I was around so I could come along and try to pound some sense into these people who are listening to her.” At the end of his speech he turned to the others, his voice and body animated.
“What is she saying about me?” In my bones I knew the answer without hearing it, but I held my breath, hoping to hell that I was wrong.
“That you’ve been harassing her.”
My knees buckled and Jack helped me into the armchair. “Oh my god.” My mouth tasted sour as I swallowed down bile. “Oh my god.”
Celia held up her cell phone. “I have the proof. She’s called several times and hung up. It’s on my call log.”
Click. Now it made sense—the reason she’d told me to call repeatedly, why she’d played with my phone at A Voce. She’d wanted the phone record. She’d played me. My head throbbed with the realization.
“Laynie?”
I looked to Brian, who had his arms crossed, waiting for an explanation.
Oh, how many times had I seen that look on my brother’s face? How many times did I promise that I would never hurt him like that again? Though I’d kept my vow, here he was with that same expression. It was unbearable.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I did. But only because she told me to call her over and over.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Celia scoffed. “Why would I ask her to do that?”
“She said her phone wasn’t working.” It sounded ridiculous even to my own ears. “She said that if I wanted to get a hold of her I should keep calling until she answered.”
Celia didn’t let anyone have a chance to acknowledge my excuse. “She also followed me around town, to jobs I’ve been working. I’ve been working at Fit Nation and my bodyguard saw her at the coffee shop there today, alone, for nearly an hour. And when I called to check in, she’d left a message for me.”
“She set me up.” I said it to myself more than anyone else. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Mira had warned me about her. And Stacy from the boutique. Even Hudson had said I shouldn’t hang around with Celia. I hadn’t listened. So stupid.
“And the staff at A Voce can confirm that Alayna just walked up and joined me when I was about to have lunch the other day.”
“What, did you pay them off?” I spit the words out.
“I didn’t have to. It’s the truth.”
Our lunch that day had been uneventful. If she hadn’t paid them, then she’d probably told the hostess she was dining alone. Then when I showed up, it looked like I was invading her lunch. And I’d left before her—she could have cornered the waitress and complained about me, setting the scene for them another way.
Jack perched on the arm of my chair. “And what did you do, Celia? Did you notify security?”
“I didn’t want to be rude.” Her blue eyes sparkled. She was enjoying this game of hers. Was this whole thing a ploy to get Hudson by getting rid of me? Or was it revenge for the con he’d pulled on her years ago?
Or—the worst thought of all—had she learned manipulation from him? Had they played these games together?
I looked to Hudson. He’d said nothing since he called my name when I first arrived, his face steel, no emotion showing. I couldn’t tell whose side he was on. And that worried me—he should be on my side, shouldn’t he? Automatically?
“It’s bullshit.” I spoke to Hudson alone, not caring who else believed me. “She’s lying. We were having lunch together. She invited me.”
“She also harassed me in the restroom,” Celia said. “On your birthday, Sophia.”
“I did not!”
Celia put a hand on Hudson’s arm. “I told you that night, remember?”
“I don’t need a reminder.” He pulled his arm away from Celia’s grasp and my heart buoyed with the small victory.
She pretended his rejection didn’t faze her, turning to Sophia, her ally. “He refused to believe me then too.”
“He’s blinded by the sex,” Sophia said. “It’s not real.”
I ignored Sophia. “She told you I harassed her?” I tried to meet Hudson’s eyes, but he kept them fixed on the floor.
I thought back to the night of Sophia’s birthday, how Celia had been talking to Hudson when I left the bathroom. He’d been withdrawn afterward. Was this the reason why? Because she’d accused me of harassment? “Why didn’t you say anything to me, Hudson?”
He didn’t answer, but I could think of a reason he hadn’t told me—because I hadn’t said anything to him. God, the secrets we’d kept. Now they could undo us.
My stomach flipped as if I was going to throw up. “She approached me in the bathroom. I went in first, remember? And there was no harassing.” I snapped my fingers, suddenly remembering I had proof of the real conversation we’d had. “Mira was in a stall at the time! She’ll back me up.”
Celia’s face faltered for only half a second. “Mira’s always hated me. She’d lie to get me out of the picture.”
Jack chortled. “God, Celia, now you’re dragging Mira into this? How low will you go?”
Sophia scowled at her husband. “Stop attacking the victim.”
“Oh, Celia is anything but a victim.” Jack’s tone held a wealth of subtext. He obviously had his own issues with the Werner girl. On another occasion, I’d be itching to know what that was about.
Celia sighed—the kind of sigh that was for nothing but attention. “Please, don’t think of me as a victim, Sophia. I’m not complaining. I’m really not. I’m just…scared.” She wrung her hands in front of her. “I suppose it’s my fault. I stopped by the club one day—I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d be friendly. She asked me to coffee. I went, but I regret it now. That seems to have been the trigger point. She begged me not to tell you we’d met up.” She turned again to Hu
dson. “I should have told you immediately. I’m sorry.”
My only consolation at the moment was that Hudson refused to meet her eyes as well.
“This is ridiculous. You’re the one who suggested I didn’t tell Hudson.” Why was I even giving Celia the satisfaction of addressing her? “She’s twisting everything!”
Hudson stepped away, looking out across the room toward the windows.
Celia followed after him, putting a hand on his shoulder. Again he flinched away.
She straightened her spine. “I don’t know if you know this, Hudson, but when I talked to her that day, she was obsessing over some guy from the past—Paul something or other. She was trying to set up a deal with his company so she could be close to him.”
Rage spread through me like wildfire. “You fucking bitch.”
Jack put his hand over mine, trying to calm me.
Celia stepped closer to Hudson. “I’m only here because I’m worried Laynie won’t get the help she needs. You have to help her, Huds.”
All I could see was red. “The only help I need is a cleanup crew for after I destroy your pretty face.” I lurched from my chair. Immediately Jack and Brian were at my sides, holding me back.
“Laynie!” Brian admonished.
Jack was more soothing. “Stay calm. Getting violent isn’t going to fix anything, even though it might feel good.”
“Do you hear her, Hudson?” Sophia stood and faced her son’s back. “She threatened Celia. In front of everyone.”
“Mother, stay out of this.”
I held on to Hudson’s words like a lifeline.
“Hudson, you have to get rid of her. She’s dangerous. Celia tells me she has a record. Why on earth would you let her into your life when you knew these things about her?”
“Shut up, Mother.” Hudson spun, brushing past both women. He stopped in the center of the room, finally looking at me.
I clung to his eyes with mine, trying to get my balance as the world tilted around me. I couldn’t read everything in his expression, but I could see definitively the one thing he’d told me so many times—I’m with you.
Complete Fixed: The Complete Fixed Series: Books 1-5 Page 49
