by M K Farrar
It was clear Joel had some learning difficulties. Even though he must be in his twenties, the way he spoke was like someone much younger. She felt sorry for him. It was hard for her to make her way in such a cruel world, but it must have been even harder for him. At least here, he’d found acceptance.
Even so, she discovered herself looking around, searching for an escape. Luckily, that came in the form of their leader calling a circle.
He took the head of the group.
“I’d like us to say a short prayer, especially for our newest members, Bethany and Joel. We’re so happy to have you here.”
Bethany wasn’t much into praying, and for the first time she felt uncomfortable. But it was a payoff for the rest, and so she decided to just go with it. After the prayer, he talked about how they were all of one energy, and they were all joined and could never be broken apart. He talked about them in Heaven, living for eternity without any of the negativity they found here on Earth. No one being cruel to them or hurting them, no disappointment or grief.
To Bethany’s surprise, she started to listen.
It did sound like something she would want to believe in.
That part ended, and she discovered she was disappointed. People began to leave, and her heart sank, knowing she needed to go home.
Their leader must have seen her hesitating.
“Is everything all right, Bethany?”
She pasted on a fake smile. “Yes, fine. Thank you for this evening. It was lovely.”
“You’re very welcome. I’m glad you enjoyed it. It means a lot to me to have you here.”
She frowned. “It does? Why?”
“I think you’re special, Bethany. I see other girls your age and they’re all so superficial. All they care about is their appearance and how they come across on social media. None of them seem to have any depth to them at all. But you’re different. You’re a deep thinker and you feel things more intensely than others. You think your hair marks you out as being somehow lesser than other people, but actually, it shows how much better you are. That you experience your emotions so intensely that you physically hurt yourself in order to comfort yourself means you have so many more interesting layers than any of those other girls.”
His words embarrassed her, and she put her fingers to her forehead, half shielding her face. Heat rushed up to her cheeks and burned down her throat. “I’m not so sure about that.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me yet, you will one day.”
She wasn’t exactly sure what he meant by that.
“I just wish I could figure out a way to stop myself pulling out my hair. I keep trying and trying, and nothing seems to work.”
“Why does it even matter?”
“Because I want to be like everyone else?”
“Why? Because society has told us we need to look a certain way? Everything you see on the outside is just a shell, Bethany. It’s not who we are. Who we are is the energy that resides inside this shell, and one day, you’ll be free of it.”
“I hope so.”
He placed his palms against her upper arms and ducked his head slightly to bring his eyes level with hers. “I can feel your pain radiating from you, like it’s creating a forcefield around you that’s also your shield and your armour. It’s protecting you, but it’s also preventing you from letting people in.”
“I don’t want to let people in. People are the reason I’m in this mess in the first place. I’m safer on my own.”
“That’s not true. No one is safer alone. Alone we become small and faint, and like we don’t even exist at all. None of us is meant to be by ourselves.”
“I have my sister,” she said defiantly. “I love her, and I know I can trust her. So I’m not going to grow small and faint.”
“Maybe you’d like to bring her here, to meet all of us.”
“She’s seven.”
“That’s not a problem. We love children.”
Bethany shook her head. “If I bring her here, she’ll tell our parents, and then they’ll ask all sorts of awkward questions. Seriously, they’ll want to come here and meet you, and probably ask for your phone number in case of an emergency.”
He smiled. “Sounds like good parenting to me.”
She snorted. “They have no idea what good parenting is. The only reason they’d do that is because they’re always trying to control me. I swear, they still think I’m like eleven or something. I must be the most boring sixteen-year-old out there. I never go anywhere, and I don’t have any friends. I don’t even have a mobile phone or go on social media, and yet they still don’t trust me.”
He cocked his head slightly to one side. “They obviously worry about you. Maybe it would be good for them to see you making new friends.”
“No. No way. I’m not bringing them here or telling them anything about it. Oh my God, they would be so embarrassing if they came here. I’d probably die.”
He chuckled. “I highly doubt that, but I do respect your choices. If you’d rather your parents didn’t know about coming here, that’s completely up to you. Like you said, you’re old enough to make your own decisions about these things.”
Bethany exhaled a breath, and the stress seeped from her neck and shoulders. “Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what it means to have an actual adult say those things. Normally, it’s like ‘my way or the highway’.”
“I hope you have been able to see by now that I’m not like all adults, Bethany. I have to put on a certain amount of professionalism, but generally I see the world in a very different way.”
She nodded in agreement. “I’m starting to see that.”
“Good. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.”
He beamed his billion-watt smile at her, and she lit up inside. It was so unusual for her to meet someone who made her feel that way. It wasn’t like she fancied him or anything—that would be really gross—but just more that he made her feel as though things could actually be different. There had been so many days where she hadn’t been sure if she even wanted to wake up in the morning, and finally, she felt changed. He was giving her a purpose to get out of bed, some direction in her life.
Being around all the others was wonderful, too. She finally felt as though she’d discovered her people. Okay, some of them were a little strange, but it wasn’t as though she was one to talk. She bet there wasn’t a single person who would look at her and not think she was a weirdo. She wasn’t one to judge. Plus, maybe it was because they were all a bit odd that they were so accepting of each other. Girls like the ones at school were never going to come somewhere like this. They’d just laugh and mock her if she were to even suggest it.
“Thank you,” she told him.
“Any time, Bethany. I’m always here for you, remember that.”
She promised she would.
Chapter Twenty-Four
The weekend passed by with no developments.
Erica was beyond frustrated. She tried to spend quality time with Poppy while feeling as though her head was somewhere else the whole time. She’d informed the office to contact her if there were any major developments, but she didn’t hear anything. Every man she came across who seemed charming had her narrowing her eyes and wondering if he might be the one.
It was bothering her that something seemed to be up with Shawn, too. She normally found him to be so open about everything, but he was distracted, like he had something on his mind.
Did he have a girlfriend? Was that what was going on? If so, she wished he’d just tell her. It was better to have everything out in the open, and yes, she would find it strange, but she’d have to get over it. Shawn was entitled to live his life, and of course that would mean him meeting someone eventually. She hoped one day he’d go on to have kids and a family of his own. He was so great with Poppy, it would be a waste for him not to have that future ahead of him.
The idea did hurt, but there was nothing she could do about it. She wasn’t someone who thought that just because
she couldn’t have him it meant that no one else could either.
Erica was happy when Monday rolled around, and she pulled into the carpark.
Shawn was already there, standing between a couple of the vehicles, talking to someone. They seemed engrossed in their conversation as Shawn didn’t even notice her car.
Who was he with?
Feeling as though she was spying on him, she leaned forward to get a better view. That was Mike Faraday from the drug squad. What did Shawn need to talk to him about? Whatever it was seemed serious. Neither men were smiling.
He’d slipped out of work early on Friday as well, without telling her where he was going. It had been well after his work hours, so he didn’t owe her any explanation, but she still couldn’t help feeling as though he was shutting her out.
She got out of her car and, leaving Shawn to it, went into the office. Normally, she was one of those strange creatures who liked Monday morning—enjoying all the possibilities a new week held—but she didn’t feel that way today. The lack of progress in the Ford case was weighing on her, and the chance that whoever did this to Stacey Ford might not only get away with it, but might do it again, was starting to feel like a very real possibility.
That feeling was cemented when she learned no progress had been made over the weekend.
When she turned around, Shawn was already at his desk. He’d slipped in and hadn’t said good morning or anything.
“How was your weekend?” she called over to him, but he didn’t respond.
“Shawn? Earth to Shawn.” She resisted clicking her fingers in front of his face.
“Sorry, what was that?”
Erica frowned. It wasn’t like Shawn to be out of it. He was normally the sharpest person on her team, the one she relied on.
“What’s going on with you?”
He gave his head a slight shake. “Nothing, I’m fine.”
“Seriously? You don’t seem fine to me. You seem distracted and distant. You vanished Friday night without saying a word. How many years have we worked together now, Shawn? And we’re friends as well. You can’t bullshit me.”
“It’s nothing, I already said that.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you. I can tell when something’s on your mind.”
He snapped at her. “I’m allowed to have a private life, aren’t I? Or do I have to give you access to absolutely everything about me just ’cause you’re my boss, because I don’t remember seeing that in the contract.”
Erica jerked back as though he’d hit her. She wasn’t sure she could remember Shawn ever losing his temper with her. She’d seen it with other people—plenty of perps—often enough, but only when it was needed.
“Of course not, but I thought we were friends, and I’m worried about you.”
“We are friends, and you don’t need to worry. I can make my own decisions.”
She hesitated and then added, “I saw you with Mike Faraday earlier. Why were you talking to him?”
“He’s a mate of mine. I didn’t realise I had to ask permission every time I wanted to talk to someone.”
“You don’t, but if something you’re involved with is affecting my case, then yes, I have a right to know.”
She hated falling out with Shawn. He was her rock and, all of a sudden, he felt distant. He was hiding something from her, and that knowledge left her unbalanced, untethered, and she didn’t like it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Shawn didn’t like that he’d once more slipped out on Erica, and that she was going to ask more questions, but he hadn’t had a choice. He’d roped Mike Faraday into helping him with Rocco, and he’d had confirmation from Trev that Rocco was going to be home that lunchtime.
“Thanks for doing this,” he said to Mike as they strapped on riot gear, including helmets.
“No problem,” Mike said. “It won’t be the first time.” He nodded over at two other officers. “You know Girish Rees and Kyle Lynch? They work on my team and know how to keep their mouths shut.”
Shawn shook hands with the other two men. Girish was around his age, with a head of thick shiny black hair and skin that showed signs of him having suffered acne as a teen, and Kyle was in his late forties and displayed a mouthful of small white teeth when he smiled.
“I appreciate you doing this,” Shawn said. “I know you’re taking a risk.”
“As long as everyone involved knows how to stay quiet,” Mike said, “we’ll be fine. We’re doing this for the long haul. If it can keep one more kid away from these gangs then it’ll be worth it. The way they’re preying on young teens shows what fucking scumbags they are. They can’t control people their own age, so they’re manipulating and threatening boys and girls instead.”
Shawn nodded. “I’m hoping once the heat has died down, Rocco will be able to point some fingers as well.”
Mike sniffed and wiped his thumb across his nose. “I suspect we already know who he’s been dealing with. Let’s try and get this kid off the hook first, and we’ll worry about everything else later.”
The four men divided into two police vans that would normally contain far more officers. But since this wasn’t a real raid, the four of them would have to do. They separated, taking different routes. The road Trev’s flat was located on was open-ended, so one van would come from one direction and the second would take the other, blocking both exits. They’d been driving at a normal speed, but now they were at the end of the road, Mike hit the lights and siren and put his foot down. In the distance, the flashing red and blue lights and the siren of the second van echoed back to them. Within seconds, they screeched up outside the block of flats where Rocco lived.
This wasn’t a stealth operation. They were doing everything deliberately to ensure word got around and fast. If the gang that had been pressurising Rocco into dealing saw him being dragged out of the flat in handcuffs, all the better.
Shawn and Mike jumped from the vehicle, and the two in the other van did the same.
They were already getting noticed, faces coming to windows, people stopping outside their doors, wondering who was in trouble now.
The riot gear helmets didn’t only serve to protect them; they also hid their identities from the general public.
Trev had been warned about what was about to happen and had been given his lines. It was important this looked as real as possible, even though they weren’t going to charge Rocco and none of this was officially taking place.
Mike led the way, with Shawn coming up behind him, and the other two following. They moved fast and loud, shouting out ‘police’ and ‘nobody move’.
Mike used a battering ram to force open the front door of the flat, and they barged in, keeping up the shouting.
Shawn grabbed Rocco and yanked his hands behind his back. Rocco hadn’t been warned about this, his reaction needed to be as real as possible. As expected, he fought back, and Mike had to come and help Shawn restrain the boy. They wrestled the kid to the floor, before snapping on a pair of cuffs.
“This is fucking bullshit,” Rocco yelled. “I didn’t do anything.”
“We both know that’s not true.”
Around them, the other officers turned over the place mercilessly. They hauled out drawers and tossed the contents over the floor and then threw the empty drawer to one side. Mattresses was lifted and shoved up against a wall. Cupboards were opened, clothes thrown from hangers and left in piles.
Shawn hauled Rocco to his feet and dragged him outside to the waiting audience. Shawn made sure he raised his voice enough for them to hear as he read Rocco his rights.
“Rocco Knight, you’re under arrest for possession with intent to supply. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.”
Mike emerged from the house holding up a bag of gear. “You’re in big trouble, son.”
“I’m not your son,” Rocco spa
t.
Maybe he wouldn’t appreciate this now, but Shawn hoped the kid would look back one day and understand what they were doing for him.
“Let’s take him down to the station,” Shawn said.
He had no intention of doing such a thing. Trev had already arranged for Rocco to spend some time with an aunt in Northampton.
Hopefully, by the time he got back, the word would have got around to the people who’d been pushing the drugs on Rocco that the police now had Rocco in their sights, and they’d leave him alone.
It was only one kid who now had the chance to break the cycle, just like Shawn had only been one kid. It might not be enough to change society, but it was a start.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Bethany had started going to the gatherings whenever she could.
Her parents seemed happy that she finally had a social life, and she was enjoying spending time with people who didn’t judge her.
His voice came from behind her. “Are you okay, Bethany?”
Everyone else had already gone home, but she’d lingered, not wanting to step back into a house filled with tension. It had been such a blessing to be here, among these people, and for once in her life not feel as though she had a scream building inside her that she was never allowed to give voice to.
“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry, I was just leaving.”
“You don’t have to rush off, if you don’t want to. You know this is a place of sanctuary for you.”
She gestured towards the front door. “My parents will wonder where I’ve got to. They’ll worry.”
He arched an eyebrow. “Will they? From what you’ve said, they’re too caught up in fighting with each other to pay much attention to where their daughter has gone.”
She let out a sigh. “You’re probably right. They wouldn’t even notice if I was in the house or not, unless it was to nag at me, or tell me off for something.”
“You can stay here for as long as you like. You don’t have to go home to them.”
“Really? I can stay here? For how long?”
