The Most Slippery Crime of the Year: Death On The Slopes: A Massanutten Tale (The Artzy Chicks Book 4)

by Judith Lucci

  Twenty-five phone calls later, the all but worthless New York-born Massanutten police officer had left, leaving Diane to cope with the snake on her own. An hour or so later, LauraLea, gallery owner and self-proclaimed diva, showed up with a bunch of mothballs, peppermint oil, and snake catcher. I watched her search for the snake and decided to move into the kitchen and eat the dip and pretzels someone had left. There wasn’t any way things were gonna get better that day and eating lots always helps on bad days.

  Diane found me stuffing my mouth with pretzels. “Wendell Hallet wants to see you. He’s in the front room.” Diane had an irritated look on her face.

  A cold shiver slid up my back. “Wendell Hallet?” I was sure my mouth had fallen open. Why would Wendell want to see me? For some reason, the thought dismayed me. I didn’t like the man at all. I chided myself for being unfair and then searched my brain for something good about him. Nothing came to mind. “Why, what does he want?” I was shocked.

  Diane shrugged her shoulders. “No idea. Don’t care. All I know is he’s been looking for support for the big shopping mall at the bottom of the mountain. He was at my church meeting the other night.” She smirked. “You know I can’t stand the ground he walks on, right?”

  I nodded. I knew there was no love between Wendell and Diane. “But, why does he want to see me?”

  Diane rolled her eyes. “He specifically asked for you and LauraLea. I’m sure he wants something.”

  I shook my head and remained silent for a moment. “I don’t want to see him. He gives me the creeps.” I hesitated, “LauraLea can handle it. She owns the gallery, and I’m sure whatever he wants concerns the gallery.”

  “You know the Diva, Lily. She’s a firm believer that misery loves company. She’s gonna ask you to go,” Diane said with assurance and a nod of her head.

  I shook my head but remained quiet. In my mind, Wendell was a crook and a half-cracked mobster. I put him in the same category as the nefarious Hillbilly Mob. The only difference was that Wendell was well-dressed, better educated and drove a Cadillac SUV and not a jacked-up Ford 250. However, Wendell and the members of the Hillybilly Mob both lacked a moral compass, not to mention basic honesty and ethics. I shook my head. “I won’t see him. Tell him I’m not available.”

  Diane nodded. “He knows you’re here. You’ll have to see him. But, if this helps, I’d like to shoot him myself. He’s a two-bit liar and a crook.”

  I absently patted Diane’s hand and nodded my head. I knew Diane and her children had battled Wendell for several years over some road frontage farm land they owned. Wendell wanted to develop the land and make a cool two or three million. They’d had a court battle and in the end, Diane and her family had lost and Wendell and Company were fatter and happier than ever. End of story. I shook my head. “I hear that, Diane. I hear you loud and clear.”

  Diane nodded and smiled as she greeted four new guests who entered the gallery. “I’m over it,” she hissed. “I gotta get to work so you get out there. Just having that creep in the gallery is bad business,” she hissed.

  I knew Diane well, and I was sure she wasn’t over it. In fact, she was no where close to being over it. Every day when she left her beautiful old home, she drove through a subdivision of ranch homes that had devastated a forest and interrupted the homes of thousands of forest animals.

  I watched Diane walk the customers to the wine-tasting room where Denease stood poised with the wine list. It occurred to me that you all don’t know me.

  Oh, let me introduce myself. I’m Lily Lucci. I'm a nurse, college professor, artist, and author. My signature book series is my Alexandra Destephano medical thrillers, but I also have a crime series, The Michaela McPherson mysteries that stars a dog named Angel and an eighty-two-year old fabulously rich Italian Countess Dottie who spends her time as an armchair sleuth when she’s not gun-toting, racing fast cars, or traveling the world. A word of wisdom – don’t ever get in Countess Dottie’s way. She’s a tough old bird. As a matter of fact, I plan to be Dottie when I’m in my eighties.

  But we should get back to what’s happening in the gallery...

  I picked up my books and replaced them on the shelf. I’d decided to leave through the back door rather than meet with Wendell. I’d grabbed my coat just as LauraLea entered the gallery clothed in a fabulous reversible tapestry coat, skinny jeans, gloves and a dark green scarf that matched her eyes. She had a huge bag of food and a long pole with a loop at the end of it. A snake catcher. Energy cracked around her. Oh no, Was she gonna hunt snakes again today. I had to get out of her way.

  “Where do you think you’re going? We’ve got work to do,” she informed me as her green eyes raked over my mundane, boring coat, hat and gloves.”

  I shook my head. “Nope. I’m going home. This place is getting too crazy for me,” I replied honestly.

  LauraLea rolled her eyes and shook her head, as she stared me down. “No, you’re not. I bought you lunch, and I want to paint this afternoon. There isn’t a class and we can have the back room to ourselves.”

  For a moment suspicion blew through my brain. “Lunch?” I was interested. My stomach had embarrassed me twice already. “Lunch from where?”

  “Ciro’s. Your favorite. Steak and cheese with the works,” she said with a grin. “Just like you like it,” she taunted. “I know you can’t resist that.” LauraLea winked at me, folded her arms across her chest, and sported her characteristic smirk she always gave me when she knew she’d won.

  I sighed. Yes, she’d won. I couldn’t turn down a steak and cheese sub from Ciro. Certainly not one with double mayonnaise, fried and fresh onions and everything else. I gazed down at my coat, picked it up and smiled at her. “You win. You know my weakness. Can we eat now?””

  LauraLea shook her head. “Nah. I need you to make one trek with me through the gallery on a snake hunt. It shouldn’t take long.”

  My mouth flopped open. “What! A snake hunt? Are you out of your mind? I don’t hunt snakes! Besides, snakes tend to hibernate in the winter.”

  LauraLea’s eyes sparkled with excitement and her beautifully highlighted hair shone in the lights. “You’re a snake hunter today. And they don’t hibernate when they can come in here and curl up by the fireplace. Now, get up and get moving,” she loomed over me.

  I remained seated and silently prayed someone would want to buy a book and occupy my time for a few minutes. It was in vain.

  LauraLea picked up on my hesitation. “Get up and come on, it’ll be fun!” she coaxed.

  “Fun? Fun my foot,” I snorted. “No way. Searching for Gawd Almighty with you got me into enough trouble. I almost died that night and I’ve still not recovered. I’m not going snake-hunting with you today!”

  “Yeah. Yes, you are,” she intoned as she flashed me a look. “Besides, we found Gawd, didn’t we, and we didn’t die and now he’s entertaining people on the front porch of the gallery, just like he always has.”

  “Yeah. He’s out there in freezing temperatures. I need to bring him in.” I stood to let Gawd in, but LauraLea stuck her hand out and stopped me.

  “We’ll get Gawd after we hunt the snakes. Gawd has on a fur coat. He’ll be fine out there.”

  “Snakes have no redeeming value to the gallery, but Gawd Almighty did and still does. Not everyone has a pet possum with a sleep disorder. Besides,” I sighed, “Gawd is a pet and we don’t have any pet snakes here to my knowledge!” I finished, my voice indignant.

  LauraLea stared at me and fingered the snake catcher. “Get up. Your steak sub is getting cold back there. This will only take a minute.

  I sighed deeply and blew off a bunch of carbon dioxide. “What do I do. You’re the one with the snake pole.” I noted as I rose and checked the long pole and roped end from a different vantage point. “Besides, we’ve already had one big snake in here today. Wendell Hallet and he’s here to see you. Do you really think you can catch him with the little thingy at the bottom?”

  “Wendell was here
? Ooh. Yeah. I’m pretty good at this,” she assured me. “I’ve been catching snakes all of my life and,” she cut her eyes towards Denease and Diane, “I don’t know why any snake here or there bothers anyone.”

  I ignored LauraLea’s dig at her staff. I personally didn’t believe anyone should have to work with snakes, bugs, or bees, but this wasn’t the time to say so, so I took the high road and remained silent.

  LauraLea caught the look on my face. “Don’t you dare say what you’re thinkin’. If you want to eat at all, we’ve gotta snake hunt.” She looked down at me, one hand on her hip and the other holding her snake catcher. She looked like a model in one of those weird fashion magazines. Of course, most of those models held a riding crop, not a snake catcher.

  I scowled and shook my head. She had me. “Okay, I’ll help, but lunch first. I should’ve known there’d be a catch,” I said as I shook my head. “You’ve never bought me lunch just for being your friend!” My voice sounded disgruntled

  I snuck into the back room of the gallery where there was a tiny table next to the Slushee machine that doubled, even tripled gallery revenues in the summer. My lunch was right beside it. Nothing could have made me any happier at that moment.

  “I see you found it,” LauraLea grinned as she popped her head in the room. “I’ll let you eat in peace. Then we’ll hunt the snake and return him outside.”

  I nodded at the same time I shook my head and returned to my meal. I was, as usual, starving, and nothing satisfied my hunger like a steak sandwich from Ciro's, fully-loaded of course. As I munched my steak and cheese, I wondered what Wendell Hallet wanted with me. After all, I barely knew the man and what I knew of him I didn't like. He was running for state senator from our area as a law and order candidate. I wasn't quite sure he was truly lawful or orderly. What I did know is that he was full-speed ahead and in bed with the county planners as each year they cut down more and more forest land and populated former farms with half-million-dollar houses that sat in the middle of former cow pastures.

  I'm truly not political. Of course, like everyone else, I have my values and convictions, but I rarely share them with anyone, much less Wendell Hallet. I'm sure he wanted to get my name on his side since I’m a local crime novelist, but all in all, it really wouldn't do him any good. I had no degree of power in politics, didn't even want any. I just liked to write about it and pretend I did. People like me just make stuff up and write it down!

  I slowly finished my lunch, and reluctantly left the back room, reinforced and energized to hunt snakes. I was by the fireplace when a bunch of people entered laughing. The cold blast of air chilled me for a moment.

  “Hey, Lily! I didn’t know you were here.” I smiled as I recognized our friend Angie. Angie, worked up at the ski lodge and gave me quick wave as she made a beeline for the wine room. I knew she wanted a bottle of our sweet red wine. I loved Angie. She was one of my favorite people. I quickly walked across the gallery to see her. As always, Angie had a smile on her face. She gave me a huge hug.

  "Hey, Lily! You look great,” she gushed as she squeezed me. “How's it going?" she questioned, as her wide eyes studied me. Angie was the real deal. She was in her late-thirties and pretty on the outside and inside. She currently dated Fred who worked for Kenzie Zimbro our medical examiner friend.

  "Going good, I guess. You know, I never sell enough books. That's the woe of any author," I laughed.

  "You still sell plenty of books. I don’t buy that," she contradicted with a laugh. "Any of you all interested in dinner tonight?” she asked as she looked over at Diane and Denease. “I saw Kenzie up on the mountain and she is. Benson’s gonna go out-of-town for a couple of days."

  Denease shook her head, "Oh my, I wish I could, but I'm staying with my mom tonight. My sister and I have stuff to do for church." I just loved Denease. She was such a wonderful person.

  "Oh, shucks. We’ll catch you next time.” She turned to me. “How about you, Lily?” Angie asked. “We’re gonna try out the new Pagoda Palace, the new Asian restaurant downtown.”

  I bobbed my head up and down. “Absolutely, I never miss a chance to eat out," I said speaking the absolute truth. "You guys are coming into the ‘Burg?”

  Angie nodded and her dark hair bounced around her head. “Why would I eat up here in the restaurant where I work. That’s like a bus driver takin’ a bus trip. Kenzie wanted to go into Harrisonburg and check out the new restaurant. How about the Diva? Think she’ll want to join us?"

  "I'm sure she will," I said. LauraLea, just like me, never missed a chance to eat out. Besides, I knew her husband was hunting so we’d tentatively planned to go out anyway.

  "Hey, Diane. Want to have dinner at the new Asian place in town?" Angie hollered across the gallery where Diane was pricing jewelry.

  Diana shook her head. "I can't tonight. I got stuff to do at home. I’ve gotta bake cookies and make candy for this place," she said, a disappointed look on her face. "I sure wish you guys would pick a night that I can actually go," she added as she glanced at Angie.

  Angie shrugged her shoulders and tossed her long dark curls. “If your candy and cookies didn’t sell out every day, you could go every time! Sorry, Diane. Let's plan to go on Tuesday next week. You're okay for that night, aren't you?"

  Diane nodded. "That should work," she said as her smile brightened. “I’ll bake a double batch of everything over the weekend.”

  I grinned at Diane, who was the best cookie maker in the world. “I promise not to buy them all, Diane, so you can go with us.”

  “All right, Missy! That’s a deal,” Diane grinned at me. She called all of us “Missy” which was funny since all of us at the gallery had had at least one marriage, while others had taken the leap four or five times.

  “Can you come next week on Tuesday, Denease?" Angie asked.

  "Yeah, I should be able to do that," Denease agreed with her lovely smile. "How many bottles of wine do you want, Angie," she asked.

  “I think three. Then I get the three-bottle discount, right?” Angie’s eyes twinkled.

  “Yes. Of course you do,” Denease smiled at her. “There’s always a discount here for you. After all, you’re a regular.” Denease smiled her megawatt smile at Angie who high-fived her.

  I noticed Denease’s gorgeous silver metal and stone necklace. I had no idea where she got her one-of-a-kind jewelry, but it was stunning. There was no question that she was the best dressed of all of us in the gallery. Every day when she walked in she looked like something out of Vogue magazine with her hipster look, her boots, jewelry, and her coordinated leggings. She was just the perfect, petite package. And, as I said, she made me feel like the frump I am.

  Angie handed Denease her credit card, looked over at me and said, "Your boyfriend’s up on the mountain, Lily. Right in the thick of everything." She made a sour face. "Of course, wouldn’t you know it?"

  I was momentarily confused. I see my face showed that. "My boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend. My boyfriends are Sam and Lots, my two male dogs."

  Angie laughed. "I was being ugly, Lily. Wendell Hallet is up drinking at the ski lodge. He was on his third Irish coffee when I left. It's kind of like he's holding court up there. There are tons of people coming and going, and he seems to be making deals with them."

  I rolled my eyes. Wendell Hallet was the last person in the world I'd pick out for a boyfriend if I needed one. “Yeah. He was down here looking for me and Diane finally ran him off. It’s my guess he’s recruiting people to work on his campaign for state senator. He’s running for the seat in the special election vacated when Mr. Trainum died.”

  "Yeah," Angie agreed with a shiver. “He’s such a creep with those little glittering pig eyes, that shaved bald head, pudgy little gut, and dented cigar-smoking lips."

  I laughed out loud. That was a perfect description of Wendell. I’d have to remember that. "Yeah, that about sums it up," I agreed.

  “Wendell’s coming in — to see Lily and LauraLea in a little
while," Diane announced with a wink. "I guess he wants them to join his campaign."

  I shook my head. "Nope, that will never, ever occur. I'm a writer. I don't advocate for political candidates. Particularly in today's stormy hateful political environment," I said.

  "What's going on up there on the mountain, Angie?" Denease asked. "I keep seeing police and ambulances go by. Is there a traffic accident or something on the slopes?"

  All trace of joy left Angie's face. "It's on the slopes. A skier. Someone on the advance slopes from what I heard. Happened about a couple of hours ago — or at least they found the body a couple of hours ago. "

  "Who is it?” I asked, as my heart rate increased. I hated ski accidents. I used to be a pretty good skier myself until I broke my leg sometime back. I hadn’t been on the slopes since. In fact, I’ve totally moved away from snow sports. I used to love to snow tube at the tubing park, but a couple years ago I'd run into a man, a lot larger than me, and ground the side of my face in snow and ice. Fifteen stitches later I decided that the warm pool at the wellness center would be my winter sport as well.

  "I don't know for sure," Angie said. "But I think it might be a pretty bad accident. When I left to come down here, they were still working on the guy. Kenzie’s up there and Fred as well. Lots of local police and a couple of state police have pulled in."

  "So, it was a guy, a man," I thought, immediately glad it wasn't my reader’s thirteen-year-old daughter on the bunny slope.

  Angie nodded. "Yeah, I heard is was a guy. I also heard he was a great skier so I'm not exactly sure what happened," she continued. “But, I’m sure I’ll hear more this afternoon so I’ll tell you tonight at dinner.”

  Diane, who'd been listening intently, said, "I'm gonna call my son and see if he's on the 911 call. He may be up there with the man." Diane’s son was a fireman and ran with the local rescue squad. He always took the worse calls and knew what was going on. Between Angie working up at the Ski Lodge, Diane’s son and generalized gossip from the local police and resort tourists who visited the gallery, we always knew what was going on up there.