by Hart, Rebel
“Why do you ask?”
“I think a bully at my school has gone a little too far with some stuff.”
“Would this be the stupid boy at school?”
I scoffed. “Aren’t all stupid boys eventually bullies?”
She paused. “You have a good point.”
The two of us shared a brief moment of laughter before Mom took my hand.
“Has he hurt you, sweetheart?”
I sighed. “Not physically.”
She nodded. “Okay, good. I mean, not good with the hurt. But—”
My eyes widened. “Oh, no no no. Nothing—nothing like that. Nothing like what you’re thinking.”
“You’d tell me though? If it was?”
“I promise, everything that happened wa—”
Mom raised her eyebrows as I caught what I was about to say.
“I, uh…”
She giggled. “Sweetheart, I was much younger than eighteen when I started having sex with boys.”
“Mom.”
She smiled. “I’m not going to go into that. We had that talk when you were much younger. But let me see if I can piece this together. You fell for the school bully, had some romantic moments together, and now he wants nothing to do with you. Right?”
I paused. “Don’t tell me you’ve experienced something like that, too.”
She shrugged. “It happens sometimes. Maybe not quite like that, but it does happen. And it sucks. And I kind of want to wring his throat.”
I giggled at her words as the pillow slowly slid away from my face.
“What do I do?”
She sighed. “There’s nothing you can do. You can’t change a man. So you can’t let that man change you. Bad boys are just that. Bad. Bad for you. Bad for themselves. Bad for anyone who comes into their lives.”
I nodded slowly. “People at school will know soon enough.”
“And all you can do is stand up to them. Stand your ground and don’t let them beat you into it. High school is relentless. There isn’t a person on this planet—rich or poor—that would do it all over again. I’m here for you, no matter what. And you can talk to me about anything, okay?”
I smiled softly. “Thanks, Mom.”
She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I guess we both have a tendency to go for the wrong men.”
I giggled. “Yeah. Fuck D.J.”
Mom laughed, covering my mouth with her hand. “Fuck D.J.”
“Did something happen?”
Her hand fell away from my face. “Isn’t something always happening with him?”
“I thought you two just made up, though?”
She shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t want to make up this time. Maybe I’m ready to let him go.”
“Wait, seriously?”
“Seriously.”
I paused. “You’re done with him? I mean, for real this time?”
She nodded. “For real this time. I have to stop this cycle, Rae. I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to myself. Or to you. Or to us. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve set this kind of example for you. I’m sorry I raised you in all this. I’m so—please forgive me, honey.”
“Of course, Mom. Of course I forgive you.”
She started crying and I pulled her closely to me. I wrapped my arms around her, silently thanking any god that would listen. Maybe this was it. The breakthrough my mother needed in order to see the life she had carved out for herself. I cried along with her, burying my face into her hair as she scooped me into her lap. I hadn’t been in my mother’s lap for years. Since I was nothing but a child who stood tall enough to wrap my arms around her hips. She held me close, rocking me side to side as the two of us grieved with one another.
Grieved for our broken hearts and minds.
Mom kissed the top of my head. “I love you so much, sweetheart.”
My breathing shuddered. “I love you, too.”
“It’s done. I promise you, it’s over. He’s never coming back around. You have my word.”
“Thank you, Mommy. Thank you so much.”
She whispered. “I’ve missed hearing you call me that.”
Mom held me as the rain continued to batter against the window. Even though the thunder rolled away into the distance, the rain continued to flood our front lawn, drowning the grass seeds Mom and I always attempted to plant and grow during the summer months. I sighed as I pulled away, falling back to the mattress of the bed. And as Mom stood up, she reached for my hand.
“Want to watch a movie and make a pizza delivery guy drive out to us in this nonsense?”
I smiled. “Oh, hell yeah.”
She leveled her eyes with me before soft laughter fell from her lips. I took my mother’s hand, and together, we started down the hallways. We slipped down the stairs in our socks, laughing and picking at one another as we crash-landed into the foyer. Mom went to grab her cell phone while I picked out a movie, and the only thing that raced through my mind was how things felt normal again.
How things felt good again.
“Pepperoni and pineapple?” Mom called out.
“And mushroom!”
Mom barked with laughter. “Thanks for the afterthought, kid.”
I giggled. “You’re welcome. Especially after you see what I’m gonna make us watch.”
“Please tell me it’s not another Rocky movie.”
And instead of answering her, I simply let the opening song do it for me.
Mom poked her head around the corner. “I’m ordering brownies instead of cinnamon bites for that one.”
“Hey,” I protested. “I like their cinnamon bites!”
She winked as she ducked back around the corner, wrapping up the order for our meal of the night. I sat down on the couch, watching my favorite Rocky movie make its entrance. But the second Mom came back into the room, a knock sounded at the door.
“Huh. Bit fast for a pizza guy, don’t you think?”
I shook my head, smiling. “I’ll get it. You sit down and watch this cinematic marvel.”
Mom groaned. “We’re watching The Notebook after this.”
“If I can stay awake through it, I’ll even promise to act like I’m paying attention.”
“Ha. Ha. Ha.”
I threw my head back with laughter as my mother’s voice. I hadn’t felt this carefree with her in a long time, and it felt wonderful. The last time we had a true girls’ night like this, I was just starting seventh grade. We’d watched Beauty and the Beast while wolfing down pasta from her favorite Italian place up the street, and ended up falling asleep together on the couch halfway through the second movie.
I couldn't wait to do the same thing tonight.
I reached for the doorknob as the rain finally slowed to a trickle. I smiled brightly as I greeted whoever the hell was at the door at six in the evening on a Thursday night. I expected it to be a few people. Allison, coming over to check on me. Clint, coming to grovel at my feet before I curb-stomped his face. Even Marina, coming to take another jab at me before she went and got off with her boyfriend.
But, I sure as hell didn’t expect to see Michael. Soaking wet. Dripping with venom from his lips and angry eyes that widened as I appeared at the doorway.
“You hooked up with Clinton Clarke? Are you fucking kidding me?”
And just like that, things were not-so-good again.
26
Clinton
“Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!”
The crowd chanted as another double shot got shoved into my hand. Girls reached out for me as Roy slapped me on the back, cheering me on yet another time. I’d lost count of how many of these I’d had. I didn’t have a damn clue how full my stomach was of vodka. The only things I was aware of was the smell of Marina’s backyard pool and the chanting, laughter and clapping as I drank all these assholes under the damn table.
I had numbed myself so I wouldn’t feel the pain of losing Rae.
“Yeah, Clint! Get it!”
Everyo
ne clapped as I threw back the clear liquid. I opened my throat, allowing it to slide directly into my stomach without so much as swallowing. Fucking hell, I’d gotten too good at that. And it felt marvelous. Kind of. In a way.
Why didn’t this feel as good as it used to?
“Care for another one, big boy?”
“Eat some peanuts first.”
“Want a sip of my margarita? Tequila always gets me ready for another round.”
“Woo! Clint! Come jump in the pool with me!”
I felt someone tugging at me and I ripped back. I leaned against the bar counter with a smirk on my face, gazing at the horde of people around me. Girls in their bikinis and their barely-there tits. Girls with slim hips and tiny waists and long legs ready to wrap themselves around me. Dyed blond hair flashed, as the alcohol-soaked girls that had come to have a good time and be admired preened and strutted.
And yet, my mind still drifted back to Rae.
It’s better this way.
“You can do one with me, right?” Roy asked.
I felt him shove another shot in my hand before he raised up his own. We clinked our shot glasses together before throwing them back, and I felt my world tilt in on itself. For a split second, I stood on the sky, looking down at the stars and the cloudy night before gazing up at the pool, the grass, the concrete and the people walking around.
You’re gonna be sick tonight, jackass.
With a blink of my eye, the world righted itself. But my stomach didn’t feel well. I drew in some deep breaths, trying to keep it all down and not get sick on myself. This crowd of assholes would spread it around school come Monday. I slumped against one of the bar stools as the girls walked away, jumping into the pool and shrieking in delight. Marina beckoned for Roy, swaying her hips and jiggling those small tits of hers, and Roy clapped me against the shoulder as he headed for his lay of the night. I sat there with thoughts of Rae floating around in the alcohol that swirled around my brain.
She deserves better than you, dickweed.
I scoffed as I closed my eyes. I swallowed hard a few times, trying to settle the bile creeping up the back of my damn throat. I mean, how long could I have expected us to last, anyway? Rae would have left me the second something better came along. I knew how women worked. What they wanted out of life. They were all the same, once I stripped back the clothes and the soft demeanors. And knowing my luck, something better would have come along sooner rather than later.
Just when I’d started to fall for her.
Get up, asshole. You need water.
But I didn’t want to get up.
“And this is Clint,” Roy said.
The giggle that filled my ear caused me to open my eyes, and I found myself staring at a very pretty girl. Short red hair. Freckles all across her face and bright brown eyes. A slim figure not at all concealed in a string bikini. She looked like the rest of the girls here. A bit too long-legged. A bit too buck-toothed. A bit too much waterproof makeup and absolutely no curves in sight.
I nodded. “Hey there.”
The girl giggled. “Hi.”
Roy smiled proudly. “This, my friend, is Lindsey.”
I licked my lips. “Nice to meet you.”
She nodded. “You, too. I, uh, saw you over here. With those shots.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “You like what you see?”
And when she blushed, I had my answer.
Roy cleared his throat. “Well, I’ll let you two get to know one another. Clint.”
“Yep?”
“Don’t do anything I wouldn't do.”
I rolled my eyes as the girl let out another soft giggle. A forced one. One that probably got her into Roy’s good graces in the first place. I appreciated the effort, but I wasn’t into it. Lindsey was a pretty girl, but she wasn’t Rae.
Still, though, she sat next to me at the bar.
“Do you come to these parties often?”
I slowly panned my eyes over to her. “Yep. You?”
She shook her head. “No. First time ever being invited.”
“Is it everything you could have hoped for, and more?”
“That depends. What are you doing later on?”
My cockeyed grin spread across my face, but I didn’t make a move for her. She wasn’t my type. Wasn’t my style. And I had no issues letting her know it. I lobbed my head over to see her and found her blushing again. Tainting that creamy skin of hers that, in any other world, would have had me on my knees ready to give her the attention she wanted.
Tonight, however, was different.
I chuckled. “I’m sleeping off this alcohol and trying not to wake up with a bleeding hangover in the morning.”
Lindsey’s face fell. “Oh.”
“That’s the price ya pay for shooting vodka all night.”
“Guess it’s rough being the entertainment.”
And as she snickered, her words slapped me across the face.
Entertainment.
I was nothing but the entertainment?
I heard her say something, but I didn’t catch it. I felt her kiss my cheek as her hand lingered against my thigh, but I hardly felt it. And as she walked away, I didn’t even steal a glance at her barely-there ass. My mind had latched onto that word. That phrase. It parsed out every syllable and bounced around in my head. Taunting me. Lashing out at me. Encompassing the whole of my high school career.
Entertainment.
My eyes slowly focused on the crowd around me as images of a trained monkey rushed through my mind. Being slapped around and whipped by trainers before being put in front of a crowd and expected to obey. It was an apt description. One that made my stomach turn over on itself. And as I sat there on the sidelines watching everyone else party, I wondered how I’d gotten there.
Here.
At this dumbass party with these dumbass people.
Do I even like these people?
In a flash, I was unsure of everything in my life. As I slid off the barstool and made my way for the patio doors, I felt people clamoring for my attention. Women tugging me over to the hot tub and guys trying to get me into the pool. Roy tried sliding my leather jacket off, but I simply shook him off me.
“The fuck, man? I set you up with a good catch.”
“You good? You need some water?”
“Give him some space. I think he’s gonna puke.”
“Hey! Clint! What gives?”
I ignored all of their comments and questions as I lumbered into Marina’s parents’ house. I slid the patio doors closed behind me, seeking solace in the ice cold air conditioning of their kitchen. I walked over to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water, chugging it back as it filled my stomach. I backed it up with another. Then another. And slowly, I felt my veins being freed of the alcohol I’d pushed through them.
Which freed my mind up to roam even more.
“Clint! The fuck!”
Roy’s muffled voice hit my ears and I turned around. I saw him banging his fist on the kitchen window before he shrugged at me with an attitude I didn’t like. I held my bottle of water up to him before drinking the rest back, but Roy wasn’t a fan of my actions. He looked pissed. Though I didn’t know why.
I mean, did he sell his soul to Satan in order to get me that girl?
Terrible exchange.
I tossed my third empty bottle of water into the trash can, then grabbed a fourth. And as I cracked it open, I started walking through the house. It was small, compared to my father’s. But there was a lot of love in this place. I felt it. The walls bled with it. And it made me smile. The sounds of the party fell into the background as I walked down the small hallway. I stood in the living room, gazing out at the front lawn as whispers of happy secrets puffed up from the plush carpet I stood on.
You don’t belong here.
My eyes fell onto my bike and I felt myself gravitating to the front door. I slid my bottled water into my leather jacket pocket, making my way outside. My feet carried me toward my
bike as I drew in a deep breath. And as I slung my leg over the side, I reached for my helmet.
Drink the water first.
“The fuck are you doing!?”
Roy’s voice caused my head to whip up as I held my helmet in my hands.
“You leaving already?”
And as my best friend came closer to me, something happened. Something changed. Something shifted.
For the first time since I’d started high school, I wanted as far away from Roy as I could get.
27
Raelynn
“Now, class, make sure you read the labels on your beakers and bottles carefully. I understand we have a shower in the back, but that doesn’t mean I want to use it today.”
The class let out a soft titter, but I kept my eyes trained on my hands. I wrung them in circles, taking deep breaths as I kept reliving that moment. The look on Michael’s face a few nights ago when he strolled up onto my porch during that thunderstorm. The anger in his eyes. The heat in his voice. The way he scoffed at me before stalking away, not giving me any time to craft any sort of a response.
Just an accusation and my guilty face staring back at him.
Allison nudged me “You listening?”
My head whipped up. “Sorry. Yeah.”
“If you’re listening, what did the teacher just say?”
“He doesn’t want to use the shower today.”
“That was seven statements ago. So you’re not listening. Good. At least I know now.”
“You know damn good and well why I’m not listening.”
The teacher cleared his throat. “There something you want to share with the class, ladies?”
Allison shook her head. “No, sir. Nothing.”
And when he looked at me, all I did was shake my head.
“Good. Now, one last thing. Once you document everything you see from your experiment, I want you to keep your notes with you until tomorrow’s class. We’re going to be taking three sets of notes and comparing them for grades at the end of the week. So make sure not to get any liquids on them.”
I sighed. “Great.”
Allison giggled. “I’ll help you out as much as I can. I know you’re not the cleanest person around.”
