by Hart, Rebel
Her lips leaned into mine and I dodged her. Though my movements were slow. She ground her ass into my pelvis and I practically tried pushing her off me. Why the hell were my movements not coordinated enough?
“Like it a bit rough, huh?”
She reached for my wrists and pinned the down.
“What the--? Get off me. Hey!”
“Mmm, you really are strong, huh?”
“What the fuck is going on!?”
The guy’s voice boomed over my head and the girl shrieked. Fucking hell, what in Satan’s hell was her name? She quickly stood from my lap and I rolled off the porch swing, crawling on all fours to try and get away. The world tilted around me again. I felt something grip the back of my shirt before hoisting me up. I stumbled to get on my feet as the guy turned me around, then pinned me to the porch column.
“What the fuck are you doing with my girlfriend?”
I held my hands up. “We were just talking and she came on to me.”
His nostrils flared. “Bullshit.”
“I-I-I--I’m serious. I’m here with my girlfriend, too. Not the best night. But we’re getting through it.”
“Yeah, by fucking around with my girl.”
He tossed me to the porch and people started gathering around. I didn’t want to cause any more of a scene at this damn party. Not with Rae walking about high as a kite somewhere. I got up and tried to get off the porch, but no one let me move. They crowded around us, blocking my only two exits. And while I could have jumped off the porch, every time I looked over the edge it felt like I was looking into the darkness.
I felt like I was on that damn bridge again, with that car chasing me.
I swallowed hard. My forehead started sweating. The more I looked over the edge, the more my hands shook. Flashes of that night came barreling back. The sound of the horn. The screeching of the tires. I felt myself teetering. My heart sank to my toes. I blinked a few times to try and clear the hazy fog from my vision. Only to feel something dripping down my cheek.
“Are you fucking crying!?”
“Maybe you should man up.”
“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”
I felt his fist crack against my face and the world faded away. Red dripped down through my vision, and the only person I saw was my father. His sneering face. His gangly arms. I heard his laughter echoing inside my head.
You'll never be good enough.
Get it the fuck together.
What have I told you about this?
You’ll never be a man. Not without me.
“I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be,” I glowered.
The guy paused. “What?”
I roared as I charged him. I knocked him clear off his feet. With one punch to the side of his head, he fell to the porch. And I straddled him. Right fist. Left fist. Right forearm. Left elbow. I laid into him as he blocked my fists from hitting his face. Girls shrieked around me. People tried pulling me off him. I whipped around, batting their hands away before wailing into his stomach.
Knocking the wind clear out of him.
“Get off him! You’re going to kill him! Baby!”
The girl in the bikini dove into the picture and I stopped. I felt others dragging me off this guy as I heard my name. It was off in the distance, but unmistakable. And as I felt myself sobering up, the clamoring of Mike’s footsteps fell against the porch.
“What the fuck!?” he exclaimed.
He helped me to my feet as the guy I’d knocked to the ground got up. With the help of his girl, of course. He growled at me before he lunged again, and Mike stepped in the middle.
“Move,” the guy commanded.
He shook his head. “Back off. I’m serious. This guy behind me? I’ve seen him take on his own fucking father. You don’t stand a chance.”
The girl behind him snickered. “No wonder your girl wants to leave you. Maniacal asshole.”
Mike slowly peeked over his shoulder at me. “Say what now?”
I teetered on my feet. “I wasn’t trying to fuck your girl.”
The man growled. “I saw her in your lap.”
I snickered. “Yeah, because she crawled there. She likes wounded guys. Men she can fix with her pussy. Maybe make yourself look a little more wounded and she’ll actually stick around.”
The guy lunged at me, but Mike stood his ground. He gripped the fabric of the jerk’s shirt as I turned and walked off. I brought my palm to my face, but I knew I wasn’t bleeding. Hell, I wouldn’t even have a bruise with how pussy-whipped that guy’s punch had been. I pushed through the whispers of the strangers on the porch and leapt off, forcing myself to stay upright. And as the cool summer breeze kicked up, I felt myself sobering up a little more.
“Hey! Will you wait the hell up?”
I whipped around at the sound of Mike’s voice, only to lose my balance. I felt myself plummeting and was helpless to stop it. It was as if my body refused to work any longer. Mike rushed over and caught me just before I hit the ground. Like some bomb-ass dude scooping up a little girl.
Fucking hell, I felt like a lost little girl.
“All right. You’re coming with me. The girls should be ready soon. Time to go home.”
My words slurred together. “I have no home.”
Mike dragged me over to the curb, and I leaned against him as he pulled out his phone.
25
Raelynn
“Fucking hell,” Allison breathed.
Dread filled my gut. “What in the world has you cursing now?”
I clenched my stomach as she led me out of the house. The jostling alone was enough to make my body want to turn itself inside out. But as we made our way off the porch, my mind quickly wafted back to how sick I felt. Why the hell had I drunk so much? And what the fuck had convinced me to mix pot into it all?
What did I say to Clint?
I can’t remember anything.
“Come on, Rae. To the curb. That’s it. You got it.”
I groaned. “Why did you curse again?”
“Just focus on you right now, yeah? Let me do the rest.”
Allison helped me stand upright before shoving something up to my lips. The cold water poured down my chin a bit before I opened my mouth. It sloshed to the back of my throat and I gagged. Which caused me to retch onto the pavement. I heard Clint’s voice off in the distance, but I didn't hear what he was saying.
Allison sighed. “Get it together, Rae. You need water.”
“Then stop trying to fucking choke me with it.”
I spat onto the ground before she helped me raise up. And when the water bottle touched my lips again, I started drinking. She kept pouring quickly and making me cough. Which made me angrier. But every time I tried to pull away from her, I felt myself falling.
“Would you stop fighting and just accept it? My God, Rae.”
Her words stopped me in my tracks. My throat opened up as the cold water poured down into my stomach. With each drop, I felt better. And I wondered if I was the cause of my own issues. What if I stopped fighting in other areas of my life? Stopped fighting my mother and stopped fighting my fears and stopped fighting against Clint?
Would things get better?
Am I the reason for all this?
“All right. With me. The Uber’s here,” she said.
My head fell against her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “You don’t owe me anything. Clint, though? You owe him big time.”
I never should have gone this far. I never should’ve come to this party. I mean, I’d never been a partier! I didn’t know my limits. I didn’t drink excessively. I hadn’t ever tried drugs of any sort. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t. That was the issue. I hadn’t been thinking, and now the entire night was ruined.
You’re an idiot, Rae.
Allison’s sighs grew heavier as I leaned harder against her. And then, I felt someone wrap their arm around my shoulder. My body heaved from one side to the other, with th
e water sloshing around in my stomach. I burped. The taste made me shiver as I leaned against someone strong. Someone tall.
“Clint?”
Michael chuckled. “Nope. He’s on the pavement. It’s me.”
I whispered, “Michael.”
“Hey there, beautiful. Come on. Let’s get you two back to the hotel.”
I felt my body being dragged over to the curb. And when I sat down, I looked over at Clint. My eyes widened when I saw the red marks on his face and neck, bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair.
“What the fuck happened to you?” I asked.
Clint slowly looked over at me as Michael spoke up.
“We need to get out of here before that giant ape decides he wants another go at Clint.”
Allison groaned. “I thought you said the Uber would be here in ten minutes?”
“I’m sorry, baby. The app shows the car is here. But I don’t see it. Let me go search around for it. Maybe it’s up a block or something.”
My eyes fluttered around Clint’s face. He kept swaying. Teetering. Like he couldn’t even keep himself upright. Allison and Michael kept talking around us, but I wasn’t paying them any attention.
“Where you in a fight?” I whispered.
He slowly looked over at me, and the pain behind his eyes stabbed me in the gut. Tears rushed my eyes and freely poured down my cheeks as he looked away. His shoulders hunched. He looked absolutely defeated. And as I sat there, wondering how the hell this night had careened so far out of control, I tried with all my might to conjure what I had said to him.
But I came up with nothing.
“There it is!”
“Over here!”
“Hey, hey, hey. Slow down! It’s us!”
Allison and Michael started yelling before a car pulled up in front of me. My head fell back as someone helped me up. I didn’t know who. A car door opened and I felt my body falling against a seat. Allison kept cursing to herself as my head fell onto someone’s shoulder. I wasn’t registering anything. I couldn’t even remember what color the damn car was. Why did my throat hurt so badly? Why was my chest sore?
“Fuck,” I groaned.
Michael rattled off the address to the hotel before another door closed. I heard the locks flip, and I nestled into the person next to me. My eyes wouldn't open. My body couldn't prop itself up a second longer. I felt myself falling in and out of sleep. Trying to find relief as the car’s swaying lulled me into a peaceful slumber.
I woke up to my shoulder being shaken. My head jerked up as my arm slid around someone’s shoulders. Allison groaned as she pulled me out of the car, and my feet stumbled underneath me.
“You’re going to have to help just a bit here, Rae.”
I snickered. “I’m trying. But I can’t.”
“Yeah, well. Story of your life, I guess.”
I scoffed. “We can tuck in the attitude a bit.”
“You first.”
“Why the hell is everyone so mad at me right now?”
Michael butted in. “Because had it not been for you and your asinine tricks, Clint wouldn't have started drinking to forget shit.”
“Oh, so you're mad at me, too, now?”
“Yeah, I am. Because a night that was supposed to be fun for all of us was ruined because you decided, out of the blue, that you wanted to be alone. Which is fine, if you had fucking come alone, Rae. Now, let’s get you in the room.”
I rolled my eyes. “What the hell ever, asshole.”
Allison sighed. “Save it for the morning when you’re sober.”
The hotel door crashed open and the next thing I knew, I was being piled into a bed. My eyes fell open and the ceiling circled around. Twisting and turning as my stomach started rolling again. I clenched my eyes shut. I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. I tried to shake this terrible feeling in the pit of my gut. And as Clint’s groans hit my ears, I felt the mattress jump with the force of his fall.
“All right, can you two hear me?”
Michael’s voice filled my ear and I nodded along with Clint’s grunt.
“Good. We’re not changing rooms. I’m going to sleep with Allison, and the two of you are going to fix this on your own. Rae, had you not been an absolute bitch, none of this would’ve happened. I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with you lately, but figure it out.”
I snickered. “The tough guy act doesn’t sound good on you.”
Allison interjected. “I don’t care what you think. All I care about is you two fixing things. Whether you stay together or break up before college starts, you need to figure it out. You’re making everyone miserable, and that’s not okay.”
I furrowed my brow. “Break up with Clint? What?”
Clint sighed. “Don’t act like it’s news.”
What the hell did I say at that party? “No, seriously. I can’t remem--”
Michael chuckled. “Yeah, yeah. In the morning, I’m sure you’ll remember. But until then? We’re going to bed. No more parties this weekend. Fix your shit. Come on, Allison.”
And as the hotel door closed behind them, I licked my chapped lips.
“Clint?”
I felt the mattress undulate before something thudded against the floor.
“Clint? Are you okay?”
He groaned, but didn’t say anything. I managed to open one eye without feeling as if I might puke. I watched him stumble over to the balcony doors. He slid them open and walked out, flopping himself into a chair. I hiccupped as I sat up, propping myself up on my elbows, watching him gaze out over the darkened horizon.
“Clint?”
Instead of answering me, though, he ignored me. Cold shoulder and all. I closed my eyes and flopped back down onto the mattress, trying to wrack my brain as to what I had said. I couldn't remember anything, though. I remembered the shots we took. Arriving at the house. I remembered feeling a bit smothered by Clint’s presence. But that was it.
“Is that why you’re mad? Because I felt smothered?” I asked.
I didn’t get an answer, though. Just the wind softly blowing through the open sliding door.
“Clint, are you hungry?”
“Do you want some water?”
“I think I can get up to get some water. Do you want me to order you anything?”
“A snack from the vending machine?”
“I think one of the restaurants is open right now.”
“Want me to move to the other queen bed?”
Every question I asked went unanswered. And I hated that. I reached over and picked up the hotel phone, haphazardly dialing the kitchen. I needed food. I needed sustenance. I needed the growling of my stomach to go away. I also needed some Tylenol.
Could they deliver Tylenol?
“Room number, please,” the man said.
“Uh, yeah. Room… uh… well, the name’s Rae Cleaver. The reservation is under--”
“I’ll look it up later. What's your order?”
“Do you guys have Tylenol?”
He paused. “Tylenol.”
“I mean, I want food. But I also need Tylenol. And I don’t have any.”
“It’ll be charged to your room from the pharmacy down here at the snack bar.”
“Perfect. That’s fine.”
“And the rest of your order?”
I licked my lips. “Uh… water. Coffee. Um, some french fries and a double bacon cheeseburger.”
“Anything else?”
I scratched the top of my head. “Do you have any pasta? With alfredo sauce?”
“Got a spicy chicken pasta with broccoli.”
“Perfect. That.”
“Dessert?”
“Mmm, something with chocolate.”
“Fair enough. Anything else?”
I paused. “Ketchup, garlic breadsticks--or something like that--and… a bowl of fruit.”
“Great. I’ll look up the name and have it delivered within the hour.”
I sighed with relief. “Thank you so muc
h.”
“Uh huh.”
The man hung up and I fumbled the phone, dropping it to the floor. I figured I could deal with it later. I rolled back over onto the bed and closed my eyes, feeling myself quickly drift off to sleep again.
Before a knocking at the door jerked me awake.
I looked over at the balcony and Clint still sat there. His head bobbing. His leg jiggling. Almost as if he were listening to music. Another knock came at the door. A bit harder this time. And I forced myself off the bed.
“Guess I’ll get it,” I murmured.
Then again, I did order it for us.
I opened the hotel room door and expected the man from the phone on the other side. The smell of the food made my mouth water and I couldn’t wait to get Tylenol in my system. But when the door opened, I found Allison standing there, clutching the rolling silver tray of food.
“Mind if I come in? They delivered it to our room. And I’m pretty sure Michael stole some of your breadsticks.”
I shrugged. “It’s fine. Come on in.”
I went back and sat on the edge of the bed. I took Clint’s tray of food and sat it beside me, in case he wanted to come eat. Then I poured myself a glass of water. I chugged it before taking a bite of my pasta, moaning over its taste. The creaminess of the sauce. The spice of the chicken. The crispy broccoli. Oh, it was damn near perfection. I almost forgot to take my Tylenol until Allison held it out for me. And as I tossed it back, I guzzled down another glass of water.
“Clint, I’ve got a burger in here for you.”
But he still didn’t budge.
“He talking to you at all?”
I sighed at Allison’s question. “No. He’s been out there ever since we got back.”
Allison tried. “We’ve got Tylenol and water for you. Want some?”
Like magic, Clint got out of his chair. His eyes avoided mine as my best friend poured him a drink. She handed him the Tylenol and he tossed it back, then chased it with a few sips of water. And when he set the glass down, his eyes met mine.
Those pain-stricken, angry, empty eyes.
I remember those eyes.
He picked up his tray of food and took it back out to the balcony. He slumped into his chair and started mindlessly eating. My eyes darted around the tray before I found the ketchup. And I went to go give it to him.
