by Hart, Rebel
And I didn't stop tugging at his clothes until his skin met mine.
“Clint.”
“Fuck, Rae.”
“Don’t stop. Do whatever you want.”
“Dangerous words, gorgeous.”
I looked into his eyes. “Whatever. You want.”
He growled before his lips captured mine once more. He raked his teeth over my lower lip as he frogged his knees out, spreading my legs wide. I felt him. All of him. His hands pinned my wrists down as his lips slid down my neck. I arched for him. I felt my breasts puckering at the heat of his breath. He lapped at my nipples, sending me spiraling as he pinned me beneath him.
Preventing me from moving.
“So beautiful.”
I gasped. “Oh.”
“So smart.”
“Clint, please.”
“So mine.”
He growled those last two words before he moved between my legs. He flopped onto his stomach, bouncing my body against the mattress. With his face between my thighs and his hands still around my wrists, he pulled my arms down. Arching my back and pulling my hips closer to his mouth.
Before his tongue pierced me.
“Clint!”
He lapped me up. And with every stroke of his tongue, I saw the heavens part. Fire burned through my body as I shook for him. He controlled every aspect of my movements, from my thighs jumping to my back arching. He manipulated me into a position I’d never been in before. The pain increased with the pleasure as lines began to blur. I didn’t know whether to tell him to stop or keep going. I didn’t know whether to tap out or double down. He folded my body. Pinned my arms. Arched my back further by tugging on my wrists. His tongue pulled floods of arousal from me, dripping down my skin and coating his cheeks. His stubble made my eyes roll back. My toes curled into his skin, though I couldn't have told anyone what part of his body my feet touched.
“Clint,” I choked out.
“There it is, gorgeous.”
He pressed his tongue deep between my folds and I soared over the edge. He lapped me deeply, slurping me down and drinking what I had to offer him. I trembled for his viewing pleasure. I felt my walls quivering with a need for him. My breasts jumped and my world spiraled into a dark expanse of nothingness.
And as my back dropped to the bed, he rushed up my body.
His lips crashed against mine before he slid deep inside me. Our bodies moved as one, his hips snapping against mine. My vision grew blurry with tears of happiness. He pinned me down and took me in all the ways I remembered. How I had missed him. This closeness. This passion. It seemed few and far between for us nowadays.
I wanted it to last forever.
“Rae. Fucking hell, Rae. Shit. You feel so--so good.”
I moaned. “I love it when you growl. Do it again.”
He did as I asked and goosebumps slid along my skin. He pulled out and flipped me over before pinning my face against the mattress. With his hand wrapped up tightly in my hair and his cock seated between my thighs, he pressed into me, taking me from behind as his pelvis slapped against my ass cheeks. I groaned into the sheets, taking what he had for me as his dick thickened against my walls. His balls smacked my clit, sending my eyes rolling back as my toes curled so deeply my calves cramped.
“Clint. Clint. Clint. Yeah, don’t stop. Please. Please. Please. More. More. More.”
“So close. That’s it. I’m coming. Rae. I’m co--co--min--”
He exploded inside me and my heart seized in my chest. I held my breath, unable to speak as his pulsing cock pushed me over the edge. The world around me sizzled. Colors burst and died against the darkness behind my eyelids. My entire body shivered as our intermingled arousal dripped against my skin. Down my folds. Along my thighs. Coating me in the memory we created.
“Clint,” I choked out.
He collapsed against me, his cock still sheathed inside my body. He panted against the pillow just above my head as he weighed me down against the mattress. I moaned. I shivered. I panted for air as my heart restarted itself. Fluttering wildly before settling down, as if I had come back to life.
As if Clint’s body had pulled me back from certain death.
Neither of us spoke. I didn’t dare disturb the moment. As Clint lay there, like my own personal weighted blanket, I thought about that list. All the research. All the suggestions. Completely and totally devoid of any personal bias on his part. How was he capable of it? I sure as hell wasn’t. I’d never been capable of such selflessness. I always wondered what I’d get out of it. Or what I’d get at the end of a particular project. Or class. Or goal.
Clint continued to amaze me with every day that passed.
“I love you,” I whispered.
But, if he heard me, he did a damn good job of acting as if he hadn’t.
And my mind quickly spiraled back into the darkness he’d pulled me from.
Does he even love me anymore?
34
Clinton
I heard the words, but I didn’t know if I believed her. My heart fluttered, but I felt my gut cringing. I mean, what was I supposed to say? I loved Rae. I really did. But I didn’t feel loved. Was I supposed to tell her everything would be all right? That we were fine? That we’d be okay?
Was I supposed to lie to the girl I loved?
I didn’t want to say anything that would start another fight. So I kept my mouth closed. I let my eyes fall shut as I held her, feeling her even breaths rise and fall against my own. I held her close, tightening my grip around her body. And as we drifted in and out of sleep, I let my mind wander.
I let sleep take hold.
Every time Rae moved, I moved with her. Every time I shifted, she shifted along with me. It felt good, having her there. But the rift was still present. We needed to talk. Even in a dead sleep, I knew that much. Every time my eyes peeked open, I was reminded of the reality waiting for me. Every time I snuggled tight against her body, I was reminded of the conversation headed my way.
But I needed rest if we were going to tackle it tonight.
“Clint?”
Her soft voice against the shell of my ear made me groan.
“Mm?”
“Clint, you gotta wake up. Allison wants to go out to dinner.”
I rolled over. “Five more minutes.”
Rae giggled. “We can get more rest tonight. But right now, we have to get ready.”
Her giggle made me grin as she helped me upright. My eyes slowly fell open and I was disappointed at the sight of her clothed body. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her down on top of me. She laughed with delight as my hands slid up and down her legs. Gripping her ass cheeks. Massaging her hips.
“Clint, come on. I just got dressed.”
I kissed her neck. “I can get you undressed, no problem.”
She snickered. “Trust me, I know. Now, come on. I’m hungry.”
“Worked up an appetite, huh?”
“Come on, you horndog.”
I smiled groggily as she slid off my body. I got up and forced myself to get dressed even though I wanted to fall back into bed with her. I put on some clean clothes and splashed water in my face. I followed Rae out the door before the four of us headed for the lobby.
However, I kept seeing Michael shoot Rae glances.
Almost glares, really.
“You good?” I asked.
I nudged his shoulder and he nodded.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
I narrowed my eyes. “You sure?”
He unlocked his car. “Just hungry.”
I knew my friend better than that, though.
Ally must’ve already told Mike where she wanted to go, because we headed out without discussion of where to go eat. Rae leaned against me and I slipped my arm around her, kissing her mindlessly on top of the head. And every once in a while, I caught Mike peering back at us through the rearview mirror.
Maybe I can diffuse the tension.
“So, did you two get some good
sleep like Rae and I did?”
Ally snickered. “Yeah. Rest. Is that what you call it?”
Mike pursed his lips. “More like covering something up.”
Rae sat up from my shoulder. “What was that?”
Mike shook his head. “Nothing.”
Ally turned around, smiling. “We’re headed to one of those hibachi places. I hope that’s okay?”
I nodded. “I love those damn places. Sign me up. Extra rice, please!”
Rae sighed. “Mmm, my stomach’s already growling.”
Mike licked his lips. “Bet it is.”
I furrowed my brow. “You good, man?”
Rae nodded. “Yeah, you seem a little tense.”
Mike came to a stop at the stoplight and I saw Ally wrap her hand around his.
“Michael, take some breaths,” she said.
Rae paused. “What’s wrong?”
I caught Mike’s gaze in the rearview mirror before he shook his head.
“I don’t know how you did it, Clint.”
I blinked. “Did what?”
Mike scoffed. “Forgave her the way you did. I mean, the whole damn hotel probably heard you two. Did you guys not talk at all?”
Rae sighed. “We’re getting there.”
Mike turned around. “Getting there? You completely laid into Clint for unresolved bullshit you can’t deal with, and you’re only getting there?”
I felt my anger mounting. “Dude, lay off. She feels bad enough.”
“And she should! That party was fucked up, and you’re not the only one she hurt.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, well. There’s nothing we can do about it now except roll with the punches and keep moving forward.”
Ally jumped in. “Like I told you, Michael.”
“Yeah, whatever,” he murmured.
Horns honked behind us and he sped away from the stoplight. He turned around and slouched in his seat as Rae pulled away from me. We traveled silently to the restaurant. Ally got us checked in with reservations she’d apparently made. We sat around that damn hibachi grill with strangers on the other side, staring at us as if we were prized possessions in a museum.
Then Rae spoke up.
“Just spit it out, Michael, and get it over with.”
He grimaced. “It’s best if I don’t say anything.”
Rae locked her eyes with the profile of his face. “Spill it, or stop acting like someone pissed in your cereal. You don’t get it both ways and I’d kind of actually like to enjoy this dinner with you guys. So talk about it or tuck it in.”
Ally cleared her throat. “Maybe not in front of others?”
Mike didn’t listen. “Fine. You want me to talk? I’ll talk. Something you’re apparently unwilling to do.”
He leaned forward before Ally caught his shoulders, trying to hold him back. I shifted myself in front of Rae, hoping he’d take the hint so we could do this when we weren’t in a crowd of strangers. But Rae put her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them and moving me out of the way. No amount of talking from Ally’s point of view got Mike to back down and Rae sure as hell stepped up to the plate.
“Guys, can we not--?”
Mike pointed his finger at Rae. “You acted like a spoiled brat at that party. Not once did you hold yourself with any sense of decorum or decency. You couldn’t even handle your emotions at one part. One, Rae. Because the second there was temptation, you threw yourself straight into the line of fire.”
“Your point, Michael?”
He snickered. “I don’t think you’re ready for college. I don’t think you have the willpower or the want to do it after seeing you like that. And I think that’s what’s making you miserable.”
“What?”
“I don’t think you’re upset with Clint at all for not wanting to go to college. I think you’re upset with him because he had the balls to choose the road you wish you could travel.”
I glared at him. “Mike, cut it out.”
He shook his head. “No, no I won’t. Because someone has to tell Rae the cold, hard truth. You went off on Clint, a man that loves you. A man that has followed you around blindly and would do anything for you. But watching you go off on him like that? Go off on me? He didn’t deserve that, and neither did I. Allison didn’t deserve to clean up your mess. You dragged all of us through the mud that night. And I think it’s all because you don’t actually want to be here.”
Rae gritted her teeth. “I know what I did to you guys that night. I know this is all my fault.”
“Do you? Do you really, Rae? This was supposed to be a fun end of the summer road trip for the four of us before everything changes. Because that’s all you’ve been talking about. How it’s going to change. How we’re going to change. So we had this. And then you go and pull this shit and then get angry because we’re angry? Come on.”
I leveled out my voice. “Mike, cut it out.”
Ally shook her head. “Just let him say it, please.”
I looked over at Rae and saw tears cresting her eyes as Mike continued.
“It’s easy to make plans and talk a big talk, but when it comes down to it, Rae, life gets busy and shit happens. This was supposed to be good for all of us. And now, you’ve made it all about you. You and your wishy-washy decision-making skills and your drama and your crap. I’m over it.”
I stood up from my chair. “Enough, Michael.”
He glared up at me. “You should be more pissed than I am.”
I cocked my head. “Leave it alone. Now.”
I heard Ally softly apologizing to the people on the other side of the hibachi table. But it was too late. They had already gathered their things and gotten up. Everyone working in that damn place stared us down as if we were maniacs ruining their evening. I wasn't backing down, though. Mike had gone much too far. Especially with the way Rae was sniffling. I made sure he heard my tone. Saw my fists balled up at my sides. Because I didn't have any issues coming to blows with him again.
He was lucky I wasn’t already wailing on him because he made Rae cry.
“Just sit.”
Rae’s whispered words came along with a tug at my arm. And I did as she asked. Mike shook his head as he flopped back into his chair, looking as desolate as I’d ever seen him. Ally rubbed his leg with her hand. Tried comforting him as much as she could. But even she looked a bit empty inside.
This entire weekend had drained all of us.
“Good evening, you guys! Oh, did the other party leave?”
The waitress’s cheery voice grated against my ears.
“I’m not really sure what happened to them,” Ally said.
“Oh, well. No matter. What can I get you guys to drink?” the waitress asked.
We all placed our drink orders, then fell silent again. Our salads came and I saw all of us stabbing our food a little harder than usual. Other than talking with the chef at our hibachi grill, we didn’t utter a word. Not to one another, and certainly not among ourselves. The food tasted bland. My appetite quickly faded away as my plate was stacked higher with food. Even drenching it in ginger sauce didn’t do much for my appetite.
I ended up packing up most of it into a to-go box.
“I’m not paying for her meal,” Mike murmured.
Ally sighed. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m paying, then.”
Rae piped up. “It’s okay. I can pay for--”
I held my hand out, silencing her words. “Thank you, Ally. I really appreciate you being the bigger person you are.”
Then I cast a heavy glance at Mike as he stood from his chair.
He picked up his food and his to-go drink. I saw him shake his head at Ally before he stepped away from the table. My eyes followed him, watching as he slinked out the door, shoving his way between people to try and get away that much faster. Rae sighed heavily and I wrapped my arm around her. Ally kept whispering how sorry she was for the way he acted.
But she didn’t have to be sorry on his behalf.
That was his damn job.
35
Raelynn
The night was a blur. Clint and I didn’t talk. We fell asleep in opposite beds with our leftovers from the hibachi restaurant sitting out on the counter. I ate the unrefrigerated food for breakfast. I didn’t bother waking Clint up as I packed my things. I was ready to get home. Ready to get up to my room. Ready to cry myself to sleep for the next week or so before I had to be back at this campus.
Alone.
With no friends in sight.
The morning turned into a blur as well. Clint and I didn't say anything to one another. Allison didn’t come over to check on me. And while I didn’t expect Michael to say anything to me, it still hurt that he didn’t. We all silently piled into Michael’s car just before eleven. Just in time for the hotel-wide checkout. I leaned heavily into the leather seats. I gazed out the window. Allison sat beside me in the back seat while Clint sat up front with Michael.
There was so much distance between all of us I almost couldn't see straight.
“So, does anyone want to listen to some music?”
Allison’s words pierced the silent car ride as we got onto the highway.
“No? Not even Barbie Girl?”
I shook my head, but didn’t say anything.
“Did anyone eat their leftovers for breakfast? Mine were fantastic. Hibachi is always good the day after.”
I knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to lighten the mood. Preserve what was left of our weekend. But her efforts were fruitless. No one wanted to talk and no one wanted to engage with anyone else. Michael kept his lips pursed like the sour-puss he was. Clint’s body tensed and stayed that way, and I just felt sad.
Sadder than I’d ever felt in my entire life.
Allison finally fell silent with a soft sigh. The world passed by the tinted windows as I gazed out toward the world. The outskirts of Los Angeles rolled by. A city that gave birth to me. A city that tried to bury me. A city that, oddly enough, felt like home more than anyplace else.
