in my mind, the things I had to say while returning the book to her.
In the next morning I took the book and went near her and said
“Here is your book that you left in the lab”
“Thank you very much. I searched it for the past two days” by looking straight into my eyes she answered to me and went away.
That was the day I realised “How coward I was really?”I thought of inducing a conversation with the book, but I failed. I scolded myself for being like that and wondered how I went speechless for the first time when our eyes clashed one another.
“At the very moment I saw her eyes, I felt like
Falling deep into the well named her eyes
How deep is it really, I went on falling
However, I never could see its bottom,
The only thing I could imagine Is that
The depth of her eye well is unimaginable
I know like was the love
One goes on falling but could never see its depth
Being like this how could I say?
That I have fallen in love
All I could say is that I am falling in love
At the moment right now and up to the moment
I could see the depth of her eyes and my love as well……”
Yes I might refuse to concede that I love her but I could never refuse that I was falling in love. Though I believed I could stop this at some moment; I wished not to.
18.AUTOPSY BY CUPID’S ARROW:
Three months later, we finished our quarterly examinations. In the morning while I was watching the cartoon channel, my mom pestered me continuously about the report card.
I said to her, “They haven’t even given half of our papers. How can they give our report card?”
My mother asked “Syed has shown his report card to his mother. You are in the same school then how come you are the only one not getting your report card?”
“Same school, same class, but different sections, our teacher is too lazy to prepare the report card…” I told her, then
I took my bag and said to my mom “Today I have to go early to the class”
To escape from my mother’s investigation I had to miss my favourite cartoon that day.
After that, I daily had to miss them because at least once in the morning she would be asking about my report card. The fact was that, I was the first one to submit my report on the next day after they provided the report card. They asked us to get the signature from our parents. I wished not to trouble them so I signed an impeccable signature of my mother right below my red-marked F grade.
From that day, I started to go to my class as early as possible. One such a day after going early to the class, I had no other thing to do. I thought for a while and as usual, I went to the corridor of my school. The wall in the corridor of our school contained many large windows lined with steel rods with 3 to 4 inch gap in between each of them from which one could see the people coming to my school from a distance.
In those days, I liked those things very much. When the rays of the sun would be slowly trying to touch the corridor, I would be standing there in agony for its cunningness to forget me. Then it would please me by making my skin feel its essence before it falls on the floor.
Then I would be simply watching: the children play in a nearby house; wives busy in making their husbands get ready for their office; mothers and fathers buying chocolates and other stationeries for their school going kids in the nearby shops.
On such like a day I wondered about my heart rose, which blossomed when her gaze fell on it like the rays of the Sun. I feared that it would wilt and wither if I fail to water it with the thoughts of her. My eyes began to visualise her through my imaginations.
Then I was startled on seeing her walking over there.
I felt tears running inside my eyes. That was the first time my love was just stirring my soul. I was standing there still. I could not move an inch. On that minute all my nerves, bones, every cell every DNA and RNA were subjected to autopsy by the Cupid’s little arrow for which they readily sacrificed their lives within minutes. Yet my soul stood alive, feeling the pain.
She came upstairs suddenly. My corpse standing there, still, was unaware of what was going on until it regained its life by drinking the elixir offered by her gaze.
She saw me and asked, “Why have you come so early today?”
Though my heart whispered “for you” inside, my lips just apprised her
“I like coming early.”
She smiled and said that it was nice.
I asked her, “Are you coming early every day.”
She nodded her head for a yes.
“Why so?” I questioned her,
“It suits me, there is much time left for me to prepare for the morning cycle tests.”
She told and followed her way to her class. She wasn’t interested in conversing with me.
I felt, how could she walk in such a carefree way? Was not she really aware that a soul was dying here to hold her arms while she walked away. How could she be asserting only a few words while my life was waiting to hear all those words she could say? Could she not feel the lovely words said by my silent eyes? Why did she pretend as if she hadn’t noticed anything? Was it my innocence that asked these questions or her cunning that refused to answer them?
Did this love arise because of her beauty? Firmly and concretely No would be the answer to this question. In my school, I had many girls much more beautiful than her. If beauty caused the love then I would have loved at least another five girls.
“Beauty is merely something which our eyes argue and our mind concludes.”
Something other than her beauty really attracted me, ‘that something’ which I would never find until I live with her at least seven eternal lives by resurrection. Love never reveals itself fully to anyone.
That moment I thought nothing except that if she was not in my life any more, then I wished to my life end there. I begged God to give me her immediately at that moment. For I wished I would love her as much as possible, live a life that no one in the universe had ever lived.
After falling in love I started to understand the depth of my life.
From then, I rushed to the school as early as possible and waited for her. I was so unlucky that she ceased coming earlier to the school.
Our twelfth standard begun, we were really bored of reading those subjects. Our new Physics sir, named Ganesh came to the class. His first day of our class was such an interesting one. He wouldn’t concentrate on the syllabus of our twelfth standard portions so some students hated for listening his class lectures for they just wanted marks. At first, even I was one among them.
One week later, I was listening and seeing the blackboard. He asked,
“Hey, where are you looking, am I a fool standing here and teaching you”
Had he gone mad, I thought for a second and answered him,
“I am actually looking at the black board only. I don’t know what the problem with it is.”
He went that day leaving this argument there. On the next day with a face full of aversion he asked me the same question, which he asked previous day.
I was perplexed as never before. I later thought of the problem associated with that. Then I explained my squint eye to him. He immediately hit his hand on his head and said “sorry”.
He worried that he should not have hurt my soul by denoting my squint eye. He felt that it would have embarrassed me when he referred to my squint eye in front of my other friends.
Later, I explained to him,
“I don’t feel any kind of embarrassment for being born like this. I really feel great as I consider this as a unique gift, rarely given to me by God for the easy identification of me by others”
He was overwhelmed with my attitude. A close friendship
developed between us. I began to like his subject more because of him and he began to like the squint eyed personalities because of me.
Not only for me, but for most of us he soon became a favourite teacher. However, that did not last long. Some other students who concentrated on simply the marks complained about him that he was actually not taking classes in accordance with our prescribed syallabus. He explained how important the knowledge to a human was. He motivated all of us to study and get good marks in our twelfth standard. He said to us,
“If you have the confidence of achieving a particular target in your high school, then that confidence will automatically give the courage to face anything in your life.”
He taught us in a way to make us knowledgeable while our school suggested he take classes in such a way which implied that the students should be getting more marks. He always thought of teaching as an auspicious thing when he learnt, that our school wasn’t really a temple of education, he left our school, bidding adieu.
19.AN IDLE MIND- A LOVE’S WORKSHOP:
My mother and father, since the day I born, had imagined me to be an engineer. For them the most important thing they should do in their life was to make me an engineer. My father had been working hard just to earn enough money for making this happen. My mother everyday was losing her nerves by trying to control the everyday expenses. She would be bargaining for one rupee for five minutes with a vendor and the reason behind them would be to make me an engineer.
My father would say that
” I won’t be drinking coffee or tea in the day
In Love : Once & Forever Page 10
