“I know you will. I love you too Mace. I...I miss you.”
Then I am pulled away. Away from my friend who I have missed so much that it physically hurts me to watch her fade away. Away from the hope that she could be saved. Away from the one person who has always had my back. I gasp as I come to on the kitchen floor, my head resting softly on Jaxon’s lap as the eyes of my friends study me with concern.
I take a single breath, and then another, and each one hurts more than the last as the reality of what just happened crashes into me like a semi-truck. Oh God......
It wasn’t a demon who tripped the wards. It was a ghost.
Ashlee’s ghost!
Then there is no air, as the weight of what this means steals the oxygen from my lungs. I claw at my chest in desperation as panic sets in. I try to free myself from Jaxon’s lap, but he just holds me tighter.
“What is it Princess? What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice strained as he stares at me in concentration. “Your...your emotions are everywhere. I can feel your pain, but I can’t find any injury.”
My breathing picks up as I try to find the words to tell him. They won’t come. I can barely manage breathing. Talking is out of the question.
“Was it the demon that tripped the wards? Did it somehow attack her mind?” Braxton inquires, bending so that he is closer to me. He lays a steady hand on my shoulder, and I can feel the soft tickle of his magic as it weaves through my system. Looking for an injury. He won’t find one. At least not one that can be healed.
How can you fix a broken heart?
“It is possible,” Zane supplies, keeping his distance from me, but never taking his eyes off of me. “It doesn’t make sense though. A demon would have killed her. Whatever this was did not harm her...at least not physically.”
“Then what in Sam hill happened to her?” C.J. shouts, throwing up her hands as she frantically points in my direction. “Cause Maci has been through more shit than all of us combined and hasn’t so much as flinched. She looks like she has seen a ghost!”
At the word ghost my head pops up, and something occurs to me. Jaxon! I can show Jaxon what I saw. Before I have time to second guess what is probably a really bad decision since Ash is his sister, I grasp his arm and send my power out in a wave of desperation. I only mean to show him. That is how it happened before. That isn’t what happens now.
A wave of power flows from where we touch, replaying the memory like an old black and white television show. Tears flow freely down my cheeks as I show them what has me so shaken. Her laugh cuts into me as a fresh wave of hurt wraps itself around my already broken heart.
This...this is the Ashlee that I love. The Ashlee that showed me how to make cookies, and how to curl my hair. This is my friend, and the fact that I ever thought that she could be that...that monster that took her place crushes me. I...I gave up on her.
She never would have given up on me.
When the memory ends, I slump against a now silent Jaxon. My shoulders shake from the force of my sobs, and even though I shouldn’t, I take comfort when he pulls me closer to the shelter of his body. He leans in, his words only for me.
“Princess. This...this isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have....we couldn’t have known.” His words are sealed with a soft kiss to my forehead that means more to me than any passionate kiss ever will.
I guess there was a part of me that thought that Jax would hate me for this. Or maybe, I just hate myself.
“It was her. It was Ash. She broke through somehow. But why did that trip the wards? I thought that the wards only activated when they sensed evil?” I question, sitting up and rubbing the lingering tears from my face.
A look that I can only describe as pain flashes across Jaxon’s face before he can tuck it away. He tries. He really does, but I see it. I have always been able to see through him. His hand is steady when he takes mine.
“Angelic wards activate in three circumstances. When a demon is present, when they have been set up to keep certain people out, or when in the presence of the damned.”
“The damned?” I question, not familiar with the term.
“The damned are those of us who no longer have a soul. To an angel the soul is everything. To lose your soul is to lose the chance to gain entrance into paradise,” he finishes sadly. Braxton and Ryker both refuse to look at me, and for once in her life C.J. is silent. Talon has taken to studying the floor like it holds the mysteries of the universe. Zane finds my eyes before he too looks away.
I guess this one is on Jaxon to explain.
“What happens if you can’t get into Paradise?” I demand, rising to my feet as anger takes over. I have a very bad feeling that I know what he is going to say next.
“A soul either enters Paradise, lingers in the void, or is sentenced to the Underworld as a prisoner of Hades. Tartarus is the realm where angels without souls go. Their punishment is to spend the afterlife in the pit, surrounded by pain and death. All things that they detest.”
“NO! NO!” I shout again, looking at each of my friends and hoping that someone will tell me that he is wrong.
No one does. My heart sinks, but anger is my dominant emotion. I will not let this happen. I refuse!
“I am sorry Princess. Do you not think that if I could change it I would? She is my sister. I would do anything to save her.” Jaxon demands, taking a step closer to me.
“Just like you did anything to save me?”
The second the words leave my mouth I regret them. I want to take them back. Tuck them in and secure them away so that I can erase the look of hurt that he now wears. I can’t though. That is thing about words. Once they are spoken, they cannot be unspoken. The hurt they cause cannot be undone.
The others in the room are eerily silent. My heart cracks a little down the middle as I try to fix my mistake. “Jax.....I’m sorry. I didn’t mean....” I start, but he is quick to interrupt me.
“Yes you did. The funny thing is, you have no idea what I gave up to save you. None at all.”
Then Jaxon does something that he seems to be doing more and more lately. He walks away.
~ Chapter 10~
“That was harsh Cherry,” Ryker says shaking his head as he hurries to catch up to his brother. Braxton, in usual Braxton fashion, says nothing. His silent death glare says it all.
I turn to C.J., but for once my bestie just looks at me with a look of total disappointment. I have to admit....it hurts for her to look at me like that.
“I didn’t mean it,” I say lamely.
“I know,” she says sadly, walking up to me and pulling me in for a hug. “You still said it. You need to ask Jaxon why the council decided to leave you alone. The real reason. Then you will understand why what you just said hurt him.”
“Can’t you just tell me?” I ask hopefully. C.J. smiles, nudging me with her shoulder as she pulls away. “Nah....not my pandora’s box. Just....talk to him ok.”
I nod lamely, and she grabs Talon’s hand and all but drags him out of the door.
When I look up, Zane is gone. Huh. Guess the clock ran out on the anchor bond. That is a good thing too. I really need to talk to Jaxon, and I don’t think that would be possible with a Zane ankle chain.
I am alone in the kitchen, and a laugh slips out without my permission. Man. I must have pissed them off. I haven’t been alone since I have been here. The really selfish part of me wants to make myself a sandwich, but food is going to have to wait. My words hurt Jaxon, and that was not my intention. Sure, I was angry that he took so long to find me, but hurting someone just because you are hurting is never ok.
I need to fix this.
Ok? If I were a broody angry angel, where would I be?
I find the answer to that question by following my ears. I will admit, I stop for several moments in the open doorway of the in-house gym to admire the impressive physique of my sexy soul mate. His fist banging off of the hanging punching bag that swings from the effort of each blow. His muscles flex agai
nst his tight t-shirt as he takes the anger my words caused him out on the bag.
His eyes look more like thunderclouds than ever before as a silent storm rages behind them. Pain is etched across his face, but even in this moment of primal fury I can’t help but to find him absolutely beautiful.
His eyes flash to mine just as he delivers one final blow. This one harder than all the others, moving the bag back so far that it slams into the wall. He barely looks at me as I walk into the room. Not that I blame him.
Now is when I should apologize. Tell him that I am sorry. That I get word vomit when I am scared. That I didn’t mean any of it. I should do that, but something that C.J. said has wiggled its way into my brain and won’t let go.
Yes....my words were hurtful, but not on this level. Jaxon is tougher than this. There is something more going on here. Something important that I don’t know.
“What did you really do to save me from the council? It was more than that ruse with Bianca wasn’t it?” I question, charging into his space like I have the right to be there.
He tries to pull away, but I hold on. Tighter than before. I won’t let go. I need to know this. It feels important.
“Please.....you did something stupid.....didn’t you?” I demand, begging him to just tell me the truth. For once I just want someone in my life to trust me to be strong enough to handle the truth.
“It depends on your definition of stupid,” he tries to joke. My stare must tell him that I am serious because finally his shoulders sag as he takes a seat on the floor, pulling me down beside him.
“I may have done something...not smart,” he starts.
“Jax.....” I whine, putting just a hint of desperation into my voice.
“Ok. Yes. I did something stupid. Are you happy Princess? It’s done, so no worries ok. It’s my problem now. No need to worry you with the details.”
“Oh no you don’t! Don’t Princess me! Your problems are my problems Jaxon! So, whatever it is that you did, you better start talking, or I swear I am going to use my angel voodoo and mind jump your ass and pull it straight from your brain!” I fume.
“Ummm....now I really don’t want to tell you. That is kind of hot Princess,” he says, raising a brow suggestively.
“Jax!!!!!”
“Ok...ok...keep your panties on,” he laughs. “Or not...”
Ok. I am going to hit him.
He must sense it too, because he holds up his hands as he tries to contain his laughter.
“Are you done?” I ask, giving him a look that lets him know that I am two seconds from melting his brain.
“Yes. I am done. It isn’t a big thing Princess. I just made a deal with the council in exchange for your safety.” The way he says it, like he doesn’t have a care in the world should settle me, but it doesn’t. You see, I know him, better than I know myself. He hasn’t looked at me. Not once since he started talking. Which means he is lying.
“What kind of deal? Did you sell them your first-born child or something?” I joke, trying to get him to open up. My words have the opposite effect. Everything about my sexy angel shuts down the minute the words leave my mouth.
“Oh God...did you? Because I am not giving my future babies to the council!” I start, but Jaxon steps forward, claiming my lips in a tender kiss that leaves me breathless. He pulls back, resting his forehead against mine softly. A golden wave tumbles between us, tickling my cheek.
“I can’t even focus when you say things like future babies in a sentence Princess, but no.....that isn’t what I promised them. I would never give them something that was half yours. I gave them something they have wanted since my father came into his rule,” he whispers softly.
“And what would that be?” I ask, pulling back so that I can see his face. He must sense that I am not going to let it go, because he lets out a slow breath. He reaches up, cupping my face gently as he slowly steps away from me.
I watch him in confusion as he reaches for the hem of his shirt, tugging it up and over his head. I am about to ask what sexy time has to do with any of this, when Jaxon slowly turns around.
My entire world crumbles at what I see. I step forward, my fingers finding the tender broken flesh of his back. He flinches under my touch, and a tear breaks free when one of the scabs starts to bleed. My eyes trace the angry lines that begin at his shoulder blades and stop above his ribs, making half moons on either side of his spine but not quite touching.
“Your wings? You gave them your wings? Why.....?” I cry, feeling like the biggest jerk in the world as Jaxon pulls me into the warm flesh of his chest.
“To possess an angel’s wings, is to control his angelic soul. By giving my wings freely, I forfeit my right to rule. I am still an angel, but the greatest disgrace for any angel is to take their wings. It means that when this angelic life cycle ends, how and when I come back will be controlled by the high priest of the council.”
“Why? Why would they ask this of all things?” I demand, angry on his behalf.
Jaxon laughs, and it is a laugh that is full of sarcasm and spite. “Because the high priest of the angelic council is none other than Brielle Bicada, Bianca’s mother. She knows that I would never love her daughter by choice, and sees it as a way to force the union eventually.”
Son of a ......
“NO! NO! You can’t do this! I won’t let you!” I fume, pushing him gently as tears flood my eyes and pain infuses my soul.
“It is too late princess. It is already done. It was the only way they were letting you back in this school. The only way I could keep you close. That I could protect you.”
“Why did I not notice this in your room the other day? I know I was distracted, but I would not have missed this!” I exclaim. My hands point frantically at the gaping wounds on his back.
Jax smiles, his words soft. “It was more recent than that.”
“Does it hurt?” I ask, running my hands over the still fresh wound.
Jaxon’s eyes never leave mine as he leans so close that I can smell the faint hint of wintergreen that lingers on his breath.
“Not nearly as much as losing you.”
My heart skips, stutters, stops, and then restarts as his words sink into me. As the meaning of what he just said seeps into my soul. This man....this man who I have done nothing but resent and give a hard time since the moment I got back sacrificed everything for me.
He literally gave up a piece of who he is just to keep me safe. He went through pain for me. He bled for me, and I....I have been awful to him.
I will admit, there are a lot of things that I don’t know about angels. All I really know about their wings is that they get all hot and bothered when someone touches them.
I silently wonder if he will feel things the same way without them.
I also know that while they do not need their wings to travel, they do use them to fly. I know that giving them up for any reason is a bigger deal than he is saying. That what he sacrificed for me is a debt that I will never be able to repay.
“You owe me nothing but a long happy life,” he whispers softly, his lips grazing my forehead in the barest of kisses. For once I don’t mind that he dove into my thoughts. That he answered my question before it left my lips.
I smile, my cheek rubbing along the scruff on his jaw as I snuggle closer to him. Lies. All lies. I owe him everything. It hits me then, and I don’t know how I never saw it before. Jaxon, with all his imperfections, is absolutely perfect for me. He loves me, like no one has ever loved me. He doesn’t care that I am messy and complicated and probably more trouble than I am worth. He just loves me. So much so that he gave up all that he is to save me.
“When...why?” I cry, my voice cracking as I try to push out my words. When did he do this? Why did this have to happen? I need to know. I need to know so that I can help him fix this.
Loving me has broken him, and that...that I can’t live with. I want to be the one to put together all his broken parts. Not the one that keeps smashing th
em into smaller pieces.
Tears run a fast and angry trail down my cheeks as I attempt to reign in my emotions. My mind flashes to the rune on my lower back. The rune for sacrifice. The rune that until this moment I thought was there because I saved him.
I was wrong.....I was so....so wrong.
I didn’t save Jaxon. He saved me. He just let me think that I saved him.
“Why?” I repeat again, pressing my forehead to his as I try to control my rapid breathing. His gentle fingers trace the rune on my back, over and over in the same pattern. His eyes are closed and his breathing even, as he pulls back. Slowly he opens those eyes, fixing me in his blue grey gaze and keeping me there.
“While you were in the void, the council came back. This time they demanded that I hand you over. You were weak and defenseless against them in your current state. I couldn’t let them know. They would have used it to kill you. The only reason you are still alive is because they can’t figure out a way to get Jahar’s soul from your body. Until now that has kept you safe. I have a spy on the council. He informed me while you were away. They have a way Maci. A way to extract her soul even though she fused with you. The council no longer needs you. They wanted you dead,” he says angrily.
“So how am I still here then? Why would your wings be worth more than the soul of a fate?” I ask, really confused.
“You...you don’t understand. Our wings are our power. I didn’t just give them my wings, but all of my abilities. I am basically ....human now,” he says with a laugh that sounds anything but funny.
“Any magic that I have left is because of a mirror spell that Zane cast. It allows me to borrow the magic of those around me, but that is all. I can’t access magic unless I steal it from someone else, and even then, I can only do minor spells.”
“Oh Jax!” I whisper, shocked at this revelation. “Why? Why did you do that?” I ask angrily, pushing him as I rise to my feet. I feel shaky and sick all at once.
He shrugs, a golden wave tumbling into his eye as he does so. “I had to make sure you were safe. I failed you once. I wasn’t doing it again,” he says simply.
Avenge (Hillcrest Book 2) Page 9
