by Maya Hughes
“How are you?” we both said at the same time. My hands itched to touch her, but I shoved them deep into my pockets. I had my answer when she didn’t respond to me. I had my chance. I’d had a taste of the sweetest life I could have imagined and now it was gone. Standing so close to her now almost hurt. A keen piercing stabbed me through the heart that I couldn’t touch her.
35
Mel
We stood there in awkward silence. That hurt. Our silences were always filled with so much more. Anger, sexual energy so powerful it nearly knocked me off my feet, happiness, but it had never been awkward before. After living in the apartment for over a month and always turning down their invitations to go out, closing myself off to everyone, I’d finally said yes. My roommates were so excited they all got me ready for the evening. Makeup, hair, the works. I tried not to think of the night of the gala and how one was an exciting next step in a relationship brewing between Rhys and me and this was an exercise in not becoming a shut-in, trying to forget everything we’d shared before.
I glanced through the restaurant window at the woman he’d helped out of the car. She was stunning. Her sandy blond hair done up in a chignon that would have taken me months to wear. Her navy coat showed off her perfect legs and figure. She looked like she’d walked off the cover of ‘Powerful Woman’ magazine. She sat at a table surrounded by other men and moved with ease. His equal, someone who knew how to navigate his world. That’s exactly what she looked like. I wanted to curl in on myself as I wrapped my arms around my waist. I only had myself to blame.
He’d sent me messages since the video. Tried to contact me and I’d shut him down. I had to imagine women were knocking down his door every day. It wouldn’t have taken long for him to find someone else. Someone better. I hoped she was good for Esme. Does she do the voices Esme liked when she sat on the edge of Esme’s bed and read her books? Does he trust her more than he ever trusted me?
A tear escaped the corner of my eye and I batted it away. So stupid. You can’t give up on something and then be sad when someone else snatches it up. Embarrassment heated my face.
“Sorry, I’d better let you get back to your date,” I said, going around him. His fingers wrapped around my elbow, catching me as I tried to get out of there with a bit of my dignity intact. I glanced over my shoulder, biting my lip to keep it from quivering. That’s the last thing I needed, to break down in front of him.
“Mel,” he whispered my name, like he had so many times before. When he tucked my hair behind my ear, wrapped his arms around me at night, or ran his fingers down my spine, his chin nestled against my neck. It raised goose bumps on my skin that had nothing to do with the freezing temperatures. He tugged me closer to him, so close I could feel the heat of his breath on the side of my face. And I looked away, squeezing my eyes shut. “I can barely get myself dressed in the morning now that you’re gone. If you think I’d want another woman, you’ve lost your mind. I only want you, Mel,” he said, dragging my face to his. I was caught in his gaze, unable to turn away. The feelings I’d tried so hard to push down, to forget, to leave behind washed over me and warmed me from the inside out.
The rest was a blur. Our lips intertwined out on the sidewalk, his hands in my hair, tugging on it, just the right edge of painful. I gasped and he delved in deeper, our tongues dancing the way our bodies longed. He flung the door to the SUV open and we fell into it.
“Home,” he called out before his lips were back on my skin. Peppering my neck with kisses and nips. I glanced up, relieved Derek wasn’t staring back at me. The divider slid up and we were alone.
His hands ran along my legs the entire ride to the apartment. Memories from the gala that I’d tried to forget but couldn’t bare parting with raced through my mind. As excited as I was to see him and as much as I couldn’t wait for him to make everything up to me, I wanted to see Esme.
The elevator doors opened and I didn’t even waste time taking off my coat. Derek stood from his spot on the couch. Rhys waved him off and I rushed into her room. The dim glow of her nightlight bathed the entire room in pink. There she was. My little girl. I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep my sob from waking her. I gingerly walked into the room and sat on the floor beside her bed. Her little hand poked out of the blanket and off the side of the bed. I wrapped my hands around it and rubbed it.
She opened her eyes and smiled. “Mel, you’re back,” she said, her eyes droopy.
“I’m back,” I said, the tears brimming in my eyes as I smoothed down the hair on her head. Her eyes drooped and she was back to sleep. I didn’t even know if she would remember I was there in the morning. I hoped she would because I didn’t plan on going anywhere again.
I don’t know how long I sat there, but it was long enough that my legs were asleep when Rhys put his hand on my shoulder.
“Come with me.” He held his hand out. I didn’t want to leave Esme, but we had so much to talk about.
We walked past his office and straight to his bedroom. His fingers were threaded through mine. I didn’t know whose pulse pounded harder, his or mine. Closing the door behind us, his shoulders sank.
He turned back to me with tears swimming in his eyes. “Mel—” His voice cracked. “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am.”
“Rhys, you…you had a lot at stake. I can’t know what it was like to keep that secret for so long and live in fear of that for Esme.”
He didn’t let go of my hand.
“I…I need to think.” My throat tightened and my gaze darted to the door. It was all too much. My chest tightened.
“Please don’t go. I know my words don’t mean much.” His throat worked up and down.
“Rhys, the trust thing isn’t going to go away. What happens the next time something happens? I can’t put myself through that again and I can’t hurt Esme by coming back into her life.”
“I can’t do it without you.” He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Being alone, I can’t do it anymore. I’ve never felt like this before, like there was someone who knew me. Wanted me.” He stared into my eyes.
“Rhys—” I tried to step back, but he held me tight.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that I am the right man for you. If I have to spend every day doing that I will because the ache in my heart is so painful I can barely breathe. I’m a shell of who I was with you and I can’t go back to that. I won’t. You’re the only one who can fix what I’ve broken by taking me back.”
His cheeks were wet with tears. These were the words I’d prayed for every night since I’d left. The ones I’d given up on hearing.
Lifting my hand, I ran it along the side of his face.
He pressed his face into my skin and cupped his hand around mine. “Will you stay?” The anguish in his eyes matched the pain I’d felt every night climbing into an empty bed.
Letting out a breath against the tightness in my chest, I nodded. Tears clouded my vision. “I’ll stay.”
He jumped up and crushed me to him like a lifeline thrown out in cascading seas. “I love you and I’ll love you forever, Mel.”
“None of it is mine. The apartment, the cars. It all belongs to the foundations I chair. Given as a perk of the position,” he said, shrugging his shoulders like I cared. “Everything else, except for a small amount to live off is going to be given to the places I think it will make the most difference. My parents’ rules no longer apply. My parents thought I didn’t have a charitable bone in my body and needed to beat it into me. I just didn’t believe in their form of charity. I’ve got Esme, I’ve got you, and I’ve got enough for us to be comfortable without a bull’s-eye on my back, but I wanted to let you know what you were getting into with me,” he said, looking unsure, like I gave a shit about the money. Sure, it was nice, but no one needed as much money as he had.
“I don’t care about the money, Rhys. I’ve got you and I’ve got Esme and that’s all that matters to me,” I said, tears filling my eyes. I hat
ed being so freaking weepy. “I’m taking college classes now. Finally getting around to it after getting my GED.” I dropped my head. I hated how it made me feel to say it. I should be proud of it. I shouldn’t get that twisty gut feeling fessing up to the fact I didn’t even graduate high school. His fingers caressed my chin. I missed his touch and smell. I breathed him in and relaxed into him. He tilted my head up until I met his eyes.
“I’m so proud of you. I don’t care if you go to college or not, but if it makes you happy, if it’s what you want, we’re behind you one hundred percent and Esme and I look forward to embarrassing the hell out of you when you walk across that graduation stage,” he said before pressing his lips to mine. His soft lips hard against mine coaxed the swirling pool of desire back to the surface. I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair, letting the silky smoothness run over them.
“Take me to bed,” I whispered against his lips. He growled and I chuckled until he dipped and cradled me in his arms.
“Put me down, you’re going to drop me.” I laughed, pushing on his chest.
“Never again.” He gazed into my eyes. Tears gathered in his eyes and he blinked them back. “Never,” he said, so fiercely that my heart stuttered and the tears were back. All I could do was nod. I believed him.
He laid me on the bed like he was afraid I’d disappear. “I love you, Mel,” he said as he slid inside me. I gasped, forgetting how good it felt, how good he felt, as I dug my fingers into his muscled back.
“I love you too,” I said on a moan as he slammed into me, thrusting as I hitched my legs up on his hips, our bodies coming together in an exquisite bliss I’d never experienced with anyone before and wouldn’t ever again.
This was forever. We were forever.
36
Mel
I fidgeted with my dress for the hundredth time since we’d landed. The car ride over seemed to take just as long as the plane ride. It felt weird to be back on this street again. Rhys convinced me to come. He looked up their information although their address was one I’d never forget.
Opening the door to the car, I smelled the flowers from the flowerbed in the air. It was definitely bigger than when I remember sitting out there in the early spring mornings planting bulbs and seeds with Shannon. What if they don’t want to see me? What if they’ve forgotten about me?
My hands trembled as I pressed the doorbell. I glanced back at Rhys and Esme and gave them something as close to a smile as I could muster. The urge to bite my fingernails made me clasp them in front of me. My nails were practically nonexistent after how much I’d gnawed them on the way over. The door swung open, and I spun back around and came face-to-face with Shannon. Her eyes were wide and she clasped both her hands over her mouth.
“Ben!” she called out. “Melanie?” she whispered.
I nodded, my throat too tight to speak. Tears prickled the back of my eyes and spilled out onto my cheeks. Shannon stepped out and wrapped her arms around me so tightly I could barely breathe. I brought my arms up and around hers, breathing her in. She smelled exactly the same. The smell brought back every happy memory from my time in this house and I broke down. Walking back into this house was like I’d returned from an odyssey around the world filled with desperation, heartache, and finally settling into a love that filled my fuller than I’d ever imagined. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t still that pain of not seeing them. I couldn’t hold back my ragged sobs as I buried my head in her neck. Her arms shook around me as she cried too, her tears wetting my cheek.
“Shannon?” Ben called out from behind her. I glanced up and saw him wiping his hands on a towel. “Mel,” he said, rushing toward us before wrapping his arms around both of us and lifting us off the ground. The years had been kind to both of them. I swore they didn’t look a day older than when I’d seen them last. Mom and I both laughed, wiping our cheeks as he put us back down. Mom, it felt so right.
“Come in, come in,” she said, playfully pushing Ben back inside and waving us in. I glanced back at Rhys and Esme, smiling so widely my cheeks hurt. Rhys reached out and slid his hand into mine as we walked into the house. He caressed my wrist with his finger, calming me. I didn’t want this moment to end. It was the perfect moment. I was home with my two favorite people in the world. Everything in the house was the same. The furniture, the paint, the pillows on the couch. They were all like I remembered. When I tried to transport myself back here those times growing up, I’d clamped my hands over my ears, rocking in my closet as drunken high idiots stumbled around my house, or someone locked me out of the house. Sitting on the curb until the streetlights came on, waiting for someone to let me in. Sometimes I thought I’d dreamed the whole thing, but running my hands along the table by the front door, sliding my fingers across the warm wood, it was all real. Everything I’d experienced here. The love, the comfort, and the safety. And now I’d made that for myself with the man I loved. I squeezed Rhys’s hand and he squeezed mine back.
We passed through the hall, following Mom when Esme tugged on my hand.
“Look it’s you,” she said, pointing at the pictures on the wall. Framed pictures of my time with them covered the light blue wall. It was the exact shade I still remembered. Christmas morning, Sunday pancakes, baking, me on the swings, us shooing Ben out of the room when we had our karaoke Fridays. It was all here, up on display. Interspersed among the pictures of me were photos of other kids. There had to be at least ten other kids here. It made me tear up again to know they hadn’t forgotten about me and they’d been able to open their home up to so many other children over the years. Kids who got to experience everything I had with them. I hoped they’d been able to touch each of them like they had me. They’d cared about me just as much as I had for them and they were even more amazing than I’d known before. Mom came up behind me and put her hands on my shoulders.
“Mel, you were always in our hearts. Always. Not being able to see you was the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through in our lives. We were about thirty seconds from going to jail after trying to track you down and get you back. We hoped that one day when you were ready you’d come to us. That you’d come back home,” she said, her voice cracking. I squeezed her hands on my shoulders and glanced back at her, tears gathering in her eyes again.
“I’m glad I came back,” I hesitated. She’d always been my mom in my mind, but to say it out loud. “Mom,” I said, turning to her. Her tears spilled over then and her sobs rang out in the hall as she wrapped her arms around me and swayed us back and forth. Her tears gathered on my neck and mine did the same on hers. Pulling back, she ran her hand along my face, pushing my hair away. The smile on her face could have lit a stadium for months and I knew that because I wore the same one.
“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you call me that, Mel. The daughter of my heart,” she said, gathering me up in her arms again. I glanced over at Esme and Rhys. Esme’s face was a mask of concern.
“Don’t worry, kiddo. These are happy tears,” I said, laughing. Rhys produced a stack of tissues for the two of us and we each blew our noses for five minutes. Mom told me all about the other kids who’d joined their family over the years. Some lived with them for years, while others were only there for a few weeks or months. Each one had a place on their wall.
“So, who are you, young man?” Ben said, getting all paternal on Rhys. But Rhys was a good sport.
“I’m Rhys Thayer, sir,” he said, holding out his hand.
“Oh, wow, I’ve heard of you. Don’t think that lets you off the hook for the grilling that’s coming your way about our Mel,” he said, shaking Rhys’s hand.
“Ben,” I said, embarrassed, like any girl would be bringing a guy home to her dad. The pangs in my chest were hitting harder and harder now. These were my parents. They’d done more for me in the short time I’d been with them than they could ever know.
We spent the rest of the day eating, laughing, and hanging out at the house. It wasn’t
until later that night in the hotel that I finally took a breath. Esme was asleep in her own room in the suite and Rhys sat up against the headboard and held me in his arms, as I reminisced about the entire day and how far we’d come from our first meeting.
“If you’d told me a year ago I’d be here with you after introducing you to my parents, I would’ve laughed myself into a coma,” I said, rubbing my hands over his forearms. Their warm, heavy weight helped keep me focused on this moment, on how lucky I was. The light caught the diamond solitaire he’d slid onto my finger after a morning pancake breakfast and the matching diamond band he’d given me less than three months ago in a quiet ceremony on an estate a friend of his owned. The pictures had been splashed on magazines all over the country, but that day had been about us and our friends. Quiet and one of the best days of my life.
“Then I’m definitely glad I didn’t tell you a year ago. I’m not into the whole sleeping beauty, unconscious woman thing,” he said into my ear, giving me a nip on the ear. “And since we’re already in family expansion mode, what do you think about getting started on a new addition?” He squeezed me tighter.
I glanced over my shoulder at him.
“Are you sure? We haven’t even been married a year.” I didn’t want to rush things. We had all the time in the world and I didn’t know the first thing about babies. Esme I could handle, she could be reasoned with. How in the world was I supposed to be a good parent to a baby?
“You’ll be a wonderful mother. You already are to Esme. And the fact that I don’t have you pregnant already is only by sheer force of will and the fact I know you needed time. So, what do you say? Do you want to make a baby with me?” His eyes filled with so much joy and love it took my breath away. How could I say no to a man who looked at me like that?
