by Ellie Cahill
“Is there a loose one in the drawer?” I scooted across the bed to peer over his shoulder. There was a collection of random crap in the drawer: pens, a bandage, a comb, a pack of gum, a tube of lube, pennies, a deck of playing cards, a small bottle of aspirin, but nothing resembling a condom.
“What about the bathroom?” I asked. “Or the other drawer?” I crawled to the other side of the bed and checked the second nightstand. The drawer was completely empty except for a single crossword puzzle book that looked at least 20 years old.
“Well…that fucking sucks,” Will sighed, and fell back on the bed.
“Yeah.” I sank down on my hip, surprised by how deflated I felt. Turns out, I wanted Will. Bad.
“What do you want to do?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at me upside down.
That was a good question. Right now, we were still in the moment. Everything that had happened could all be written off as a brief bit of madness. Maybe it wouldn’t be easy to pretend we hadn’t seen each other naked. Maybe this would be the end of our briefly rekindled friendship. Or maybe it would be the start of something else. But what? Dating? Booty calls? Could being someone’s designated wedding date also include sex?
Most importantly, what did I want this to be?
All I knew was that I was having a pretty damn good time. I didn’t want to think too hard about what it all meant.
So I crawled across the bed until I could look him in the eye. “There are other ways of returning the favor.”
Relief and delight washed over his face. “I like the way your mind works, HB.”
22
A Cute Little Wedding in the Middle of God Damn Nowhere
Kendall’s wedding was at a ranch in hill country. I picked Will up early for the hour-long drive. He was dressed in the same suit, but a different shirt and tie. As he walked down the driveway to my car, putting on his sunglasses as he approached, my stomach went all quivery. He still didn’t look like he belonged in a suit, but he sure could make one look good.
I was waiting by the driver’s side door, still rocking a sexy pair of burgundy high heels for the moment. I was never sure how on-theme I was supposed to go for a wedding at a remote location like this, so I’d gone with a yet another basic black dress. Admittedly, I had my cowboy boots stashed in the trunk. It was a ranch. I wouldn’t be the only one.
Will paused a few feet away to look at me over his glasses. “You look good,” he said.
“Even with the bites?” I lifted my ankle, showing off the small red spots up and down my calf. The ant attack was nearly a week ago, and the evidence was fading, but still noticeable.
“Barely noticed ‘em.”
“You look good, too.”
He closed the distance between us and leaned in close as if to kiss me, then paused. “Lipstick?”
“Smudge-proof.”
“Good choice.” The kiss was sweet and brief, but enough to show me he’d missed me. We’d seen each other three times this week. Between my dog-sitting jobs and him going to his property after work to put in some extra hours on the renovation, we hadn’t had much time to spend together. Not to mention that we still had no idea what was going on between us. So far, it was text messages that danced along the border between flirty and snarky, and some serious making out. I didn’t know what that added up to. But I had a fresh box of condoms in my purse, so at least we had options tonight.
I drove, like usual, and we made a caffeine stop on our way out of Austin.
“So, what’s my role here tonight?” Will asked. “Are they expecting you to bring a date?”
“They know you’re coming,” I said. “Kendall texted me to ask for your name a couple weeks ago when they were doing place cards or something.”
“Too bad. I was kind of hoping to play a male escort.”
I laughed. “Sorry. Maybe next time.”
“Am I just a date, then? What’s the deal?”
“Let’s just go with the same story you told Trent. We’re old friends, who haven’t seen each other in a while, and we reconnected recently.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Sounds a little far-fetched.”
“I know. Try to sink into the character.”
“I’ll try.” He took a deep breath and pretended to be in deep concentration, muttering, “Old friends…reconnected recently…okay, you got this, Brady. You got this.”
I laughed again. “You’re an idiot.”
He put away his method acting bit and smiled at me. “Anything else I should know?”
Heat rushed up the back of my neck. I chatted with Kendall a couple weeks ago, before the infamous ant attack and everything after. “I may have implied that you were…my boyfriend.” That little fib had seemed uncomplicated and meaningless just those few weeks back. But now it felt heavy. Pushy. Impatient.
But Will nodded. “You got it. One boyfriend, at your service.”
“Great. Thank you.”
“I assume you said I was fantastic in bed.”
I spluttered. “I said nothing of the sort.”
“That’s harsh, HB. Here, I set you up with my work buddies as a god damn revelation in bed and you just say, what? Nothing? Man.”
“Kendall didn’t ask,” I said drily, casting him a look.
“You should have volunteered it. ‘My date’s name is Will Brady and he is a sex god.’”
“I can still pull over and push you out of this car, you know.”
“I’d like to see you try.”
We kept up a constant stream of conversation all the way to the ranch. It was weird the way we never seemed to run out of things to talk about. We’d gone for years without exchanging a word, and now, one conversation just drifted into the next. He didn’t even think it was creepy when I started talking about how many serial killers were suspected of being active along the Interstate highways. In fact, we made plans to watch a documentary series called The Killing Fields together. I’d already watched it, but I thought it was fascinating and I was more than willing to watch it again.
Not that we spent the whole time being creepy weirdos. We also talked about real estate, and college, and dogs, and our families…
“Did I tell you I got a Save the Date for next year already?” he asked.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. It’s my roommates from college, Beckett and Emmy, so at least it’ll be fun, but seriously. Next year already.”
“Are they from California?”
“Emmy is, sort of. Beck is from Phoenix. But they’re getting married in Mexico.”
“Ooh, destination wedding. Fancy!”
“Yeah.” He paused. “I still can’t quite wrap my head around the two of them together.”
“How so?”
“Beck was engaged to someone else when we graduated. His fiancée dumped him, and all of a sudden I’m getting word that he and Emmy are together. Apparently shit gets weird in Iowa.”
I laughed. “Sounds like an interesting story.”
“I’m sure it will be.”
The GPS piped up, directing me into a left turn that sent me over a pair of cattle grates. Will zoomed in on the map and declared were were only a few minutes away.
We arrived safely and followed a series of rustic looking signs to a parking area where all the cars were equally covered with dust from the backroads. I had a feeling I’d be in my cowboy boots very soon. For now, though, I happily took the arm Will offered me to keep my balance across the gravel parking area.
The ceremony was set up in an outdoor theater of sorts, with large stone slabs making up the seats in a loose ring formation. Thank god the whole thing was protected by shade sails. I still had to question the sanity of an outdoor ceremony in summer in Texas, but hopefully it would be short.
We took a program from Kendall’s younger brother and seated ourselves near a few of my other friends from college. Everyone was happy to see each other and I happily gave hugs to them all. I introduced Will to everyon
e I could, carefully avoiding calling him ‘my boyfriend’ as much as possible.
A pair of musicians on violin and guitar between to play, and we knew it was time to sit, but just before we did, my friend Samantha caught my eye and mouthed, “Wow,” fanning herself and nodding toward Will. I smiled, but rolled my eyes.
The processional music began to play and everyone stood to watch Kendall walk down the aisle with her parents. She looked beautiful and excited, just as every bride I’d seen so far did. If I had to pick a favorite part of a wedding, it was probably this moment. It was lovely to see that much excitement and hope on someone’s face. It was almost contagious. I couldn’t help but feel a bit of buoyancy in my chest when I saw her eyes shining and her smile as wide as I’d ever seen anyone smile.
Will put his big hand on my shoulder and ran his thumb idly up and down my shoulder blade as we watched Kendall. When the officiant told us we could be seated, he took my hand, pulling it onto his lap for the duration. Instead of feeling like everyone would see through our lies, as I had at Trent’s wedding, I scooted just a bit closer and enjoyed myself.
It was a short ceremony, and an easy receiving line. Since everything was happening at the ranch, there was no need to whisk off the bride and groom for photos or anything like that. Instead we got to wander straight away from the receiving line to a shaded courtyard where the musicians had relocated to play pleasant, atmospheric music. There were cocktails and hors d’oeuvres, and plenty of beautiful scenery to look at.
We found Samantha and my other friend Chelsea, who was one of the bridesmaids, staking out a table. They waved us over. Both of them were flying solo tonight and they gave me a hard time about bringing a date.
“We’re in the bunkhouse,” Chelsea said, pointing in the distance to one of the guesthouses on the property. It’s all the single girls in one room and you were supposed to be in there with us!”
“I’m not even staying the night,” I told them.
“Oh, yes you are,” Samantha said. “You have to!”
“I didn’t tell Kendall I wanted a room,” I said. “This place has got to be packed with her family.”
“There’s room for, like, 30-some people here,” Samantha said. “I know every room wasn’t taken last night. Y’all are staying.”
I tried not to look panicked as I glanced at Will. I definitely hadn’t planned on an all-night affair. Was he freaking out?
“You’re staying,” Chelsea chimed in. “Lemme talk to Kendall’s mom. You’re staying.”
“Okay, why don’t you find out?” I said, just to get out of the conversation. I turned to Will. “You need a drink?”
“Sure. We’ll be right back,” he told the girls.
As soon as we were out of earshot I said, “We don’t have to stay.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Unless you don’t want to.”
“No!” I said, too quickly. “I mean, I will if you want to. I mean, if we even can. But if you don’t, it’s okay. I mean, I don’t have to. But if we can, then I don’t know if we can’t, do you know what I mean? I don’t want you to think—if that’s…too fast?” The words were tumbling out and I couldn’t be sure I even made sense.
“Hadley?”
“Yeah?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
I took a breath, and just hoped my face wasn’t as red as it felt. “I know you’re playing the b-boyfriend here today, but I know we aren’t, like, there right now. And if you’re not, you know, wanting to spend the night with me…”
He was laughing. Not loud, but it was very clear that he was laughing at me. Shoulders shaking, eyes crinkled up at the corners.
“What is so funny?”
“You,” he said. He put his hands on my shoulders and ducked a little so he could force me to look in his eyes even though I was trying not to. “I would absolutely spend the night with you if that’s what you want.”
I raised my eyes. “But is it what you want?”
“Only if it’s not going to freak you out.”
“I’m not freaking out,” I said, instantly regretting the defiant tone.
He smiled and said, “Bullshit,” softly.
“I’m not,” I repeated, a little more calmly.
“Okay.”
“I’m not.”
“I agreed with you.” He started walking toward the bar.
“But you don’t sound like you agree.” We’d arrived at the bar, so I had to stop talking. Will ordered a beer and I chose the signature cocktail that Kendall and Caleb had chosen. It was lemonade-based and surprisingly good. Much better than a panic drink.
We rejoined my friends, and conversation moved on. But all I could think about was whether or not I was going to sharing a bed with Will.
23
Adulting, Unless There’s Syrup
It was a real down-home Texas wedding. Straight out of a Country Bride magazine, or off someone’s Pinterest boards. Mason jars, fairy lights, lace, and chalkboards. Kendall was wearing cowboy boots under her lace wedding dress, as I’d suspected she might be. And the bridesmaids, who’d all stood for the ceremony in nice high heels, switched to their boots for the reception.
The guitar and violin players were joined by the rest of a country band, and the guests were more than happy to two-step. My girlfriends and I almost never left the dance floor, singing at the top of our lungs to our favorite songs and dancing like our lives depended on it. I dragged Will out on the floor from time to time, though he didn’t even put up a fight.
He played his part as my boyfriend better than I could have imagined. He kept my glass full, and charmed all my friends, and let me eat his slice of cake since he got more chocolate in his piece than I did.
Eventually the temperature of the big red barn where the reception was held got to be unbearable. We stepped out into a humid, starlit night where wedding guests were clustered around a bonfire the owners had built for the wedding. And when midnight came, we all stood in two rows, facing each other, and held sparklers aloft for Kendall and Caleb to pass through on their way to the cute little honeymoon suite cottage at the far end of the property.
Kendall’s mom not only said that we could stay, but she insisted. They had a vacant room after the couple that was supposed to stay for the night bailed due to a sick child at home.
So after the band had packed it in for the night, and the bartender closed up shop, the people who were staying for the night turned to private supplies of beer, wine, and whiskey. And slowly but surely even that party dwindled as people either got too tired or drunk to stay up a minute longer.
At two, I cried uncle. We said goodnight to the revelers who were now talking about staying up until sunrise, and made our way to the guest cottage where our room was. It was a lovely little room, decorated in exactly the way you’d expect. Lots of wood, and white linens, and metal.
There was something so deliberate about this. I’d never really decided to go to bed with anyone before. I’d ended up in bed with people, but that was different. That was dorm rooms, and crappy apartments, and stumbling home from a frat party. It was waking up at first light and sneaking out, or leaving as soon as we were done.
This was formal clothes, and a beautiful guest room, and deciding to call it a night, and knowing we’d spend the whole night together. It was unmistakably adult, which was a feeling that was in short supply in my life.
Will closed the door behind us and set the lock, and then we looked at each other.
“Is this…this is weird, right?” I asked.
“A little.” He came to me and swept my hair back from my shoulders before cupped my jaw in his right hand. “But I’m willing to work through it.”
We kissed, and it was lovely. The longer it lasted, the more relaxed I felt. Sure we’d only done this a handful of times, but the familiarity of him was just enough to help the setting fade. There was nothing to stop us or interfere this time. We could have taken as much time as we wanted. But t
hat didn’t stop me from sliding his suit jacket off his shoulders pretty much right away. His tie came next, and I started work on his shirt buttons.
He eased down my zipper and I raised my arms to he could pull my dress over my head. When Will realized I was in nothing but my bra, underwear, and cowboy boots, he raised his eyes to the ceiling for a second. “Oh lord, thank you, Jesus.”
A flush of heat ran through me, but I wasn’t embarrassed for once. I was kind of proud in a weird way. “Wait a second,” I said, crossing to the little wooden chair where I’d tossed my purse. I fished out a condom and turned back to Will with it tweezed between my first two fingers. “I figured, you know…”
Will smiled slowly. “I must have been a very good boy in another life.”
“But are you a good boy in this life?”
He nodded, his eyes never leaving me.
“Show me.”
As someone who is used to waking up in unfamiliar surroundings often, I wasn’t surprised to not recognize anything when I first opened my eyes. But that never stops my lizard brain from injecting a dose of adrenaline into my blood stream. I jerked my head around, taking it all in and quickly putting the pieces back in order in my memory. Kendall’s wedding. The ranch. We stayed the night. We. Will.
I rolled onto my back and found him beside me. He was on his back, one arm flung over his head. He chest rose and fell in the deep rhythm of sleep. Like everyone, he looked younger asleep, with all the tension drained from his face. But even then he didn’t look like the boy I’d grown up with. In high school he’d been more wiry than muscular, and tall in the stretched-out way of someone who’s not done growing. Now he was all filled-out. Broad-shouldered and strong, and wearing his height like the world should really catch up with his standard, rather than him being above average.
The weight of my gaze seemed to rouse him, and he opened his eyes. I watched as the same disorientation furrowed his brow, then eased as he realized where he was.
