by Lara Swann
I nod, even though something in me still stutters at the idea of moving in with him. It was an inevitable requirement, of course, but it still feels like…kind of a big deal. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, exactly. I tell myself I’ve lived with lots of different people before - and most of them doctors, or trainee doctors, too - and it won’t be so different.
Except that it’s his space, not mine - or even ‘ours’. And he’s got a daughter. She’s lovely, sure, but that doesn’t mean I have a clue what living with a kid will be like.
And I’ll be spending a lot more time with him and that still-very-much-alive crush.
That’s what I signed up for though, and I figure I’ll get used to it. I can deal with a little discomfort and strangeness at first. And he’s got a point - at least our ‘marriage’ won’t require much more of me than that. In fact, once I get my head around that, this whole thing could be quite simple - more than a fair trade for half of the business he built up from scratch himself.
“That’s true.” I say, trying to convince myself as well as him. “Maybe this whole thing will be easier than we think it will.”
He nods, offering me a hopeful smile, and our food arrives before he can say anything more.
We start eating, drifting into our own thoughts about all of this, but it’s with the kind of companionable silence that bodes well for living together. Slightly encouraged, and grateful that he suggested this and we could talk a little more casually about it all, I finish my meal feeling a little more settled than when we came in.
After we’re done, he drives me home and pulls up outside the block of apartments, looking over at me.
“Tomorrow, then?” He asks.
“Tomorrow.” I agree, steeling my stomach against the butterflies that want to dance around in it.
“See you then.” He says, smiling softly.
I get out of the car and watch him go, not making any move to enter my home for a few minutes.
I’ve got this afternoon to sort out my apartment and pack up what I want to take to his, and then tomorrow...I move in with him.
To start our ‘married life’ together.
Or something like that.
Chapter Five
Nathan
T he day after my second marriage, the doorbell goes in the late afternoon. The sound reverberates around the house as I spring up, the tense anticipation that’s been with me all day finally being given an outlet. I think I’ve been on edge all day, waiting for Jessica to arrive. It’s going to be a strange adjustment for both of us, living together and sharing the house, and the sooner we can settle into it, the better.
“Daddyyyy!” Emma, my second doorbell, shouts from where she’s playing on the other side of the room. “There’s someone at the dooor!”
She jumps up too, stumbling slightly as she tries to run towards it. I scoop her up on my way out, tucking her into my hip as she giggles.
“I know, munchkin. Let’s go and answer it, hmm?” I say, trying to sound calm and self-assured for her. The last thing we need right now is her freaking out about this too.
I’ve already explained this several times to her, but she doesn’t always understand or quite remember things if they’re not obviously happening in front of her.
I open the door, and Emma takes that moment to remember that she’s actually shy and not as excited about seeing the person at the door as she thought she was. She burrows herself into me, clinging tight and twisting her face against my chest so that Jessica can’t see her.
“Hi.” Jessica says, her voice soft and a little uncertain as she stands on the porch looking up at us. She’s got a suitcase with her, but I’m surprised to see that’s all. I suppose some of it might still be in the car.
“Hi.” I say, half-distracted with Emma but trying to smile and sound appropriately welcoming anyway. Whatever Jessica’s objections yesterday, I can’t entirely shake my gratitude that she’s been willing to upend her entire life for this. The least she deserves is for me to do everything I can to make this easy for her. “Please, come in.”
I step back to make room for her, bouncing Emma slightly and trying to coax her out of my chest.
“Hey, Emma…this is Jessica.” I say gently. “Daddy’s friend from work.”
I stroke Emma’s back and she slowly looks up, blinking first at me before looking uncertainly over at Jessica.
“Hi Emma.” Jessica says softly, giving her a little smile. “It’s nice to see you again.”
“Do you remember Jessica? From when you visit Daddy at work?”
“Umm…” Emma says, distracted by the question into forgetting some of her shyness, blinking at Jessica again. “Umm…no.”
Jessica’s smile grows, and she looks over at me with a warm expression. “I probably look a little different from when she’s seen me before.”
I return the smile. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
She’s wearing a pretty, patterned dress that hugs her curves and then flows out to flutter around her legs in the warm spring breeze, and it’s only as I look at it that it occurs to me that I haven’t really seen her dressed like this before either. At work, I can’t remember her ever wearing a dress - I guess maybe her typical pants-and-blouse might be more practical - and I’m surprised how much it suits her.
I close the door behind her, still musing about that, and it takes me a moment to remember what I’d been saying.
“Well, Emma.” I eventually continue, turning back to my daughter. “Jessica is going to be staying here for a little while, like I said. Do you remember that? She’s going to live with us for a bit, okay?”
I touch her nose with a smile and she laughs, responding to my actions more than anything I’m saying. She tilts her head at me, and I’m not sure how much she really understands, but she’s never needed much encouragement to agree with me.
“Okay.” She says, her voice sing-songing easily.
I smile. “Good. Thank you, baby girl.”
Jessica smiles at her too, but doesn’t interrupt us.
“So munchkin, I’m going to show Jessica around the house now - do you want to come with us, or do you want to go back to playing?”
“Umm…come with you.”
“Okay.” I say, tucking her on the chin. “Let’s go, then.”
I look over the top of her head and give Jessica a semi-apologetic glance, but she doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, she’s smiling as she watches the two of us, and that gives me a moment of relief. I’d wanted to give her my full attention for this - make sure she’s comfortable here - but despite my best efforts, there’s no way to stop Emma distracting me at least a little when she’s with me.
I start leading us through the house anyway, showing Jessica the different rooms downstairs. We walk through into the large living area that once-upon-a-time was tastefully decorated with large feature bay windows at the front, but now has Emma’s toys scattered throughout. I would have tidied those up, but I didn’t know when Jessica was coming and Emma was playing in here only a few minutes ago.
That’s all it takes for Emma to get bored of my tour and start wriggling, wanting to be set down so that she can go and join her dolls again instead. I let her down with a smile, ruffling her hair as she runs off before turning back to Jessica, grateful for the chance to focus on this properly. She deserves that much.
“Sorry about the mess.” I say, moving towards another door. “We try to keep most of the toys and playtime in here instead, but sometimes it has a way of spilling out.”
I open it to show Jessica Emma’s actual playroom, the room I converted to give her a space to make her own and play without us having to tidy it up every evening. It used to be our dining room, but after Stephanie left I didn’t see the point in that anymore - Emma and I usually just eat at the table in the kitchen. Now, it’s a bright, lively room with yellow walls and animals that Emma and I have painted on together - and, of course, it’s complete chaos inside.
&n
bsp; “We’ll do a better job of containing it now that you’re here, of course.” I add.
“No, don’t worry about it.” Jessica shakes her head, looking back at where Emma is playing contentedly. “I don’t want to disrupt Emma or her routines with all this. A few toys aren’t going to hurt anyone.”
She gives me an easy smile and I can’t help relaxing a little bit. I’ve been unsure how all this is going to work - and balancing creating some semblance of a home here for Jessica without upsetting Emma has felt stressful - but maybe it will be easier than I think.
“Thanks, Jess - and if you reach your breaking point with all the trip-hazards and hurt toes, let me know. Believe me, everyone has a breaking point.”
“I promise.” She laughs, and it’s a warm, pleasant sound that I’m not sure I’ve noticed before. Maybe because being here, in a different environment from at work, highlights it. Either way, it makes me smile as she follows me through into the kitchen.
“Obviously, feel free to make yourself at home and use anything you like.” I say, as I show her around. “And I’ve cleared out these two cupboards and half the refrigerator for you—”
“I’m one person, Nathan!” She says, laughter still in her voice as she looks into the refrigerator I’m opening. “I don’t need half your refrigerator.”
“I just didn’t want you to feel like this isn’t your space too.” I say, meeting her gaze and shrugging a little. “It’s not always easy to move from your own space into someone else’s. I wanted you to feel like this is your home too, while you’re here.”
She pauses, looking at me as an emotion I can’t read flashes through her eyes, before finally giving me a small, hesitant smile.
“That’s…very kind of you. Thank you, Nathan.” She says, diffident for a moment before she glances at the refrigerator again. “But really, you’re being more than generous. I’ll take the bottom shelf and be fine - I’m not a big cook anyway. Never had time to learn.”
“Me neither.” I say, grimacing as I identify with that sentiment all too well. “Turns out a small child has you learning all sorts of things in a hurry.”
“I can imagine.”
“Okay, well now that we’ve divided the kitchen up to your liking, shall we head upstairs?” I suggest.
“Yeah, sure.” She laughs again, the sound growing on me even more. Looking like she does right now, in that flowing dress, with her hair curling around her shoulders and that sparkle in her eyes, she seems carefree in a way I never see from her at work.
Something I wish I could be right now.
We walk back to the entrance hallway and I grab her suitcase - overruling her attempt at a protest - before walking upstairs and straight to the rooms I’ve set aside for her.
“This is the guest bedroom.” I say, pushing the door open and stepping inside to set the suitcase down. “It’s got an en-suite through there and…”
Jessica steps inside, looking around in obvious surprise as she takes in the king-size bed and double wardrobe complete with a vanity table off to the side.
“Hey, this is bigger than my own bedroom, you know - and an en-suite too, very fancy.” She says, flashing a grin at me as she steps forward to look at the bathroom.
I smile, more relieved than anything, as she sticks her head in the bathroom and makes a noise of appreciation.
“This looks great - thanks Nathan. If you don’t mind, I might start unpacking and—”
“Of course—but just let me show you the other room first, and then you’ll be all set.”
“Other room?” She frowns.
“I set aside two for you—I didn’t know whether you had a home office set up that you might want to move here—”
“Shit, Nathan, you didn’t need to—”
“I wanted you to have some space of your own.” I insist, turning and walking towards the next door over, not giving her much choice but to follow. “It’s not like I was doing anything with it anyway. This house is too big for the two of us anyway - Stephanie and I bought it with the idea of growing our family into it, but, well…”
I trail off, suddenly not sure why I’m telling her that. I haven’t thought about all those broken plans for a long time. I guess I just want to make her feel more at ease about the space.
I open the door to cover my sudden awkwardness, stepping back so she can look inside.
“There’s only an armchair, a lamp and a desk in there now, but we can move a few things around if you want anything in particular.”
“I—wow—that’s…that’s really nice, actually.” She says, looking at it appreciatively. “I hadn’t thought about it, but maybe somewhere to work will be…really nice.”
“Good. No more objections, then?”
“No.” She smiles back at me. “This is great. Thank you.”
She heads back to the guest room - her room now, I remind myself - and I pause in the doorway.
“I’ll let you get settled in then - but if you need anything, just let me know.”
She nods, and I turn to go when her voice calls out behind me.
“This is all going to work out, you know.” Jessica says, as if she can read my mind and everything stewing in it. She’s leaning against the doorway now, looking at me with soft understanding. “We’ll be fine here together.”
I take a deep breath, then nod. I want to believe that, however strange it is having someone sharing my space again, and so far she’s making it more easy than I could have guessed.
“Thank you for being so relaxed about it all. That…makes a real difference when there’s a three-year-old involved.”
Of course, it’s not exactly the three-year-old that’s causing any issues here.
“And thank you for being so accommodating, but…Nathan…” She hesitates, glancing away before meeting my eyes again. “Can we drop all this overt politeness and tiptoeing around each other? We’re friends, right? Let’s just live together like that - as friends.”
“Yeah…yeah, of course. I’m sorry, I think I’ve just been a little on edge about all this - it’s a big adjustment, for both of us, and I want it to work out.”
I’m not sure I’ve quite thought about her like that before either, but she’s got a point. She’s certainly been as good a friend to me as anyone else since Stephanie walked out, even if the only thing I’ve had space to think about is Emma, my Mom and my practice.
“You and me both.” She says easily. “But we’ll work it out. We’ve worked out more difficult things than this at the practice - we can manage here too.”
“You’re right. Of course we will.” I say, actually believing it a little bit more.
I leave her to it and go to check on Emma, letting myself relax as I slowly realize this hasn’t been a complete disaster. It might be strange to share the house after so long with just Emma and I - and, at times, Mom - but, so far at least, I can hardly ask for an easier house-mate than Jessica. It might be an adjustment - but she’s right, we’ll get there. And it’s only temporary.
Yeah. I really picked my fake-wife well.
Not that I had many other choices. I still can’t believe she actually agreed. It was a crazy plan, a last-ditch effort, and now…
Married. Married and living together. Who would have thought you’d do this again, Nate?
At least it’s not real. Just temporary. There’s no way I’m going through with the real thing ever again.
* * *
Jessica reappears later that evening, just as I finish putting Emma to bed.
I come downstairs to see her flicking through the takeout menus I have propped up against the refrigerator.
“Hey.” She says, glancing up. “Have you eaten? I was thinking of ordering something in - really should have gone out for groceries already, but too much time unpacking and an ill-advised nap got in the way, so I figured I’d take you up on that celebration idea you had yesterday. We’re still signing those papers tonight, right?”
“Yeah - I’ve
got them over here.” I say with a smile, taking the documents my lawyer drew up out of my briefcase. “That sounds great. You’re welcome to some of my supplies if you’d prefer, but I’m not going to lie, I’m beat. Takeout would be perfect.”
I don’t mention that my original dinner plan had been the leftover smiley faces and fish fingers I’d cooked for Emma. Jessica doesn’t need to know how often that might happen.
“Any preferences?”
“You pick. This is your night.”
With that in mine, I take the bottle of champagne I’ve been chilling out of the refrigerator as well, setting it on the table with a couple of glasses. Despite what I said yesterday, I had to buy it especially. Apart from the occasional beer, I haven’t kept much alcohol in since Stephanie left. Not much point, I guess.
Jessica notices it with a grin, then brings over the menu for my favorite Chinese takeout and I smile in anticipation.
“I take it you’ve circled your usual order?” She asks, tilting her head at me.
“Yep—how about you pick your favorites too, and we’ll share a selection?” I ask, reaching for my phone.
“I was going to—”
“Nah, this one’s on me, Jess. If we were doing it in full style, we’d probably have a party at the office and go out for drinks - the least I can do is buy you dinner.”
“You mean we’re not having a party?” She asks, mock-innocently.
I raise an eyebrow. “Didn’t seem like your kind of thing. But if you’d rather…”
“No, no. Dinner is good.” She says, a little too hurriedly.
Just what I thought. She never has struck me as an extrovert, and if anything she’s always preferred to downplay her role at the practice - no matter my encouragement otherwise.
She lists a few items and I nod, quickly dialing through the order. While I’m on the phone, she opens the folder and starts looking through the papers we’ve prepared. She’s had copies of her own to review for a few days now, so there shouldn’t be any surprises, but I’m glad she’s taking her time with it.
