by Jason June
Dad let go and grabbed the second glass of champagne. He toasted Mom, rudely leaving me with no drink and a ton of questions. “But wait,” I said. “What position is higher than general manager? President?”
Mom swallowed her champagne and gave Dad a look. One of those looks that’s meaningful and significant and holds entire conversations without a single word being spoken. That’s great for them and all, but it completely left me in the dark. I was even a Spare Tire to my parents.
“What is it?!” I yelled.
Dad walked into the living room and leaned back in his recliner while Mom grabbed my hand and led me to the love seat. It was impossible to sit on that thing with another person without your knees cramming together. The discomfort of Mom’s surprisingly knobby knee jamming into mine almost matched the discomfort at how long she was taking to give me some answers.
“Here’s the thing,” Mom said. “I’ve been promoted from general manager to district manager. I’ll be overseeing all the Fresh Savings locations in Washington and Oregon, and my office is going to be located in Seattle, which means—”
“We’re moving,” I interrupted. My heart stopped.
Words gushed out of Mom. “Yes, and I’m so, so sorry that you have to move in your senior year. I didn’t want to tell you before now in case the promotion didn’t pan out and I got you worked up for no reason. But I got the job today, and this is a really big opportunity for us. I’ll be making three times what I’m making now. I know it’s such a hard thing to leave your friends and classmates behind that you’ve been with since kindergarten, and if this opportunity would be waiting in a year, you know I would put it off. But I figured since you’re going to college next year anyway, this might not be so bad, right?”
I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. My initial reaction was to run to my room and grab the Gay Agenda so I could start adding more Seattle-specific references to each item. Things like, Get caught in a torrential downpour and dramatically kiss a boy or See if date with cute guy is offered as part of Amazon Prime seeing as how Amazon is based there.
We sat in silence, Mom and Dad totally oblivious to the Pride parade running through my mind. They kept giving each other worried glances.
“Jay,” Dad finally said, his forehead sweaty. “Are you all right?”
“EEEEEEEEEEE!” I squealed louder than I had at that Shawn Mendes concert. “Are you kidding?” I jumped up and pulled Mom with me. “I’ll get to meet gays! Like, actual living, breathing guys who are interested in other living, breathing guys. I’ll get to know what holding someone’s hand is like, or that infuriatingly long movie make-out you two do way too much!”
No more being the sole gay boy in a school full of sex-crazed students. No more awkwardly fidgeting my thumbs and having nothing to contribute while my friends—especially Lu—talked about their relationship milestones. I was finally going to the big city where I’d get to have milestones of my own. It wouldn’t matter that I didn’t have a car, because public transportation in Seattle is epic, and I could take myself to any LGBTQ gathering I wanted. In the very immediate future, I’d be meeting the person who owned the first set of lips that would ever be pressed against mine who wasn’t my grandma. I could finally have a boyfriend. I’d have items crossed off my Gay Agenda in no time!
“Ohmigawd, number eight could be off the list!”
Mom cocked her head to the side. “What?”
“Nothing, sorry.” This was not the right time to discuss my virginity with Mom. It would never be the right time to discuss my virginity with Mom.
“THIS IS THE BEST NEWS!” I screamed.
Dad wiped his forehead. “Phew! I didn’t want to talk about it without your mother here because I thought you’d freak out.”
I lunged toward Dad and hugged him. “I am freaking out!” I lunged back toward Mom. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! When do we leave?”
“I start in three weeks, just after Labor Day,” Mom said. “We have to pack everything up here as soon as we can, rent a U-Haul, and move into a new place over there. It’s a lot in so little time.”
“I’ve got the to-do list covered,” I said.
JAY’S NEW GAY LIFE PACK AND PREP LIST
1.Pack all your clothes and prioritize the jeans that make your butt look the best.
2.Load up all hair products to keep bangs swooshy and swoon-worthy.
3.DO NOT forget your AJ Kapa poster.
“I’m so relieved you’re excited,” Mom said. “I was sure you’d hate the timing of this with your eighteenth birthday coming up. Not getting to spend it with Lu.”
She looked at me tentatively, like maybe the reminder of leaving my best friend behind would ruin the moment and I’d collapse in a heap of drama. But it’s not like I’d had a huge celebration planned anyway. Lu and I would have taken Dad’s truck into Spokane to go to the county fair like we usually did. But this year, I was sure I would have had to stomach a side of Chip with my elephant ears and chili dogs. Being their Spare Tire would only have made my eighteenth birthday the worst one yet.
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, squeezing Mom’s shoulder for emphasis. “This is the best birthday gift ever.”
I’d gone nearly eighteen years in an LGBTQuarantine, despite the stats throwing it in my face that there should be someone else around who identified as queer. But in just a few weeks, I’d be moving to a metropolitan mecca of gays, where I’d be virtually surrounded by people like me.
The odds of winning the lottery are one in fourteen million. Even though my suspicions were wrong and we hadn’t won the money, I still felt like I’d won the gay jackpot.
3.
Say Goodbye to Your Old Life
Statisticians talk all the time about how data can be deceptive. You need all relevant information before you can draw conclusions from any set of numbers, or you can read the data wrong. Turns out, I hadn’t had all the info. I never once factored in Mom’s job and the possibility that we might move into how I’d eventually meet another gay guy. And I never factored it into when or how I’d eventually leave Lu. When I walked into Tough as Nails the following morning, my heart sank so fracking far I could feel its sad thu-thump in my feet. Even though our conversation about the hoedown still stung, it finally hit me that I wasn’t going to see my best friend every day for another year like I had initially planned. No Saturday sleepovers, no more pedicures joking with her and Aunt Carol, no diner dates over Diet Dr Pepper and french fries.
Lu was already waiting for me at the front desk. I hadn’t called ahead or anything; she just knew I would show up. It was another slap in the face. A new school meant no one who would have my back like she did. No one who would know how or even necessarily want to fix things if we got into a fight. Sure, we’d spent less time together this summer than I wanted so she could be with Chip, but that didn’t erase the fact we’d known each other for twelve years. It didn’t wipe away the lists and lists of memories we had together, or that she always showed up when it really mattered. Like today.
When Lu saw me, she brought her hands up to either side of her face. S-O-R-R-Y was painted on the nails of each hand, a gold letter over white nail polish glittering from each finger.
“I’m so sorry,” we said at the same time.
“I didn’t mean to say you couldn’t find a date on your own,” Lu explained. “Or that I was somehow better at finding a boyfriend than you at all. You’re a catch, Jay, and I never meant to make it seem like that’s not the case.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I just . . .” Lu had hit a nerve. Being the only gay kid meant I had to see people holding hands, making out, talking about having sex in hushed whispers in class every single day. I hadn’t done any of those things, not a damn item crossed off my Gay Agenda. It didn’t help that my best friend was getting to do all those things I dreamed of doing while I got left behind. Before the summer, Lu never seemed to care about having a relationship. She’d make out with a guy here and there, b
ut it was fun and no strings attached. It didn’t feel quite so bad that I wasn’t crossing things off the Gay Agenda because her interactions with boys were never about commitment. But then, suddenly, things changed. She met Chip on our first summer trip to Spokane, eyeing him as he played guitar when we grabbed coffees downtown, and that was that. It hurt. Then she was off with an agenda of her own, just like everyone else. It made me feel like a prepubescent prudish dweeb in a school full of sex maniacs. I really wanted to be one of those sex maniacs, but there was never anything I could do about it.
“I think feeling so alone after all this time has been finally getting to me. Well, I mean, I’m not alone; I know I have you, but you’ve had Chip this whole summer and—”
“I know what you mean.” Lu yanked me into a hug. The familiar feel of her nails pressed against my back simultaneously put me at ease and made what I had to say so much harder.
When we pulled apart, tears slid down my cheeks.
“It’s okay, Jay, honest,” Lu said, grabbing a tissue. “Wipe those away. We’re good.”
“It’s not that.” I took the tissue and focused on it so I wouldn’t have to see her face fall. “We’re moving.”
Lu fell into the reception chair, rolling backward in shock. “What?”
Her cheeks were red and splotchy, the telltale sign she was holding back tears. Lu hated to cry and would avoid it at all costs.
“Mom got a promotion,” I explained. “She found out yesterday. We’re moving to Seattle.”
“When?”
“A couple weeks.” I could just barely squeeze the words past the lump in my throat.
Lu leaped from the chair and flung her arms around me again, her hold on her tears finally breaking. The familiar scent of Strawberry Shortcake shampoo and the Kim Kardashian perfume I got Lu last Christmas washed over me. I completely lost it. I hated knowing that I’d only have a couple more weeks to smell her. Sure, that was creepy, but she has the most soothing scent in the world. I’d had it in my mind that during the school year we’d get to make up for all the times she canceled on me over the summer. She’d be too busy with the newspaper and homework and shifts at the diner to spend as much time with Chip as she had before. The Summer of Chip had changed things between us, but I knew deep down Lu and I were each other’s OTP. Our last year together was supposed to remind her of that. But since I was moving, I was the one taking that opportunity away from us.
Tears and snot poured so hard from our faces that it was hard to tell whose was whose. So many memories flashed through my mind: all our LOTR marathons; planning our award-winning hoedown costumes; cracking up over impressions Lu did of the most overly optimistic teacher ever, Mr. Hebermeyer. All of that was over now.
Lu pulled away, running a hand under her nose to catch a stray snot strand. “It’s a good thing this place is empty all the time. That way no one can see I’m really a softie.”
I took in the three empty pedicure chairs, then the sad manicure table. White and gold polish sat on top of it, left over from Lu painting her apology nails. But the small rings of dust around the customer chair told me no one had sat there in a while.
“This is just a rough patch, right?” I said. “There’s got to be something that will get people through that door.”
As if on cue, the bell over the front door jingled, and Chip walked in. He took in the empty salon and me and Lu bawling all over each other. “Uh . . . Is something the matter?”
Talk about the understatement of the century.
“What would possibly make you think that?” I took the tissue balled up in my hands and dramatically blew my nose.
Chip ran his hands threw his hair, searching for something to say. It was actually pretty cute. For the first time I saw a glimpse of what Lu might see in him. “You seem . . . distressed,” he said.
Lu and I cracked up, tears running down our faces all over again. Chip laughed uncertainly, and I pulled him in for a hug. Sure, he’d been glued to Lu throughout the summer, but at least he’d still be glued to her when I left. I was a Spare Tire, but Lu had shown over the summer she didn’t need a spare. She’d be okay while I was gone. Chip was Lu’s everything now, and I needed him to help her get through the rough times she and Aunt Carol had ahead of them.
“Thanks, Chip,” I said. “Your timing was perfect.”
Over the next couple weeks, while we packed up the house and loaded the U-Haul, Lu and I made a game plan for what the next year would look like. Lu would Skype me as often as she could, which would be whenever she wasn’t in school or taking a shift at the diner. Saturday sleepovers were still going to be a thing. We’d Skype to watch trashy reality TV that I streamed from my laptop and she watched on Aunt Carol’s phone. I was positive the internet would be good enough in our new place in the city that I could actually stream something at a normal speed (which was going to make watching porn that much more enjoyable). Plus, I promised that I would come back to make sure Lu and Chip’s hoedown costume was perfect, and that technically our winning streak would be unbroken (and Lu could take home the cash prize). We agreed that we’d double date for the dance—I’d find the perfect guy from the slew of gays I was sure to meet in Seattle. I wasn’t exactly sure how all that would go down since I’d never interacted with a real-life gay boy, but whatever.
Before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye to our tiny log cabin. It sold surprisingly fast, which broke Dad’s heart a little bit, but personally, I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. I’d like to say that when we drove out of Riverton, I looked on the teeny town where I’d spent my whole life with nostalgia. Or that I waved a heartfelt goodbye when we passed the three bland beige buildings that held the Riverton elementary, middle, and high schools. Or that I teared up when we passed the little strip mall that housed all the businesses within the town’s limits: The Stop-N-Go gas station and minimart with the garage where Dad worked, the Riverton Diner (which had the best huckleberry milkshakes, especially when served by Derrick), and Tough as Nails, with its Rosie the Riveter flashing a bright red manicure logo.
But I can’t say that. Minus a small tug when passing TAN, the place had never quite felt right to me, never felt like home. Even as a kid, I’d always felt an inexplicable loneliness there. When I came out, it only became more confusing, because I felt lonely, but I stood out like a rainbow-colored sore thumb all at the same time. Not to mention the fact that I always held a grudge because the place calls itself Riverton without ever having a river in it. There is a large creek, but really that doesn’t count.
So, as soon as the strip mall was out of sight, Riverton was out of mind. I was too caught up planning my new gay life.
I pulled out my custom purple Moleskine notebook. Lu gave it to me for my birthday last year, and even had my name embossed on it in gold letters. I flipped to the Gay Agenda, which I had updated over the past couple weeks with some Seattle flair. The words flashed at me in their purple ink (when I’m given a color scheme, I stick to it) as if they were itching as much as I was to finally cross some items off the list.
JAY’S GAY AGENDA
1.Meet another gay kid. Somewhere, anywhere . . . please! in Seattle in, like, days!
2.Go on a date with a boy at the Space Needle and hold hands within the first ninety minutes.
3.Go to a dDance with a boy and have my first kiss slow dancing to Shawn Mendes while getting caught in a surprise Seattle downpour.
4.Have a boyfriend, one who likes to wrap me up in his arms and let me be little spoon, and maybe smells like coffee from all the cafés he goes to.
5.Fall in love with a boy, but wait for him to say it first so I don’t seem too desperate, and maybe he says it for the first time at Pike Place Market or in the first Starbucks.
6.Make out, with tongue, and hard enough that I’d get a little burn from his stubble.
7.See another penis besides my own, IRL, and do fun things with it!
8.Lose. My. Virginity!
In ord
er for me to get started on the plan to find a date for the hoedown, I’d have to focus on those first two G-rated items. Those last three—which were now extra bold thanks to all the time I spent without Lu this summer filled with titillating internet searches including the words doggy and style (and I wasn’t looking up canine fashion)—could wait until later. But while picking which items I wanted to cross off first was easy, I didn’t really know how to go about it. After I met another gay guy, did I simply ask him out? Or did I wait for him to ask me out? I didn’t know yet if I was that confident, forward kind of guy when confronted with someone I liked, or—not to sound old-fashioned—if I wanted to be pursued. Courted. Wooed. And where specifically was I going to meet guys? Just randomly in the halls or on the street? Figuring this out was going to take a lot of work.
We were in the final stretch of the six-hour drive to Seattle, heading up Snoqualmie Pass. The dusty barren parts of the middle of Washington were behind us, turning into the deep green of Western Washington that resulted from all the rain that poured on this side of the mountains. We hit the last rest stop on I-90 before Seattle. As I was standing at a urinal where someone had scratched GOOGLE ME BITCH onto the wall under a Sharpie rendering of YOU’RE MOM, everything clicked.
Google had been my trusty sidekick the past three years getting gay stats. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before now. When Lu and I learned I’d be going to Capitol Hill High School, we tried finding cute guys on Instagram and Facebook using the school as a geotag. That ended up feeling way too stalkerish, and I decided just to leave whatever meetings I had up to the Gay Gods. But the answer of where to find the gays had been at my fingertips all along.
I pulled out my phone in the back seat of the truck while Mom pulled us back onto the freeway. I searched Capitol Hill High School, and my new school’s website was the first thing to pop up. An angry-looking thunderbolt took up my screen when I entered the site, and Home of the Thunderbolts scrolled across the banner. Just beneath that were all the usual menu items: Home, About, Campus—and the one I was most hoping for—Clubs & Activities. I immediately scrolled to the Gs.
