by Janet Gover
CHAPTER
26
The red and white striped tent looked like something out of a dream. Magical. It was huge. Big enough to hold a whole town. Big enough for a herd of elephants. Golden yellow lights had been strung between the tent poles, casting an unreal light on everything. Nothing like this had ever been seen in Nyringa before. The excitement in the air was palpable as the whole town streamed towards the siren call of light and music and scent. Alice’s school friends were all around her; except the one she wanted most. She hadn’t seen him since the parade through the town … since he had left her to chase after a girl on a white horse.
‘Did you hear that? It sounded like a lion roaring.’
‘I didn’t hear anything, but I sure can smell something.’
‘It smells better than our pigs do. I wonder how big elephant poo is.’
‘I think it’s cruel to have animals in the circus.’
‘Circuses are just cruel,’ Alice blurted.
‘Oh, come on, Alice, just cos Wayne fancies some circus girl. She probably hasn’t even noticed him. He’ll get over it as soon as the circus leaves town, you’ll see. He’ll come begging you to take him back.’
‘Yeah, don’t let that spoil your fun. And don’t let it spoil our fun either.’
Alice didn’t want Wayne to come back to her just because the circus girl left town. She wanted him to come back to her because he loved her.
This time there was no mistaking the roar of a big cat from the circus enclosure. Alice shivered. They were almost at the entrance to the big top. It loomed over her. To the others it might promise excitement and adventure, but to Alice, it seemed threatening. In a few moments she would step inside and—
‘Aunt Alice? Are you all right?’
Alice blinked, tearing her attention away from the memories and back to what she could see in the real world, although there was little to differentiate between the images. Or the sense of dread.
‘Yes. Yes. Of course. I’m fine.’ She wasn’t quite fine. The circus tent in front of her could almost be the one in her memories. Even the lights were very much the same. For a moment she half-expected to hear the roar of a lion, even though she knew this circus had no animal cages. She had a couple of minutes to compose herself as Peter joined the slow-moving queue of cars looking for somewhere to park.
‘Now, make sure you find a safe park. In the light. And don’t forget to lock the car.’
‘Yes, Aunt Alice.’ In the back seat Barbara sounded almost excited.
‘And why isn’t Jenny with us?’ Alice wasn’t happy that her niece was off on her own. She knew the dangers this night held far better than Peter and Barbara. ‘You said she had gone ahead with her friends. You really should keep a better eye on her, you know.’
‘I’m sure she’s fine, Aunt Alice. She’s a good girl. I trust her.’
Alice trusted Jenny too. The ones she didn’t trust were the circus people, especially that boy on the motorcycle who seemed to be everywhere Jenny went these days.
‘Here we are. This is quite exciting.’
Alice didn’t think so. In many ways it was quite frightening. Jenny’s mother lacked imagination. No-one knew better than Alice how some harmless fun could lead to a lifetime of regret. She got out of the car and stood looking up at the brightly lit tent. Around her, other cars were parking and townspeople, her people, were greeting each other, eager for the night’s entertainment.
‘Aunt Alice. Aunt Alice. It’s the circus!’ One of her younger nieces took her hand. ‘Isn’t it fun?’
Alice looked down at the glowing face. When you were five years old, a circus was fun. You were far too young to see the danger. ‘Yes, my sweet. It is fun. But you make sure you stay with your mummy now. Don’t wander away and get lost.’
‘I won’t.’ The youngster bounced to where her parents were waiting.
The flap of the big top was open, and Simon was standing there. He was wearing a purple jacket covered with gold braid. ‘Welcome. Welcome!’ He flung his arms wide to indicate that people should enter the tent. Alice noticed the school teacher Meg standing close by Simon’s side. She shook her head. Another heart that would soon be broken. History always repeats itself.
The big top was obviously designed to hold far more people than lived in Nyringa. Alice allowed herself to be escorted to a prime ringside position. She looked around for Jenny. A group of her school friends was on the other side of the ring, chatting and almost bouncing with excitement, but Alice couldn’t see Jenny among them. Perhaps she’d just stepped out to the toilets. Or to get some fairy floss.
At last everyone was in their seats and the lights dimmed. A bright spotlight illuminated a man in a red coat and a top hat.
‘Ladies and gentlemen. Mesdames et monsieurs. Children of all ages. Welcome to …’ From speakers hidden somewhere above, a drum roll started to build. ‘Le Cirque Chevalier!’
The ringmaster flung his arms wide. Red velvet curtains at the far side of the ring were pulled open and performers flooded the arena. The small audience gave a deafening cheer.
Alice leaned back a little as the circus troupe advanced, as if to put more distance between herself and them. The performers were dressed in all sorts of costumes, from traditional clown suits to tight-fitting sequined bodysuits. The young women all wore feathers in their hair. Alice watched Finn walk past. He was juggling, tossing the brightly coloured balls about with unnatural ease. Alice was pleased to see there was no motorcycle. She didn’t like the heavy makeup he was wearing—it gave him a devilish air that a girl like Jenny would find enticing. Alice searched the group of performers for that Lucienne woman, but she wasn’t there. Of course she wasn’t. She was far too old for this sort of thing. Alice relaxed just a little, and her foot began tapping to the music.
When the performers had tumbled and danced their way twice around the circle, they filed out, leaving the ringmaster behind.
‘And now, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the toast of Paris. She has performed before the crowned heads of Europe. She bewitched a prince and now, she will dazzle you. I give you: L’écuyère, Madame Lucienne Chevalier!’
The curtains opened again and a beautiful white mare pranced into the ring. The woman on her back was dressed in a glittering gold and silver costume that seemed to float behind her like wings. Her arms were spread wide as the applause swept over her. At first Alice had assumed it was some younger member of the circus, but as the horse danced past, she saw the rider’s face. It couldn’t be. That woman was far too old for this sort of behaviour.
But it seemed she wasn’t.
After a triumphant circuit to growing applause, the horse and rider moved to the centre of the ring and the horse lowered itself into a graceful bow. With equal grace, her rider stepped to the ground. The horse began a sequence of movements, the likes of which Alice had never ever dreamed. She had read about the famous school in Europe where the white stallions danced, but she had never expected to see anything like this in her lifetime. She became almost breathless at the poetry of the moves. Not once did Lucienne reveal a whip or any other signs beyond the wave of her hand. The communication between the two of them was mystical.
After a spellbinding performance, the mare again sank into a low bow. Her mistress remounted her and they cantered to the side of the ring, directly in front of Alice. The mare extended her leg and bowed once more.
Alice’s and Lucienne’s eyes met. Alice saw the joy on the other woman’s face; the love and the sense of accomplishment. In her whole life, she had never felt like that. Not once. Alice bowed her head, lowering her eyes in case the other woman saw the envy there.
‘Don’t be nervous, you’re going to do great.’ Finn took both Jenny’s hands in his.
‘I’m not nervous. Look.’ She gently pulled one hand free and held it up. ‘See? Steady as a rock.’
‘That’s great.’ Finn took her hand again and brought it to his mouth and kissed it. ‘As the person who�
�ll be standing up behind you, I’m pretty glad you’re not shaking.’
She was faking it, of course. She was just far too terrified to shake. Jenny smoothed the short ruffles that were the closest thing her costume had to a skirt. She loved the way the sequins caught the light and the way the feathers in her headdress teased the skin on the back of her neck. They were standing in Clown Alley, where the clowns kept their costumes and props prior to going into the ring. Here, they were out of sight. They were also surrounded by mirrors, and everywhere she looked, Jenny could see this beautiful stranger in a dazzling costume.
‘You look amazing.’ It was the fourth time Finn had told her that. She had been counting and she didn’t want him to stop. She felt amazing too. She felt strong and—like herself. In this moment she was who she had decided to be, not who she’d been told she would be. She was Jenny—not her father’s daughter, or Alice’s great-niece. She wasn’t anyone’s friend or cousin. She was Jenny, and she was about to perform with Finn. Nothing in the world was ever going to be better than this.
From inside the big top, they heard a burst of laughter and loud applause. The clowns’ act was drawing to an end. Jenny peered cautiously around a curtain as Finn walked into the main backstage area, where his father was standing.
‘You’re up next, Finn.’
‘I’m ready.’
Ron nodded and stepped through the plush red curtains to make the announcement.
‘Let’s go.’ Dino Mancini appeared at the other side of the tent, pushing the motorcycle. He steadied it in position as a trio of clowns sporting red noses and white faces bounced back through the curtains. They gave Finn the thumbs up. In the main ring, Ron was entertaining the crowd with a joke, and then he announced the next act: Finn. He didn’t mention Jenny—because he didn’t know she was there.
Jenny came out of her hiding place and swung her leg over the motorcycle. The moment the audience began to applaud loudly, Jenny hit the starter on the motorcycle. The engine kicked into life. She wondered if Ron had heard it. Dino steadied the bike as Finn jumped up behind Jenny and crouched with his hands on her shoulders.
‘Ready?’
She nodded and held her breath.
It seemed to take forever before the curtains were pulled open. Not giving herself time to panic, Jenny revved the motorcycle engine and the machine moved into the ring. As they passed between the curtains, Finn rose to a standing position and spread his arms wide. Jenny saw a flash of the ringmaster’s shocked face as she turned the bike to circle the ring. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead and all her attention was on the task of keeping the bike upright and moving smoothly. Then she heard it. The roar of the audience as her friends and schoolmates recognised her. It set her heart racing and her whole body tingling.
As they’d rehearsed late at night when no-one was around, they circled the ring twice while Finn performed a couple of simple acrobatic movements. Finally, he dropped into a handstand and vaulted backwards to the ground. Jenny was expecting the sudden jerk of the bike, and compensated easily. She pulled up next to him. Holding the bike upright just with her body, she raised her hands to accept the thunderous applause of her schoolmates. As luck would have it, she was staring directly at her parents and Aunt Alice. Her mother was smiling and applauding. Her father looked stunned. But Aunt Alice’s face was like thunder and Jenny knew that Words Would Be Said.
But that was for later. Right now, she was living her best life.
Dino Mancini appeared from behind the curtain carrying the metal frame that would stabilise the bike for what was to come. Jenny held the bike steady while Dino attached the frame. While they were doing that, Finn took a stroll around the ring, casually juggling skittles as if it was the easiest thing in the world. He did a few handstands and cartwheels to keep the attention on himself until Dino and Jenny were done.
At last Dino gave her a nod and stepped away. Jenny walked around the parked bike, her arms spread wide to draw the audience’s attention. Finn saw the signal and returned to the machine. One of the hands had placed a box filled with Finn’s juggling and balancing apparatus nearby. The man hadn’t noticed the new bits, or if he had, he hadn’t worried about them.
As they’d rehearsed, Jenny pulled a shiny metal cylinder from the box. She held it high and took a few steps away from the bike then tossed it to Finn. She was absurdly pleased to watch it tumble end over end before Finn snatched it easily from the air. After the cylinder came a skateboard, then another. And another. It was the same act that he had done at their school, but somehow, doing it while balanced on the back of a motorcycle made it seem so much more. And the audience wasn’t to know there was a solid frame in place holding the whole thing as steady as it would have been on the ground. It was the look that mattered.
As the audience oohed and aahed over Finn’s skill, Jenny tossed him what he needed, and caught the stuff he threw her way as each stunt finished. She made dramatic gestures as she moved around, posing like a dancer in her glittery costume, a sweep of feathers falling from her elaborate headdress. Jenny felt almost as much a performer as Finn was. Although her focus was on him, every now and then she glanced over at her friends. She saw the excitement and admiration on their faces. Kate was almost leaping out of her skin as she cheered. There was only one sour face in the group, but she had never expected Billy to cheer for her and Finn. He’d cheer when Finn was gone and he could be around Jenny again.
The act reached its climax when Finn did a handstand atop the precarious tower on the bike. The audience went wild. She looked at him as he dropped back to standing on the bike, his arms spread wide. His face was glowing with pride in his work and Jenny felt a reflection of that. That was her boyfriend up there. Handsome, talented Finn. And he loved her. Her!
Then he jumped off the bike, took her hand and bowed over it, before kissing it for all the world to see. Her friends from school were screaming now as Jenny and Finn paraded, hand in hand, around the ring to accept the accolades. Jenny felt as if her whole body was singing. Her mother was waving and clapping wildly. Even her father was smiling. She risked a glance at Aunt Alice. Her aunt’s face showed no emotion but, shockingly, Jenny could see what looked a lot like tears on her cheeks. But now wasn’t the time to worry about Aunt Alice. This moment belonged to her and to Finn.
They made their way to the bike. The iron frame had been removed by Dino while they were taking their bows. This time Finn took the controls. Jenny sat behind him, waving to the audience for one last fast and noisy lap of honour, before they rode through the curtains and out of the spotlight.
CHAPTER
27
Finn saw his father’s face as he walked past them to step through the curtains and announce the next performance. That one glance was enough to kill all his hopes and send a shudder down his spine. He would be feeling his father’s anger before the night was over. But the bruises wouldn’t be the worst of it. His dreams of becoming something more than he was were dust. Despite everything that had happened, despite Connor’s departure and the beatings and even his mother’s abandonment, Finn had started to believe that someday his father would relent and wish him well. If not that, then maybe as ringmaster he would recognise the value of the new act. It appeared he couldn’t have been more wrong. Jenny had lit that spark of hope and now he was going to have to tell her they had failed.
As she slid her hands around his waist, he rode the bike out of the artistes’ entry tunnel and found a quiet place out of sight of everyone. He parked and let his head fall forward as disappointment flooded him. It was over. Everything was over.
Jenny leaped from the back of the bike and threw her arms around him. ‘That was amazing!’
He hugged her briefly. ‘Glad you had fun.’
‘Hey, what’s the matter?’
Finn swung his leg over the bike and sat sideways on the machine. ‘Did you see Dad’s face?’
‘No.’
‘He was furious.’
‘So was
Aunt Alice. She’ll get over it, although I expect I’ll get an earful before she does.’ Jenny chuckled, but for Finn it was no laughing matter.
‘Your Aunt Alice isn’t the ringmaster of the circus. He controls everything that happens under the big top. I shouldn’t have done that without his permission. And now I’ll never get a chance to do it again.’
‘No. That can’t be right. Once he gets past the shock, he’ll be proud of you. He’s your father. He’d never be that unkind about something that means this much to you. He’d never be that cruel.’
Finn looked at Jenny’s eager face. She was so pretty and so innocent. She’d never had to watch her father betray his wife. She’d never been left behind by a mother too broken to stay. She’d never been knocked to the ground for daring to dream. Jenny was everything good in the world. Everything he didn’t have and he loved her. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him and kissed her as if it was the last kiss they would ever share.
An angry shout from the direction of the big top cut between them like a steel blade. ‘Finn! Where are you, boy?’
Finn grabbed Jenny’s hand and, leaving the bike, they darted behind one of the circus vans and pressed themselves into its shadow, hardly daring to breathe.
‘Finn!’
A moment later cheers from inside the tent suggested the next act had finished. They heard nothing more.
‘He’s gone inside,’ Finn whispered, but they stayed in the shadows.
‘I’m sorry if you’re going to be in trouble because of me,’ Jenny said. ‘I didn’t think—well I did, but you know … parents. He’ll get over it, because underneath all the bluster he really just wants you to be happy.’
Finn didn’t answer. He didn’t want to tell Jenny that she was wrong. Not all families—not all parents—were like that.
‘That’s it then. My one and only circus moment. It was awesome, but I guess it’s over now.’
