by Lexi Blake
Her whole face had gone a brilliant scarlet. “I hate you.”
“I’m okay with that. You can hate me all day as long as your ass is up on those bars.”
“This is all that matters to you, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” She’d lost Armie. She couldn’t lose this fight, too. When she thought about it, she’d kind of been prepping her whole life for this. It was time to let Noelle understand exactly what was at stake for her. “Do you know I’ve never really helped anyone I truly loved? I got into nursing because I was good at it and it was a profession that would lift me out of the poverty I grew up in. I was surrounded by all these vibrant women who treated it like a calling. They talked about how they wanted to help all these people. I did get that, but I’m going to admit that I’m far more intellectual than emotional. Except about the people I love. I thought all those years ago I went into nursing to lift myself up, and when I found myself with a gun pointed to my head and my life on the line, all I could think about was that nothing I had done to that point mattered.”
“You’re talking about what happened in Dallas?” The anger seemed to have fled, but tears shone in Noelle’s eyes.
“Yes, I’m talking about that moment, that one excruciatingly long moment that seemed to mean more than all the others that came before it. The one that taught me I was helpless. But I was listening to the wrong message. Sometimes we don’t see things clearly until we’re on the other side of it. I would never have had what happened to my friend happen, but I can’t change that. All I can do is look for meaning, and here you are, Noelle.”
Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
In all the misery she’d gone through agonizing over Armie, she’d found this one truth. “I mean if that day doesn’t happen, I don’t come here. If I don’t have that gun aimed at me, watching my friend die in front of me, I don’t question everything I’ve ever known about myself. I don’t make the illogical move to come to a crazy town where the brightest young lady I’ve met in a long time isn’t getting the treatment she needs. If I hadn’t grown up poor, I probably don’t become a nurse and I don’t end up here and I don’t meet your father. And you don’t walk. This is my calling, Noelle. You. Right here and right now. So don’t think you can sway me. Don’t think you can push me off. You will try. I will give you everything I have and even if you never walk, I will help you become independent so you can have the life you deserve.”
“Noelle, you will do everything she tells you to do,” a deep voice said. She turned and Armie was standing there. Armie, her big, strong sheriff, was standing with his hat in his hand and tears in his eyes. He seemed to suck those up as he looked at his daughter. “Go on, now.”
Noelle’s jaw firmed. “You’re taking her side?”
“No. I just realized that she was always taking your side and I was siding with my own guilt. Get on the bars,” he said, striding over to them. He looked to Lila. “How can I help her?”
Finally he got the point. It broke her heart that it was far too late for them, but it wasn’t for Noelle. Noelle could still get everything she needed, and that included a couple of people who cared about her enough to not give up. “She’s got great upper-body strength. We’re going to get her on the bars and see what happens. Armie, this isn’t going to be pretty.”
“No, this is going to be painful and rough,” he replied, his voice hoarse. “It’s going to take incredibly hard work, and it might not pay off.”
“It will. Whether she walks or not, she’s going to know that she tried. She’s going to be stronger even if she fails. We learn everything important in life from failing and trying again.” God, she hoped so, because some days those lessons were all she had. That and a prayer that everything she’d been through would be worth it.
This would be worth it—even the pain of losing Armie— if Noelle had a good life.
“I don’t want to.” Noelle sniffled, tears in her eyes.
“I don’t care what you want.” Armie stood firm. “You have two years before you can get out from under my roof, and during that time I will expect certain things from you. One of those things is going to be PT and doing everything Lila asks of you. I’m indulgent but I can’t be moved on this, sweetheart. This is your future.”
“You don’t want me here. You want me to leave,” Noelle choked out.
“No, but I damn straight want you to be able to leave if that’s your choice. Now get on those bars and get started,” he commanded.
Lila waited, her heart in her throat because this was such an important moment between father and daughter. Armie might not understand it, but he was choosing to walk again, too. He was choosing to try to move forward and find another path.
Noelle sat there for a moment and Lila worried she was going to refuse. The truth was they could push all they liked, but in the end, Noelle was the one who had to do the work. She was the one who had to take the pain and try.
She shook her head, but there was a spark in her eyes. “You two want to watch me fall? You want to see me fail? Fine. Fucking fine.”
“Noelle,” her father admonished.
Lila put a hand up to stop him. “No, she’s making an adult choice. Here in this place she gets to use any language she needs to in order to get through a session.”
Armie nodded. “You’re right.” He turned back to his daughter. “So do it, Noelle. Get up there and try.”
She seemed to understand she was in a corner and there was only one way out. “Fine. You’ll see. You’ll be the one who’s disappointed because your only child is broken and damaged. This is for you. Maybe I won’t be a burden if you can get me to walk.”
Armie paled.
“Don’t give in to that.” Lila had seen it all. “That’s not Noelle. That’s her fear trying to find a way out, and fear doesn’t play fair. So don’t play at all. Get on the bars, Noelle.”
Noelle huffed, but shifted forward in her seat.
Her father was right there, lifting her up. “Do I settle her on here?”
“The bars have been adjusted to the proper height, and I know she’s scared of falling but the floor is padded.” It would still hurt, but she’d made the place as safe as she could.
“I’m not worried about falling. Who cares about me falling?” Noelle asked. “What’s one more injury as long as I can prove to you that I’m a fucking invalid? Maybe you two can move me into a nursing home after this and you can have some perfect, non-flawed kids you can actually love.”
Armie looked like he wanted to throw up, but he didn’t falter. “We’ll talk about that in a while, Noelle. Not now. Now you work. LaVignes work.”
“I’m not much of a LaVigne, am I?” Noelle said even as she gripped the bars.
She was going to fight until the end. Lila ignored it. “I need you to balance on the bars. Your feet are flat on the mat. That’s good. Today we don’t have to do anything more than get used to being on the bars. Find your balance.”
“I don’t have any fucking balance.” Noelle seemed intent on using her new freedom of language.
She said she didn’t have balance and yet she was standing with both feet planted and her hips only slightly off. The therapists had done an excellent job keeping her muscles strong. And her slender arms held a wealth of strength. Still, her face contorted as she held herself up.
“It’s okay. We’ll go slow. I’d like to try fifteen seconds at a time. We’ll try it three times today and work our way up,” Lila explained. “The injury you have has a good chance at healing if we do this right.”
“Fifteen seconds at a time? No. I’m trying this once and then I’m done.” Noelle shifted her arms and that was when it happened. Her right leg moved from the hip but in an odd, coltish fashion. Her foot slipped and Noelle headed for the ground.
Her father was the slightest bit too slow to catch her. She hit the ground with a dull thud.
> The room went silent. Lila knew it was a good thing, but sometimes the patient didn’t understand. She knew Armie was going to break soon. He wouldn’t be able to watch his baby in pain.
He dropped to his knees beside his daughter. “Sweetie, are you okay?”
“It hurts,” Noelle said, her shoulders shaking.
“I’m so sorry.” Armie’s whole being was focused on his daughter.
“Daddy, it hurts.” Noelle’s head came up, and sure enough there were tears streaking down her face, but a smile was there as well. “My leg hurts.”
Pain. It could be sweet. The world went watery, the two people in front of her crystalizing in a picture she would never be able to get out of her head.
It was enough.
It had to be.
She looked at Armie and Noelle, holding on to each other, and she wanted to be with them. It was an actual ache in her body, but she took a step back. She wasn’t a part of that family and it was time to let them be, to let them bond over this new beginning. She would be there for the next session. She would watch as Noelle healed and took back her future.
And maybe someday Armie would be ready for a relationship. It probably wouldn’t be with her, but she would be happy for him because she loved him. Her heart hurt as she forced herself to walk away. This was love, the real thing. It wasn’t selfish. It wasn’t the mad passion of her youth. It was a quiet belief in another person, a prayer that her love could protect him whether or not he could return the feeling.
“Could you finish up the session for me?” she asked Tanya. She knew she should stay there to make sure Noelle got back in her chair and to talk to her about some exercises she could do at home, but she couldn’t face them right now. They would likely reach out for her but it would be out of gratitude. Next time she would be more emotionally prepared to deal with it, but for now she needed to go to the clinic, grab her stuff, and head out to Guidry’s, where she would cry on her sister’s shoulder for a while.
Tanya nodded, her eyes bright with tears, too. “Of course. Lila, you did something great today.”
Lila thanked her and moved from the cool air of the building to the heat of the Louisiana summer. Night had descended and Mabel would have already closed up the clinic. She hurried down the street because lately she got stopped by anyone walking along the block that connected the clinic to the therapy gym. They asked her about whatever ailed them or gave her the latest gossip. Seraphina would talk about her son, Luc, or Dixie would pop her head out of the café’s doors to ask how she’d liked the soup of the day.
Papillon was home.
Funny how that had happened.
She used her key card to open the clinic doors, a bit surprised it hadn’t been manually locked.
“Mabel? Are you still here?” She wanted to clear out before Armie showed up. He would absolutely walk in at some point and want to have a long talk. He would say all the right things but, again, they would be about gratitude.
They needed a good long time to figure out what they wanted free of the turbulence of breaking out of the places they’d been stuck in.
The smell of gasoline hit her nose. Where was that coming from? The gas station was over a block away. She’d never smelled it here.
“What the hell are we supposed to do now?” a deep voice said.
They didn’t have any patients. Not any with appointments, but there could have been an emergency. She wondered why Mabel hadn’t paged her. She strode through the waiting area toward the exam rooms. The smell got worse. Hopefully they hadn’t had some kind of accident with gasoline.
Except it smelled like it was coming from reception.
The computer was wet.
“How was I supposed to know the bitch would still be here?”
Her whole body went cold because she was in trouble again.
* * *
• • •
Armie could barely see his daughter through the tears that clouded his eyes. She’d moved her legs. It hadn’t been much of a movement and it had sent her straight to the ground, but hope was an amazing thing.
Lila had given that to them. She’d been a fountain of strength, unwavering in her belief. He’d walked in and seen her, and his first instinct had been to drop to his knees and beg her forgiveness. He hadn’t been shocked by the fact that Lila had shown up for Noelle’s session. She’d ignored his calls and texts for days, but she hadn’t given up on his daughter.
“Sweetie, I’m so proud of you.”
Noelle’s face was flushed with emotion as she pushed up to a sitting position. “I’m sorry I wouldn’t try. I didn’t want to fail.”
“The only way to fail is by not trying.” He understood that. He always had, but the lesson he’d learned when he was a child had gotten lost in his pain and worry for her. “Was that the only reason? Sweetie, you need to talk to me. We’ve both been holding back. You haven’t wanted to learn any of the things Lila’s been trying to teach you. Why are you afraid of being more independent?”
“I know how hard it was for you to change your whole life after Mom died and I got stuck in that chair. But it also brought us closer together. I didn’t want things to change. This is going to be hard, and you hated to watch me struggle. It upset you so much. I didn’t want to hurt you more.”
Oh, they’d needed to have this talk for such a very long time. “It was not hard. I hate what happened to you and your mother, but getting to spend every day with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. Being your dad has been the joy of my life, Noelle. But I’ve done you a disservice because I was happy. I wanted things to stay the same so I didn’t have to worry about you again. If you were home, you were safe. Life isn’t about safety, baby girl. Life is about taking risks and pushing yourself to be the best Noelle you can be. I forgot that.”
“I love you, Dad. I’m sorry I was so stubborn.”
She hadn’t been the only one. “I’m sorry, too. Know that I’m going to push you from now on. I was afraid, too. I put you in that car.”
She shook her head. “You wanted to see me. I wanted to see you, too. It had been too long. I could have waited until morning, but I didn’t want to waste the time we did have together. I fought with Mom that night.”
It wasn’t anyone’s fault. They’d all meant well. It had been an accident and one it was long past time to forgive themselves for. “We’re going to move past this. We’re going to do it as a family. I promise the next time I’m feeling guilty, I’ll talk about it. And the next time you think you’re a burden, tell me and I’ll remind you of all the ways you’re loved.”
He got to his knees and looked around for Lila. She should be here with them. She was the reason they were here. God, he needed to hold her, to tell her he was sorry for not understanding what she’d been trying to do.
He needed to tell her how much he loved her.
“I think she left,” Noelle said, allowing him to help her up.
Tanya was there, holding the wheelchair steady as he got to his feet and picked his daughter up. “She went back to the clinic. I think she was trying to give you two some space. Oh, Noelle, I’m so happy for you.”
His daughter was light in his arms, but he’d mistaken her size for fragility. Noelle was strong, and she could fight her way through this. He would be by her side. He needed to make sure Lila was with them. They weren’t complete without her.
Noelle settled in and nodded up at the therapist. “I want to try again. Lila said I should try at least three times.”
“I can make that happen, but we’re going slow. Lila will chew me out if I let you hurt yourself.” Tanya smiled Armie’s way. “It’s okay, Sheriff. I can handle the rest of the session if you want to go to the clinic and talk to her.”
“Can I have a minute with my daughter?” He needed to make something clear. There was no way to move forward without
the most important part of his personal future.
“I’ll go grab us some water,” Tanya said with a wink. “Be right back.”
He turned to his daughter. “I’m going to marry Lila. I love her and I love you. I will always love you, but . . .”
Noelle held up a hand to stop him. “But I won’t be here forever, Dad. I’m going to go to college. I’m going to be a chemist and I’m going to have my own family. I love Lila, too. I can’t think of anyone I would want as a stepmom more than her. And, Dad, I know you’re scared of having more kids, but I think you should. I think I would be a great big sister.”
Something had happened to her in those moments when she’d taken her first faltering steps. Something mature and confident had come over his daughter. She’d been a scared little girl, but a woman sat in that chair now, one who would fight for herself.
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I agree. I think any kids who get you as a sister will have a hell of a role model. I’ll bring her back. I promise.”
He nodded to Tanya as he strode out of the building.
It was time to bring his wife home.
chapter eighteen
“I think you boys should get on out of here.” Mabel’s voice was clear, but there was a shaky quality to it.
Lila started to back away. She didn’t recognize the voices, but she was worried she might know who they were. If she was right, they were absolutely not here for medical care. The computer had been coated with gasoline, and so had the filing cabinets from the looks of it. Someone wanted to get rid of all her patient records, and there was only one person she could think of who might want to do that.
Bobby Petrie’s trial was going to come up in the next few months, and the DA would want those records soon. They would want to depose her and get all the medical information she had. If she didn’t have the X-rays and notes, the tests that had been run, all she could offer was her testimony, and it might not be enough.
“Yeah, because you’ll pretend like this never happened, right?”
