“You okay, old lady?”
“Don’t you ‘old lady’ me, skip. I’m sorry I’ve been a little off my game, Kit. I’ve got something brewing in my personal life that’s adding quite a bit of stress. I didn’t think it was spilling over, but it clearly is.”
“You know I’m always here for you, like you’ve been for me, right?”
“I know, ace, I know. But we need to keep your eyes focused on the prize right now. Feel like participating today?”
Kit thought about it. She had no idea what she would say. Ethel would probably tell her to talk about what she was feeling or share her story. But what was the point? She was sitting in this room, so everyone could deduce her story, or enough of it. Outside this room she wanted to be defined as someone else. She didn’t know why, but actually standing up and talking here made it feel like that would be impossible. Like it would make it permanent in a way it wasn’t yet. She was happy to admit it was weird, but she wasn’t ready to share.
Once the meeting started, Kit was reminded, as always, why she continued to come. Despite her conflicted feelings about her identity, she was committed to her sobriety, and these meetings were integral to that pursuit. That was especially true today with insightful readings and powerful shares from the group.
Kit was lost in the flow of the meeting when the door opened suddenly, causing everyone to stop and turn to look. It was Thea at the door and she looked upset. Kit jumped up and went to her.
“I’m really sorry to interrupt,” Thea said. “I need to speak to Kit.”
In the hall, Thea took a shaky breath. “It’s Frankie. She was doing some last-minute clean up and stumbled across a drug deal near the philosophy books. It’s not usually well traveled, and she freaked out.”
“Is she okay?” Kit reached for Thea and she willingly accepted Kit’s embrace.
“No, she’s really upset.” Thea sounded upset too.
“Physically. Is she hurt?” Kit’s pulse raced at the thought of anything happening to that sweet kid.
Thea shook her head. “One of the guys shoved her into a shelf when he ran off, but she says she’s okay physically. She asked for you.”
Kit knew this had to be eating her up. She’d been working so hard to keep her library safe and this had to feel like a slap in the face. Drug use was one thing. It was one person, struggling with their demons. Kit imagined drug dealing felt quite different, although both were often about survival, if different flavors.
“I’m okay for now.” Thea extricated herself from Kit’s arms. “Let’s get to Frankie.”
Thea led Kit to her office where Walter was showing Frankie how to fold an intricate origami frog.
“You will never stop amazing me, Walter.” Kit leaned down to examine the frog. “Never change.”
“Ms. Marsden.” Walter nodded at Kit as he exited.
“That’s not my name,” Kit called after him. “I changed it to Sparkle Pants.”
“You should definitely change it back,” Frankie said. “And if she doesn’t, break up with her.” Frankie was looking at Thea.
“One date and I can no longer let my sparkle pants fly?”
“I think I’m going to stay out of this.” Thea held up her hands.
“Good idea.” Frankie looked at Kit and Kit saw tears in her eyes. “Did Thea tell you what happened?”
“Yes, sweetie, she did. She also said you asked for me. What can I do?”
That seemed to be all the invitation Frankie needed. She flung herself into Kit’s arms. Kit could feel Frankie’s tears hitting her shoulder. She wasn’t sure what to do or what Frankie needed from her, but Josh always said she was a good hugger. She could do that.
After a while, Frankie seemed angry at the tears and pulled out of Kit’s arms. She sat down in a huff in one of Thea’s guest chairs.
“They shouldn’t be allowed to do that in here,” Frankie said. “Not in here.”
“They aren’t allowed.” Kit got her a new tissue since she’d smashed the first one up into an unusable ball. “It’s one of the sacred library rules. No talking loudly, no porn on the computers, no playing badminton with the books, and no drug deals in the stacks. Thea’s serious about rules, you know that.”
“This was just the one place. After my mom. This was the one place.” Frankie’s shoulders slumped and she put her head in her hands. “They can do it in the park. In the street. In my building. In my house. But not here. Just not here.”
“You know how much I love this place.” Thea squatted down in front of Frankie and put her hands on her knees. “And I will do everything in my power to keep it the safe place you need it to be. We’ll figure out a way to increase security and have more monitoring, especially in these quiet hours. And I don’t want you to wander by yourself. I’m not sure there’s anything else we can do.”
Kit mulled over options. She didn’t like the idea of drug deals happening in the library. Violence could accompany drug deals when they didn’t go well and she didn’t want Thea or Frankie, or anyone else in the library, near that kind of stuff. She also didn’t want kids like Frankie exposed to things they shouldn’t have to be aware of. They would grow up soon enough without getting that seediness smeared on their Dr. Seuss.
“There might be something else we can do.” Kit expelled a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. She couldn’t believe she was about to do this. “Is the library okay if you come with me on a field trip, Thea?”
“I’m coming too,” Frankie said.
“Nope.” Kit’s chest tightened at the thought of Frankie and Thea out with her. “You don’t even know where we’re going. You wait here.”
Frankie looked at Kit like she thought she was an adorable little chinchilla who’d given a good attempt at a new trick. Kit didn’t like being looked at like that.
“What are you going to do to stop me? Call my parents?”
Kit knew her bluff had been called. She had no authority over Frankie. “Fine. For the record, I could threaten you with something that would matter enough to keep your ass here. But I’m not going to be that person today. It should be okay, but if anything goes sideways, you stick close to me and do what I say. Both of you. Understand?”
“Does this count as a second date?” Thea leaned close and whispered in Kit’s ear. “Because I’m more into the flavor of the first one.”
“You don’t know where we’re going either. This could be awesome. Although it’s really not.”
Once they were out of the library Kit headed into the park. There were plenty of people out enjoying the evening, but she was looking for someone specific. After a quick, fruitless search, Kit changed tactics. She walked over a small footbridge in the middle of the park, hopped the rail at the lowest point, and peered underneath.
Two men scrambled up from the embankment and tried to scuttle away.
“I’m not interested in what you’re doing under here.” Kit held her hands up and far out to the side. “And I’m not the cops. I want to know where Parrot Master is. Can you tell me?”
Both men shook their heads.
“You don’t know, or you won’t say?”
One of the men indicated he didn’t know where he was, but he could get in touch.
“Tell him to meet me on the bench between the statue and the giant oak in fifteen minutes. Tell him Kilo’s waiting.” The words tasted foul coming out of her mouth.
How deep a damn hole do I have to dig to keep Kilo buried?
Kit wasn’t ready for the feelings stirred up by waiting for her former drug dealer on a bench in the park. It felt too familiar. Too comfortable. The only thing keeping her from bolting or having a panic attack was the fact that Thea and Frankie were there. She didn’t want to panic in front of Frankie, and this meeting was important for the library and Thea. Thea seemed to sense her discomfort and had kept some form of physical contact since they arrived at the bench.
How does she know I need that? What does she think of me that I do?
“Kilo, I knew you’d be calling,” Parrot Master said as he flew, arms outstretched and zigzagging, toward the bench. The Zookeeper wasn’t far behind. Her approach was more measured. She was sizing up Kit and her group. “What can I do for you?”
“I need a favor, Parrot.” Kit managed to get the words out despite the bitterness of them.
“Like I told you before, Kilo, friends and family discount is yours. I harbor no ill will against those who fall out of the nest.”
“This isn’t Kilo, Parrot,” the Zookeeper said, her eyes narrowed slightly as she studied Kit.
“My Queen, I didn’t pack my eyeballs with the good glasses today, but this tall drink of water looks like our Kilo. How did my zesty tail feathers lead me astray?”
“Does she look like she’s using again?” The Zookeeper rested her arm on Parrot Master’s shoulder and pointed at Kit.
Parrot Master moved in uncomfortably close to Kit’s personal space. He examined her face intently. He circled her, inspecting various body parts carefully. Kit allowed the examination. She needed their help, and despite their quirkiness, they had always been good to her.
“Kilo, you aren’t using.” It wasn’t a question. “Why come to a drug dealer if you do not seek drugs? Why have you summoned me?” His arms were spread wide and his head was thrown back. Kit had always appreciated his flair for the dramatic.
“Like I said, I need a favor. This is Thea,” Kit said, holding up Thea’s hand.
“You’re the librarian from across the park,” the Zookeeper said.
Thea looked at Kit. Now it looked like Thea was the one who needed comfort. Kit guessed she didn’t find being easily identifiable by these two to be particularly great news.
“I am,” Thea said, her chin lifted as she turned back to the odd pair.
“There was a drug deal in there today. Some of your boys?” Kit looked from one to the other.
“So what if it was?” Parrot Master shrugged. “I’m engaged in a free market economy. I have pop-up shops all over town.”
“If it was, then kids are watching and getting hurt. One of your boys shoved my friend here to the ground and you know that’s the best-case scenario when someone interrupts a deal. That library is full of kids and people who aren’t looking for any part of this life. Thea’s providing a safe place for everyone who walks through the door.”
“Even you, Kilo?” The Zookeeper looked at her intently.
“My name’s Kit now.”
“I’m not asking about her.” The Zookeeper crossed her arms and looked at Thea. “Is Kilo welcome in that library?”
“Everyone’s welcome. I just want it to be a safe space,” Thea said. “And there’s only one Kit.”
“Does she know that?”
Kit didn’t like Zookeeper’s scrutiny. The Zookeeper had asked her something similar the last time they met. She still didn’t have an answer. Was Kilo a separate person? Was she trying to make her be something fully apart? Would she be easier to get rid of if she were?
Before Kit could fall further down the rabbit hole of self-reflection, the Zookeeper caught sight of Frankie, who had been hanging back behind Kit and Thea.
“Frankie, whatcha doing lurking behind these two? You the kid that got roughed up?”
Frankie nodded and moved forward. Kit was shocked when Frankie embraced the Zookeeper. It wasn’t a tentative hug either. There was genuine affection and caring between the two.
“Don’t look so surprised.” The Zookeeper smiled. “Frankie and I go way back.”
Frankie looked hesitant to let go but finally returned to Kit’s side.
“I’m sorry about your mom, kid. Far as I know, she was clean. She was on our no-fly list. Those drugs didn’t come from us and I don’t think they were hers.”
Frankie nodded. She looked relieved.
“What’s the favor you want?” Parrot Master looked serious, a rarity for him.
“No drug dealing in the library.” Kit stood a little taller. “And if you can arrange it, no drug use either. I know you don’t control that, but you have some influence and people listen to you. There needs to be a safe place for the community where they know the outside world won’t seep in.”
The Zookeeper and Parrot Master stepped away and conferred. It felt like ages before they returned.
“This bird refuses to be caged by your terms and conditions,” Parrot Master said when he returned. “But I offer a feather of peace in the form of a counteroffer.”
“Let’s hear it.” She was encouraged that they were opening negotiations instead of rejecting her outright.
“No drug dealing inside the walls of the library. Grounds and surrounding areas are fair game.” Parrot Master ticked off conditions on his fingers. “I still have a business to run. If I give that much ground someone else will move in. They won’t be so accommodating.”
Kit knew he was right. But she still pushed for more. “Nothing inside or within eyesight of any exit,” Kit countered. “Is that okay?” she asked Thea quietly.
Thea nodded. “The windows are high enough you can’t really see much directly below them, only into the park which is fair game now anyway.”
“Acceptable,” Parrot Master said, bellowing out the agreement loudly. “Zoo, I cede the floor.”
The Zookeeper stepped forward and kissed him on the head as he stepped back with an elaborate bow.
“What you do on your own doesn’t involve me. The library is too important for my own business dealings.”
“And what is that? I won’t have my library used for criminal activity.” Thea stepped forward. Kit could see fire in her eyes.
“I like her, Kilo. She’s got balls to tell us how to run our enterprise. Try not to screw things up.” She turned back to Thea. “The business I’m referring to is not illegal and I believe is compatible with your stated goals of community safety. There are times I need a place, a safe harbor, to get certain individuals off the streets for their own protection. I have a list of locations for such purposes. I utilize the library when needed. I cannot guarantee, nor am I inclined to try to guarantee, sobriety when I drop off these individuals. That is not my purpose or concern.”
“What is your purpose?” Kit put her arm around Thea’s waist. “What danger do they bring?”
“What danger did you bring when I paid you to sit in a Laundromat all day babysitting my unmentionables?”
Kit thought back to her years of drug use and the times that the Zookeeper had asked her to do her laundry or other seemingly weird tasks. At the time she was happy for the extra money or promise of a safe place to enjoy her high. Now she wasn’t sure of the motive.
“I fell out of my chair a couple of times.” Kit dropped her arm from around Thea and looked at the Zookeeper. “Why did you pay me to watch the washer spin that day?”
The Zookeeper ignored Kit. Instead she kept speaking to Thea.
“There are women and young kids under my protection, whether they know it or not. Using drugs shouldn’t sentence you to a life of prostitution, being sold into the sex trade, or being beaten or abused by some asshole out here. When the mood is rough or I know the traffickers are out I move my charges around to keep them safe. If I required sobriety, I wouldn’t be able to protect them. I know that adds a burden on you. It’s one I’m asking you to bear.”
Kit was impressed with Thea, who seemed to take the information in stride and simply looked thoughtful. This had to be a difficult meeting given her history with individuals like Parrot Master and the Zookeeper. Although Kit wasn’t sure there was anyone quite like these two. Kit didn’t know why she was surprised though. Thea always put the needs of the library and the community she served first. It was one of the most impressive things about her.
Kit, though, was having a hard time squaring what the Zookeeper was saying with how she viewed herself and her time using drugs. She never thought of herself as needing the protection or the help of someone else, but clearly that wasn�
��t true. Someone had been looking out for her after all.
“Why not get these women into treatment?” Thea asked. “Instead of hiding them?”
“Treatment has to be self-initiated, or at least the individual has to be on board. We’ve never stood in the way of anyone who wants to get clean. I’ve dropped people off myself. But I’ve also come to accept that I can’t change reality. If someone doesn’t want to change, they won’t. Until they do, all I can do is keep them safe. It seems like we have that goal in common.”
“And you supply them with drugs.” Thea wrinkled her nose.
“If we don’t, someone else will.” The Zookeeper shrugged. “And at least we make an effort to make sure our shit’s not laced with stuff that could kill them. We all just do what we can, lady.”
The score that likely would have killed Kit hadn’t come from these two. Their logic was sound, even though the subject was difficult.
Everyone waited while Thea thought over what the Zookeeper said. Kit was still chewing on all the times Parrot Master or the Zookeeper had shown up and dragged her to some strange location and insisted she stay put for a few hours or a few days. They had implied her access to drugs was at stake so she did as she was told. How would things have turned out differently if they hadn’t been looking out for her?
“I want the library to be accessible and a safe place for everyone.” Thea’s words were measured, and she looked conflicted. “Keep the drug dealing out of the library. I won’t stand in your way with the rest.”
“Frankie, can I trust her?”
Kit wanted to punch the Zookeeper for questioning Thea’s trustworthiness, but this was a negotiation, not a cage match. How did the Zookeeper view her?
“Thea’s the best,” Frankie said. “She’s not lying.”
Serenity Page 13
