by Nicola May
‘You sound like my mother.’ Rosa sighed as she sat down at the counter next to her friend.
‘Would you prefer a boy or a girl then?’ Titch carried on looking at her magazine.
‘I honestly don’t mind. The way I’m feeling, I half hope it’s triplets. I’d just have to go through this sickness once then.’
‘Be careful what you wish for, Rose.’ Titch shook her blonde head. ‘Imagine it – three of them, pooping, feeding and crying – all at the same time. Nightmare!’
She shoved yet another biscuit in, mumbling, ‘Ooh, these are gorgeous… Listen to the silence,’ she added dreamily, wiping her chocolatey hands on a tissue. ‘I love Theo to pieces but working here is like being on holiday. Saveloy & Mr Chips are as hard work as having two kids too. They all behave for my mother though – of course they do.’ Without drawing breath she rambled on, ‘I have to say I quite fancied a mini-me, but when that little munchkin flew out of me on this very floor, I was so glad it was a boy. I think Ritchie is happy too. Saying that, he would love a baby tiger if it came from my loins.’
They both laughed at the word ‘loins’.
‘And I’m sure he will want to create a little Rogers someday too,’ Rosa said.
Titch put her hands over her ears and sang, ‘Lalalalala, I’m not listening! Hot Dog, make her stop.’ But the dachshund took no notice from his basket in the corner. He merely did one of his long, shuddering yawns with his jaws opened the widest they could go, before closing them with a snap.
Rosa laughed. ‘Well, even if Hot ignores you, at least Ritchie loves you, and that’s a fact.’
‘Yes, and it is just the best feeling in the world,’ Titch said. ‘You know, Rosa, I never thought I’d put away my Fuck-Me boots for any man, let alone a lanky chip-shop worker from Cockleberry Bay.’
‘OK, let’s get serious,’ Rosa said, snaffling a chocolate wafer before her friend ate the lot. ‘We had better talk wedding plans, hadn’t we? It’s only weeks away, after all. You’re getting married in the church and then filing down to ROSA’S for the reception, which is to be fish and chips and champagne, right? Correct so far?’
‘Correct. We should be down at the café around one, so everyone can just eat when they are hungry. There’ll be none of that waiting around for ruddy photos to be taken. Can’t bear all that malarkey.’ Titch started flicking through the magazine again. ‘I would love daffodils on every table though.’
‘Daffs? We might struggle this time of year.’
Titch just as quickly changed her mind. ‘No, I think if we are going the “fur coat no knickers” route, then we just keep it simple. It’s about the people. No one’s going to judge me if there are flowers on the tables or not – and if they do, then they are no friends of mine anyway. And if my mother-in-law wants to complain, because Edie complains about everything, we’ll let her. She could give us money instead of a fish-and-chip supper, couldn’t she?’
‘Is there anything else you’ve always dreamed of having?’
‘Apart from my dad or brother to give me away, you mean,’ Titch said quietly.
Rosa gave her friend a look full of understanding. ‘I can’t help you with that, I’m afraid.’
A short silence, then Titch piped up again. ‘It was the choir really. You see, I once saw a film where Stevie Wonder’s classic, “As”, was sung at a wedding. It was just the best, most moving thing ever. Such a track! But the little savings I have left from the Titchy Titch fund of old are for a deposit on a place of our own.’
From those words, Rosa assumed that Titch wouldn’t even be bidding for the shop and flat, and that made her a little sad.
Despite that, Rosa’s gut instinct told her she had done the right thing in the way she was conducting the proceedings. Local charities would benefit, and with the ten-year selling proviso, the successful candidate would be somebody who truly wanted to make the business work. That was something else that needed sorting before Christmas. There was so much to do! She was pleased that Josh would be back soon to help share the load. Yes, she was young and energetic, but this pregnancy lark was making her feel more tired than she’d ever felt before in her life.
Ding! At that moment the shop door opened. ‘Dong!’ Titch said under her breath at the sight of the man standing there.
‘All right, darl? Mum and Alfie are in the car outside. We’ve come to say goodbye and, well, I wanted to thank you again for saving my little boy’s life. Blimey, that sounds so lame, just saying the words.’
‘I’ll come out with you, hang on.’ Rosa went to get her coat. Titch managed a shy hello. Titch was never shy!
‘Did the money turn up?’ Danny said on Rosa’s return.
‘Not yet. But it will,’ she replied with certainty.
‘I still feel it was my fault, so I got paid yesterday and I want you to have this. There’s a ton there.’ He handed her one hundred pounds in cash.
Rosa pushed it straight back into his hand.
‘No way. You did me a massive favour. Nobody got hurt, and I’m just happy my mum’s well again. It was just one of those crazy days we all have sometimes.’
Danny gulped. He felt so guilty. If he hadn’t been in an after-sex haze, he would have remembered to lock that back door for sure. He was, however, secretly relieved that Rosa had handed the notes back to him. Money was tight, and Rosa had no doubt gathered that already. Even though he sensed that she wouldn’t suffer fools or allow a kidder to kid her, she obviously trusted him and wanted to help him and his family. She really was a diamond of a girl. Shame she was married, in fact. Privately, he was more relieved that she hadn’t found out about him having sex with a total stranger in her back kitchen than that she might think he’d nicked the money.
Rosa went outside to say her goodbyes. The morning’s early sunshine had been replaced with a thin, cold, November drizzle. She waved and blew kisses to Tina and Alfie, who were tucked up under a duvet in the back seat together, ready for the long journey back to London.
As Danny started the engine she walked round to his side of the car and banged on the window for him to open it.
‘Random, I know, but did you lose a sock when you were here? It’s just, neither Josh nor I support West Ham.’ Danny tried to keep his face level. In a hurry to get away from the scene of his sexual crime, he was sure that he had shoved both socks in his coat pocket.
Rosa handed him the screwed-up claret and blue sock. ‘You need to get a new pair; this one’s got a big hole in it.’ Then she winked, leaving a paranoid Danny wondering exactly what on earth she knew.
Titch was putting dog biscuits into the bowl on the counter when a slightly damp but good-humoured Rosa reappeared, saying, ‘Don’t tell me, Titch – you’d get your Fuck-Me boots re-heeled for him, wouldn’t you?’
‘Dear friend, I’d even shave my armpits.’
CHAPTER 44
Alec knew that Rosa wouldn’t contact him lightly about something so serious, so he immediately packed a small rucksack, put on Brown’s lead and headed for the West Cliffs path. He was relieved to reach the familiar bench halfway up to the cliffs and see the hunched figure of Lucas Hannafore sitting on it. Despite him having his coat hood pulled over his head, the young man was shivering, Alec could see.
‘All right, chap?’ Alec said friendlily.
‘I was just going, mate.’ Lucas went to stand up.
‘Oh, don’t move on mine and old Brown’s behalf. I call this my thinking bench. Rain or shine, if I need to think, up we come. I’ve got some coffee if you want to share it?’
Lucas sighed and slumped back on the bench. He knew of Alec because Rosa had mentioned him, but only to say that he was now hooked up with Sara from the café and he was a shrink of some kind. Lucas had never been able to understand people who went to counselling. He thought they were weak, that you should be able to talk though your problems with those closest to you without having to pay for the bloody privilege.
‘I feel devoid of thought or
feeling at the moment,’ he said dully.
‘I’m sorry for your loss, lad.’ Alec handed him a steaming cardboard cup of coffee. ‘It comes as it is, milk and two sugars.’
‘Thanks. And thank you about my mum. Yeah, they don’t teach about death or how to handle it at school or anywhere, do they?’ Lucas cupped his hands around his hot drink.
‘Sadly, no. Nor do they teach us how to talk to each other about it, for that matter. We men are the worst at that, yet we often need it the most.’
Silence was one of the main tools Alec used in his work. The two men sat looking out to sea, watching a solitary fishing boat heading into the mist. Brown, sitting dutifully at his master’s feet, held the offer of a warm coat for the troubled young man beside him to stroke.
Alec was relieved when it was Lucas who eventually decided to talk. ‘My old man is dead too, you know, and with my brother grieving too and, well, with the other person I love, not really being able to talk to her… I don’t know who to talk to.’
‘Brown’s an amazing listener.’ Alec put his hand on Lucas’s shoulder. ‘He hears all my troubles and woes, doesn’t argue, doesn’t even flap an ear.’
Lucas managed a smile. ‘You’re lucky.’
‘OK,’ Alec said softly. ‘Hit me with it, if you want to.’
‘I don’t want to sound like a dick, but I’ve been having these dark thoughts.’
‘Like what?’
‘I’m finding it hard to see a future without my mum and that someone else.’
‘Go on.’
‘The pub – well, it’s always been my home. Wherever I’ve lived, whichever part of the world I’ve travelled to, I always knew that I could come home. Home to the Ship Inn. And now the lease is up at Christmas on my London flat and I don’t know what to do. I’ve got mates in London, of course, but most of them are married – got kids. And my brother, he’s got his own family.’
‘So, you’ve got nieces, nephews?’
‘Two nieces, one nephew. They are great kids. They call me Uncle Louie – always have.’
‘That’s pretty cool.’ Alec took a slurp of coffee. ‘Kids open our eyes to things, speak the real truth.’
‘It’s not that I want to top myself.’ Hearing these words allowed Alec to instantly relax. The troubled lad went on, ‘I’m definitely not brave enough to kamikaze myself over a bloody cliff edge, that’s for sure. It’s just… I don’t know where I want to be, and I can’t see a way forward. It’s like I don’t want to be with me.’ Lucas sighed. ‘Oh, I don’t know what I’m saying. It’s just so fucking hard.’
‘Yes, it is hard. You’ve just lost your mother. That’s about as tough as it can get, mate. And it’s not going to be easy. You’ve got the whole monster of grief to go through, but go through it you must.’
‘Rosa said that too. Clever little bitch.’ A light came on in Lucas’s eyes, causing Alec to remember back to a conversation he had had with Rosa. It all made sense now.
‘She’s lovely with it though, eh?’ he said.
Another silence ensued until Lucas broke it again. ‘We should go, it’s freezing up here.’ The view from the cliff out to sea was now shrouded with a thick fog.
‘I’m having one more coffee, and there’s enough for us both – if you like?’
Lucas held his cup out, muttering, ‘You can’t tell anyone this. Promise me.’
‘Trust me,’ Alec said strongly.
‘I dunno why I’m telling you this, but I love her. Rosa, that is. I wasn’t sure how this love thing happened, but one minute I had sex with the girl and then as I got to know her this other feeling caught up on me and now I would do just about anything for her. She completes me. I just adore her and everything she stands for.’
Alec looked thoughtful. His voice was gentle when he said, ‘I don’t believe that anyone completes each other. You’ve got to be a complete whole yourself to live a full and happy life.’
‘All right, quit the shrink-speak.’ Lucas was too unhappy to be polite. ‘And just tell me this: how do I stop loving her?’
‘If I could provide a pill for that, I’d make a fortune. It’s like grieving, I’m afraid, there’s no easy fix. And whatever I say to you now won’t seem like I’m helping, but listen up anyway.’
‘Say something though, mate, I can’t feel like this any more.’
‘Keep out of her way for a bit, do some exercise, maybe focus on some hobbies, keep yourself busy. Even go on a couple of dates, without making any promises. You’re a plumber, aren’t you?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Get working then, anything to keep you busy will help with the grief and the heartbreak. And those dark thoughts will come, but that’s what they are – just thoughts. Think what you’ve got to think and then send them on their way. We are all just a series of thoughts really. Fill your head with as many good ones as you can. It might feel like the end of everything now, but no one ever died of a broken heart, you know. We all get over it.’
‘OK.’ Lucas stood up. ‘Thanks, but I really do want to go down now.’ The wind had started to get up and even Brown was whining slightly in discomfort.
‘Hang on and we’ll go down with you.’ Alec packed his rucksack. ‘What are you going to do with the pub?’ he asked as they set off.
‘It’s bought and paid for, so we could actually keep it. Tom, that’s my brother, we haven’t even got that far yet, as there’s so much to sort out.’
‘Whether it stays a pub or becomes a house, it would make a lovely home on the beachfront,’ Alec said wisely.
As they reached the bottom of the path, he handed Lucas a business card. ‘If ever you want to chat again, man to man, this is my number. I’ll leave this phone on 24/7 for you, for two weeks. And even if it’s one a.m. and you have any of those dark thoughts you mentioned and can’t bat them away yourself, I’ll be at the end of that phone, all right? And if I haven’t heard from you in that time, I’m thinking that maybe you, me and Brown here, could share another coffee sometime. Preferably not in the rain. If you want to, that is?’
Lucas shook Alec’s hand. ‘Thanks, mate, thank you so much.’
‘And lad – I know that Rosa cares about you. Maybe not in the way you want her to, granted, but she’s got your back. I know that much.’
CHAPTER 45
Merlin shot out through the front door of Seaspray Cottage at speed, nearly knocking Rosa over as he did so. Hot started barking as loudly as he could with excitement.
‘Whoa, you crazy cat. I have precious cargo on board now,’ Rosa told his disappearing back. She pushed open the front door to be greeted by Mary, who was on her hands and knees polishing the fire hearth. Hot, free from his lead, immediately trotted at speed through to the kitchen to see if there were any leftovers in Merlin’s cat bowls there for the emptying.
‘Oof, you made me jump, duck.’ Mary got up slowly and made her way to the kitchen. ‘Time for a cup of something?’ She was short of breath, but far better than she had been.
‘I’m glad to see you looking so much better, Mum. What a relief, eh. Never thought I’d say this, but have you got any herbal teas?’
‘Not the bags, but I’ve got some fresh ginger and lemon. Sit down, and I’ll make you something nice. I’ve just baked a batch of that cinnamon shortbread you love too. I was going to drop some in later, so I’m glad I’ve seen you now.’
‘Your ginger potion is kind of helping me feel less sick, but I’m still like a vomit factory – it comes hurtling out of me with practically no warning. And as well as not fancying caffeine, I keep craving boiled eggs with horseradish. What’s all that about?’
‘Bless your heart. Remind me when you are due again? I must put it on the calendar.’
‘Ninth of July, they think, but I never did keep a proper record of my periods, despite Josh wanting me to start a spreadsheet.’ She laughed.
‘Well, that’s his thing and we love him for it, our Josh. Has he got a date to come home yet?’
> Rosa sat at the kitchen table and let out a little sigh. ‘Two weeks today, thank goodness. We need to sit down and go through the applications for the shop then.’
‘You mean you still haven’t looked?’
‘Nope. Scott – you know, the journalist from the Gazette – he wants to do another article this week to update the masses, put the word out again. Being honest, I’m glad that we only have a handful of entries, since that gives me hope that those who are going for it, are genuine. I think the ten-year embargo on selling the shop on has really helped cut out the timewasters.’
‘You look tired.’ Mary stirred an extra spoonful of local honey into her daughter’s drink and handed it to her. Hot was now under the table chasing titbits of cucumber in a rubber kong that Mary had thrown under there to keep him occupied.
‘I am bloody knackered.’ Rosa yawned. ‘Much as I love both the shop and the café, it will be nice to have just the one business to think about. I’m also really looking forward to moving now too, reaping the rewards of some of mine and Josh’s hard work.’ Ever intuitive, Rosa clocked her mother’s face. ‘We won’t go far, so you will always be required for baby-sitting duties, don’t you worry.’
‘You must do what’s right for all of you, not for others – and that’s not one of Kahlil’s sayings, that’s one of mine.’ Mary reached over and took her daughter’s hand briefly. ‘I want you to be happy, darling.’
‘I am happy – and how are you doing, anyway? You’ve not been long home from hospital and look at you, cleaning like a mad thing already.’
‘Oh, hush you, child. And sod all this mindfulness meditation stuff. Cleaning is my escape from the madness, Rosa. And, I have to say, whatever Dr Delicious – I mean, Dr Reginald – stuck in my inhaler this time, it’s made me feel like a teenager again.’ Mary nodded. ‘There’s life in this old dog yet, I tell you. And when the baby does come, I’ve decided I don’t want to be Grannie this or Nana that. Queenie was always Queenie to me and you, so I just want to be Mary, straight, OK?’
