by M J Hardy
I make to leave and he groans as he shifts from the chair and hisses, “Help me, Kim, I’m in so much pain. I need you.”
“To patch you up. No, you don’t need me, Jack, you need professional help and I’m not qualified. Just let me have my space.”
“I can’t let you walk away; I need you with me.”
“That’s not your decision to make, it’s mine and I can’t deal with any more tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, try to get some sleep.”
As I walk away from Jack, it feels surprisingly good and I’m amazed to discover that this hasn’t broken me. It’s given me the courage I needed to make a decision that’s been brewing for some time. I am walking away from him, my marriage and my old life. I’m walking away with my head held high and the determination to do what’s right – for me.
Strangely, as I walk down the carpeted hallway to freedom, I do so with a smile on my face because it’s as if a huge burden has shifted. I’m free - of him. I know that whatever he says won’t change that and if anything, even if it was all fabricated, I no longer care because this is my one-way ticket out of a marriage that should have ended years ago.
Chapter 43
Evelyn
A strange sense of calm accompanies me to my room, which surprises me a little. After the evening I’ve had I should be in bits, worried, fearful and ashamed. Thinking of Charles’s reaction no longer worries me. Whatever he says or does can’t be any worse than what I’ve done to myself, and it ends now. Seeing Kim, so strong, so kind and so compassionate makes me want to be a better version of myself.
It’s over.
The life I thought was a dream is finally over and even if I do end up moving back to live with my parents, at least I’ll be free. Start again, find a job and learn that nothing in life is free for a reason. It’s up to the individual to take charge of their life for more than just money. For self-worth, for happiness and fulfilment. Some women get that through raising a family, they define themselves through that. I’m not in any position to take charge of another life when I have made such a bad job of my own.
It’s with a twinge of fear inside that I let myself into the room and hear Charles moving around in the bathroom.
He must hear the door because he heads out and my face must fall when I see the evidence of the fight staining his face.
“You’ve got a bloody nerve coming back here.”
He stares at me angrily and I say regretfully, “I’m sorry, Charles.”
“So you should be. What I saw on that screen will live with me to my dying day; the moment I discovered my wife was a whore.”
I let him speak because by the looks of him he’s so worked up, any words I utter would fall on deaf ears. He grinds out angrily, “How do you think that made me look? The man whose wife couldn’t wait to fuck a stranger in a cupboard. I felt the pity in the room – for me.”
He looks incredibly angry and I can almost taste it as he spits, “I’m so done with you. Trying to give you everything you want; working all hours just to buy you things, make you happy and for what?”
“I never asked you to, I begged you to let me get a job.”
“STOP TALKING!”
His voice is so loud it’s almost a scream and I stare at him in horror as he loses it completely. He shouts, “Everything I have done was for you. Every thought in my head was for our future, to make you happy and to be rich and successful. I wanted you to be proud to call me your husband and make you the envy of all your friends, and for what? A woman who has nothing interesting to say and is shit in bed.”
“You made me this way.”
It’s my turn to scream now. All the years of pent-up frustration bubble over and I shout, “I never asked for this. I just wanted a loving husband who didn’t stifle me, suffocate me, and make me feel worthless. I was just your barbie doll to dress up and play with when you had the time. You are so boring Charles, I want to scream. I never wanted your possessions or your money, I just wanted you. Not anymore, though. Not now, I want more and that doesn’t involve money. I want to feel free, happy and look forward to the future, instead of dreading waking up the next day. What I’m saying is, Charles, I want a divorce.”
To my surprise, he starts to laugh, but there’s not a trace of humour in it.
“So, this is what it’s all about. You think you’ll walk away with half my hard-earned money and set yourself up, no doubt with a new lover every week. Well, darling, reality check, there is no money.”
Taking a deep breath, I try to maintain an even tone and calm this situation down. “Do you really think this all about money, haven’t you listened to a word I just said?”
I look at him in surprise because it’s as if he hasn’t listened at all.
Instead, he just snarls, “I can’t deal with this now, there’s more important business to attend to.”
“More important than our marriage. That just about sums it all up.”
I break off and say sadly, “It was always more about the business and even now, it still is.”
“Yes, it’s all about the business because that’s the machine that feeds us, gives us nice things and expensive houses, cars and holidays. Those jewels you wear, the designer clothes you drip in, are all paid for out of the business. So, let me tell you one more time, the business will always be more important than you and now, as I said, I don’t have time to deal with you and your tantrum. I need to go and find out if I still have a business after the text I received yesterday.”
“What are you talking about?”
For the first time since I met Charles, I see real fear in his eyes. A real sense of foreboding that takes priority now because its obvious something extremely bad has happened, judging by the wild look in his eye and the desperation on his face. I’m not stupid enough to think it’s there because of me. Something is badly wrong with his business and Charles appears to be falling without a safety net.
He glares at me before grabbing his briefcase and storming out of the room, leaving me watching him go with a strange mixture of relief and worry.
I’ve never seen him so crazy. He almost looks unhinged and yet it’s not because of what I did, something is very wrong with the business side of things and if it does bring him down, I’m not sure how he’ll cope with that.
As I sit on the bed and place my head in my hands, I let it all out. The feelings that I have kept hidden for so long, the shattered dreams and broken promises, all merge with the self-loathing that I have felt for some time now. Hatred of Charles and my situation are the bricks around my neck that make me sink to rock bottom, and I cry for the girl I was and the woman I became. Whatever happens next is immaterial because there’s no going back now. If we lose it all, it’s fine because there is nothing worth keeping, anyway.
Chapter 44
Emma
The penny drops like a bomb and I look at Ben with a mixture of interest and disbelief. “I know you.”
He nods. “I wondered when you’d remember.”
“It was so long ago; it certainly feels that way. I can’t believe it’s you, you’re so different, more…”
I struggle for words because he is so different. Everything about him is different and he laughs softly. “I’m no longer that shy, slightly nerdy guy who idolised you at college. The kid fresh out of school who thought girls like you were princesses. I put you on a pedestal and worshipped the ground you walked on. I would have done anything for you until you threw it all back in my face.”
“We were never together, never friends, what are you talking about?” I stare at him in surprise because yes, I knew Benjamin Wheeler but he was never high enough on my radar to warrant a second look. Admittedly he helped me out with course work on occasion but we never met socially, unless you count the time he asked me out but I thought he knew I was never interested. Now things are different, so maybe he brought me here to persuade me to stay because he’s held a torch for me all these years.
If anything, I feel flatt
ered and smile smugly. “You went to a lot of trouble to get me here – us here, how did you manage it, it’s impressive?”
He swirls the brandy around his glass and looks at me with a hint of a smile. “I told you, I’m quite techy and Facebook enabled me to run an ad that only went to the people I wanted it to. There was no competition, no testing of the facilities. I just wanted to bring my past to my present to set me free into my future.”
He must sense my confusion because he laughs. “Let me explain. You see I wasn’t joking when I said that Buddhism interested me. It was the principles that I identified with more than anything. The harder I studied, the more I believed in Karma. It is a term about the cycle of cause and effect. According to the theory of Karma, what happens to a person, happens because they caused it with their actions. Things that happen in the past decides your fate in the future. Cause and effect. As you sow, so shall you reap. Are you still with me?”
I must look confused because he raises his eyes. “Then let me spell it out for you. To receive happiness, peace, love, and friendship, one must BE happy, peaceful, loving, and a true friend. Whatever a person puts out into the universe will come back to them. I was so wrapped up in bitterness I was denying myself something that would ultimately make me happy, so that’s why I brought you all here. A cleansing of the past, to bring me happiness in the future.”
I smile because I’m guessing why he brought me here. To seduce me, the girl he could never have, the woman he thought about ever since and wanted so badly he engineered this whole thing to win her heart. I smile with encouragement and whisper, “So, now you have me here, what are you planning? I mean, it’s come as quite a shock, a nice one though, but what is this bright future you are planning and how does it affect me?”
“It doesn’t.”
“Excuse me.”
He laughs but I can’t see the joke and he leans back in his chair and I watch in fascination as his eyes sparkle with an energy that captivates me.
“The thing is, Emma, one must accept something in order to change it. If all one sees is an enemy, or a negative character trait, then they are not and cannot be focused on a higher level of existence. I gave you that chance. To see if you had become a better person, learned from the past and weren’t the manipulative bitch I remembered.”
“What are you saying?” I stare at him in confusion because this isn’t the way I thought this conversation was going to go. He sounds almost angry as he laughs bitterly, “I can’t believe you don’t remember how you belittled me, humiliated me and made me feel like a piece of dirt you trod in.”
I am wracking my brains to remember what I did that was so bad and he leans forward and snarls, “Then let me enlighten you. When you dropped me a note on my desk, I was curious. Why would you give me anything when you hardly knew I existed? I was ecstatic when I saw the handwritten note asking me to meet you at the pizza restaurant that evening. You told me you were interested and had been for some time, that you wanted to get to know me and like a fool I believed every word.”
I almost can’t look him in the eye as I remember back to a time I was off the rails and a little wild. It was something we did back then, little dares to make our days interesting. To cheer ourselves up and make a day seem worthwhile. Yes, I was popular and yes, I had my pick of the most popular guys, which is why my friends dared me to trap a geeky guy who would do anything I asked and I chose Benjamin Wheeler. He was so wet behind the ears and wore the most disgusting glasses. His clothes were old fashioned and his hair lacked any sort of modern style. He looked like an old man in a young man’s body and we thought it would be funny to watch.
I feel confused as to how it affected him this much and he laughs out loud.
“Still the same I see. Now you know what I’m talking about and you still can’t see anything wrong with what you did. Well, I sat in that Pizza restaurant for two hours with your friends at the next table, giggling and staring at me the entire time. I couldn’t understand it and it’s only now I realise they were probably texting you and sending you photos of the fool you stood up. I was so sure it was a mistake. Something had happened to you and I was worried - can you believe I was actually worried that you’d had an accident, or were hurt?”
He looks so angry and I feel a little alarmed as he growls, “The next day you cornered me in the hallway and apologised. You told me something had come up at home and you wanted to make it up to me and to meet you after school by the south entrance. Like a fool, I did as you asked, desperate to believe that you actually wanted me. I waited for one hour that time and yes, you did show up in the end but you weren’t alone. You made out with one of the guys from the football team right in front of me and then laughed in my face. You whispered something in his ear and he glared at me and told me to stop perving on his girl and called me a piece of shit for watching women. He came over and pushed me to the ground and kicked me hard in the ribs, while you laughed as if it was a huge joke. Then he warned me to stay away because if he saw me near any girl again, he would come and find me with the rest of the team. Do you know how hard that was for me? Now you know about my childhood, the bullying in school and the struggle I had getting to where I was? It all came back to haunt me that day. The pain, the loneliness the sense of never belonging, having no friends and being worthless. You made me feel like that because you were a cruel bitch who thought it was a laugh. Well, Karma’s a bitch as they say because that’s all you were to me.”
“What are you saying?” He seems so angry, unreasonably so in my mind because who holds a grudge against something kids do all these years later?
“Let’s be clear. I brought you here to see what I became. The boy you wrote off as not worth anything. I wanted to see if you remembered me and felt sorry for how you treated me. But all you saw was my wealth, my fine clothes and expensive toys. You saw a meal ticket and a life of luxury that you wouldn’t have to lift a finger to create. You wanted a trophy on your arm and a man your friends would envy. Well, I never wanted you. I just wanted closure on a past that still haunts me now. Now I’ve seen how you ended up, it’s no surprise you have a failed business, probably because in order to make something a success you actually have to work at it, and hard. No relationship to speak of, probably because you’re not really the sort of woman men see as the marrying kind. So, how does it feel knowing that you learned nothing worth shit for existing in a grown-up world? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have an empire to run and you can see yourself out because you have some packing to do.”
“But…” My head is spinning as his words sink in. He doesn’t want me; it was revenge and nothing more. But he’s turned out so gorgeous, successful and desirable, there must be something I can do to repair the damage. Mustering every emotion I own, I let the tears flow and sob, “I’m so sorry, Ben. You have every right to hate me, hell, I hate myself for what I did to you. I never meant to hurt you, please believe me, let me make it up to you, please, give me that chance.”
He stares at me in surprise. “You’re really doing this, asking me for a second chance but why?”
“Because meeting you again made me realise how much I liked you - like you now. It’s not about your life and how well you’ve done, it’s about how much I enjoyed spending time with you, stirring a pot that had been left to boil dry. Please give me the chance to make it up to you, give me a week, two perhaps. I can prove that I’ve changed and I’m not that woman you spoke of back in the past. I am a better person now and surely everyone deserves a second chance at least.”
I’m almost hopeful as he looks a little unsure and stares at me with a sad expression. Then he shakes his head and says bitterly, “When you look at me, Emma, you see the wealthy entrepreneur and the successful man I became. You gave me a chance because you were swayed by the gifts, the attention and the packaging. You were blinded by what I could give you and never realised it’s a two-way street. I want a woman who sees beyond all this. Sees the boy I was and the man I am now. Not the b
usinessman, the person behind the suit. That’s not you Emma and it never will be. Anyway, you need to leave because at 8am a cab is arriving to take you to the airport where I have booked you on the first flight out of here. Maybe you will think of how you treat people from now on because everyone has feelings, no matter how much money, how many friends, or how little they’ve got. They are all people like you and deserve respect and acceptance, regardless of their situation in life. Look on this as my parting gift. Work on your attitude and maybe you will be successful one day, both in business and in love.”
I can’t even look at the man, how dare he preach to me as if he’s above me? I am fine as I am; I have my own business for goodness’s sake. Just because he has all this, he thinks he can talk down to me, reject me as something worthless under his shoe and manipulate me for his own pleasure just so he can feel good about one little thing that happened years ago.
A sudden feeling touches me inside, and now I know how it feels to be the underdog. I don’t like it one bit, so I turn my back on him and walk away. As I leave, I bump into someone and as he pushes past me, I see a look of fury on Evelyn’s husband’s face. Something in his eye tells me he’s unhinged and briefly I wonder what that means for Ben.
As I walk away, I find myself smiling. Yes, Ben, Karma certainly is a bitch.
Chapter 45
Evelyn
When I wake the next morning, it takes a moment to remember the events of yesterday, but they soon come flooding back in all their horrific glory. I blink as the morning sun hits me square in the eye and the soft breeze wafts through the double doors that lead to the balcony.
Suddenly, I hear a terse, “It’s about time you woke up, we don’t have long, get dressed.”
