by Echo Slater
He stops fiddling with his son’s thick, wavy hair. Sighing, he asks, “What are you thinking?”
“No idea.”
“Let’s jump them,” Stoney says from farther down the table.
“Or we don’t retaliate,” Bishop mumbles behind his coffee cup. “We’d be escalating their retaliation for the crap we gave Vivi.”
“Did you retaliate for them messing with me?” Raqui asks, frowning at me for some reason. “Let me answer for you. No.”
“Well, baby, you kicked the ass of the woman who started trouble with you,” Grizz says and reaches over to stroke her cheek. “That was the revenge.”
“Against her. But she was just doing what they paid her to do. I say you kick their asses.”
“Or we don’t,” Bishop says again. “Escalation is a mistake.”
“You wouldn’t say that if it was Bunny who got the business,” Stoney grumbles.
Bishop’s tired face scrunches up. “Who?”
“The ditzy chick.”
“Oh, yeah, what about her?”
“Senility is hitting you early,” Cash taunts Bishop. “But I agree with not escalating. Right now, they fuck with the girls in a stupid way. If we make a big deal, Hoot’s got to react.”
“I ain’t worried about him,” Grizz grumbles.
“What if they start shit at the Ranch?” Cash asks, getting riled up, which means he’s bored and needs entertainment. “Remember when the Roosters released a bunch of cats on the Ranch? Or they rode through the property in the middle of the night while tossing firecrackers? That was fine when the Ranch was childfree.”
Grizz looks at Cross sucking at his sippy cup. The boy stops drinking long enough to smile at his father.
“We can’t escalate,” he says and shrugs. “Sorry, Mad Dog.”
Frowning, I think of me having a kid one day here on the Ranch. Would I want a tit-for-tat battle with the Roosters? In the past, that shit was fun. We played pranks on them. My favorite one was the shit-filled catapult.
But I also want Cameo to be able to walk around the Ranch without being accosted. Her parents are visiting this weekend. I plan to paint a picture of a safe zone for their daughter.
If I let the prank drop and call it payback for Vivi, the Roosters should back off. Hell, Bronze and Killjoy even warned me, which saved time fixing what they fucked up. And after messing with Raqui that one time, the Roosters never fucked with her again.
“I get it,” I finally mutter while drinking my coffee. “Can’t have that shit touch Cameo any more than it already has.”
Grizz holds my gaze, and we share an unspoken agreement. We have more than ourselves to worry about now. Grizz never downplays my interest in Cameo. Sure, he thought Hoot was a fucking moron for tripping over his dick for Vivi. But that was all before Grizz lost his damn mind over Raqui. I still remember how edgy he was until he had her living on the Ranch and sleeping in his bed.
Now, I’m the one suffering from withdrawal. Cameo is likely at school already. I picture in class, surrounded by people half my age.
Last night, she asked if she was too young to handle what I wanted. My answer feels right for my life. I need her now. Dicking around for months or years to get to the place I’m already at is a waste of time.
This weekend, I’ll win over Phil and Arlene. Once they relax, Cameo will, too. I might not be able to get her into my house until graduation, but I should have her in my bed overnight long before then.
CAMEO—TELL IT TO MY HEART
At school, Hagan and I get taunted by kids over our lame gas station fight. We hear them talking shit in the quad when we walk outside with our lunches. Of course, I ignore them, but Hagan can’t help herself.
“Her boyfriend is in a biker gang, you stupid little shits,” she sneers before rolling her eyes. “Idiot children looking to die young.”
“Are you threatening us?” Brayden asks.
“Always,” she replies, just loving to hear herself talk.
I keep walking since I would never waste Mad Dog’s time by asking him to beat on teenagers. Sure, at the movie theater, scaring them was fun. Now, though, he’s the man I love, not a hot biker I’m dating. No way are these losers worth his effort.
“You’re no fun,” Hagan says, sitting next to me against a tree. “If I were dating a criminal, I’d use that fact to terrorize my enemies.”
“I don’t really think you would.”
“Maybe not, but I like to believe I would.”
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
“Look, Cam, I love you, but you’re no Spider-Man.”
Grinning, I rest my head on her shoulder. “I was a little afraid of what would happen after high school. Mainly living up to the expectations of other people. Like being lazy as a high schooler is one thing. All the grownup stuff is expected as soon as we graduate. Like a starter pistol goes off, and everyone rushes to have something to brag about.”
“Most idiots will work at local fast-food places or Walmart. The rest are headed to half-rate colleges. The only ones who ought to be bragging are their delusional grandmas.”
“Maybe.”
“But you have a job lined up.”
“With my dad.”
“Exactly. Brayden will work for his family, too. Idiot can’t get into a decent college, and his parents figure he’ll piss away four years’ worth of money if they send him. So, now Brayden will be a salesman despite him having a terrible personality. See how you’re not the only one getting your ass saved by a businessman daddy.”
“You’re probably right, but I still feel like I’m bringing nothing to my future with Mad Dog. I can’t even cook.”
Hagan unwraps her burrito and asks, “Why are you so cranky today?”
“I’m nervous about the party at the Ranch on Sunday. If it goes to shit, Mom and Dad won’t be cool with Mad Dog. Then, I’ll feel guilty for spending time with him.”
“Why feel guilty? I know you love your parents. I love them, too. But they got their shot at happiness. They were also allowed to try stuff and fail and pick themselves back up. Why can’t you do the same?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s because you were a dumpster baby, right?” Hagan asks, and I frown at her. “And all the baby-crazed families in the state jumped through hoops to win your abandoned ass. And instead of getting your shitty original parents, you won great ones who love you so much. You’re a gift they didn’t think they’d ever have. So, now you feel as if you owe them forever despite them already winning the prize of a baby girl.”
“You make my feelings sound stupid.”
“You act like you owe Phil and Arlene, but they wanted a baby. If it wasn’t you, it’d be another kid. If they weren’t your parents, you’d have ended up with another desperate couple. Phil and Arlene didn’t save you from death or a life of misery. You worry so much as if they might regret adopting you. There’s feeling grateful, and then there’s acting pathological.”
“You’re being mean,” I mutter, scooting away.
“No, I’m throwing truth bombs all up in your face,” she says, taking my hand. “I wish Arlene and Phil were my real parents. My dad is a weak dork. My mom hated being a mother and wife so much she spent her life wasted until she smashed her car into a tree. I’m thankful every day that your parents took me in. We both got lucky. But that doesn’t mean you should spend the rest of your life being their baby as a reward for them adopting you.”
“I don’t feel like I’m doing that.”
“I know you don’t, but you’ve never been very introspective.”
Frowning at her smiling face, I mutter, “I pay attention to what’s happening around me.”
“And that’s great for avoiding running into things, but you also need to analyze yourself better.”
I consider mentioning her weird new stance regarding guys since we partied at the Ranch weeks ago. Maybe Hagan ought to use her therapist skills to analyze her deal
with Stoney.
But poking at her makes me uncomfortable. Hagan gets easily offended over random stuff while letting other meaner things slide right off her back. I’m not in the mood to roll the dice on her response.
I imagine a day when I’ll know Mad Dog as well as I do Hagan. I’m sure he has plenty of fun wild tales about when the Wet Dicks were first founded. I’ll know what he likes to eat and how he reacts to feeling sick. When he needs comfort, I won’t need to ask how to help.
But to reach such familiarity, I need Cross’s birthday party to go off without any issues.
Hagan isn’t wrong about my desire to please people, especially my parents. That’s not a habit I can easily change. But for Mad Dog, I’ll find a way to grow up and release my death grip on my mom and dad.
MAD DOG—I’M ALRIGHT
For Cross’s first birthday, Raqui went nuts. The guys and I figured she was teetering on Yoko-level behavior. Cross didn’t even seem to understand what was happening around him. I got the feeling she only wanted all that stuff because she didn’t get it as a kid.
This year, with her big belly and her energy low, Raqui keeps the party simple. A few of her high school friends and cousins are bringing their shitty kids to the Ranch to play in the rented bounce house, eat cake and hot dogs, and drop off presents filled with toys Cross likely already owns.
Once the townies bail, the rest of us can enjoy a less snot-filled party. Until then, the boys and I will remain on our best behavior.
“Are Cameo’s parents wieners or super religious or anything else that might ruin my day?” Raqui asks at breakfast.
“No, they’re normal.”
“He’s lying,” Stoney mutters. “That’s his bullshitter face.”
“This is my tired face, you crusty-ass herpes sore.”
“Sure,” he grumbles.
“Stop fussing over seeing Hagan,” I taunt, remembering what Cameo said about her friend’s maybe interest in him. Thinking of how pissed off Stoney’s been since the Ranch’s townie party, I suspect he’s nursing a crush on the mouthy brunette.
“Wait, how old is that one?” Grizz asks immediately.
“Seventeen,” I blurt out and glare at Stoney. “For shame, bro. Just super disappointed in you.”
“I ain’t done nothing,” he growls and then looks around and throws up his hands. “I spoke to her one time. Cash offered to get a blowjob from her.”
“That was him,” Cash says and points to me. “He’s the real Yoko.”
Giving me the once-over, Raqui snorts. “You do have that vibe.”
“Well, I don’t care who started it,” Grizz grumbles, sounding intimidating enough to get a weird frown from his son. “No one under eighteen.”
“He has rules,” Raqui says with complete seriousness. “Very profound life directives.”
“Yeah, and breaking those rules leads to consequences,” Grizz growls at me.
“Hey, my girl is eighteen. He’s the rule breaker,” I say, jutting my thumb at Stoney.
Ginette hurries over from the stove and rests her hands on her son’s shoulders. “Stoney follows the rules.”
“He better,” Grizz says in an icy voice. “Under eighteen means a lost ball. You only get two failures before I start taking an inch off your dick.”
“Which allows for only two more failures for you tiny-dicked weirdos,” Horse says while reading something on his phone.
Flashing her best doe-eyed look at Grizz, Ginette asks, “Can’t we stop busting Stoney’s balls for something he didn’t do?”
My president’s cold exterior thaws under her gaze. “Fine. Sure. But Cameo’s friend is off-limits.”
“When does Stoney’s jailbait graduate?” Raqui asks me.
“I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you ask?”
“No.”
“But that’s a normal question to wonder about. What did you ask Cameo instead? Was it related to her poofy lips, you perv?”
“I’m focused on learning about my girl, not her bestie. I figure that other stuff will be learned through casual observation.”
“He’s a scientist now,” Stoney growls.
“Shut up,” Grizz says to us both. “We’re having a party for my boy today. I shouldn’t have to worry about removing anyone’s balls.”
“You heard him,” I tell Stoney.
Ginette shoots me a frown “You’re a troublemaker.”
“I’m a fucking saint,” I say, waving off her accusation before following her over to the stove for more food.
Everyone settles down after Grizz’s warning. I don’t know if he could successfully take one of our testicles, but I can imagine him trying. Grizz doesn’t fuck around with that age rule.
However, I sense he’s mostly tense over Raqui’s family visiting today. They don’t approve of him or the Dicks. He thinks they’re hypocritical garbage. Raqui’s mom won’t even be here. Apparently, she’s too busy with church activities to celebrate her only grandson’s birthday.
“Lock up your houses,” Grizz warns the guys after Raqui takes Cross to their place to get dressed. “Her family and those fucks she used to hang out with in high school aren’t the least bit righteous. Don’t let their kids distract you. The scum will sneak off and rummage through your shit if they see the chance.”
Grizz’s hatred of Raqui’s family makes today even more important. I don’t want a hostile relationship with Phil and Arlene. Cameo’s tight with her parents, and they fucking adore her. If they were shitheads like Raqui’s family, I wouldn’t mind straining their relationship. But if I fuck up, my girl could actually lose something important.
“Is that Hagan coming today?” Ginette asks me after Bishop and I set up the bounce house.
“Yes. She’s like Cameo’s sister. Lives at her house and everything. It’s a package deal with the Suttons.”
“Is she trying to seduce my boy?” Ginette asks and narrows her blue eyes conspiratorially. “As much as I wish he would find a woman and give me a grandbaby to play with, I don’t see that happening if Grizz takes his balls.”
“He’s not taking anything. Like, he’s strong and all, but Stoney is sneaky. If they tangle, he’ll break loose of Grizz’s grip and run. His balls will survive to be threatened another day.”
“Ha-ha, Mad Dog,” she says, rolling her eyes. “But is this girl a problem?”
“What if I say yes?”
“I’ll give her what’s what.”
“That would be hilarious,” I say and grin at Bishop drinking a beer nearby. “Your saucy shit and her big mouth going at it would be entertaining-as-fuck.”
“So, is she trouble?”
“Hagan’s harmless. Stoney and her shared a little moment at the townie party. Nothing worth losing a ball over. I just like teasing him over it. Calm your tits, Ginette.”
“My tits have never been more serene,” she says and gives them a wink. “I just don’t want Stoney ending up in trouble over some slut.”
“Hey, now,” I mutter, worried she’ll cause trouble for me today. “Hagan’s a seventeen-year-old virgin. She likes to talk shit, but she isn’t a slut or a genuine troublemaker. Don’t you go screwing things sideways for me with the Sutton parents.”
“Virgin, huh?” Ginette says and rolls her eyes at Bishop. “She was offering Cash a blowjob.”
“No, she offered me a blowjob. That was back when I first met them. You know how girls around here give them out like a smile. Nothing personal.”
Bishop chuckles. “Church girls won’t suck you off, but they’ve all got lube in their purses for anal. The world’s a crazy place. When I was growing up, no girl in her right mind was sticking anything up her ass. I’ve had two Jesus chicks offer me butt action in the last month.”
“Yeah, you’re old,” I taunt, and he smiles. “We get it, old-timer. Rock and roll is the devil’s music, and people used to sit on their porches and drink lemonade while their well-behaved kids rode bikes until the streetlights c
ame on. All Mayfield, Leave It to Beaver shit.”
Ginette sighs. “It was never like that where I was growing up. Fucking TV made people stupid, thinking shit was real when it was just a rich man’s fantasy.”
“Why are you so riled up today, Ette?” Bishop asks, walking over and giving her a wink. “Do you need attention or something?”
“Stop offering if you aren’t going to help a girl out.”
“Hey, I’d do it right here and now, but your son can’t pretend you’re a saint if I drill you in front of the birthday guests.”
“Oh, be still my heart,” Ginette says, fanning her cheeks. “You sure are a charmer.”
Bishop swings Ginette around and gets her laughing. He even does a little two-step with the older woman. By the time cars beginning rolling onto the Ranch, Ginette is as calm as a summer day.
“I owe you for that,” I tell him while she hurries off to supervise the newcomers.
Bishop shrugs. “I’ll add it to the list.”
“I need today to go well.”
“The best way to have a happy day is to think happy thoughts. You’ve spent all morning walking around with tension rushing off you. You’re asking for trouble.”
I put on my biggest smile. “Happy thoughts, man.”
He mimics me. “No matter how loud the kids get, how rude the guests act, and how drunk Ginette becomes, I’m the king of happy thoughts.”
“I shall be your jester. Fun and lively.”
We turn our attention to Cross, who comes barreling out of his house. The kid needs more little people to play with, and he squeals at the sight of other children. Raqui waddles after him while a constipated-looking Grizz joins us.
“You fuckers need to start making kids, so my boy has someone to play with.”
“Do the math, man,” Cash says, strolling up. “If I pound a baby into a chick tonight, she won’t pop for nine months. Babies are useless until around Cross’s age. So, by the time my baby would be old enough for him to play with, your little man will be ready for school.”
“When you think of it that way,” Horse says, joining us as the kids and moms head to the bounce house and picnic tables, “any of us having kids would be a waste. Best stick with the one you’re cooking now, Prez, and call it a fucking day.”
