by Sarah Lin
By the time his fingers were numb, he still hadn't accomplished anything, but Theo bitterly told himself that he wouldn't give up. It would require more powerful tools, but he'd eventually eliminate the evidence of his failure and start again. He wasn't back to the beginning, just taking a detour.
Those words were no comfort at all. When he left his soulhome, he could still taste the scorched ash in his mouth.
Chapter 17
Days crumbled away, taking them closer and closer to the competition, yet Theo barely even considered them. So long spent preparing, all ruined in a single moment. He hadn't realized just how many of his hopes had been pinned on returning to the Nine as a brilliant hero. It had been all that got him through the terrible jobs and broken relationships that had marked his Earthly existence, yet now...
It wasn't that he stopped working. On the contrary, he avoided all classes and skipped meals to spend even more time in his soulhome, feverishly trying to find a way to reconstruct what had been lost. There might be no way to easily regain the solar gem and he couldn't afford another flint, but those were trivial obstacles. More important were repairing the damage and finding the source of the problem.
Both issues had proved stubborn. He hadn't been hopeful that anyone could directly heal soulhome damage, but he'd still asked the local healers and even the Archcrafter when she returned. Other than informing him that all the power he'd gathered had been reduced to the unworkable black residue, they were useless to him. A few confirmed that certain Ruler tier materials might have been able to help, but he had no way of obtaining those with his current strength.
Try as he might, he couldn't find a flaw in his execution, so the only logical solutions were that he had misunderstood the blueprint, or that his soul had been the problem. The Landguard village didn't have many useful books, but he'd checked them anyway, looking for any precedent of a demonic awakening ruining a soul. Not only did he find nothing, the scholarly consensus seemed to be that demons lacked even the capacity to interact with souls directly.
His only chance at new insight was speaking with Nanjuma, but the leader had been busy dealing with lesser demon attacks. Previously Theo had disregarded him as "only" a Ruler, never able to bridge the gap to the fourth tier, but he realized that was arrogant. Nanjuma had soulcrafted three extremely polished floors and spent a lifetime mentoring others. If anyone had a superior knowledge of soulhomes, it was him.
On several occasions, Nauda had attempted to draw him out of his room, and Fiyu had even showed up once. He'd been polite but ignored them, and though Nauda seemed hurt, she'd left him alone. Most likely she had used her observation technique and seen what had happened to his soulhome.
A bitter part of him was furious that they didn't try to help, but that was irrational: what could they have done? He had devastated his soulhome with a blueprint that was beyond all of them and they weren't exactly stumbling over legendary sublime materials. Their attempts to draw him out were what they had to offer, and he'd rejected them.
Once again, Theo found himself in the center of his soulhome, examining the blasted space. He'd removed all the damaged fragments, leaving only black dirt - the grass had never grown back and it had been scarred in a similar way to the walls. Other than repairing the ceiling, he hadn't been able to soulcraft in a meaningful way - he'd been smashing more solarstone into pieces just so he wasn't sitting idle, but every effort to clean the walls had failed.
He did know of a few solutions, all of them too far away to be of any use. There was a rare tool on Deuxan that could cut apart any sublime material within a soul. A water from Aathal that ate through anything not living like acid. Sources of light on Noven that could scour clean any impurity.
Without those, he didn't see any way of building past this. He had a solid first floor of his soulhome, but it was useless to him. Even if he built around the blasted area, which might make him strong enough to handle most opponents once he reached Archcrafter, he would never be able to face the monstrous demon he'd seen in the pale world beyond the Nine. And it would be a mistake to assume that was the worst he'd face.
Eventually he realized how long it had been since he'd eaten anything - his stomach actually hurt, though that could also have been the stress. Theo closed his soulhome and left his room, shuffling to the kitchen. Thankfully it was several hours before the usual time to eat, so he was able to take some of the previous day's bread and a few of the fruits and vegetables they were cutting.
He ate them but didn't taste anything, chewing over the same thoughts as he did every day. Before he could finish filling his stomach, Nauda appeared in the doorway. She said nothing until she sat down opposite him and so he just stared at her.
"You need to stop this." She gripped her staff with white knuckles. "I know that your soulhome took a terrible blow, but you need to stop-"
"Why should I?" Theo dropped the piece of bread he was eating and watched it fall with a dull clunk. "Everything I did was designed for a specific blueprint, but it failed. Depression is a rational response. There's no happy celebration that will erase the damage done to me."
"No, but you can stop doing more. You think that this misery is a consequence of what happened, but it's not. You're doing this to yourself."
"And you think that makes me feel better? You don't understand at all."
He thought he saw a flicker of pain on her face, then it closed in a polite Tatian smile and she lowered her head. "You're right, of course. You know far more about this than me and I was merely making a feeble effort to encourage you. I should not have insulted you by pretending to understand the pain that you, and you alone in all history, are suffering."
Though her words had to be a hollow shell of Tatian politeness, he just didn't care. Nauda stared at him a moment longer, then gripped her staff enough to rise and left the room. He remained there among the awkward cooks, trying to eat a few more bites before he gave up.
One thing she was right about was that he needed to change his pattern, which was clearly not helping him. In that conversation, he'd reminded himself too much of a teenager, a stage he thought that he'd put behind him decades ago. It was as if the failure in his soul had knocked his mind back as well, leaving him a bitter version of the person he'd been when he planned the blueprint long ago.
So instead of returning to his room, Theo went to talk to Navim. As he lived alone beside the mine, it was always easy to find the Mundhin, and this time there appeared to be no one asking him for assistance. Theo stepped through the broad door and into the rocky chamber. He wasn't sure if it mimicked civilization in Arbai, but to him it looked like a simple set of marble blocks, too high to be comfortable for humans to sit on.
They were the appropriate height for Navim to settle several pieces of his body on, however, and the largest block clearly served as a table. The Mundhin turned his central core to regard him, then turned back to his work. Unable to see from the ground, Theo moved forward and stepped up onto one of the blocks.
"Hello, Jake. I have not seen you in some time."
"I've been busy." Theo stared down at the melting strands of stone, several different varieties blending into something that could have been a complex device or a piece of art. "But I regret not visiting you more often."
"It is no trouble. The Tatians have been quite eager to have me mend much of their stone. It seems that if the living stone cannot be coaxed into the shapes they want, they are generally without recourse. I am puzzled over the fact that they have not developed stoneshapers of their own."
"I think there are some, but not this far out."
After that, Theo went silent. Navim worked in equal silence for a time, twisting several veins of stone together before finally hardening them. Then his gem-studded core turned up to focus on him. "So, what is it that you would have of me?"
Theo hesitated, the question throwing him from his grim mental cycles. "Does it... really seem like I'm just coming because I want something? I guess that's f
air. But not this time. I just... need a conversation to get out of my own head. Do the Tatians really ask you for so many things? That doesn't seem very hospitable of them."
"They have done their utmost to thank me with gifts of food and warm embraces, regardless of my objections that I cannot use these things. I have found their hospitality to be somewhat focused on their own comfort, less about the true ideal of generosity and more maintaining a view of the world that they find to be comfortable."
And just like that, Theo was glad that he came to talk to Navim. "Believe me, I know exactly what you mean."
"Then I will ask again, reiterating that I will not be offended: do you require anything of me other than conversation?"
"Can you reforge soulhomes or shape legendary armaments that can be wielded by first tier soulcrafters?"
"I cannot do these things."
"Then I just want to talk." Theo bent down to pick up one of the stone blocks and, using cantae to lift the heavy stone, put it up on his seat so he'd have something to lean back against. As he did so, a different thought occurred to him. "But I suppose you might do something for someone else. Fiyu has outgrown the original mask you so generously helped create, so a better one might be useful."
"Her concerns are not yours." That was all Navim said, his gemstones completely unreadable. Theo had heard that the only way to read a Mundhin's mood was body language, not the unchanging gems, but all the ones he'd met had seemed unnaturally still. With no way of interpreting that statement, Theo decided to just move on.
"Then I want to think about something other than my own problems. What about you? Is your soulcrafting going well?"
"Again, I must inquire if you have an ulterior motive. Is this preparation for the contest?"
Theo paused, then laughed. "I hadn't even thought about it, but I suppose we'll be competing. Withhold critical information, if you prefer."
His tone must have been convincing, because after regarding him for a time, Navim spoke in a more relaxed voice. "In my time here, I have substantially developed my chamber devoted to stoneshaping, in addition to gaining experience with the art. I have also used some of their local stone to form a new chamber, though I do not know if it is durable enough to survive the ascension to Archcrafter."
"That's your goal, then? You want the Archcrafter materials, so you want your group to win the contest?"
"Yes, no, and no, respectively." Navim's sphere of gemstones remained still, but his arms rotated in a movement Theo interpreted as an idle tic. "Perhaps some of the sublime materials in this world would be useful to me, but when I say that I am more concerned with knowledge than with materials, I am not expressing a commitment to ideal scholarship. The master of my school can bestow upon me more than enough sublime materials to allow for ascension, if I prove myself as a student."
"One of the philosophical schools?" Even though he'd just set up his backrest, Theo found himself leaning forward. "I've never visited Arbai, but I've heard about them. Is it a big one?"
"Not by an objective standard, but we are well known within our field. I am one of the lesser students of Master Uvvah Ulim, of the School of Emerald Indulgence."
Theo had never heard of it, but nodded along as if he did. "If your master has enough high tier materials to distribute to all his students, he must be powerful."
"Certainly he is by the standards of our current surroundings. Master Uvvah Ulim has never cared for strength and ascended to the rank of Authority solely in order to obtain the ability to use weirkeys and travel the Nine Worlds. He spent his youth exploring as much of them as he could, but as his stones grew weary, he returned and founded our school. In it, he passes along his techniques only as a method to spread his philosophies of flexibility in thought."
"He sounds like a remarkable man, uh, Mundhin. You joined the school because you admire him?"
"Yes, just so." Navim's core shifted down to regard him. "He is an admirable scholar and I hope to make him proud. My monograph on the customs of Tatian will not be unique, but he will approve of the spirit of my research."
Though Theo wondered how much it was an academic school and how much it was a body of armed soulcrafters, he thought that question might not be appreciated. Best to try something more neutral... "Does the school teach soulhome blueprints as well? Clearly, you feel comfortable improvising new chambers. I thought you disliked approximation."
"To improvise is not to create a rough approximation." Navim drew back, as clearly offended as a cluster of rocks could be. "But to answer your question: no, my master does not believe in the use of blueprints. Instead, a student makes an attempt and the teacher asks questions of it, revealing flaws until the student learns better."
"Heh, we have something like that in the philosophy of my world."
"Oh? I would gladly hear more of this. Both I and my master would be glad to hear more of your world, if it truly does stand beyond the Nine."
Relaxed as he was, Theo hadn't realized that he was walking into a problem. He trusted Navim to a degree, but didn't want to start spreading information about Earth. If it was still largely unknown despite other travelers like Magnafor, that meant knowledge of it would be suspicious. If Vistgil or anyone else was looking for him, telling tales of home might be painting a target on his back.
He was saved an awkward refusal by a quiet voice that surprised him. "Navim? I would like-" Fiyu's smile froze as she entered and sensed Theo's presence as well. After a pause, she lowered her head and retreated before they could say anything. "I did not realize you had a guest. I will return."
Navim bade her farewell, but Theo just sat without saying anything. Clearly Fiyu would avoid him so long as he was in this state, which was a reasonable strategy. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, his concerns piling back onto him. It was too early for that, so he decided to press on to something else.
"Does Fiyu ask you for things as well?"
"Yes, but I consider her a friend. I attempted to utilize what I have read of Ichili customs and it seemed to make her feel at ease. Once she realized how much I valued her recollections of her world, she became more eager to speak than I expected."
"Yeah, Fiyu is..." He had been about to say she was great, but it didn't feel right to compliment her while he was giving her the cold shoulder. "Okay, I'm thinking about the wrong things again. Distract me."
After a curious pause, Navim did his best, leading to a long conversation ranging from the nature of Arbai to observations about Tatian to general philosophy. Theo knew he wasn't stupid, and he'd learned a fair amount over the course of his life, but he still felt a bit coarse talking to Navim. The Mundhin really was a philosopher at heart, thinking deeply on issues that didn't grip Theo in the same way. His life had been too dominated by his central concerns to spare time for abstract questions.
The conversation was refreshing, but as he had never been able to shake his other thoughts, he left it with a clear plan. Before returning to his room and his futile soulcrafting, he would make another attempt to visit Nanjuma. He'd check again every day until he managed to talk to the Ruler, and if that wasn't successful, he'd try something else. Wallowing like this was not an option.
As if summoned by his determination, Nanjuma was actually available that day, sitting on the edge of one of the upper buildings. Theo habitually glanced toward the sealed tree, trying to determine if the barrier had been damaged further, but then shifted his focus to the old man instead.
"Nanjuma? I wanted to request your advice on a question of soulhome blueprints."
"Of course!" Nanjuma hopped off the edge, landing easily beside him. "But if I recall which student you are, you didn't accept one of our blueprints, did you? I'm afraid I'm only a simple Tatian man, and if you want some exotic foreign blueprint, this old man may not be able to help."
The false humility grated, but Theo smiled through it. "You're still the most knowledgeable person I know on the subject. I've soulcrafted myself into a corner and I'm at
a loss for what to do next."
"Well, then, let's take a look!"
All at once, Nanjuma's soul was pressing against his. It was almost an attack, but one he couldn't possibly repel, so Theo instead just rushed to enter his soulhome. He had a glimpse of a vast tower floating nearby... no, not a tower, an outer wall hiding most of Nanjuma's soulhome. Clouds wrapped around it soon, but not before a green blur leapt to land in his soulhome.
Nanjuma's spirit was formed from green fire, clearer than anyone via Nauda's technique but just as obviously not a real presence. The old man folded his arms and looked over the structure quickly. "Well, it looks quite solid from the outside! What seems to be the trouble?"
"I'll show you, if you come this way, but let me explain. I am following a blueprint from... a treasured friend, one much stronger than I am. I intended to build my soulhome around a single concept: light itself, both illumination and strength."
"That seems like an excellent decision." As they walked through the rooms, Nanjuma rapped his knuckles against the wall and actually seemed to touch it. That suggested he could have damaged the materials if he wanted, but Theo was well past concerns about being outclassed.
"Yes, but it didn't go as planned..." By the time they reached the center, Theo had explained almost all the details of his idea, though he left out the technical concerns that Nanjuma seemed to understand intuitively. The old man nodded and grunted approvingly at most of them, only shaking his head sadly at the damage done to the central chamber.
When at last Theo was done, Nanjuma remained silent for a long time. He bent down, his fingers grasping some of the dark soil, then ran a finger along the glassy wall. His spirit vanished abruptly, only to return with several yellowing blades of grass in his hand. After thoughtfully crushing them, he let the pieces slide out of his hand and turned back to Theo.
"Your blueprint's design is explosive, potentially dangerous, but your preparations seem to be adequate. I cannot examine your materials, so it is possible that there was a fatal flaw within one, but I agree that is unlikely. No, the core problem is you."
