by Nicole Thorn
Jay shook his head as a car pulled in behind the food truck. Two girls that had gone to my high school stepped out. They watched Helen dancing and pulled out their phones to take pictures.
“Great,” Sam said. “Now everyone is going to want to come see her perform, and we’ve lost the few customers that we had.” He slouched into the chair and put his chin in his hand, looking distraught. Whatever happened with his parents must have been bad. A few people looked over at our distraught jerky.
The first fat drops of rain started to hit our table.
We packed everything up quickly, shoving it all in the back of the RV. Sam took off after changing, still looking depressed. By the time we got everything taken care of, the rain had started to fall in earnest. Across the street, Helen and Stanley still had a line going, though. People didn’t mind standing under their awnings.
I watched them for a second before shrugging it off and looking back at Jay. “So, what do you wanna do for our date?”
He smiled. “I don’t really know. Most people go out to eat, don’t they?”
“Yes,” I said. “Do you wanna do that?”
He shrugged. “To be honest, I’d be fine without it.”
I thought for a couple of seconds before nodding. “Then I’ve got the perfect idea.” I pulled out of the parking lot, ignoring Helen when she waved vigorously at us from in front of her truck. She had a look of triumph on her face, which made it even more difficult to ignore her.
I took the RV home and switched over to my car. Jay had never been in that before, since I usually just drove the RV to his house every morning. I took us to a nearby fast food place, picked up some food, and then we headed back to my house, which was empty aside from the cat.
Purricane immediately started to rub up against Jay’s ankles, because the little traitor loved him so damn much. I sat down in front of the TV in the living room and gestured for Jay to sit next to me.
He did, with a small smile on his face. “Is this our date?”
“Why not?” I asked, turning on the TV and searching through our streaming service for something to watch.
Jay started to separate the food for us. Eventually, I landed on a TV show that Jay mentioned his sister liked. “She has time for TV?” I asked, surprised.
“Yeah,” Jay said. “She gets days off and everything.”
“What’s that like?”
He shrugged, biting into his burrito. We ate in silence while the show played, but the second we finished, we both started to make fun of it. His sister had terrible taste in shows. Nothing that they did made sense, the acting was horrible, and the costumes just drove home how little they cared.
However, we ended up laying down on the sofa together. We had our legs stretched out on the ottoman, and Jay had ended up laying across my chest somehow.
“I mean, look at that,” he said, yawning. “I’ve seen Dee put on wigs that looked more convincing. She went as Alice for Halloween, and she could pull it off better than these makeup artists could.”
I snorted. “I’m sure that your exasperation hurts their feelings greatly. It makes their loads of money seem not worth it.”
“See, that’s where we went wrong,” he said, around another yawn. “We’ve been trying to break into the food game. We should have just become actors instead. That’s easy, right? Just walk around, looking hot, until someone notices you. I might not have gotten anywhere, but you’re just evil enough that they would have taken you.”
“Evil?” I asked. “I thought you said hot.”
“They go hand in hand.”
“Then you must be evil too. I bought ten jars of honey off you just so that we could talk.”
“It’s not my fault that you’re stupid.” This last he mumbled. I glanced down and saw that his eyes had closed, and his mouth just barely hung open. Considering how little he actually slept, this didn’t surprise me. I settled further into the couch, getting comfortable for my stint as Jay’s pillow.
Over the next episode, Jay threw his arm over my chest, and held me so tightly that I couldn’t have gotten up if I wanted to. Every time I moved, he would grumble in fury. Which made getting a sip of water difficult. I decided that I’d just go thirsty. It would be worthwhile.
We probably would have stayed like that for a long time, if my phone hadn’t gone off. The first text tone didn’t wake Jay up, so I let it go. The phone sat just out of reach, on the side table. Then a second text came in. And a third, all back to back.
Finally, Jay’s eyes opened, and he glared at the phone. “What the fuck is that and why is it making noise?”
“It’s called a phone,” I said, picking it up. “It makes noise when people are trying to communicate with you.”
He grunted and flopped back onto my chest. I opened the texts, all from Sam.
Holy shit, you won’t believe what just happened.
Look.
Maybe we’re not doomed after all.
All three texts accompanied screen grabs that Sam had taken. It appeared to be from A Little Taste of Heavaii’s social media. One person had taken a picture of Helen in her hula outfit and tagged them in a question, asking how they felt about cultural appropriation. “Oh shit,” I said.
Jay grumbled.
Helen had responded, saying that wearing the hula skirt wasn’t wrong. Anyone could wear whatever they wanted.
The second picture showed the comments, of people ripping into her for being insensitive. Helen had tried to backpedal, but it looked like her comment got lost in all the others. The last picture showed Helen’s latest response—and I admitted that I didn’t know for sure that Helen ran their social media, but all these things sounded like something that she would say.
“We will not to be attacked,” the comment read. “We haven’t done anything wrong in trying to eke out a living. Wearing this outfit to attract customers is well within anyone’s rights, and I will not let anyone make us feel ashamed for it.”
Underneath that, I saw that people accused her of not caring about exploiting other people’s cultures.
I gave a low whistle.
Jay grumbled some more. I nudged him and he opened a single eye to glare at me. “This better be something good,” he said.
I showed him my phone.
He swiped through the pictures fast, his face going through a whole list of changes before he finally looked back up at me. “Oh, she’s going to be pissed when we see her again,” he said.
I smirked.
Chapter Thirty
Jay
Sleeping had been nice. I normally got so little of it that I could forget what it felt like to not be up before the sun. I laid in bed after I woke up. I would have been even more willing to lay there if Hammy hadn’t been in his own room. His dad was fine with me sleeping over for work, but sharing a room seemed to be a bit too much to ask. It didn’t keep me from wondering if I could get away with slipping into Hamilton’s room, but I didn’t want to take advantage of his father’s kindness.
I showered and changed into fresh clothes. I had a bag at Hamilton’s house, since I’d ended up staying the night so much lately. We didn’t want to kill the momentum of figuring out our menu, even if at two in the morning. This seemed like the best idea.
Since the forecast called for rain again, I didn’t know how much time we would get outside. The monsoons in Arizona got so bad that they ripped trees out of the ground, so it didn’t seem all that smart to be out or to have our products outside. I had to make sure my bees would be safe anyway and moving them would take a little while. Hamilton would bring me home, come back to take his dad to the doctor for a checkup, and then we would meet up later for some planning. I had to tell myself this didn’t count as a day off, just so I wouldn’t have some kind of anxiety attack. Just because we didn’t sell anything didn’t mean we didn’t work. We had to prep too.
Hammy had gotten in the shower when I left the guest room again. I thought about knocking on the door and seeing i
f he would let me in. My mind had been in the gutter lately. It wasn’t my fault that I had a hot boyfriend currently standing in the exact same spot I’d been naked in only fifteen minutes before.
I pushed those thoughts aside, deciding that I could get a little work in before he came downstairs.
In the kitchen, I started cleaning up what we left out the night before. It had been late, and we’d agreed to do it in the morning. I didn’t mind doing it on my own. Cleaning made me feel like I had control over something, and I could do worse than making the house cleaner for my fella and his dad. It only took a few minutes anyway.
I jumped a mile when Harry greeted me. I’d been too busy trying to scrub dried honey off the counter to notice him coming in and gathering things for coffee.
“Morning,” I returned. “Did you sleep okay?”
He grumbled in a way that sounded exactly like Hammy. His shoulders lifted for a lazy shrug. “I get a little antsy before an appointment. I ended up playing games on my phone more than I actually slept.”
The coffee maker made that gurgle sound after he put in his container of fancy flavor stuff. It smelled good, but I didn’t think I would have liked the taste. I preferred candy for my energy boosts.
Harry yawned, turning around and leaning against the counter. He rubbed his eyes, giving another yawn before he stared off into the distance. It went quiet in the room, and not the same comfortable quiet that I had with Hamilton. I probably should have kept my mouth closed, but I didn’t know how to leave well enough alone.
“Um, can I ask you something?” I said, trying not to sound nervous.
“Sure,” Harry said kindly. “Is it about the meat? I’m not much of a cook. I’m better at the cutting part.”
I smiled, wringing the damp rag in my hands. “No, it’s about me and Hammy.”
“Hammy,” he repeated, kind of laughing. “He must love that.”
“I hope he does. My whole family calls him that.”
The man smiled. “So, what did you want to ask about you and Ham?”
I opened my mouth, but the words got stuck for a few seconds. “You’re… you’re okay with the two of us dating, right?”
His eyes opened wider. “What? Yeah, of course. You’re a good kid.”
“That wasn’t really what I meant. I mean, I know that this must be super weird for you. You just found out your kid is gay, and now he’s got a boyfriend that’s been sleeping over a ton. It takes some getting used to. I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not uncomfortable,” Harry assured me. “And weird isn’t the word I would use. I just wish I knew sooner. It’s strange to not be aware of such a big thing in my son’s life. I don’t need time to ‘get used to’ Hamilton being gay. It’s not really my place to make this about me.” He laughed again.
“I guess I don’t really know how people normally do this. All of it. The dating stuff, telling parents, all that. I’ve only ever liked Hammy. I was too busy for other people.”
Harry came over, giving me a clap on my shoulder. “I think it’s good that you’re slowing down a little. You two are so young, and I hate that you have to bust your asses this much to get by. It shouldn’t be like that. He should be getting ready for college, anticipating parties and meeting new people. And you…” The man paused, smiling. “Well, I guess I don’t know what you want out of life.”
“To survive,” I told him.
He frowned at that, then patted my shoulder again. “Dream bigger, kiddo. It’s good for the soul to want things, even if they’re a little hard to get. Even if you’re scared you’ll lose them once you get it.”
He left me to pour his coffee. I suddenly felt better about the day off, the tension in my shoulders relaxing.
I didn’t especially want anything in life, and maybe that wasn’t such a good thing. I didn’t have the time to think about it before. Or, I at least thought I didn’t have the time. Now, things looked different. I could wake up a little later and not feel as guilty. I could leave early for a date where I napped and watched bad TV with the guy I liked. And I could be into a guy and see a future with him. I didn’t know when that happened, but I didn’t want to lose it. I didn’t want to lose the new things about myself that cropped up.
Hammy showed up, and he smiled the second he saw me. Butterflies flapped their wings in my stomach when he came right to me, kissing me good morning as if it had been the first thing he thought to do. Hammy hadn’t seen his father tucked away in the corner with his coffee. The man tried not to look at us, but a small smile lived on his face.
“You wanna grab a fast breakfast before I bring you home?” Hamilton asked.
“Maybe. I kind of lost the will to eat when I remembered my mom and siblings are in the house. We haven’t talked much since I told them I was moving out.”
“You’re moving out?” Harry asked, alerting Hammy to his presence. For a second, I thought he would drop my hand. He didn’t.
“Sort of,” I said. “I don’t make steady enough money yet to get a place, and I would need like two or three roommates to afford anything in town. But I’m planning on trying to leave so my little brother and sister don’t have to share a room anymore. He’s thirteen.”
Harry sucked in a breath through his teeth, almost wincing. He knew Dee Dee was little, and I could only imagine he pictured sharing a room with a little kid at that age. My face got hotter, feeling failure sink into me.
“I can hang out with you for a little bit,” Hammy offered.
“No, I should do this on my own. Can’t be a coward forever.”
I said goodbye to his dad before we got into the car. The whole drive stressed me out, and I had a lump in my throat. Hamilton got breakfast, but I couldn’t eat much more than the bite of hash brown he offered me. I only took it because he held it out for me to eat and I thought it was cute.
I got a long kiss to give me courage before I went inside my house. Hammy didn’t drive away until I after I closed the door. When I heard the car leaving, I almost threw up on the floor. I shouldn’t have been so nervous about something everyone eventually did.
To distract myself, I rushed out to check on the bees. The sky had turned gray and stormy already, but everything seemed fine so far. I moved the hive into our big shed. When the monsoons had come in the past, they’d never done damage to it. I worried more about the flowers getting ripped up than the shed toppling over, honestly.
I had my back to the door when I heard AJ call me. My spine felt stiff.
“Hey,” I said to him, closing the shed doors. “Are you gonna hang out with your friends today?”
When I turned around, my brother looked paler than normal. He hovered outside of the house, holding onto the backdoors. His hair looked messy as usual, but more from a lack of care this time, as opposed to him carefully styling it into messiness. I never understood why people did that, but I didn’t ask questions.
“I don’t know yet,” AJ said. “It looks like it’s going to rain, and Mom doesn’t let me skateboard when it’s wet outside.”
I stood there awkwardly, unsure if I had anything to say. I wanted to hide again. AJ hadn’t been there when the conversation came out about me leaving, but I could see in his eyes that he knew.
Thunder started to rumble from above us. I looked up, feeling like it bought me a few seconds. I couldn’t avoid it forever, but I wondered if I could manage for another few days.
I went inside the house and locked the back door, making sure we were safe from the rain. I half hoped that AJ would lose interest in me like he normally did and take off. He didn’t.
“They said you were moving out soon,” AJ said when I started walking out of the kitchen. His words stopped me like I’d stepped in quicksand. I sighed, unsure of how to handle this.
“I mean, I’m eighteen now,” I said, turning to him. “Feels like it’s time.”
“No one moves out at eighteen anymore. Not unless they’re rich or joining the army or somet
hing. Why are you leaving?”
“Because it’s time,” I answered, and it felt like the most honest way I could have put it. I hadn’t felt like I belonged in the house for a long time. I didn’t blame my parents for it being small. I knew they felt the size of it every day. They wanted better for their kids, and this could get them that.
AJ narrowed his eyes, anger burning in them. “Why’s that?”
“What do you mean? I just told you.”
“You didn’t. Why do you think you need to move out? Tell me.”
I didn’t know what he wanted. Either way, I said nothing. I couldn’t make the words come out.
“It’s me,” he said. “Everyone in the house is upset that you’re leaving, and it’s because of me. I didn’t ask you to leave so I could have your room, Jay. I never said I was upset that I shared with Dee Dee.”
“You didn’t have to say it,” I said, the words escaping before I could stop them. I took a breath, exhaling. I calmed myself so I wouldn’t sound like I snapped at him. “You should have your own space.”
“I didn’t ask for that,” AJ repeated.
“Do you like sharing with Dee?”
He waited a second before responding. “I don’t mind it.”
“Don’t you? You never get upset that you can’t bring your friends over to hang out? Or change in your own room? Or listen to music without headphones? Stay up late with the lights on? Come on, AJ. It’s fine to want your own room.”
He stared at the ground, glaring at it. “I would rather have you here than have my own room.”
I had no idea how to do this. My complete lack of parental skills had never been this inconvenient before. I could literally feel how distraught I’d made AJ, and I’d done that to everyone else in the house too. I couldn’t forget the look on Bea’s face when she found out about my plans, and my parents hadn’t been that much better.
People moved out of their houses all the time. We were a close family, but that didn’t protect us from time. I would be nineteen at the beginning of the year. Everything changed faster and faster lately, and it wasn’t getting easier now that I had a person in my life that was fun and new. If anything, I thought the time passing would get worse. If I blinked, then I would be living in the house for another five years. I couldn’t do that. I needed to figure myself out, and not in this house.
