by Tragen Moss
I shake my head. “Of course you will. I trust you.” I swallow around the lump in my throat. "I think I need to tell you something."
“You think?” he asks as I nod. "All right. If it's about this afternoon, I'm sorry I was acting so weird. I shouldn't have picked a fight with you on the volleyball court."
"That's not it."
"All right. Then what?"
"I love you."
Chapter Six
Miller
I DON'T THINK I HEARD him right, I couldn’t possibly have heard him right, but the words seem to stay in the air between us like letters in a cartoon bubble. My pulse slows down to a crawl and I feel lightheaded.
"Are you going to say something?"
"Are you drunk?"
He closes his eyes, shuttering his face and maybe his heart from me. "No. Never mind."
I grab his arm before he can get past me. "Wait."
He shrugs my hand off him. "Wait for what?" He starts walking, but not away. Just like he needs to move. For such a large, bulky man, he moves with a sleek grace. I don’t think I could ever get tired of looking at him. His legs are bunching with muscle as he paces around me. He’s so tense.
"I need to process this for a minute. Nobody has ever said that to me before. You've never said that to me before."
"I know. That's why I'm saying it now."
I turn the words over in my mind. Testing them. Looking for a reason to not believe them. Hoping I don't find one. "We’ve been together for a year and neither one of us said it. Why now?”
“Because now is when it matters. I don’t want to be a fond memory you have of a guy you were roommates with for a year, man.”
“You’re more than my roommate.”
“Am I?”
My heart just, I don’t know, expands. I’m suddenly warm and the world feels fuzzy except for one thing. The one thing that’s important. This huge, strapping giant with the biggest heart. “I was afraid that if I allowed myself to be in love with you, I would mess it up somehow. And I knew I’d never recover from that.”
“So, you don’t love me then.” His eyes are wet before he looks away from me and turns to head down the slope to the lake, and I follow, calling his name.
I catch up to him at the lake’s edge. He’s just standing there, looking out at the water, at the reflection of the moon. I walk up behind him and say his name again. He turns to me this time. He looks haunted and so very sad.
“Baby, you didn’t let me finish.” I reach for him, but he grabs my wrist, holding me back.
“You never even introduced me to your family. Do they even know you had a boyfriend?” he asks with righteous indignation.
“No,” I answer simply.
He shakes his head like he’s reprimanding himself. He’s probably wishing he hadn’t told me he loved me. Maybe he’s wishing he didn’t love me at all.
I need to make him understand. This isn’t about him. I’m the one with issues.
“Brandon, I haven’t spoken to my family since I came out. When I was fifteen.”
He drops my wrist. “What?”
I rub where he grasped me so firmly. Guy’s got a tight grip. “They aren’t like your family. They want nothing to do with me. And I want nothing to do with them. They kicked me out. I lived with a friend’s family for a year and then foster care until I graduated.”
He turns to look back out at the water. “That’s harsh. I’m sorry. You never said...anything. I kind of thought maybe you were slumming and that’s why. I mean I didn’t let it bother me that much, but I just assumed...”
“Slumming?” For a man not used to feeling things, I’m not sure what to do with this sudden rush of anger on top of all the other confusing emotions. “Slumming?”
He shrugs. “We’re not exactly from the same social circles. White collar and blue collar. I figured you were probably ashamed of me or something.”
I don’t like the way he’s talking about the man I love. “You’re the best man I’ve ever met. There is nothing about you that is ‘slumming’ to me. You’re kind, intelligent, big-hearted, and sexy as hell. If I ever made you think that I thought I was above you somehow...well, that’s not how I feel.”
“Then why couldn’t you fall in love with me?”
I’ve been so worried about my own pride, I never looked past Brandon’s seemingly endless confidence to realize he needed more from me. “I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since the moment you tore my best shirt open in the parking garage of my condo and all those expensive buttons bounced on the floor around us while you kissed me like I’ve never been kissed before.”
The furrow of his brow breaks my heart. “That was the first night.”
“I know. I told you I was just afraid to ruin it. So I tried to keep it casual, not think about it too much. Go with the flow—which by the way is something you taught me how to do.”
He reaches out to touch my face like he’s afraid I’ll flinch from him. “You really were an uptight fucker back then, weren’t you?” He cups my cheeks in both hands now. “I don’t think you were afraid you’d ruin it. I think you were afraid I’d abandon you like your family did. That’s some seriously fucked up shit they put you through and I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” He pulls me into his chest and holds me there hard. I can feel his heartbeat strong under my ear. The full body hug shores up all the confusion into one big feeling of ease. Comfort.
Is he right? Was I afraid he’d leave me? So I made myself not care enough? “I’m a coward.”
“No, no, you’re not a coward. Your family is supposed to love you. Support you. I don’t think I’d be as strong as you are if I lost that from mine. I’ve been so lucky to be born into the Fuller clan.” He pulls back and frames my head in his hands again. “We’ve wasted a lot of time, Miller Johnson.”
His eyes are still wet, but it’s no longer heartbreaking. I’m sure mine are, too, and I’m done choking back emotion. He’s the person I want to face the rest of my life with. I know it deep in my bones. I’ve probably always known it, but never believed I could have him. There will never be another moment of this man’s life when he doesn’t know I cherish him. I resolve to make him the center of my world from this moment on.
“I love you, Brandon. I’m so sorry if I waited too long to tell you. But if you give me another chance, I promise you will never wonder again.”
And then we’re kissing, and the whole world opens up to possibilities I never even imagined.
“Baby, I love you so much. I promise you can trust that. Trust me. I will never abandon you like they did.”
I want to believe that. I do believe that. “Let’s go have make-up sex.”
We start back to the cabin when he pauses. “Wait.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“We can’t. We can’t have make-up sex tonight.”
“You want to hold off on sex...wait...you want to hold off on sex? You want to have sex when you have the flu. When I have the flu. You never say no to sex.”
“Fuck. I want to. Of course I want to. But I promised Leah I’d babysit Steve so he doesn’t ruin their luck by seeing the bride before the wedding. She’s afraid he’ll sneak into her room. I’m supposed to stay with him tonight.”
Well, hell. “Okay, we’ll have a quickie and then you can go babysit. We can make it up to each other tomorrow night after the wedding.”
He picks up my hand and exhales loudly. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we should wait tonight. I don’t want to rush through it. I want to linger over every inch of your body for hours.”
“Tomorrow you can. Tonight, I need to feel you inside me.”
He groans, kisses my hand, and shakes his head. “Tomorrow night is ours. I want to wait.”
He’s not kidding. If anything, he looks earnest and almost serious. Well, as serious as he gets, anyway.
I swear under my breath. “If I didn’t love you so much, I would punch you in the face
right now.” Damn. This is going to be a long night.
“And no rubbing one out.”
“You like it when I—”
“We wait. Both of us. Until tomorrow after the wedding.”
“You’re insane.” But I let him pull me into a kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you too. And I promise, this is probably going to be the last night you don’t have sex for a really long time. So get your rest. You are going to need it.”
Chapter Seven
Brandon
SO, REALLY. IT WAS my idea to not get laid last night?
I’m edgy, feeling undone. On one hand, I’m as high as a man can get. I professed my love to Miller, and he loves me back. I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Yesterday at this time, I thought it was over between us.
But he loves me.
And my brother is happy, dancing with his bride, looking very much in love. My toast went over well, my man looks fucking hot in his navy suit, and the champagne is flowing freely.
If I could just get the fuck out of this reception and into the cabin with Miller, life would be perfect.
He’s dancing with my mom. Which is sweet. And if I were sentimental, which I’m not, I swear, it would make my heart beat a little faster. He must sense I’m staring because his gaze flits up to mine, and the look on his face when he sees me makes me melt.
I mean, if I were a sentimental dude, it would make me melt.
Who the hell am I kidding? I feel like my heart cracked open and love is just gushing out everywhere I go. I want the world to be in love. It’s fucking awesome.
I work my way to the dance floor and cut in on my mom’s dance. Yeah. I’m that guy now. My mother clucks her tongue at me but kisses him on the cheek as she vacates the floor.
I take Miller in my arms. “Hey, gorgeous. How long do we have to stay here?”
“You’re the best man and the brother of the groom. A while, I think.” He presses into me in a full body hug. “You feel so good. I missed you last night.”
I look down at him. Those sexy milky, blue eyes make me fall in love over and over again. “I hope you got plenty of rest last night because you’re not getting any tonight.”
“Promise?”
“I promise. I give you my word. In fact, I will give you whatever you want from here on out.”
He smiles, the dimple in his left cheek winks at me. “That’s a big promise. Lucky for you, all I want is you.”
I swallow hard. That can’t be a ball of tears working its way up my throat. I don’t cry. I’m not...shit. We lock eyes, both feeling this new powerful emotion take us to a new level. I realize how much I love this man. This love is so real, so beautiful, and so raw that I’m almost afraid I won’t live up to it.
“I think maybe we should go now,” he says, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I thought you said I had to stay awhile.”
“I need to touch you. I need to feel you. I need—”
I grab his hand and pull him off the dance floor. I don’t stop to make our goodbyes. Everyone who looks at me must know what I’m about right now, but I don’t care. I’m taking my man to bed, and if the world thinks I’m being rude, they can fuck right off.
We run all the way to the cabin. Once inside, we throw our clothes off. I pause on my pants when he’s standing there in only his briefs because his tight, meaty buns are miraculous. Round and juicy. Made for me to grab. And bite. And...
He’s naked before me and sits on the bed while I race to catch up. He pulls me into his arms, our mouths finding each other at last. The kiss is soft for a while as I savor the taste and feel of his lips, but then it quickly deepens, pulling and tugging at the line between my heart and my dick. He wraps his arms around my neck, and I grab him around the waist. It doesn't take long for the kiss to get greedy, and I lift him onto my lap so he’s straddling me. He tilts his head back and lets out a gasp as I start kissing down his neck, my hands kneading that delicious ass.
"God, I want you, Miller," I rumble softly against his neck. I find his ear, nibbling at the lobe, teasing in circles with my tongue as he groans and grows against me.
“Stop teasing.”
I ease onto my back, keeping him on top of me, our dicks lined up against each other. He takes us both in his hands and starts stroking. It’s so intense, and jolts of pleasure zap through me. I pull him down and hold his bare body against me, moaning at the sensation of being skin-to-skin with him. He lays still only a moment, our hearts beating wildly against each other, and then he continues with a grinding motion. He pants and groans in my ear as he drives his cock into my mid-section with almost brute force. I can feel the wetness of his precum smearing on my stomach. I’m going to blow, and we’ve barely started. Without fully lifting his body, he repositions so that his dick is now pressing against mine again and it takes everything in me to keep from exploding right now.
“What you do to me, baby. I never want to be away from you again.” I roll us over. My balls are rubbing against the root on the underside of his cock. He feels so fucking good. My whole body is trembling. I see the lube on the pillow. He must have gotten it out before he came to the wedding today. Always prepared, my man. I slide my hands up and take his wrists with them until he is pinned under me. I feel savage. Nearing out of control. “Miller,” I growl. “Can you feel how much I want you?”
“Yes.”
I look deeply into his eyes. “Can you see how much I love you?”
His eyes widen. “Yes.”
“I’m going to love you until the day I die.” I grind into him, pressing his arms onto the bed hard. I can hear his deep, rough breaths. “When I fuck you, I'm going to fill you with my come and take us someplace we’ve never been. I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’ll feel me for days.”
“Please.”
I want to come so badly right now. But if I can hold out until I’m inside him, it will be so much better. “Do you want my big cock right now? Are you ready?”
“God, yes. Brandon, please.”
I lube up and work my way slowly into his tight ass. It’s squeezing my cock so hard that it almost hurts. I watch his face to make sure it’s not hurting him too much, but all I see is ecstasy. I’m almost there; it’s always a tight fit. I can hear his groans and feel him pulsing around me. When I’m sheathed deep inside him, he shudders.
“So good,” he breathes.
I don't have to move much for him to start moaning. I know I feel huge, but he can’t get enough, bringing his legs around my waist and holding me tightly to him.
I begin to move in and out, in slow, deep thrusts. I groan in the crook of his neck, my tongue tracing his skin. He’s so fucking tight. Our hands lock together, and I tighten my grip as I go faster, harder. Over and over I slam into him, the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh fill the cabin as both of us meet each other with unbridled need.
The fire in his eyes riles me up even more. I take his lips hungrily, swallowing his moan as I thrust deep inside him. When I break the kiss, I rest my forehead against his. I loosen one hand and grab his perfect dick with it. He can’t control the sounds he’s making anymore as my fat cock grazes him just right and my hand jacks him roughly.
They are guttural and primal sounds, but I like it when he’s loud. I respond with grunts of my own, pumping my hand in short, hard strokes, bringing him to orgasm all over my hand and his stomach. I bring my hand to my mouth and lick him off my fingers. I want to howl and beat my chest. My man’s essence marking me the way I’ll mark him soon.
Our skin is slick with sweat, coating each other as we slide with each thrust. The buildup is too much. I can’t hold back much longer. I want to make it last, but I know it’s impossible. He feels too good. I need him too much.
"You want my come, baby?"
He bites his lip, tightening his legs around me. "Give it to me."
I lean down to his ear, slowing my strokes, deep, slow, and long. "Say it again."
"Give
me your come, Brandon. Give it to me. I want to feel it warm and deep."
I increase my pace and bite his neck, losing myself in his body. With a monster-like growl, I lodge my cock deep inside him, spurting hot bursts of my seed into his ass. Torrent after torrent comes out, some of it overflowing and oozing out of him with each new thrust. I let out growls of pleasure and my body shudders violently. I’m literally quaking uncontrollably, shattering again and again until I’m boneless and trembling.
I’ve never come so hard in my life. I roll us back over, holding him tightly against me. My thighs are shaky. Hell, all of me is shaky.
I kiss him, that tension finally released, my lungs burning for air. He lays his head on my chest, and we laugh like lunatics.
“I’m so happy right now, Brandon.” Kissing up my neck slowly, he finds his way to my lips. In all the time we’ve been together, we’d never said I love you. But we also never said we were happy. Hearing him say it, knowing that I make him happy, is the best feeling in the world. This kiss is different from all our others. There’s nothing held back anymore. We’re one. I don’t have to pretend not to care as much as I do. He doesn’t have to worry that I’ll leave him. Ever.
I cradle his head to my chest, kissing his forehead. “You make me happy, Miller. You make me whole. And you made me fucking hungry. Do you think there’s still food at the reception?”
Epilogue
Miller
One Year Later
SOMEBODY PASSED ME the baby again because they think it’s funny. She cries, like she always does when I hold her. Not that I blame her. I feel like crying right now, too.
It’s hard to even enjoy the view of the lake. My beer is on the ground next to me, but I’m afraid I will drop her if I reach for it. And are you supposed to drink beer while holding a baby? I don’t know the rules.
