by K. S. Adkins
Dad, Mom, Ram, and even Jon crowded close, each looking at me as if I were a miracle.
My son, my baby boy, how he favored his dad. A man I just didn’t have it in me to spare a look at.
When my son’s tears hit my cheek, I calmed him as only a mom could.
My own parents composed themselves, but even overwhelmed and in pain, I saw they also held each other up like always.
With Ram’s hand holding mine, I swallowed past the dryness of my mouth, told him I loved him, and called for, “Luke.”
Dad smiled down at me with approval, Mom lifted her fist to her mouth, and Ram looked over his shoulder to where I thought him to be. Slowly, so slowly, Dad and Ram stepped aside, giving him room to come to me. When he made it to my bedside, he bent at the knees, dropped his head, and …wept.
It was my son who took my hand and rested it in Luke’s hair. The coarse strands were an anchor and sensing this, Ram held it there for me because I didn’t have the strength to do it myself. Looking to my parents for help, Dad nodded and Mom cried into Dad’s chest. Ram put his free arm over Luke’s shoulder, and I watched my son offer comfort.
“He hasn’t left your side, Ma,” he whispered. “Not once.”
“Guardian angel,” my mom whimpered.
“Loves my Lizzy,” Dad managed to say through his tears.
“Loves my Ma,” Ram said, wiping his eyes.
Sparing Jon a glance, he gave me a knowing smile and whispered, “Go on, Lizzy.”
Ugh, that man needed to get the fuck out of my room and my life.
The longer I stared at him the angrier I got. He was ruining my moment with Luke!
Before I could yell at Jon to leave, a nurse came in to check on me, and I might have growled.
Because nothing was going my way!
Seeing that I was alert, she started asking me questions that I couldn’t answer. Did I know where I was? Which day it was? Who was the fucking president? A motherfucker I didn’t vote for, that’s who.
She demanded my family relax, thereby creating a relaxing environment for me, but when I saw her with a needle intending to put it in my IV, I panicked.
Luke, whose eyes never left mine, whispered, “It’s okay, baby.”
But it wasn’t okay. I didn’t want to relax, I didn’t want to go to sleep, I needed to speak, to tell Luke that I—
Coming to, I knew it was late, and that I’d slept a long time.
Dad and Mom weren’t here, Jon was gone (thank the Lord), Ram was asleep sitting up in a chair, and when I turned my head to the left, Luke was there watching me.
“You’re safe, Lizzy,” he whispered. This was when I realized he was holding my hand gently, as if he feared breaking me.
Undone by that, I did my best to give him a squeeze and even I knew it was weak, but he felt it and smiled. “Most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” he said, lifting my hand to kiss the top. “Almost lost you, Lizzy.”
“I’m okay,” I tried, but it sounded broken even to my ears.
“Shh,” he said, tracing my face with his finger. “You rest, you just rest.”
“Luke,” I pushed out. “Missed you so much.”
“Fuck,” he said, resting his head on my hand.
“I heard you calling my name,” I forced past my scratchy throat. “You held me, saved me.”
“Lizzy, please,” he sniffed back the tears. “Rest and heal for me, baby.”
“Love you still,” I promised him, which prompted more tears and even a moan. “Love you, always.”
“Please, feel this way when the drugs wear off,” he begged me. “Swear to Christ, Lizzy, I need you to love me back.”
“I do,” I tried to tell him, but my voice cracked, my eyes got heavy, and against my wishes I drifted back to sleep.
All my life, I had all of my Ma’s attention, her total focus and devotion.
She raised me to respect women, myself, the power of family, humility, and hard work.
Until she met Luke, she never considered love for herself again, not after what happened. My Ma, Elizabeth Hudson, held out for Luke Temple.
Because of Jon, a man I do not remember, my Ma was brought back to life four times by her team of doctors.
Because of choices he made, I almost had to consider a life without her in it.
My Ma, who sacrificed everything for me, gave up her life for mine, was stabbed twice in the stomach and slashed across the chest and still called my name before she died.
And she did die.
And then she came back only to die again and again and again.
I know she said my name because Luke told me. While he held me tight like a real dad would do, he told me, “Before she closed her eyes she said Ram. She was at peace, son.” So, when I looked at Jon, I didn’t see my dad, I saw my enemy, Luke knew this. Luke knew a lot of shit, the spoken and unspoken. He knew if given a chance, I’d kill him for what he did to my Ma, not once, but twice.
In my eyes and in my heart, he was better off dead.
I kept my eyes closed last night, pretending to sleep. I listened to her tell him she loved him still, loved him always. I heard Luke, the baddest motherfucker to walk this earth, cry over my Ma. He did this because he loved her with everything he had. When she drifted back to sleep, he came over to me, a grown ass man, and covered me up, kissed the top of my head, and cried as silently as he could. Luke Temple didn’t want to upset me, he didn’t want to place his heartache on my shoulders. But, I gladly carried it all the same. Because it’s what family did.
I had been jolted awake early this morning by a nightmare, so I got up to check on Ma. See for myself she was sound asleep and safe. As not to wake her or Luke, I exited her room to call my grandparents, stretch my legs, and text Destiny with directions. Jon was coming down the hall from his room, dragging his pole behind him to, no doubt, crowd my Ma again.
I may favor Jon in some ways, but I was nothing like him. I wasn’t a coward. I wouldn’t play dead and fuck my woman and kid over to sell fucking smack. I wasn’t that kind of man. Never would be.
Leery of me, he turns away, but I had enough of his cowardice. Pushing him against the wall, uncaring of his injuries, which weren’t shit compared to my ma’s. “If she forgives you, that’s her choice to make. But look at me, Jon, and know you don’t have my forgiveness.”
“Son…”
“I am not your son,” I warned him. “I’m Lizzy’s boy, not yours. I’m Rambler and Doris’s grandkid, not your son. I’m Lincoln, Benz, and Diesel‘s boy, but I am not yours.” Sensing Luke behind me, I grab Jon’s throat and meet his eyes. “I’m Luke’s boy if he’ll have me, but I am not yours.”
“Ram,” Luke said while pulling me back. “Your mom needs you, son.”
Nodding, I let Jon go and leave him with, “Best thing you ever did was die, Jon. ‘Cause you did, Ma got Luke and so did I.”
And I left his cowardice ass standing there because as far as I was concerned he didn’t exist in my world.
Dozing in and out, I watched Luke play cards with my dad, tease my mom, and without thought bring Ram in for hugs continuously. The guys had just left, although I wasn’t shocked to hear they had a time limit due to the fact they raised hell two days prior. Though, I’m seriously disappointed I had missed it.
My guys loved me, loved Ram, and even Luke. They have stayed by my side through good times and bad, only wanted what was best for me and took no issue voicing death threats.
I loved those crazy bastards.
Benz and Diesel covered me in kisses and kind words, but it was Lincoln who stayed back until he could handle being close to me. I had felt his struggle from across the room. And it was Luke who steadied him until he was ready.
He had pressed his cheek against mine while whispering, “Don’t you ever fucking leave me again.”
After promising him I wouldn’t, the guys left as quickly and loudly as they came.
R
am explained and I quote, “They want retribution, Ma, and since they can’t kill Jon, they’re cleaning up the shop.”
If I could have laughed I would have because my guys didn’t ‘clean’.
Shortly after that, my catheter had been removed (which was unpleasant), lunch was delivered, and I was glad I was able to feed myself. Although, I did tire quickly and Luke took it upon himself to finish feeding me, which was nice, too. Now that my heart had found its rhythm, the doctor said the pacemaker that was installed like a car battery, could be monitored from home.
The gearhead in me thought this was kinda kick ass. My boyfriend however, was not amused.
My other injuries weren’t nearly as glamorous. The gash in my chest was glued closed and covered with something that looked like transparent skin. My stab wounds, however, were quite deep and I was told it had taken six hours and two transfusions just to stabilize me. My midsection was wrapped incredibly tight to keep the swelling down, yet they were changed often because I was draining. Honestly, it was disgusting and the thought of changing the bandages made me queasy. I was saved from worrying about this when Luke stepped up, announcing he and Ram would see to my recovery at home.
Home with Luke and Ram sounded amazing.
We deserved a fresh start, the three of us.
Dad and Mom were staying a few more days to help out. And according to Agent Haines, who paid me a personal visit about thirty minutes ago, Jon was being released into custody later this afternoon. I gave not one shit about this.
Because my voice was still raspy due to the tubes that had been crammed down my throat, I asked Haines to come closer. When he did, I whispered, “Did I kill Iggy?” Because I was pretty certain and disappointed that I did not.
“No honey,” he said gently. So at odds with the prick who grilled me. “Luke had the honor.”
Thanking him quietly, I settled in, happy to watch Luke a little longer.
I swear, I could stare at the man for days. And lucky for me, I was given the chance.
I must have dozed off again because Haines was gone, but when I heard a new voice I fought my way back. “You look just like her,” a female voice said softly. “Not like Jon, Ram, her. Wow, she could be your sister.”
“Yeah, I know. Just wait until she wakes up,” Ram replied with a smile in his voice. Opening my eyes, I saw a gorgeous woman holding hands with my son, both standing next to my bed, obviously in love. So much so that it took my breath away. Because my son had another set of hands to hold now. And it was right.
This was all I ever wanted for Ram, and now he had it. As his mom, my spirit rejoiced.
That desperate need to hold onto him forever, coddle him, having Ram need me for everything, disappeared.
Because the woman in front of me would be those things to him now.
Turns out when you’re ready that part of motherhood wasn’t as painful as you expected.
It’s just the next phase of life, and it was beautiful.
“Destiny,” I croaked out horribly. “Hi, honey.”
“I’ve heard so much about you, Lizzy,” she said, leaning down to kiss my cheek. “I’ve been praying for you, for all of you.”
Ram found himself a God-fearing woman? Okay, so that didn’t come from me or Jon. Glancing over at Luke, I see him grinning because he was thinking the same. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“Ram says you love cream soda, so I snuck you one in.”
This one was a keeper! “Gimme,” I said, raising my hands. But Luke took over opening it, sliding in a straw, and handing it back to me.
And so it went for the next few hours until I inevitably crapped out.
Ram and Destiny went to his place to rest, Luke stayed with me, and when the doctor cleared me to walk, he was the one who helped me do it. Exhausted but happy, I asked Luke to climb into bed with me.
“Lizzy,” he said frowning. “I’m too big, I don’t want to hurt—”
“Bed with me, now,” I ordered him and hesitantly, but adorably, Luke snuggled in next to me, and he slept sound.
I stayed up as long as I could to watch Luke dream, but eventually followed his lead.
Either the drugs were incredibly strong, or I just needed Luke’s arms.
My money was on Luke.
Lizzy was snoring.
It was music to my fucking ears.
She slept hard curled into me with a leg thrown on mine.
I was too far gone to stay asleep. Instead, I hummed to her and tickled her arm.
Not once since she’s opened her eyes has she complained about the pain. Tough as nails this one.
Gripping my shirt, she snuggles in deeper and sighs.
Having her back in my arms got me thinking about what made love, love.
How it was so much more than a positive emotion and affection. The more I thought on it, the more I realized that for me, it was an incurable affliction. As cruel and painful as love had been for me in the past, Lizzy’s love was infectious. She was the medicine I needed to live. Elizabeth Hudson, with zero effort on her part, filled the emptiness within me along with the promise that I’ll never walk alone again.
Love was also the moments she was unaware. Like now, asleep and safe in my arms, and a fair amount of gas escapes, startling her and she mumbled, “Tacos,” before nestling back in.
And I was fighting the laughter in my chest when she whispered groggily, “Luke?”
“Yeah, Lizzy?”
“I died.”
Laughter gone, I held the fresh grief in while whispering, “I know.”
“I came back.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“I died again.”
“Lizzy,” I pleaded for her to stop.
“Then I came back,” she whispered so softly. “And died again.”
“Fuck.” This was agony.
“I died a fourth time, too. Why do I know that, Luke?”
“I don’t know.”
“Are you okay?”
“Not even close,” I told her. “But you keep healing up, and I’ll get there.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah, Lizzy, I promise.”
She immediately calmed and went back to snoring.
Tamping that shit down wasn’t easy. No one had explained to her yet how hard the docs fought to get her heart working again. Her parents, Ram, and I all made it clear she wasn’t to know until she was home and ready to hear it. I guess the cat was out of the fucking bag.
Staring at the ceiling, I found myself once again fighting back tears. I cried more in the last few days than I had in my whole life. So, when Jon came in cuffed with two officers by his side, I was not in the fucking mood to let go of Lizzy to deal with his ass.
“Appreciate you holding up your end of the deal,” he said, staring at Lizzy. I said nothing. “I wanted this for her.”
“What?” I grated out, holding her closer. “A fucking pacemaker?” Because of his shit, she was now outfitted with one. Only she would find it exciting, while I had panic attacks over that shit.
“You,” he said, not taking his eyes off her.
Coming closer, he stood next to the bed. His escorts were ready for him to do something stupid, but he’d spent his life doing stupid shit, I was confident he was done. “I don’t want to wake her to say goodbye—”
“Good, because that wasn’t an option.”
“Right,” he said, itching to reach for her, but I was in his way. No one touches her but me, motherfucker. “I’ll hold up my end as promised, but I need you to do me one last favor.”
Sensing I’m ready to lose it, he rushed to say, “Take care of Lizzy, love her, marry her. Take care of Ram, let him know you’re the man of the house now, he’ll hand the reins over to you. He deserves a break.” Taking a deep breath, yet still fucking staring at my woman, he said, “I died that day too and every day since. Do what I didn’t, Luke, take care of my family.”
; Not pleased about his choice of words, I made my parting words clear, “You’re a dead man walking, Jon. I will always take care of my family.”
He nodded to his detail while still staring at Lizzy. “I’m ready to go.” And then he was gone.
Little did I know she had been awake, and how my words healed the last ache in her heart.
Six months later…
“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Luke, happy birthday to you!”
With Lizzy on my lap, Ram and Destiny seated to my right, the guys holding up shots of vodka on my left, Rambler and Doris behind me, I lean in and blow out fifty goddamn candles.
Fifty.
It took me three tries to get them all.
And while cheers rang out, I only had eyes for her.
Kissing her soundly in front of our family, I squeeze her to me and smile.
“You don’t look a day over forty, Luke,” Destiny said sweetly.
Whispering in my ear, Lizzy said, “And you still fuck like you’re twenty-nine.”
“Ma.” Ram laughed loud. “Language!”
“You’ll live.” She giggled before she announced, “Prezzies!”
The guys were currently drinking their gift to me, no surprise there. Rambler and Doris had spilled three months ago they were sending us on a cruise next October. So, when Lizzy handed me an envelope, but told me not to open it yet, I frowned.
“Why not, baby?”
“Because you have to open mine first,” Ram said while handing me a small box. When I opened it and the DVD to Star Wars: The Force Awakens slides into my hand I had to chuckle. When I found out he’d never seen it because they were a Gone in 60 seconds kind of family, I went out and bought all of them and we marathoned that shit. Ram was now as hooked as I had been my entire fucking life. Except, he didn’t have to wait thirty-two years; he didn’t know the struggle. Lizzy and Destiny could not care less about this. Those two were die-hard Hunger Games freaks, which was totally not realistic at all.
When I noticed a sticky note on one of the packages, I flipped it over and once again fought tears.
