“Yes, and he’ll be upset, but you know what will piss him off even more? You breaking my heart. So, here’s an idea, don’t do it. Don’t make me walk out of this clearing with tears streaming down my face because, once again, you let me go.”
Jack stops moving, his eyes on me. “You think I let you go?”
“Haven’t you? Each time you choose not to kiss me, love me, hold me, and tell me the damn truth, you let me go.”
His strides are steady and sure as he closes the space between us. In a few seconds, I’m hauled against his chest, my arms trapped between us as he looks down at me. “I’ve never let you go.”
“Prove it.”
He kisses me. His lips are soft and yet unyielding. I close my eyes and get lost in his touch. It’s as though all the world is right, the birds are chirping, and the sun is streaming down around us, illuminating the truth that has always been—we belong together.
Jack is the other part of my heart, and for so long, I’ve been desperate for it. I’ve needed this—us.
The kiss ends, but he doesn’t release me. “Are you sure about this, Stella?”
“I’m sure about how I feel.”
“I am too. I don’t want to live like this anymore. Your brothers aren’t going to like it. There have been years of lies.”
As much as I’ve been yelling about my brothers, he’s right. When they find out that we aren’t some new thing, they’re going to be furious and feel betrayed.
“Let’s do this slowly,” I suggest.
“How do you suggest we do that?”
“We don’t rush into this. Let’s give Grayson and the other idiots some time to adjust.”
He pulls back a little. “You don’t want to tell them about our past?”
“Do you?” I ask with brows raised.
“No, but I don’t want to keep lying either.”
I squirm out of his grip so I can see him better. “I don’t want to tell any of them about Kinsley. That’s . . . well, she’s not ours. She’s Samuel’s, and it will only hurt everyone more if they realize the amount of time we’ve been keeping this from them. Grayson is your best friend, and I want to protect that.”
“So we keep lying?”
“No, but let everyone get used to us together before we drop that bomb on them. We can let them see how much we care about each other first. Everyone has a lot on their plates with the resort plans, quitting the company, and moving. Besides, this isn’t their story to know, so we don’t ever have to tell them if we decide not to.”
Jack’s thumb grazes my wrist. “I’m not sure I agree, but if you want to keep her out of it, we can.”
“It’s going to be hard enough dealing with questions about us, and adding in that layer, I just can’t do it. I can’t look at their faces, not when I know what it’s been like for Grayson to raise Amelia. I can’t see his disappointment.”
I wasn’t as strong as him, and I’ve struggled with the idea of Grayson looking at me the way he does Yvonne.
I’m not ready yet.
“You think he’ll judge you?”
I nod. “Of course he will. Gray kept Amelia.”
“That’s different. You were eighteen.”
I take a step back, not wanting to think about it. “Just . . . let’s wait. Kinsley is our secret, and, honestly, there’s no reason to share it.”
His arms wrap around me from behind, and I close my eyes. I’ve wished for this to be my life so damn often. Jack, holding me as his lips touch my neck, is a gesture so sweet I could cry.
I turn my head back. “I guess weddings aren’t so bad after all.”
He chuckles once. “Let’s see if we both think that when we have to face your family.”
I twist around, my arms resting on his shoulders. “For now, let’s pretend they don’t exist and make up for lost time.”
Jack’s hand is on the small of my back as we walk to the dance floor.
He sweeps me into his arms, and I ignore my brothers, focusing only on Jack. “Is anyone glaring at you?” I ask as he looks around.
“Only Grayson.”
“He’ll get over it.”
Jack laughs. “Yeah, after he punches me in the face.”
That’s probably true. “He’s never been good at fighting. I bet you can take him.”
He smiles a little.
“Joshua, on the other hand . . .” I warn.
“Has other things on his mind.”
“Really?” I ask, turning to see what my eldest brother is focusing on. Ah. Yes, Delia. “I guess it’s a man thing.”
Jack’s head jerks back. “What is?”
“Being stupid and letting the woman you love pine for you.”
“Sometimes there are reasons.”
“None of them are good enough.”
“Life with you is going to be interesting, isn’t it?” Jack asks as if he doesn’t already know the answer.
“Always.”
“Good.”
I smile and slide my fingers through the hair at his nape. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this. Us. I’ve waited and hoped for so long that we would figure it out.”
There’s a slight tinge of hesitation in his eyes, and I know this thing with Grayson is weighing on him. Jack doesn’t have any family, the Parkerson brothers have basically adopted him, and I know that being with me is a risk he’s struggling with.
“Jack,” I call his attention back to me, “I promise that if Grayson or any of them . . . well, if they aren’t . . .” The words lodge in my throat. I’m going to offer him an out because the only thing worse than not having Jack is hurting him. “If they won’t support us, I won’t let it destroy your friendship. I’ll walk away.”
“No,” he says with an air of finality.
“I’m serious.”
“And so am I. You were right when you said that we weren’t doing anything wrong, Stella. Once Grayson gets over this, it will be fine. We will be fine. For twelve years, we’ve stayed apart, and I’m not doing it anymore. Christ. I’m not even sure I could if I had to.”
My lips turn up, and I want to kiss him right here in front of everyone, but I don’t have to make that choice because Jack does. He kisses me quickly and softly while my entire family watches.
I hear Oliver’s voice above the rest. “And so it begins.”
Chapter 15
Stella
Jack and I are official. I’m still struggling to wrap my head around it, but there’s no going back now.
As soon as the kiss ends, I can actually feel the stares of my brothers. I’ve dealt with their overprotective bullshit since I was born, and as much as they’d like to think I give a shit about what they think, I don’t.
I wrap my arms around Jack’s middle, rest my head on his chest, and walk to the edge of the dance floor where Oliver stands. I might not care what they think, but I also know Oliver is the least likely to be a complete asshole.
He laughs as I approach. “Chicken shit.”
“I went with the safest option.”
“You just want me to take them on.”
There is some level of truth to that. “Which you’ll do because you love me the most.”
Oliver can’t deny it.
“Jack, I have to admit, that took balls.”
“I just figure we get it all done at once,” he says, gazing down at me.
I hope he knows what he’s asking for because before we can say anything else, Joshua and Alex approach.
“Did I see what I thought I saw?” Josh asks with his arms crossed.
“If you mean that Jack and I are together now, then yes,” I answer first.
“And you kissed her?” Alex goes next.
I don’t know how anyone who has brothers survives their nonsense. They’re incredibly stupid and intrusive.
Jack’s hand rests on my hip, and he clears his throat. “I know this may come as a surprise, but Stella and I have feelings for each other, and we’ve decided to d
ate.”
Oliver comes to my other side. “Let’s not pretend we didn’t see this coming.”
He’s definitely my favorite brother.
Josh’s eyes turn to me. “Does Gray know?”
“Yes, and like I told him, I don’t need any of your permission. I’m not a kid.”
“No, but we’re going into business together,” Alex reminds us.
“It’ll be fine. We’re not stupid, and we know what it all means,” I assure him.
Josh’s lips are in a thin line. “I hope so.” There is a small pause before he shrugs. “I’m not surprised. I’ve thought there was something for a while, but I figured you guys would never really act on it.”
“We tried,” Jack says. “I don’t suggest it.”
Josh looks at him, eyes wide, and then he turns away. Oliver extends a hand to Jack. “Be good to her.”
Jack shakes his hand and nods. “Of course.”
I turn to Alex, who releases a heavy sigh before doing the same gesture. “She’s the best of us.”
I shake my head. “For God’s sake, he’s not stealing me away. We’re going to date.”
Joshua pinches the bridge of his nose. “If that’s what you think, Meatball, you’re the naïve one.”
I don’t care what they say, I’m not getting my hopes up. If this progresses, then great. If it doesn’t, I won’t be shocked.
Gray, who is standing on the fringe, catches my eyes, and I look up at Jack, who nods before his hand falls away. I love my brother. Whether he’s wrong or right, he and I are extremely close. I don’t want to see this tear any of us apart.
I walk to him and offer him a cautious smile. “Will you dance with your sister?” I ask.
He glances over at the four other men I love with my whole heart and then gives me his hand. “Come on.”
For the first part, we don’t talk. He seems lost in his thoughts, but then he looks down at me. “How long have you been going behind my back?”
“Gray, it’s not like that.”
“I saw you, Stell.”
“We’ve been fighting it for a long time, but what you saw in the clearing was the tipping point, I promise. We haven’t been sneaking around. That was us being unable to pretend anymore.”
“And you love him?”
“I do.”
A low sound rumbles from his chest. “I’m going to need some time to get my head on straight.”
I smile softly. “I figured.”
“I’m sure I’ll get over it.”
“I hope you’ll find a way to be happy for me,” I tell him, removing a piece of lint from his shoulder.
“You’re making me feel like an ass.”
“Okay, how about a turd?” I counter.
He smiles—reluctantly. “Jack? Really?”
“I know he’s your best friend, and if you really don’t want me to date him, then I won’t. It might break my heart, but for you, Gray, I will.”
“Don’t do that,” he says, defeat in his voice. “I just need a few days, okay?”
“Okay.”
“What did Josh and Alex say? I bet they were shocked.”
“No one seems surprised.”
His voice gets higher. “What?”
“Did you really never see it? The way we avoided each other? How hard it was for me to be around him, and the excuses I made to avoid him? Come on, Grayson, not even you are that oblivious.”
“Maybe I am.”
I give him a soft smile. “Or maybe you just wanted to be.”
“If it goes bad . . .”
“You won’t have to choose.”
If there’s anything I can promise, it’s that. I won’t make Grayson pick between us. Oliver said it would be the hardest part for him to reconcile, so I’m taking it away from him. I know that, no matter what happens, Jack would never make Grayson choose either.
I’ll do whatever I have to do so that neither of them has to bear that burden.
“There wouldn’t be an option. You’re my sister.”
“And he’s like a brother to you.” Gray looks over at Jack, a scowl on his face, and I laugh a little. “You’re being stupid.”
The song ends, and he kisses my cheek. “I know you say it wasn’t like that, but he lied. He had opportunities to tell me and didn’t. For that, he deserves to sweat it out.”
Men. “For how long?”
“Until I’m not ready to rip his head off.”
Jack and I are sitting in his car because Oliver is inside my condo.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I turn quickly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You didn’t say what happened with your brother.”
“Grayson will be fine. I think he just wants to make you worry,” I say with a grin.
“Sounds like him.” Jack pauses. “So,” he says, tilting his head to the side as our eyes meet.
“So.”
He clears his throat and then takes my hand in his. “I won’t lie, I’m not really sure how this all goes. For so long, I was pretty much convinced that, if this were to ever happen, it would be a dream.”
I know exactly what he means. It’s intimidating. Being with Jack like this, out in the open and where there’s a real possibility of love, really isn’t something I thought would ever happen.
It’s weird and amazing and scary as hell.
“I don’t either.”
He smiles. “So, we’re both unsure?”
“It would appear that way.”
“I know one thing I’m sure of.” Jack’s voice is low.
“And what’s that?” I ask softly.
“I want to kiss you.”
My lips turn up, and I lean in a little. “There’s nothing stopping you.”
His fingers brush my cheek, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake. I fight back the sigh as his hand cups the back of my head. “No, there’s not.”
The heat of his breath fans across my face before his mouth is on mine. I push myself forward, eliminating any space I can without actually crawling over the console. A low moan escapes his lips as our tongues touch. It’s different kissing Jack this way. When there’s no reasons we shouldn’t or fear of what would happen if we did.
It’s freeing, and I never want it to end.
I push his suit jacket down and press my palms against his chest. He pulls my face closer, tilting it and kissing me deeply.
“I want you so much, Stella.”
“You have no idea,” I say between kisses.
He dominates my lips, pushing and pulling back as though it’s a game. After what could be hours for all I care, he pulls back, resting his forehead against mine.
“But the first time we make love as a couple isn’t going to be in this car with your brother up in your apartment.”
I look up at my loft, and to punctuate why this is a bad idea, the curtain gets pulled back.
I groan when I see Oliver there.
“Great,” I mutter.
Jack ducks down, seeing what I do, and laughs. “He’s definitely the smartass of you all.”
There my dumbass twin stands, staring at the car, tapping his finger on his wrist. “I’m surprised he hasn’t knocked on the window.”
“So am I.”
I plop back down in my seat and sigh. “Do you know how much I want to invite you in?”
Jack grins. “Not as much as I want to accept the invitation.”
“I wouldn’t bet on that.”
His thumb rubs against my lower lip. “We have time. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ve waited way too fucking long to complain about having to wait a little while longer.”
“I just feel like we’ve lost so much time.”
“We have, but we have so much in front of us. Who knows what would’ve been if we’d done this sooner? I don’t know.”
I sigh. “Me either, but I don’t want to waste any of the time we have now.”
“We’re not wasting anything. Maybe being force
d to go slow is a good thing? It will give us time to make sure we don’t fuck anything up because we were being impulsive.”
“What about this is impulsive?”
Jack looks up at the window where Oliver was. “Not impulsive, but there are things—or people—slowing us down and maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t want to fuck this up. I have a lot to lose if this goes bad.”
“I think we both do, but I know that I’m willing to risk it all for you, Jack.” He’s quiet. I can see him trying to arrange his thoughts as he looks out the windshield. I give him a few minutes and do my best to stay calm since it seems Oliver has moved away from the window. The past would suggest that this is how Jack is when he’s getting ready to run.
Finally, he turns to me. “You hold all the cards, Stella. When my family fell apart, your brothers were who held me together. If things go south between us, I’ll not only have to deal with losing you, which I promise will fucking wreck me, but also your brothers. In the end, I’ll be totally alone.”
“Jack . . .”
I want to reassure him that is not the case. I won’t let my brothers shun him. I know what it’s like to feel alone. After we gave Kinsley up, I had no one. I couldn’t talk to Jack. I couldn’t talk to my family. It was horrible, and the pain was so bad that, at times, I wanted to die.
“I’m not asking for you to say a word. I know the risks, and there’s nothing you could say or do to make it different or make me change my mind. You’re worth the chance, Stella. You’re worth losing it all for, but that’s the reality of my situation. I want us to be sure. I want to make love to you more than I want air, but I need to talk to Grayson first. We have to iron this shit out before I do something I can’t undo. Does that make sense?”
A part of me, the very stubborn and insubordinate part, wants to tell him that’s ridiculous. I’d like very much for him to back out of this driveway, take me to his cabin, and screw me six ways to Sunday. That part of me would be wrong. Jack is the one who is risking the most.
I need to make sure that he doesn’t lose anything.
“It does. As much as it pains me to get out of this car and go upstairs to where Oliver has probably done something that will piss me off, I know it’s the right thing to do.” I lean toward him, my voice soft and throaty. “Once you talk to Grayson, though, and you’re both fine . . . I expect a very, very long and orgasmic night.”
Could Have Been Us Page 10
