I shake my head. “I don’t know many couples who follow that trajectory.”
He leans in, his lips just above mine. “Dumbasses.”
I laugh as he kisses me, it’s awkward and filled with me giggling, but I don’t care. His big arms wrap around me, plastering me to his solid chest. I hold on, loving how it feels with him. Grateful that, even with the loss we feel, we’ve found strength in each other.
He pulls back, and before I can stop myself, I say, “Marry me.”
“What?”
Okay, I didn’t mean to propose to him, but as we’ve already established, we’re not normal.
“I want to marry you, Jack. I want you to be my husband, and . . .”
“Did you just propose to me?”
I bite my lower lip, feeling a little stupid. “I guess I did.”
He chuckles loudly and then rests his forehead against mine. “You insane, silly, amazing woman. I couldn’t love you any more if I tried.”
“I’m feeling a little dumb.”
“Why is that?” he asks.
“Because I proposed, which . . . well, you know isn’t the way it goes. More than that, you haven’t answered.”
I can’t imagine how men endure this. Usually they plan it out, get a ring, and get down on one knee. I’ve seen a few proposals at the Park Inn, and when you’re not the one asking the question, it’s sweet and amazing.
This is fucking torture.
Jack releases me, and my heart plummets. Oh, God, he doesn’t want to marry me.
Okay. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.
I’ll probably throw myself off a cliff later, but that’ll be fine.
He doesn’t let me go far before he’s cupping my cheeks. “I planned to propose to you next weekend.”
My lips part and I inhale quickly. “What?”
“Yeah, I’ve been working on something and was already planning to ask you to marry me.”
“I ruined it.”
He shakes his head. “Your proposal was much better than mine will be.”
“I doubt that.”
“Would you like to wait for that one or do you want to be the one who pulls my man card?”
I let out a nervous giggle. “I think I can wait.”
“Good.”
Lifting up onto my toes, I wrap my arms around his neck and grin. “After this, I don’t want to wait for things, Jack. I want to live with you, love you, and grow old and happy together. We’ve waited forever, and I want it all now.”
Jack kisses my nose, my lips, my cheeks, and then my forehead. “I plan to give you everything, Stella.”
Chapter 42
Jack
If Stella knew what I was up to, she’d probably kill me, but to save her the heartache, I’m going to do what I can and keep her out of it.
This morning I called Samuel. I didn’t know how it would go, but he was doing well and said that he would be open to my coming down to talk to him. I have one thing I have to do before I hit the road tomorrow though.
Three days ago, we signed the contract with Odette’s company. She already sent us the proposals and the information for the crew. However, I think I have an idea that will help everyone.
I knock on Odette’s office door, and a second later, she opens it, a warm smile on her face. “Hi, Jack, please come in.”
“Thank you.”
I enter her office, it’s warm and inviting. There isn’t much furniture other than a large desk and a couch that acts as the only seating in the room. Odette motions for me to sit and she leans against her desk. “What brings you here? Your email was very vague.”
“I wanted to talk specifically about my section of the build.”
“Of course. I know we covered it in the initial meeting and the follow-up, but I’m happy to discuss any concerns. Although, when we signed the contract, everything seemed to be in order.”
“It was.”
She smooths her skirt and then smiles again. “Okay, that’s good to know.”
I nod. “First, I need this meeting to stay between us. Stella has enough going on, and I don’t want her aware of this talk. Is that a problem?”
Odette seems to pause at that, but it’s the only real contingency I care about. “I’m . . . I’m slightly hesitant.”
“I understand, but it’s imperative.”
She pushes off the desk and heads to the other side of the couch. “Why?”
“Because it’s for her.”
“Oh,” Odette squeaks and then her entire demeanor shifts. “Well, that’s okay then. What do you need?”
“In four days, I am going to propose to Stella. It’s all exciting, but Stella and I have a very complicated past. I’m only telling you this because I want you to understand why this request is extremely important to me.”
She shifts a little and then clears her throat. “Okay.”
I launch into a bit of our history, telling her the story of how we met, the relationship we had, and then about Kinsley. To Odette’s credit, she doesn’t say anything, just allows me to explain the way I need to. After I’m done and have told her about the current position we’re in, her hand is covering her lips.
“Wow.”
“Yes, but the thing is that I want to make this right for Stella. All I’ve ever wanted is to do whatever she needs. And what she needs right now is our daughter. I can’t do that without your help.”
Odette’s eyes widen. “How in the heck am I going to help?”
And then I fill her in on my plan and pray that she says yes.
Chapter 43
Stella
One would think that I would be done crying, but I’m not. It’s not the torrent of tears that it had been the first three days, but they still come.
Sometimes it’s brought on by a song, but right now, it’s this stupid show about a woman who lost her daughter.
It’s been over a week, and we haven’t heard a word from Samuel or Kinsley. I’ve dialed the number, written out a dozen texts, and I even wrote a letter I’ll never send. I am desperate to talk to her, but we told them before we left that we were here, so it’s up to them whether or not they take the hand offered.
The door is kicked open, and I jump, turning quickly to see Jack struggling to get in the house with groceries.
I get up and laugh. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“A little help would be nice.”
I raise my brows and smirk. “And miss this entertainment? Never. How did you expect to get all of this inside?”
“I’m in the cabin, aren’t I?”
Yes, I guess that would be accurate, but only just. He has about twenty bags hooked in his fingers. I have no idea how he got them on his hands to begin with, but he sure has.
“You’re going to lose your fingers,” I toss back before moving to help. I unhook the bags, setting them on the floor and countertops. “Are we preparing for a zombie apocalypse?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m a growing boy.”
“You’re something.”
I swear he bought everything they had at the grocery store. I’m seriously confused about why the hell he needs all this, but I’ve bought ten different pairs of shoes this week because I thought they may make me cry less. We’re coping however we can.
When I pull out the box of fruit snacks that are Kinsley’s favorite, I lose it.
Tears fall, and I sink to the ground. I hate this. I want to stop this shit already. I got to love her for a little while, and that should be enough, but it’s not. All I want is more of everything. I want her all the time, and I know . . . I know it’s not possible.
“Stella,” Jack says, his hands on my shoulders.
I wipe the tears away. “Why haven’t they called?”
“I don’t know.”
“Were we not clear enough? Do they know we want to be there for them and help? Does Samuel understand that I love her and won’t try to take her? I just want to see her.”
Jack’s shoulders
drop as he sighs deeply. “We have to be patient. You and I both know that what they’re dealing with isn’t easy. We have to give her the time she needs, just the same as maybe we need.”
My head jerks up at that. “What time do we need? I don’t need time, I just need some damn hope! I need to know that we haven’t lost her for good. What if he doesn’t write? What if he cuts us off?”
“I don’t think Samuel would do that. He came to us and asked for our help. We aren’t the bad guys, and I don’t think he believes that either. He just has a lot going on.”
I get to my feet and start to pace, not wanting to hear his damn logic. “I feel like I’m coming apart! I argue in circles, knowing that none of this makes sense. I didn’t feel this way twelve years ago, why the hell is it so hard now?”
“It wasn’t easy then, but we were kids. We didn’t know her.”
“She’s perfect.”
“She is.”
“I want to call her,” I say before I lose my nerve. “Or at least text her. Something. She needs to know we care.”
Jack’s eyes don’t leave mine, and I know him well enough that the silence is him trying to work through it. “Maybe text Samuel first. Ask him if it’s okay. If we start going behind his back, we can’t get out of that.”
I release a heavy sigh, feeling a little bit of hope and reach for my phone.
Me: I hope you’re doing well. I’d really like your permission to text Kinsley. At least to let her know we’re thinking of her. If she doesn’t want to talk, that’s fine, but it would mean a lot to me if you’d be okay with that.
I send the text, and then Jack takes the phone from me. “Hey!”
“No, you’re not going to sit here and stare at it. If he texts back, I’ll let you know. Until then, we’re going to enjoy some time together before I have to leave tomorrow.”
“You’re leaving?” I ask with surprise.
“I have to work and keep my income stable.”
I’ve been such an asshole not to even think about Jack’s company. “Of course you do. I didn’t know you had another trip planned.”
“It came in just recently.”
“How long will you be out in the dirty woods for?”
Jack laughs. “I think about four days. Depends on how they survive.”
I smile. “Can you imagine if you took my brothers and me out?”
“No. I would rather not,” he says with a smile to soften the truth. It’s probably one of his biggest nightmares.
“Maybe I’ll book you for it.”
Jack steps closer, resting his hand on my hip. “Is that so?”
“Just us though.”
“You want to get lost in the woods with me?”
I shudder. “Not unless the woods come with turndown and room service.”
Jack laughs. “I’ll turn you on.”
His thumb rubs my hip as his eyes fill with lust. My fingers move to his strong, solid chest, feeling his steady heartbeat between us. “I don’t think you’ll have any problems with that.”
“You’re so beautiful, Stella.”
I smile, feeling his words penetrate deep in my heart. I don’t feel beautiful. I’m a mess, crying all the time and trying to keep myself together. I haven’t done very well, but he doesn’t see that.
The way he looks at me, the warmth in those hazel eyes makes me beautiful. Jack has always seen past the scars and imperfections, choosing to love me despite them all. His love allows me to shine.
“Only in your eyes.”
He shakes his head. “No, baby, you’re beautiful to everyone. The way you smile makes my chest ache. When you look at me like that, I want to fucking fall at your feet. You, Stella Parkerson, are the most breathtaking and wonderful woman I’ve ever met. I love you so much.”
My heart rate quickens, and I wonder if this is it, the proposal I’ve been not-so-patiently waiting for. He grins as though he can read my mind.
“This isn’t your proposal. It’s coming though.”
“You know, this whole taunting me with marrying you is cruel.”
“I spent twelve years pretending I didn’t want to marry you. After that long of perfecting how to go without, a few more days won’t hurt.”
I roll my eyes. “That logic is ridiculous. It should be that you went that long and you don’t want to wait another minute.”
“I want this to be special. I want the day I got down on my knee and asked you to be my wife to be something you talk about for decades.”
Now that is something I can’t argue with. “Fine.”
He laughs. “Only you would be petulant that you aren’t getting a shitty proposal.”
I lean in, brushing my lips on his. “Only I would be petulant because I want the marriage, not the proposal.”
Jack lets out a deep moan and then kisses me. We cling to each other, his tongue sliding against mine, and I lose myself in him.
“I want you,” I say.
His warm hands move over my body, touching me exactly the way I like.
“I want you always. I want to kiss you, make love to you, take you over and over until you forget the rest of the world and it’s only us.”
“Yes,” I say as his mouth moves to my neck, kissing and nipping his way down to my shoulder. He moves my shirt down, exposing more skin.
“For years, I’ve thought about being able to do this.” Jack’s husky voice is layered with sex. “I’ve dreamed of coming home, finding you in my cabin waiting for me.”
I bite my lower lip and step back. “And what was I wearing?”
The heat in his eyes is enough to burn me. “Nothing.”
“What if I was cold?” I ask as I start to undress slowly. I lift my shirt, easing it over my head.
“You wouldn’t be.”
“No?”
He shakes his head, watching as my fingers play with the waistband of my leggings. “No because I would make you warm.”
“How would you do that?” I ask as I start to push them down.
“I’d lay you down in front of that fire.” His head jerks to the enormous fireplace with a rug in front of it. I move there and then lie down. “Take off all your clothes, Stella. I want you naked.”
His voice brokers no argument, not that I would fight him on this anyway. It’s incredibly sexy, watching him be broody and turned on. I do as he says, pulling my clothes off.
“And then?” I ask, a shiver running over me.
He moves closer, standing there, his eyes trailing over every part of me. “I’d let you lie there and watch your breathing grow heavier. I’d maybe come closer.” He does, dropping down. He hovers over me, resting on one arm, his hands so close but not touching me. “I wonder where I should touch you first.”
I’m so turned on, it doesn’t matter. He could touch my hair, and I bet I would feel it.
“Hmmm,” he muses, and then the tip of his finger slides against the seam of my lips. “I could kiss you.”
I nod.
“No, I’ve already done that.” His hand moves down my neck and slides to my breastbone.
I’m panting. My lungs are struggling to draw air as he looms over me. His finger drifting from side to side, just barely touching my breasts. “Jack . . .”
“Are you cold?” he asks.
“No.” I’m on fucking fire.
“I didn’t think so, but if you were, I would find another way to warm you.”
My eyes close, and I silently beg him to find that way.
“How?” I ask on a breath, opening my eyes.
“Oh, there are so many ways.”
I stare into his molten eyes and push the air from my chest. “Show me.”
Jack pulls his shirt over his head, throwing it to the ground. His abs ripple as he moves closer, and he doesn’t tease me any longer. His lips close around my nipple, sucking it deep into his mouth. God, it feels so good.
He moves his tongue around and then goes to the other, doing the same. My back bows off th
e ground and then his hand is between my legs. He breaks away to stare down at me as he parts my folds, finding my clit.
Just a small touch has me moving toward my climax.
“You’re so wet, baby. You aren’t the least bit cold. You’re fire and strength. You’re beauty in every meaning of the word. Look at me,” he commands when my eyes close. “I will never let you be left in the cold, Stella.”
My throat goes tight because the way he vows that tells me everything I already knew. He would never let harm come to me, and he will always be my shelter.
We become frantic, both desperate for one another. What started as a sexy game becomes more. His lips are on mine, and the kiss becomes hurried as the emotions between us reach a new level.
I need him.
I need him to know how much I want him, love him, and that I’ll never leave him.
“Jack, please,” I say quickly as he pulls his pants and underwear off. “Jack, now.”
“I . . . fuck, Stella.” He thrusts so quickly I can barely breathe.
His love and warmth fill the cracks left from the last week. Every part of me feels put back together again.
He moves slowly, as though I’m so precious and delicate he worries I’ll break.
“I love you.” I place my hand on his cheek, forcing his eyes to meet mine.
“I love you too.”
“I will never leave you, Jack.”
As Jack knows my fears, I know his. Everyone in his life has abandoned him, but the idea of me ever walking away is impossible.
He is my heart and soul.
Jack’s forehead drops to mine, as if the words were too much for him to hear. I push up on my hip, rolling us so I’m on top.
I ride him slowly and give him what I think he needs. “I will always love you. I will always be your safe place, where you can come when you’re lost,” I promise. “You’re not alone anymore, Jack. You never were. I’m here, and while you may keep me warm, I will wrap you in so much love that you can’t feel anything other than that.”
Could Have Been Us Page 26
