I pressed my lips together. Maybe she was, but I wasn’t. Kelly had made the decision to move out. Dax chose to take Joanne and go.
“Instead of getting out there and WERQ-ing it—” She snapped her fingers in a sassy Z formation.
“Never do that again,” I told her.
“—I’d made the choice to sit home waiting for my friends and my kids to call.” She sipped her water. “I realized that I resented if people had their own lives and their own plans, when I could have been out there doing the same thing.”
I shoved a scoop of custard into my mouth. Shit. Truth bombs from my mother.
“I started thinking, ‘I’m seventy. What have I always wanted to do but claimed I didn’t have the time for—because I felt like I had to be available for my friends and family whenever they needed me? Those things were just excuses not to put myself out there.’” She paused. “I know it’s not quite the same for you. You have real restrictions on your time, with a demanding job.”
I set my custard down. She had a point. I did often claim not to have time for things—relationships, friendships, you name it—and the excuse was always work. “I looked at my phone yesterday and was willing it to ring with a patient question, just because I was looking for something to do.”
She nodded. “I get it. I tried to fill my life by meddling in yours and Regina’s and your dad’s before that, when I should’ve been focusing on myself.”
I frowned. “But the thing is, my job actually does take up most of my time and energy. That’s not simply a cop-out. I really don’t know how I’d fit in something like WERQ…or the Annie equivalent. I’ve always said I don’t even have time to take care of a plant.”
“And you were going to have time for a ready-made marriage with Rob?”
The sugar soured in my mouth. “I know what you can do next,” I said, impressed and annoyed with my mother’s newfound depth and introspection. “Take psychology classes and write a self-help book.”
“I mean it, Annie. How do you see Rob fitting into your life?”
I had no real answer for that. I kind of just assumed that he would somehow fold into my life, easy-peasy. But that wouldn’t have been fair to him. “I don’t.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“I can’t marry Rob,” I said.
“No, you can’t.”
…
When I got back to my mom’s house, I went right over to Rob’s and texted him to come see me on the porch.
He came right out, an expectant smile on his face. “Hey, Annie.” He assessed my wardrobe—red running tights with a pink-and-purple sports bra.
I ran a hand down my body. “I was just at a hip-hop dance class thing…” I shook my head. “Anyway, Rob, I came here to tell you I’m sorry.” I handed him the ring.
He stared at the box for a moment before looking at me with panicked eyes. “Annie, no. Please.”
I dug in. I was making the right choice, even if it meant me disappointing Rob and having to figure out my own life, on my own, sans a man. “Rob, maybe the two of us could be content together, but I don’t think we’d be happy. We come from the same place, but we don’t have much in common.” I shook my head. “It’s not going to work.”
He clutched the ring in his fist. “Please. Don’t do this. It doesn’t have to be forever—just for now. My mom—”
“Your mom will be fine,” I said. “She will be. Be honest with her. She can handle it.” I softened my voice. “Do you really want her to die believing a lie?”
He shook his head. “I don’t.”
“Rob, I’m so sorry. About all of this. When I texted you all those weeks ago, I was in a very desperate place. I thought the only thing missing from my life was a committed, stable, drama-free relationship. But I was wrong.” I tried to get him to meet my eyes, but he kept glancing away. “The truth is, I was avoiding trying to fix the real problem.” I chuckled. “Me.”
Now he looked at me.
“For my entire life, I threw myself into work. It became the only thing that mattered, and it cost me people I truly cared about.” I paused. “I have to deal with that, in my own way, by myself. Jumping into a relationship for convenience would only be putting a bandage on a wound instead of actually trying to heal it, and it wouldn’t be fair to you.”
“Okay,” he said with a deep sigh. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I replied.
“I hope we can be friends,” he said. “Regardless of how this all ended…it’s been nice reconnecting with you.”
My chest tightened, not from fear or sadness or stress or any of the other feelings I’d been experiencing lately. My heart felt full. “I’d love that, Rob. Seriously.”
“Good.” His nose wrinkled. “Because after”—he nodded back toward his house, where his mother was resting—“you and your mom will be the only family I have left.”
“You have your friends,” I said.
“I do,” he agreed. “But they see me one way. You and your mom know me as Regina’s son.” His voice cracked on that last word.
I pulled him in for a tight hug. “You’ll always have us.”
“How did you come to this whole enlightened conclusion?” he asked after I let him go.
“Well,” I said, recalling the image of my mother twerking, “my mom inspired me, if you can believe it, and a patient who recently died.”
Concern flooded his expression. “Oh, Annie. I’m sorry.”
My body filled with gratitude for the people I had in my life now—my mom, Rob, Yessi—and those who I might, or would, never connect with again—Kelly, Gayle, Dax. “Thanks, Rob, but I’ve been thinking about her a lot over the past few days, how she was always subtly—and not so subtly—trying to steer me in the right direction, to start carving out some time for myself.” I shrugged. “I’m going to honor her by taking her advice. WWGGD. What Would Gayle Gale Do? That’s my new motto.”
“I like that.” He smiled. “So what’s first on your agenda?”
I looked him in the eye. “Attack the problem at the root.”
Chapter Forty-Four
What Willis Was Talking About
For the second time in the month of July, a limo picked me up outside my house, this time on a Saturday.
I grabbed a tiny pink gift bag from the table in the front hallway, left the house, and locked the door on the way out, my stomach gurgling with nerves. Tonight, I’d dressed in yet another of my “going out” black shifts and the same gunmetal Michael Kors pumps I’d worn on my first date with Darius. The limo driver opened the door for me. I reached into my purse and handed him something as I slid in.
Inside the car, I plastered on a smile.
“Hi!” I said nervously, glancing at the other passengers.
Yessi, who was sitting next to Kelly behind the driver’s partition, toasted me with her champagne flute. I shot her a quick thumbs-up.
Kelly barely looked at me. I could tell she had no confidence that tonight wouldn’t end in a fight.
Well, she had not yet met the new and improved Dr. Annie Kyle.
“This is going to be so fun!” I said, making a quick little wish for that to come true. I took it as a good sign that Kelly had come at all, even if Mark had encouraged her. It meant she hadn’t completely written me off yet. “Just the three of us, out on the town like old times.” Yessi poured me some champagne, and I raised my glass to Kelly. “To our lovely and talented bride! I got you something special.”
Grinning like the Cheshire cat, I passed her the small bag.
Kelly took a deep breath, probably expecting disappointment, which was all I’d given her for the past several months, then reached into the tissue paper. She pulled out a small, rectangular object. “Is this…your phone?” She turned it over in her hand.
“Yes,” I said. “That is my phone. I wan
t you to hold on to it all night. Do not give it to me, no matter how much I beg. You will also notice that it is turned off.”
She glanced at the black screen. “It is.”
I held up my wrists, shaking them, silver and gold hoops clanking against one another. “And I am wearing fancy, jangling bracelets on my wrists instead of my Apple Watch. I have no connection to the outside world. I am all yours for the next however many hours.”
She stared at the phone in disbelief.
“She means it, Kel,” Yessi said.
“I do. I’ve been talking to my friend Kim from med school, who’s awesome and has been looking for a change in her career.” I paused. “I invited her to join my practice. Tonight is her first night on call.”
“Wait…what?”
“I’m bringing in a new doctor,” I said. “Someone to share the load so maybe I can take a night off here and there.” I shrugged. “Heck, maybe even a whole weekend.”
“Really?” Kelly said. “You’re bringing in someone new to help?”
“Well, I had to figure out a way to plan lots and lots of Galena trips in the future.”
“Oh my god!” Kelly lunged across the car, wrapping me in a big hug. “Thank you,” she whispered in my ear. “This is the greatest present ever.”
I patted her on the back, choking up, and not just because some of her curly blond hair had landed in my mouth. “I’m so sorry for all the times I wasn’t there for you.”
Her shoulders relaxed, and she pulled away, looking me right in the eye. “And I’m sorry I’ve been a monster lately.”
“You’re stressed about the wedding and your parents and relocating,” I said. “We all get it.”
She retreated to her seat, eyes glistening with tears. “No,” she said. “No excuse.” She sighed. “I’ve been acting like all the women we used to make fun of. I’ve been a total cliché.”
“Well,” Yessi said, pouring herself another glass of champagne. “Clichés are clichés for a reason—there’s some truth to them.” She offered to refill my glass. “What do you say, Annie? Go for more than one drink?”
“Why not?” I held out my glass to her. “I’m actually, for real, one hundred percent free tonight!” Though our friendship wasn’t total out of the woods yet, and we still had a lot to discuss, I wouldn’t dwell on it now. Baby steps. I passed Kelly a notecard. “Here’s what we’re doing tonight.”
The bachelorette party itinerary that Yessi and I had planned would take us to some of Kelly’s best-loved Chicago haunts. I got a little choked up thinking about crossing the threshold into Kinzie Chophouse, one of her favorite restaurants. That place had been the first “real” steakhouse, the first fancy restaurant, the three of us went to after I was out of med school, Yessi had passed the bar, and Kelly was getting started in her real estate career. I’d never felt so grown up in my life as I did ordering a drink here back in my twenties.
Yessi cried into her champagne flute. “I don’t know. Tonight feels like a goodbye tour of our friendship.”
“No!” I said, touching my glass to hers in celebration. “This is the beginning of our next phase of friendship—our golden years.”
“I love that,” Kelly said, handing me the index card.
“We’re turning forty,” Yessi said. “Not eighty.”
“Some of the characters on The Golden Girls were only supposed to be in their fifties when the show began, so we’re not far off. I hate to break it to you,” I said. “But what I meant by ‘golden’ is that we’re about to enter the best phase of our lives. I can feel it.”
“I don’t know,” Yessi said. “I just took on a piano student for the first time in years, and she’s a real dick.” She raised her eyebrows at me.
At first the idea of learning Dax’s instrument saddened me, but it was either reframe the piano (i.e., finally learn how to play it) or steer clear of the living room altogether for the rest of my life, simply to avoid conjuring up memories of Dax. I shrugged. “I am what I am.”
“What? You?” Kelly squealed.
“I always said I’d learn my dad’s instrument.”
“What does Yessi get out of this?” Kelly asked.
“Free babysitting,” Yessi said. “And I get to tell Annie what to do for, like, an hour a week.”
“So, it’s really all upside for Yess,” I said.
Kelly’s eyes turned dreamy.
“What’s up, Kel?” I asked.
“Nothing,” she said. “Just wondering what I can offer you to get in on this sweet free babysitting deal…”
“Are you…?” I glanced at her half-drunk champagne glass.
“Not yet.” She shook her head. “Mark and I have been trying, but no-go so far. That might also be part of the reason I’ve been a bit quick-tempered lately.”
“Wow,” I said. “This is amazing news! And you haven’t been trying that long,” I added, wanting to reassure her.
“Yeah…but I think I’m just anticipating having a hard time getting pregnant. I’m not exactly young.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand. “We’ll deal with it when we have to deal with it. I know all the best specialists in town—”
“Annie hooked Polly and me up with our doctor when we were doing artificial insemination,” Yessi said.
“See? We’ve got this handled.” I scooted over and wrapped my arms around Kelly. “Never feel like you have to go through this alone. You call—anytime—and I will be there for you. I promise.”
She kissed my forearm, and I gave her some space. “Wait a minute. Doesn’t Dax play piano? Why couldn’t he teach you?”
I waved a hand, dismissing the conversation. “That’s all over. I am…once again…the sexless and single Dr. Kyle.”
“I think it’s bullshit,” Yessi said.
“It’s not. I really mean it. No more guys. I’m focused on me.”
Kelly’s eyes ping-ponged between the two of us.
“Oh, I know you mean it,” Yessi said. “What I meant is that I think your whole ‘I’m giving up guys forever’ thing is bullshit.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on?” Kelly asked.
“I will.” Yessi took a pull on her wine. “Annie, a few weeks ago, sent out a text to the guys in her phone that she wanted to get married—”
“What?”
Yessi held up a hand. “Let me finish. She decided to choose between the two guys, Rob and Darius Carver.”
“The Man on Main Street?” Kelly squealed.
I ducked my head in embarrassment.
“The very one. Annie eventually turned them both down to ‘focus on herself,’ but I don’t see why she can’t focus on both herself and Dax. She was her best self with him.”
I drank some water. Yessi had been on me about Dax since we broke it off. She thought he was great and that we were great together. “We want different things,” I said. “He’s a young musician, and he’s right in the middle of potentially his big break. I’m not going to begrudge him that.”
“He loves her,” Yessi told Kelly. “I can tell.”
“You’re not some all-knowing being,” I said with a teasing grin. “Just because you think you know something doesn’t mean you actually do.”
I do, she mouthed to Kelly. “And Polly agrees.”
Kelly frowned. “Polly’s seen the two of them together?”
“At the vet’s office.”
Kelly looked at me. “Do you love him?”
I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. The words scared me even more than simply being alone did, because being on my own was one thing, but being alone and without the person I loved was another. I’d never survive that.
“It’s complicated. He’s a lot younger than I am, and he’s going to be on the road for at least a year. It wouldn’t work out.”<
br />
“No relationship is guaranteed to work out,” Yessi said.
“That’s not what I asked.” Kelly’s eyes widened. “Do. You. Love him?”
I leaned over and rapped on the partition, getting the limo driver’s attention, desperate to focus on something other than me. “Hi,” I said when he’d rolled down the window. “Can you play the mix I made?” He rolled the window back up. “You’re going to love this,” I said. “Basically our freshman year of college in song form.”
“You’re avoiding the question,” Kelly said.
A piano chord cut through our conversation.
“I don’t know this song,” Yessi said.
“Me neither,” Kelly agreed. “Is it…Backstreet Boys?”
But then Dax’s voice came in as clear as day. “When you walked into the bar/I wasn’t thinking so far/ahead…”
“Oh no.” I’d given him the wrong flash drive. This was the one Dax had given me, which I’d forgotten about at the bottom of my purse. I knocked on the window again. “Turn it off,” I said. His voice was like a vise on my heart.
“You shocked me/you surprised me/you truly recognized me!”
“What is this?” Kelly asked.
He’d already launched into the chorus, wailing “Dorothy!” like a primal call, cutting deep into my soul, before the limo driver finally turned off the music.
Kelly and Yessi stared at me, mouths agape.
Tears pooled in my eyes, and l lifted my glass to my mouth with shaking hands. “To answer your question, Kelly, yes.” I swallowed. “I love him.”
“You love him!” Kelly smacked her palm on her thigh. “Then we need to find him and tell him that.”
“No, Kelly,” I said. “It doesn’t matter. Dax and I have already been through—”
She leaned forward. “Remember when I first came back from Galena and I was a total mess?”
“Yes,” I said. That was the first night I met Dax, when he’d called me ma’am. I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry at the memory of that evening.
It's Raining Men Page 24
