Serena's Soldier: A Kismet Beach Novella

by Amy Lamont

  Shit. He couldn’t even carry a picnic basket for his girl without fumbling. What good was he to anyone?

  He clenched his jaw and turned the key in the ignition, his mind finally made up. His destination might be uncertain, but he knew without a doubt that it was time for him to leave Kismet Beach. And Serena.

  Chapter 8

  Serena knew she made the right decision, or at least the only decision she had left to make, the next morning after she received a phone call from Mandy. Mandy was all but crying as she reported that Mace planned on leaving Kismet Beach. His sister was out of her mind with worry because he had no clear plan in mind for after he left. He just wanted to leave.

  Serena filled Mandy in on most of the details of the afternoon she and Mace spent together. She left off the parts that might be TMI for a sister to hear. And then she explained the final plan she’d come up with in what she was now mentally dubbing Operation Out of Options.

  Mandy agreed it might be their only chance of keeping Mace in Kismet Beach and hopefully breaking through the walls he’d erected around himself. It comforted Serena just a tiny bit that she wasn’t the only one he kept out.

  But if he wasn’t confiding in his family or Serena, that meant he had nobody. As far as they could tell, he hadn’t been to a doctor or a physical therapist in at least several weeks. And all of them noticed his limp seemed to be getting worse rather than better.

  Serena could only imagine the kind of pain he was in to give in to walking with such a distinct limp.

  Mandy had agreed to meet her at Miss Abigail’s house for one final push to try to get through to Mace.

  As she parked across the street from Miss Abigail’s cottage later that afternoon, she was breathing hard. Seemed to be the norm for her these days—hyperventilating in front of Miss Abigail’s house.

  But she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. There was no time for a fit of the vapors.

  As she slid out from beneath the wheel, another car pulled up behind hers. She smiled and waved at the driver.

  “Hey,” he said as he joined her.

  She leaned back against her car and offered him a tremulous grin. “Hi, Ryan. Thanks for coming.”

  “You know I’d do anything for my favorite nurse,” he said and smiled.

  “I bet you say that to all the nurses,” she teased.

  He shrugged, but then he lost his grin. “Is he home?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, his sister called just before I headed over to tell me her grandmother convinced him to stay for a good-bye lunch. So they should all be here.”

  “Ready?” He offered her his arm.

  She pulled in one more deep breath. “I guess as ready as I’ll ever be.”

  “Come on. We can do this.”

  “We have to, Ryan.” Her voice was little more than a whisper. “I don't know what else to do to get through to him.”

  He put his hand over the one she rested on his arm. “Then we’ll get through to him.”

  “Okay. Let's do this.”

  They walked across the street together, and the door opened before they made it all the way up the front steps.

  “Hey, thanks for coming, guys,” Mandy greeted them.

  Something slithered through Serena's stomach. Mandy’s words and concerned expression made Serena feel like she was about to attend a wake instead of just stopping by for a visit with some friends.

  That thought was sobering. Being an army brat, she’d seen enough friends and family suffer losses to know how close she came to losing Mace when that bomb went off. But that just made her more determined to get through to him. He might not be in the same shape he was when he was deployed, and he might be struggling with his inner demons.

  But he was still alive. He still had use of his legs and arms. He had a family and a woman who loved him more than anything. So that meant he still had hope. Whether he knew it or not.

  They walked in to find Mace and Miss Abigail in the kitchen. Mace sat at the kitchen table, but stood as they walked in. Miss Abigail was preparing lunch, but when she saw them come in, she wiped her hands on a dishtowel, and turned to welcome them.

  “I’m so happy you could make it, Serena.”

  “Thanks for having me, Miss Abigail.” She quickly introduced Ryan all around.

  The whole time Mace stood silently, a nerve working in his jaw.

  “Hi, Mace. I hope it's okay that we came. But Mandy told me you were leaving, and I just wanted to...” She shook her head, not sure how finish the sentence.

  Mace’s eyes flicked to Ryan and then back to her, and if possible, his jaw got even tighter. “And you decided to bring a date?”

  “What? No, no. Ryan is...well, was, a patient of mine at the hospital. He stopped by to visit the other day and I thought maybe you would benefit from talking to him.”

  Mace cocked his head to the side. “What is he a shrink?”

  “No. He's a Staff Sergeant.”

  “And,” Ryan broke in, “I’ve been where you are. I got hit by an IED last year and lost my leg.” He lifted his pant leg to show them the prosthetic underneath. “Serena told me a little about what you've been going through and she thought I might be able to help.”

  “And what did Serena say about what I’ve been going through?”

  Ryan glanced at Serena before turning his attention back to Mace. “Just that you were injured and might be having a tough time adjusting to things back home.”

  Mace’s eyes raked over Ryan. “You’re still in? “

  Ryan caught his meaning right away. “Yeah, it was touch and go there for a while. But I ended up with enough mobility to stay active duty.”

  “So how the fuck would you have any idea of what I’m going through?”

  “Mason!” Miss Abigail’s single word packed a punch, a combination of admonition and shock. Miss Abigail and Mandy stood frozen, staring as if they’d never seen him before.

  Mace closed his eyes briefly but they popped right back open. His jaw clenched and unclenched as if he fought to keep a ferocious temper from spilling out and scorching everyone in the room.

  “Sorry.” His biting tone belied his apology. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then pinned Serena with his hard gaze. “Enough. You think this is helping me, but all it does is remind me of what I don’t have. What I’ll never have again.”

  “Mace…” Serena’s hand went to her throat as a lump of emotions pressed its way up. Once again, her plan seemed to be the exact opposite of what he needed. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to help. To—”

  “Enough, Serena,” Mace said, his voice as sharp and brittle as shards of glass. “I didn’t ask for your help. I’m not one of your patients. I’m your—”

  He broke off shaking his head. “You know what? No. I’m not your anything. I’m the man who isn’t going to be held to the commitment you think he made when he was sixteen years old. It’s over.”

  He walked to the back door, his gait jerky. He snatched a set of keys from the hook by the door, and then spoke without even looking back. “I’m going out. When I get back I want you gone, Serena. I’d like some time alone with my family to say my good-byes.”

  Before she could protest or yell or beg for forgiveness, he was gone, the door slamming shut with a finality that shattered her heart.

  For several long seconds, silence reigned in the kitchen. Serena didn’t know where to look. But it didn’t matter since her eyes blurred with tears. The last thing she wanted to do was cry right here in front of everyone, but it didn’t seem to be up to her. The tears flooded out no matter how hard she fought.

  Mandy rushed over and pulled Serena into a hug. “He didn’t mean it.”

  Serena inhaled and fought down the swell of emotions threatening to rush over her and drag her under their swell. Hurt and heartbreak battled grief and loneliness to rise to the top. All of them left her stomach churning, her eyes burning and her chest hollow.

  “He did,” she finally managed to g
et out. “He meant every word. He’s been trying to tell me since the day he got here, but I wouldn’t listen. I decided I was going to help him find his way back to me. I didn’t give any thought to his feelings.”

  “Now that’s just not true.” Miss Abigail walked over to them and rubbed a hand soothingly up and down Serena’s back. “None of us know what do for Mace, and we’re all willing to try anything to get through to him.”

  Suddenly, it was all too much. Mandy and Miss Abigail were being so kind, but Serena couldn’t make herself believe them. She’d wanted nothing more than to help Mace, but she’d ended up being the worst thing to happen to him.

  She needed to escape. Being surrounded by loving family, Mace’s loving family, cut her to the bone. She’d made a point of forging a connection with Mandy and Miss Abigail since her move to Kismet Beach. In the beginning, it was because it made her feel connected to Mace.

  More recently, they’d felt like her own friends and family. But right now, being with the people who loved Mace almost as much as she did, the ones who still had a right to love him, pushed her to her breaking point.

  She pulled out of Mandy’s embrace and wiped under her eyes. “I’m sorry. I have to…I have to go.”

  She sent an apologetic glance toward Ryan where he still stood quietly against the kitchen counter, but couldn’t bring herself to speak another word. She fled through the back door, running to her car so she could go home and give into her grief and figure out how to go on with her life without the promise of Mace.

  Chapter 9

  Mace drove aimlessly for an hour or two until he ended up at the beach. It was late afternoon so the sand wasn’t as thick with blankets and umbrellas and lounge chairs as it would have been earlier in the day. He made his way down close to the shore.

  Despite the late spring heat, a breeze swept off the water. He stared out over the ocean, not even allowing himself to think. Because if he let the thoughts come tumbling in, the only things he seemed able to focus on were the things he lost.

  He watched the sun dip down a little in the sky, marking time by its descent. Was it long enough? Would Serena have taken him at his word finally and left? Or would he go back to the house to finish packing to be met by her newest scheme to fix him?

  Anger shot through him as he turned to go back to his car. He couldn’t fathom why she thought bringing someone who still had all the things he lost would help. Seeing that soldier in his Army issue fatigues, talking about how he got to go back to his duty after losing his leg was like a punch to the gut.

  He tamped the anger down and focused on his goal. He’d already known he had to get out of Kismet Beach. Serena’s little scheme just made it that much easier to go. He couldn’t live here and face seeing her over and over again. God only knew who she’d drag to see him next.

  But when he arrived back at his grandmother’s house, he realized they hadn’t moved on from the last scheme. Ryan, Serena’s former patient, sat on the porch steps.

  “Is Serena still here, too?” Mace asked. And God help him, part of him hoped she was. Part of him, a small niggling part he wouldn’t give voice to, hoped like hell she hadn’t given up on him.

  Ryan stood, his motions deliberate. “No, man. I think you made it pretty clear she wasn’t welcome within a ten mile radius of you.”

  Mace gave a jerky nod. His words to her had been harsh, intentionally so. And apparently they’d done what he’d wanted them to do.

  “So you’re still here for what? To take a swing? Warn me off so you can move in on her now?”

  Ryan shook his head. “Jesus, if I didn’t know exactly where your head is at right now, I would be happy to take a swing at you.”

  “Right, you know how I feel.” Mace had heard it a hundred times. Lots of soldiers came back from their deployments in worse shape than he was. How many times had some well-meaning nurse or doctor or hospital volunteer told him he was one of the lucky ones?

  Ryan pinned him with a stare. “Yeah, I know that feeling, too.”

  “You a fucking mind reader, too?”

  Ryan sighed. “Your grandmother told me there were beers in the fridge before she left to have dinner at your sister’s house. Why don’t we go grab a couple?”

  Mace couldn’t take it anymore. “What are we friends now? Gonna sit me down for a heart-to-heart?”

  “Something like that.”

  “I don’t need this shit,” Mace said, starting up the porch steps.

  Ryan clamped a hand down on Mace’s shoulder. “Way I see it, you have two choices. We can sit down and have a couple of beers and you can listen to what I have to say. Or I can make you listen to what I have to say.”

  Mace’s jaw clenched as he ground his back teeth together. A year ago, he would’ve had this fucker down on the ground in the next few seconds. But the way his leg was working these days meant if he swung around to take him down, he’d be just as likely to land on his ass.

  “Fine.” He maneuvered up the steps and into the house. Before he knew it, he was sitting at the kitchen table across from Ryan, bottles of beer in front of each of them.

  Ryan picked his up took a long swig. He settled back in his chair and hooked an arm over the back of it.

  For long moments Ryan did nothing but sit and stare at Mace as he sipped his beer.

  Mace waited him out.

  Finally, Ryan leaned forward and dropped his bottle onto the table with a thump. “I have one question for you, Mace. Live or die?”

  Mace took a pull on his own beer before he answered. “You planning on taking me out?”

  Ryan blew out a breath. “No, man. I thought maybe you planned on doing it yourself.”

  Mace narrowed his eyes on the other man. “What the fuck? I’m not about to off myself.”

  Ryan shrugged. “I wasn’t sure. The way you’re acting, treating your family and your woman—”

  “She’s not my woman.”

  Ryan snorted. “Right.”

  “She’s not. Up until I hit town last week, I hadn’t laid eyes on her in eight years.”

  Ryan's eyebrows shot up. “Shit. Am I wrong about all this? Serena seemed like a pretty straight shooter when I knew her in the hospital. She helped me more than she knows. I figured if I could do something to help her out and help one of my brothers at the same time, it’s the least I could do. But if you’re saying she’s some psycho stalker...?”

  Mace dropped his head forward and blew out a breath before looking back up. “No, she’s not some psycho stalker. It’s hard to explain, but she’s the woman I planned on marrying.”

  “Good to know. Hate to think I was that bad a judge of character. So your feelings about her changed?”

  Mace clenched his teeth together. “If I knew you were going to sit me down to talk about my feelings, I would have let you take me down outside.”

  Ryan laughed. “Sorry.”

  After a few more minutes passed in silence, Ryan cleared his throat. “So if you don’t plan on dying, what’s your plan for living?”

  Mace drained his beer before he responded. “I have no fucking idea.”

  Ryan nodded. “I know that feeling.”

  Mace shook his head. “Your career’s not over. I get you lost your leg. And it sucks. But you still get to go back to your regularly scheduled life. You have no idea how I feel.”

  “I guess that’s true to some extent.” Ryan took another sip of his beer. “So, you’re telling me, you threw away what you had with Serena because you can’t be a soldier?”

  “I’ve got nothing to offer her.” The admission almost broke Mace. Saying that out loud to another man, another soldier, was the lowest moment of his life.

  Ryan snorted out a laugh. “What, you think Serena only wanted you because of the way you fill out your dress uniform?”

  “I have nothing. No job. No future.”

  “Man, you have a future. If you looked, really looked at that woman, at the way she looks at you, you’d have no doubt y
ou have a future.”

  Mace couldn’t play dumb at Ryan’s words. He’d almost given into that fantasy on the beach yesterday. Until reality came to bite him on the ass. “What kind of selfish bastard would I be if I made her my future? I have no job, no purpose. I have nothing to offer her.”

  “Dude, get a job.”

  Ryan’s words tore through Mace like a bullet. He wouldn’t have been surprised to look down and find a gaping hole in his chest. “What am I supposed to do? I'm a soldier.”

  “So use the skills you learned in the Army. Did you go to school before you went in?”

  Mace nodded.

  “So do something with that. Or let the Army foot the bill to send you back to school.”

  Mace rubbed a hand down his face. Ryan made it sound so simple. But what could he do? He’d never be the man he was before he was injured. “Not sure any of that would make a difference.”

  Ryan narrowed his eyes on Mace. “Yeah, see, now here’s where I can tell you I know what you’re going through. Turning down my suggestions without giving it any real thought, that’s because you have a voice in your head telling you nothing you do will be worth it.”

  Mace stared at him. How did he know?

  “That’s one thing I share with you. And I’ll be honest, I still have those thoughts every now and then. But, I’ll tell you the one thing that made the difference for me.”

  “What?” Mace’s voice sounded scraped raw as he pinned his gaze on Ryan.

  “Talking about it.”

  Mace dropped his head into his hand and rubbed his palm over his face. “Look, that’s what they told me in the hospital. But I don’t think a shrink is going to make a difference.”

  “I promise, you’re wrong. But I’m not even suggesting a shrink. Or at least not just a shrink. You should check out the local VA.” Ryan reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a business card. He slid it across the table toward Mace, tapping a finger against it. “You’ll find a support group here.”