I drove back to the Golden Hill area of San Diego, the historic section filled with Victorian homes. When I had bought my hundred-year old Victorian-style home, many in the family thought I was old nuts to buy such a large home for only one person. But the house was beautiful and at the same time comfortable. There was a sense of history, but also it was homey. The only thing it lacked was a family living in it. There had been a moment recently where I’d imagined eventually having Jess sharing the house with me, and maybe even filling it up with kids. Right now, that dream had died.
I really wanted to know what was going on with Jess. Was it because of Reggie? I felt like I had a right to know, but in the end I didn't think it was going to matter. She seemed hell-bent to not seeing if what we had four years ago could be rekindled today.
I needed to accept that and move on, but I wasn't sure how I was going to. In the four years since I'd last seen Jess, no woman had affected me the way she had. And then from the moment I'd seen her again, all those same feelings resurfaced.
What were the odds that moving on, I'd be able to find another woman who fit with me just as well as Jess did? Perhaps I was going to end up rattling around in this large old house by myself for the rest of my life. That thought depressed me, and also made me feel pathetic.
Maybe I needed to consider selling the home and instead investing in something a little bit smaller. I wondered if Hunter was going to sell his loft and buy a house for him and Natalie. The loft was spacious enough, and more affordable than this home.
Or, maybe with the company's expansion into Europe and next into Asia, I could look at opening an office in one of the locations and moving there.
When I'd come home from my last trip abroad, I was committed to staying home for a while to be with my dad, but he was making a good recovery, so maybe the best way to distract myself and to get over Jess would be to plan another trip.
12
Jess
I was a complete and total batch. I was a terrible person for treating Carter the way that I had. What sort of woman had glorious sex with a man who was so sweet and kind, and then turned around and made him feel like crap? Apparently, I was that kind of woman.
But I was completely freaked out by how quickly my emotions ran away with me and I gave myself over to him. I remembered feeling overwhelmed by it all four years ago, but I knew I wouldn't be swept away by it because it had an ending date. This time I felt a little bit like I was swept up in a tsunami, and I couldn't let that happen. I wanted to. I wanted to see what Carter and I could become. I could see a hint of promise in his eyes that I wanted to latch onto for me and Tanner.
But there was so much at stake. And because I wasn't thinking clearly, I had immediately withdrawn and in fact been angry. But my anger hadn't been at Carter, as I could tell he assumed. It was at me for letting myself get wrapped up in him.
As I came into the door, Reggie put her finger up to her lips, letting me know I needed to be quiet. Tanner must be asleep, which was another reason to feel guilty because I hadn't been there to say good night. Feeling completely demolished, I sank onto the sofa, leaning my head back and closing my eyes to prevent tears from falling.
"What's wrong?" Reggie asked from the little desk in the corner where she worked.
"I'm a terrible person."
"This sounds like you need wine, I'll be right back."
I definitely didn't need more to drink, but I was happy to have a moment with Reggie rattling around in the kitchen, so I had time to gather my thoughts together.
Reggie came back out with two glasses and a bottle of wine. She poured the glasses and handed one to me. I took the glass, but didn't drink.
"So, spill it. What happened," Reggie asked, sitting on the couch and tucking her legs underneath her, settling in like she thought I would have a long story to tell.
For the moment I considered coming up with some abridged exclamation explanation of what it happened tonight, but the truth was I needed help.
"Remember when I told you about that cruise to Mexico?"
"Yes, the magical journey that resulted in Tanner?"
I nodded. “Yes, that one. Well, as it turns out, my boss, Alex, his son Carter, is the man that I'd been with on the cruise.
Reggie's eyes widened in surprise. "What are the odds?"
I shrugged and looked down into the wine I wasn't drinking. "Apparently, the odds are good, because my boss’s son is the man I met on the cruise. And the thing is, he seems to have remembered me as fondly as I remembered him."
"Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"
"It just feels like a bad thing. The truth is, he was driving me home tonight because I'd had a little too much Margarita, and we ended up having sex in his SUV."
Reggie stared at me, her eyes blinking, and then she shook her head. "I'm not sure I completely understand the problem here. You were with him for a week on the cruise, and had a magnificent marvelous time that you've never ever forgotten, and it has prevented you from even wanting to date anybody else. And now he's here and he's interested in you again, and you just had sex, and unless it was really bad sex, I’m failing to see the problem. Did you tell him about Tanner?"
I shook my head and this time I did take a sip of wine, mostly because I didn't want to tell her about my deception. It was more proof that I was a terrible person.
"So, what's stopping you? You like him and he likes you, and he's the father of your child. I don't understand what the problem is."
"What Carter and I had in Mexico was magnificent, but I don't know that it was love. And now, sure, I’m attracted to him, seeing him brings back that magical week, but we’re in the real world. In many ways he's the same man, but in another sense, he's different. I mean, I knew he had money back then, but I didn't realize how much or the type of power he had. He tried to give me a car and then he told me that if I lost my job for being with him, he would get me another one. Just like that," I said snapping my fingers. "Whatever he wants. He gets."
Reggie arched an eyebrow at me. "He wants you and yet he can't have you."
"I guess I'm the one thing he can't buy because he certainly tried to."
"Was he trying to buy you or was he just being generous because he likes you? I still don't understand why if you are attracted to him, which we know to be true because you slept with him, why are you so resistant to it? Why not see where it can lead?"
"I'm just not sure if it's a good idea. For one, I overheard him saying he really wasn't interested in settling down. So, what happens if I tell him about Tanner? He could get angry or maybe even reject us both. I could probably handle it if he rejected me, but I wouldn't want to put Tanner through that." I rubbed my temple with my free hand as the headache started to come. "I think he sees this time as the cruise 2.0. We'll have a good time together for a little while and then after that, we just walk away. But I can't do that now. I have Tanner to think about."
Reggie nodded, giving me the impression that she understood what I was saying to her. But then she said, "You know, just because you’re a mom and have to work, doesn't mean you have to completely sacrifice your own interests, wants and needs. What is wrong with going after what you want? Jess, regardless of how Carter is going to respond, he really does need to know about Tanner."
I knew that was true, but I was still scared to death to tell him.
"And if he doesn't take it well, then you'll know he's not the guy for you."
I bit my lip. "What if he does want to be a father?"
Reggie narrowed her eyes at me. "That seems like it would be a good thing."
"Yes, of course, it would be a good thing. But what if he wants to be a father but he doesn't want me?"
Reggie shook her head. "Girl, you are so confusing. If he didn't want you, he would've had sex with you and tried to give you a car."
"Yes, but he did all that before he knew about Tanner. What if Tanner changes everything? Or what if we try a relationship and it doesn't work
out? He basically has enough money to fight me for custody. He could take Tanner away from me." The tears that had been threatening the moment I walked in, finally started to fall and it was clear that this was my real fear.
Reggie put her wine glass down and moved over to me putting her arm around me. "I don't know Carter, but based on everything that you said about him, he doesn't sound like the type of guy that would do that. And besides, you’re a great mother which is something that I can testify to and would testify to it if it ended up in court. There's no way he would be able to completely take Tanner away from you."
I appreciated Regina's comfort, even if I couldn't agree with her. "I know what you're saying Reggie, but I just can't risk it."
13
Carter
I didn't know what was worse, the frustration at feeling like Jess and I could make something together, or the fact that I was walking around like a sad sack, because she wasn't willing to give it a chance.
Worse still, was the fact that I couldn't seem to let it go. On the one hand, she'd been very clear that she didn't want to pursue anything with me. On the other hand, she kissed me and then fucked my brains out in my car. Why did she do that if she had no interest at all in me? It didn't make any sense.
What was clear was that she did like me, but she didn't want to. But why? The answer to that had to be Reggie. Had she cheated on him with me? She didn't seem like the type of woman that would do that, but it would explain her severe reaction after we’d had sex. But if she did cheat on him with me, wasn't that a sign that maybe she and Reggie weren't supposed to be together?
I let out a frustrated growl and tossed my pen across the desk. I didn't need it anyway because I couldn't get any work done. But I couldn’t ruminate all day. I rose to pick up the pen that it landed on the floor, when my door burst open. My brother Noah walked in followed by my older brother Ryan. Behind him, Ryan's wife Kellie and my grandmother's assistant Andi entered.
"I hope you brought beer for this party," I said, trying to be jovial, even though the last thing I wanted was my brothers in my office.
"We're here to perform an intervention," Noah said plopping himself in one of the chairs. I arched a brow at him because I only had two chairs and manners dictated they should go to the women.
"That pathetic morose face is getting old," he finished.
Ryan approached my desk, putting a hand out to offer the chair to his very pregnant wife, Kellie. "What Noah is saying, in his own insensitive way, is that we're concerned about you, Carter." Ryan said. "We can see something is going on, and we are here to support you whatever that is."
"I bet it has to do with dad’s physical therapist," Noah said.
I glanced over at Andi who gave an imperceptible shake of her head which shocked me. Andi wasn't the one to keep family secrets, unless, of course, my grandmother told her to, which must've been the case.
"The physical therapist? Jess?" Kellie asked looking at Noah and then up at Ryan, who shrugged. It was amazing that no one, not Andi, my grandmother or my father had told them about my infatuation with Jess. But having had admitted my feelings to them, it didn't make any sense to keep them from my brothers or Kellie either.
I sagged back in my chair running my fingers through my hair. "Things on that front aren't going well at all."
"So, it's true?" Kellie asked, sitting up in intrigue.
"She didn't accept your proposal?" Andi asked.
My brothers and Kellie’s head all whipped around to look at Andi. "Proposal?" Then they all looked at me expectantly.
"What the fuck, Carter?" Noah started. "You told me there was nothing between you two. That you had no interest in her."
"You sound jealous Noah," I said, not because it was true, but because I was feeling a little bit ganged up on.
Andi flinched and for a nanosecond glared at Noah, making me wonder what was up between them.
"I'm not jealous. First of all, she works for dad, and that makes her off-limits. Unless you’re going to go by Hunter and Ryan's rules. But rules are rules."
Andi let out a derisive laugh. "Since when do you abide by rules?"
"When it comes to fucking the staff, I don't break the rules."
Andi turned her head away, and for a minute I thought maybe she was hurt. But then she turned her attention to me. "So, what happened?"
"I don't know what's going on except to say she doesn't seem to be interested.”
Noah laughed. “Is that a first for you Carter? For once a woman isn't interested in you."
"Shut up Noah," Andi snapped at him. We all flinched, including Noah. "You don't know about him and Jess so just keep your pie hole shut."
The rest of us looked at each other in surprise. It wasn't the first time Andi and Noah bickered, but there was something about this that felt different.
She was right in that they didn’t know I had a history with Jess. "The truth is, this isn't the first time I met Jess. A few years ago, just before I came to work here, I went on a cruise to Mexico and I met her there."
"And you had a relationship with her?" Ryan asked his hand on Kellie’s shoulder. I wondered if he knew he was doing that, touching his wife. Was it just an ingrained part of him to need to touch her? I was jealous that he was able to do that, when I couldn't do that with Jess.
"It was your run-of-the-mill shipboard romance." I looked down because that wasn't really the truth. "At least that's how we set out to be when we met. But by the time the cruise was over, something had changed, for me at least. But I guess not for her."
"What happened after the cruise?" Kellie asked.
"Nothing. We purposely kept some details about our lives private. It was supposed to add to the specialness of the trip. But I regretted it because I had no way of finding her."
"Now that she's here, he has a second chance. Don't you see?" Andi said to the rest of the group.
"Except she said she doesn't want that," Noah said.
"What did she say?" Kellie asked, ignoring Noah.
"Well, that's what she said, but I can't be sure it's what she means.."
"Generally, you're supposed to accept what a woman says," Ryan said.
"I’m not forcing myself on her. Jesus Ryan. At first, she told me we couldn’t see each other because I was her boss’s son and I worked to respect that. But then I told dad, and he was okay with it. Not that he didn't have concerns, but he wasn’t going to fire her for being with his son like she was afraid of."
"So what reason is she giving now?" Andi asked.
"I don't really know. I suppose it's something like ‘that was then, this is now.’"
"Sounds like she's just not feeling it, brother," Noah said.
I vacillated on whether I should tell them the whole extent of it. I suspected Jess wouldn’t like people knowing what we did in my SUV. But maybe my brothers and Kellie and Andi could offer some other insight if they knew Jess sometimes backed off her stance about us not being together.
"If she acted indifferent or uninterested the entire time I've been around her, I would accept that. I wouldn’t like it, but I would accept it. I’d do my damnedest to let it go. But she isn't always indifferent or resistant to me." I decided to leave it there instead of going into the details of what happened in my SUV.
Andi arched bro. “Does that mean what I think it means?"
"Carter, did you fuck her?" Noah asked.
Andi hit him in the shoulder. "Why do you always have to be so crass?"
"Is he right? Did you sleep with her?" Ryan asked.
"I didn't set out to. We are in the SUV and I was trying to remind her of what had been like in Mexico, and then she was kissing me, and she was in my lap."
“What happened when you were done?" Kellie asked, her tone was such that she knew it was an insensitive question to ask, and yet if I was to get any insight into a female mind, it was a question she needed to ask.
"She couldn’t get away from me fast enough," I admitted, even though I wa
s pretty sure Noah would make some snarky comment. I looked over at him. Andi's fingers were digging into his shoulder and he was making an ouch sound as he tried to pry her fingers off of him. I appreciated her effort to keep him from being an asshole.
"I just wish she'd tell me what was going on. I think there's something she's not telling me. Why would she run so hot and cold?"
"Maybe she just needs some time," Kellie said. "You have a tendency to jump right in and go hundred and ten percent after what you want, but maybe that's overwhelming to her."
"She was a hundred and ten percent type of woman when I met her in Mexico,” I argued.
“You said it yourself that you both treated the trip as something in and of itself. You’re not on vacation now. You're in the real world." Andi said.
"You could always go with the fake wife scam. It seemed to work for old Ryan here," Noah joked.
I rolled my eyes. "I don't have a reason to need a fake wife. I don't want a fake wife. I want a real one."
Noah gaped. Ryan's brows narrowed. "What are you talking about?”
"I feel like she's the one. That's why this is so fucking maddening."
"Like I said Carter, maybe you need to take it slow. Give it time," Kellie said.
"I’m running out of time. Dad's almost all recovered and then I won't have an excuse to run into her anymore."
"You could throw yourself down a flight of stairs and then need her services," Noah said shaking his head.
Actually, there was a part of that that sounded intriguing. That thought must've shown on my face because Ryan immediately said, "It's a dumb idea, Carter, don't even think about it."
"If I needed a physical therapist, I could have her move in with me."
"Jesus, Carter. I was joking," Noah said.
"If I needed her help, professionally, what better way?" I said, not really meaning it, and yet at the same time there was something very compelling about the idea.
"For one, if you think she had problems dating the boss’s son, she can’t be too keen on fucking her client," Noah said. He looked up at Andi. "And stop hitting me, because you know it's true."
Wrong to Love You: Strong Brothers Book 3 Page 7
