“This isn’t your fault,” Phoebe said, her red-rimmed eyes filled with tears.
He shut his eyes. “I fucked up, Phoebe.”
“Hey, look at me. Chloe is the strongest person I know.” Phoebe choked back a sob. They stared at each other for a beat until a soft smile pulled at Phoebe’s lips. “I need you to be strong for her.”
“I can’t lose her… I just found her.”
A squeak of rubber shoes behind Julian preceded a cough, interrupting the tension that filled the room. “Family of Chloe and Frank Channing?” the nurse announced, clipboard in hand.
Sam stepped toward the nurse. “I’m Chloe’s cousin. Frank’s my uncle.”
“Yes, sir. Mr. Channing is in recovery. He’s got a couple of broken ribs, lacerations and contusions.” She flipped through the papers. “Other than that, he will be just fine.”
“Can I see him?” Sam asked, fingering his hair back.
“Yes, but don’t push him. He’s had a rough ride and may be out of it from the meds.”
“Thank you,” Sam said, letting out a breath of relief.
“And Chloe?” Julian asked.
“They did identify some hemorrhaging and right now the doctor is doing an exploratory laparotomy to locate where the bleeding is coming from. I’m sure the doctor will come out and let you all know once he is done.” The nurse warmly nodded, and her outstretched hand motioned for Sam to follow.
“I’m going to see my uncle…let him know what’s going on with Chloe.” Sam took hold of Sage’s hand. “Let me know if you get an update.” Then he followed the nurse down the hall.
A momentary silence overlaid the small waiting room. Julian anticipated the doctor’s forthcoming final words. Even now, they tore at him like bear claws shredding his skin. He reached in his pocket, pulled out the turtle charm necklace he had picked up from the shed before getting in the ambulance. Julian stared at the trinket for a moment, hating the lump forming in his throat and the tears blurring his vision. He so badly wanted to see Chloe.
Parallel images collided of Amber and Chloe, knocking his breath loose. The doctor’s words that came out… ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ hammered his heart when they couldn’t save Amber.
He prayed he wouldn’t hear those same words again. He sent up a silent prayer hoping for some kind of sign that Chloe was going to come out of this.
He needed to remind himself to breathe, to stay strong for her. But it was almost impossible when the woman he loved more than his own life was fighting for her very own. His head pounded as images of her brittle body, the bang of Reyna’s gun firing one last time, then Chloe falling to the ground—all played in a loop, over and over.
Julian put the necklace back in his front pocket. “Don’t you dare die on me, Chloe,” Julian whispered to himself, letting out a deep breath he didn’t realize he’d held in his lungs.
A heavy hand rested on his shoulder. “She’s gonna pull through, Book.”
“Linc.” Julian dragged his hair back. “This is all my fault. I keep replaying what we…what I could’ve done.”
“Don’t fuckin’ do this. You’ll make yourself crazy.”
“It’s like the gods are punishing me, again.”
“Bullshit. What you need to focus on is what you’re going to say to her when she wakes up.”
Julian roughly scrubbed his beard. “I can’t breathe without her.”
“I can’t either.” Phoebe’s voice wavered as she clung to Julian’s arm. “We have to stay strong.”
“Go back to the house,” Lincoln instructed. “Take a shower, clean yourself up, pretty boy. There’s nothing you can do right now. Chloe will be in surgery for a while. I’ll stay here with Phoebe and call you as soon as I hear anything.”
“I’m not going to leave—”
“For once will you listen to me, asshole,” Lincoln snapped. “When she gets out of surgery, you wouldn’t want her to see your ugly mug, would you?”
“I’m not leaving, Linc. I need to be here.”
“Please. I’m telling you not only as a friend, but your bro. It’ll do you some good. And you’re scaring the shit out of the people here with all that damn blood on your clothes.”
“You think I give a flying fuck what people think of my fashion statement?” Julian observed the dried blood on his clothes.
“Well, I do. Not only do you look like shit, you smell like it too.”
Only Lincoln could lighten up any stressful situation. A feeble grin perked Julian’s mouth as he stifled a weak laugh. “You’ve smelled worse, asshole.”
“Please, Julian,” Phoebe spoke up. “Lincoln is right.”
As much as Julian wanted to plant himself there in the waiting room, he did need to change his clothes. He’d go back, shower quickly, and return before the doctors were done.
Phoebe wrapped him in a hug. “I’m scared, Julian.”
“Me too, Phoebe.”
All Julian wanted was to hold her in his arms. His heart thumped so hard it bruised his chest. Guilt consumed his thoughts and sadness weighed him down.
He missed her so much there were days he couldn’t breathe.
He needed to finally say goodbye; he needed the peace to put it all behind him. But just like Doc had told him, although the scars were there, time would at least ease the pain.
He missed the sweet scent of her perfume, her soft hands wrapped around him and the gentle peck on his cheek. Julian swore he could still hear her tender voice in his ear.
Bent knees on the grass, he wiped the leaves from the cold embossed surface. His finger grazed the edge of the small headstone. A tear escaped as Julian set her favorite flowers on the grass between the granite markers.
For a moment, he stared at his palms, remembered the blood that once covered them. Phantom pains crushed his heart as the image of the casket being lowered into the ground returned, and the sounds of sobered cries whimpering around him.
A cool breeze rustled the grass. Chills raced over his skin as he slowly opened his mouth to speak.
“Hey there…sorry it’s been several months. Just got back from an assignment. Work’s been busy.”
Julian looked up into the brisk December blue skies of California, a bittersweet feeling knotted in his belly. He was happy to be home from an overseas case, able to sleep in his own bed, but hated being in the spot he currently occupied, staring down at the memorial.
“I don’t even know where to begin. It’s so hard being here. I actually hate coming to this place.” Julian rambled, pulling out several blades of grass and tossing them aside. “This fuckin’ sucks… I’m not good at this, ya know?”
Another tear fell as he remembered what could have been. “On my way here, I saw a kid holding his dad’s hand. It breaks my heart that I couldn’t have that with you. He would’ve been a mini version of me, of course.” He chuckled. “He’d be devilishly handsome and would definitely have my wits. But he’d have your caring heart, playful like you, with that cute-as-hell giggle when I tickled you.”
The knot tensed in his belly. “I miss you… Holding your hand, playing with your crazy hair…your cheesy jokes and just…everything.” Julian stifled a laugh. “You should be proud. I’m moving forward…can’t live in purgatory anymore.”
Julian rubbed his stubbled jaw and dragged his hair back with his hand then laughed to himself. “Yeah, yeah…I know what you’re going to say, I need a shave, and a haircut. I’m headed to the barber after this. Satisfied? That’s what I came here to tell you. Tonight’s the fundraiser gala and they’re honoring your name with a plaque. It will be a permanent fixture at the Los Angeles shelter. It’s so beautiful…just like you.”
Before he stood, he kissed the two pads of his fingers and pressed them to her cold headstone and proffered another to the other smaller one. “I gotta go. I’m going to be late to your party. I will love you always. You know you can check on me, once in a while.”
Hours later, Julian arrived at The Ritz,
where it had all began. The melancholy feelings all came back like a tsunami.
He took a deep breath. Tonight was a special night. He paced the hall, his stressed nerves rattling within him. He couldn’t calm the swarm of bees in his stomach, fluttering and stinging him, as familiar faces approached him to shake hands and console him during this sentimental, nostalgic event.
Knox and Mom greeted him at the check-in table manned by Jonathon ‘Hawk’ Hawkins, a fellow teammate at KSIG.
“Hey there, son.” Knox gave Julian a stiff handshake. “You doin’ okay?”
“I’m good.” Julian smiled then turned to his mom and kissed her cheek. “Hi, Mom. You look stunning.” Her dark wavy hair tumbled past her shoulders. The diamond necklace that glittered around her neck was the perfect accent to her elegant black gown.
Isabella embraced her son and returned a kiss. “Thank you, Mijo. You cleaned up good,” she said, wiping her lipstick off his cheek.
“How was your mission? Any issues?” Knox asked, seriousness written all over his face.
“Easy in, easy out… Gathered intel and Tyke is examining it now.”
“Good.” Knox nodded, pleased. “I want to talk to you about another matter—”
“Darling, not tonight.” Mom elbowed Knox. “There will be no talking business tonight.”
Knox laughed. “Yes, dear.” He rested his hand on Mom’s lower back. “She’s right. Let’s talk Monday at the office.”
Julian nodded at his boss and father who had stepped in to teach him about being a man. He hoped someday he could be as happy as his parents were. A warm fuzzy feeling took over his heart seeing his mom get that second chance she deserved.
“Mijo, I’ve got a surprise for you.” Isabella shifted and motioned for Julian to look over her shoulder.
Julian’s eyes widened and his smile grew as Fabiola wearing a royal-blue gown walked toward him, her hand hooked in a man’s arm. He was tall, caramel-blond hair and wearing a dark suit. Julian laughed to himself, wondered if this was boyfriend number five and it wasn’t even Christmas yet.
“Hey, big brother.” Fabiola released her hold from the man and stretched out her arms. “Miss me much?”
“Fabs…what the hell?” Julian embraced his kid sister, lifted her off her feet and swung her around. “Damn girl, I’ve missed your ugly face. You told me you couldn’t make it.”
Julian set Fabiola back on her feet, steadying her.
“I wouldn’t miss you making a fool on stage. My alpha big bro scared to speak in front of a room full of people… You ready for your fifteen minutes of fame?”
“Yep. Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Doesn’t your sister look amazing?” Mom’s question was more like a statement.
“Like mother, like daughter,” Fabiola’s date said, with a hint of a British accent.
“Okay, turd-face, let me introduce you to Remi McCoy. He’s in security just like you and Dad.”
Both men shook hands. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Remi. By chance related to Liam McCoy?”
“Yes, actually. He’s my brother.”
“LR McCoy International Ops?” Julian asked, confirming the name.
Remi nodded. “Hm…small world?”
“Liam helped with an op a while back—”
Isabella coughed. “Julian, no business. Tonight is special, remember?”
“Yes, Mom. No business.” Julian winked at her, then turned to Remi. “We can talk later.”
Remi nodded. “I look forward to it.”
Knox kissed his wife’s cheek. “Shall we go inside and find our table?”
Isabella hooked her hand in the crook of Knox’s elbow, Fabiola followed suit and together the foursome walked through the ballroom doors.
Julian stilled. “I’ll see you guys inside. I need a minute.”
“Okay, see you in there,” Fabiola said, waving at him.
Julian paced the grand hallway. He steadied his breath with every step.
The nervousness and anxiety overwhelmed him. He cupped the back of his neck and there was a thin sheen of sweat. He looked over to where Hawk stoically stood as he checked in the remaining guests. He couldn’t help reliving the moment when he saw Chloe for the first time in that very same spot.
Lock it down, Cruz. You got this.
Hawk jutted his chin. “You okay, man?”
“I’m good. Just a little stage fright. I have to give this speech.” Julian held up an index card.
“Public speaking is the number-one fear. You’d think it’d be death, but believe it or not, death is fifth…” Hawk rambled the facts, his mouth turning up in a proud grin.
“Thanks, Einstein. Isn’t it ironic we can fight on the battlefield, kick ass, come face to face with things we wish we could erase from our minds…and I’m fucking hyperventilating over some words I have written down on this five-by-eight?”
“I know how you can overcome your fear while you’re on stage. Just focus on...”
Julian tuned out Hawk’s statistical chatter when his eyes veered to a mirage. A vision—of her. He had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. Damn…he missed her so much, it killed him to be away for the last couple of weeks on this mission.
She gracefully approached, hypnotizing every one of his senses. Julian held his breath as desire overwhelmed his logic, not caring about Hawk’s trivial rants.
She fingered a lock of hair behind her ear that fell like a thick curtain down her back. Several guests stopped her; she smiled and shook their hands. That damn smile of hers still got to him every time, knocking him breathless.
She nodded politely at the woman she was speaking to, then motioned for the guests to enter the grand ballroom. Her magnificent ever-changing turquoise eyes locked on Julian’s and her sexy gait moved across the hall toward him. Julian’s heart thumped. The unique colors of her eyes bore into his soul, drawing him in.
He was absolutely lost in those orbs. It would be difficult for any man to look away.
Just over five months ago, it was hard to imagine the state she was in. It broke Julian’s heart and ripped him to shreds seeing Chloe on the gurney, fighting for her life and then the road to recovery in ICU. The guilt and a mission gone wrong hardened his heart. A ghostly shiver crept up his spine, recalling the nightmare they’d both lived.
But, just like Phoebe told him, Chloe was strong, and she had the fight in her that willed her to live.
“Hey there, hotcakes.” Chloe’s sexy kitten voice broke through his haze.
Julian took Chloe’s hand and pulled her into an alcove at the end of the hall. He cupped her face and pressed his lips to hers. Julian hungered for the taste of her sensual lips, had been longing for them since he’d landed in San Francisco.
Julian pressed against her softness from shoulder to knee as her back bumped the wall behind her. Her soft sigh followed by a sweet moan he loved so much sent a tingle down to his groin.
This woman owned him. And he loved it.
His thumb grazed the side of her breast as his hands caressed down her hourglass figure. Julian wanted to ditch the party and take her to his bed. Feel her bare skin against his own. Bury himself deep inside her.
“Damn, Doc, I’ve missed you so much.” Julian struggled to break away.
Chloe licked her lips. “Wow. Maybe you should go away more often if those are the kisses I will get every time you come back.”
“This trip killed me. Two weeks, too long.” Julian stroked the frame of her face with his fingers.
“Everything go well overseas?”
“Yup…and I’m glad to be back home.” He kissed the tip of her nose.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t know you were here already. This event has been keeping me busy. There was so much to do to prepare and—”
“Shh…I just want to look at you for a sec.” Julian stared at her, suddenly feeling like a little boy who believed in magic. Palm framing her delicate jawline.
Chloe angle
d her head into his hand, smiling contently, her eyes locked on Julian’s.
Fucking enchanting.
Julian chuckled, remembering the term ‘enchanting pussy,’ a bro-code between him and Lincoln. The meaning of the one woman to possess the one man to be hers and only hers.
Chloe was most definitely enchanting. She was the woman who owned Julian inside and out. She was the air he breathed and the other half of his heart. It was a bit sappy, but all true, nonetheless.
“You okay, Julian? You’re scaring me.”
“I’m perfect now that I have you in my arms.” He kissed her forehead. “I, uh…I’m a bit nervous giving this speech today.”
“Oh, come on, hotcakes…” Chloe’s nickname for him when he made pancakes for her, sounded so cute coming from her lips. “My hunky, super-secret agent…nervous?”
Julian laughed, tossing his head back. “I’ll show you hunky.”
“Promise?”
“I promise you an all-nighter, Doc.”
Julian sipped his rum and Coke to ease the anxiety that stirred in the pit of his stomach as his eyes roamed the round table. A grin perked the corners of his mouth.
The people who meant the world to Chloe and him were here.
Julian raised a brow, laughed to himself. Phoebe swirled her wine chatting with Ryland, something about a hot date and a Code Red. Julian slightly shook his head and laughed. Women.
Julian studied Sam as he fingered a strand of hair behind Sage’s ear and kissed her cheek. Sage giggled at something Sam whispered in her ear. The two had been joined at the hip and he predicted Sam was going to propose soon. The signs were there.
There was Julian’s long-time friend, Dylan ‘Lincoln’ Marshall, who got his callsign because he was so damn honest. Lincoln interrupted Julian’s thoughts.
“Man, Phoebe is hella fine.” His voice was low so only Julian could hear.
“Linc, cool your jets. Besides, you finally got your date with Roc.” Julian pointed his chin to Rocky sitting on the other side of Lincoln.
“This isn’t a date, Booker,” Rocky snapped.
“Call it whatever you want, Princess. We arrived together,” Lincoln teased.
Till I Found You: The Broken Hero Series—Book One Page 25
