by Cameron Lund
Hannah and Charlie are across the bench from me and when Ava hands Hannah the bottle of champagne, Charlie reaches up to run his hand over Hannah’s thick braid, pulling lightly like he never lost the right to touch her. That one little movement makes me so mad. Hannah takes a sip of the champagne and then she hands it to me. Our eyes meet and I tilt my head to the side, trying to tell her with my expression everything that’s so messed up about this situation. How could she have been so right about Andrew but so wrong about this?
Andrew laughs about something and then kisses the inside of Danielle’s wrist. It’s like a ripple effect around the car. Cecilia wraps her arms around Chase’s bicep and snuggles her nose into the collar of his shirt, and I feel myself leaning closer to Dean, letting his hand crawl higher up my knee. I hate that I’m reacting the same way as Cecilia—that we’re both just two girls Andrew’s cast aside.
“I’m excited for tonight,” I whisper into Dean’s ear, because I’m trying to convince myself I am. If Andrew can have meaningless hookups, so can I. I don’t have to like Dean to sleep with him. I can sleep with him because he’s hot, and it’s prom, and everything is perfect. Why would I waste a moment like this one?
“Me too.” His eyes light up like he wasn’t sure until right this second that I’d follow through.
We pull up to the Walcott and everyone piles out. The whole place is strung with twinkle lights crisscrossing over the ceiling like the sky is enchanted. The walls inside the ballroom are hung with giant cardboard waves painted in blue glitter, and there’s a bubble machine at the entrance. “It’s so whimsical!” Ava squeals when she sees it, and then she’s twirling and we all follow her in.
There’s a buffet table, large platters of chicken and salad and risotto no one is touching, and a bowl of punch that—if teen movies are to be believed—I should stay far away from. Sophie Piznarski is at a table scattered with cookies and brownies, and she’s holding a basket of muffins, offering it to everyone who walks by. It’s like student council forgot we’d all be too nervous to eat. But maybe that’s just me. Andrew will probably eat three whole chickens and still be hungry.
Sophie holds the basket out to us. “Don’t forget to vote for King and Queen!”
“Can you actually vote in a monarchy?” I ask, and Hannah laughs and then her face hardens again like she’s not sure if she’s allowed to think I’m funny right now.
Danielle makes us stop at the table, her laser-beam eyes making it clear who we’re supposed to vote for. I write down Hannah’s name, a silent apology that she can’t see. The guys keep walking and sit down at one of the tables on the edge of the dance floor. And it is so weird to see Andrew and Dean together.
“Did you make these?” Danielle asks, picking up a cookie.
“No, they’re from Green Mountain,” Sophie answers, and Danielle drops the cookie back into the basket. Sophie frowns. “You don’t have to eat one.”
I reach into the basket and pull out a blueberry muffin to be polite, but I know I’m too anxious to eat it.
“I’m saving up for Taco Bell later.” Ava wobbles on her heels. “If I drink any more coca-kale-a, I think I might puke.”
“She only needs to fit into her dress long enough for Ryder to take it off her,” Danielle says.
Sophie sets down the muffin basket. “Wait, are you guys are going to . . . you know?”
“Gross,” Ava says.
Danielle raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, I’d say odds are in his favor.”
“Okay, can I tell you guys something though?” Ava lowers her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Ryder is actually kinda the worst in bed. It’s like he just copies all this awful stuff from porn and doesn’t care if I’m even into it.”
“You watch porn?” I ask. I was too scared to even google sex tips on my phone. Maybe I should have gone to Ava for advice all along.
“Everyone watches porn,” Ava says. “Sometimes you have to get things done yourself.”
“I don’t,” Sophie counters.
“Well, someone should tell Ryder to stop with all the teeth,” Ava says. “Vampires are only hot in movies.”
We all laugh, but I can’t help wondering why Ava hasn’t said anything to him. But I guess I’m doing the same thing with Dean. Why is it so much harder to be honest about what we want when we’re naked?
“Who are you here with?” Danielle asks Sophie, as if she doesn’t already know. Prescott is too small for mystery.
“Jarrod Price,” Sophie says. “You’re here with Andrew, right?”
“Yeah.” Danielle breaks off a piece of a chocolate muffin and pops it into her mouth. “No hard feelings?” She’s speaking to Sophie but her eyes flick over to me for just a second. I look away.
“My thing with Andrew was ages ago,” Sophie says, then turns her gaze on me. “You’re with that guy Dean, right? He’s so cute.”
“So cute!” Ava repeats, pronouncing the word cayooot, like it has two syllables.
“You’re so lucky.” Sophie is looking over my shoulder to where the boys are, and I turn around to see. There’s no denying how good Dean looks under the flashing lights. He’s taken off his suit jacket and has rolled up the sleeves of his white button-down so that we can all see the tan skin of his arms. I know how it must look to Sophie. Why she thinks I’m lucky.
“Thanks,” I say, trying to feel excited. Mostly I just have a stomachache. I put the muffin down.
“She’s going to get even luckier later,” Danielle says, breaking into a wicked smile. She has a glint in her eye I know means she’s up to something.
“Come on, Danielle,” Hannah says, a warning in her voice that gives me hope she won’t hate me forever.
Danielle ignores her and leans closer to Sophie. “Not everyone gets to lose it at the Walcott.”
Apparently, I’m supposed to keep all her secrets, but she can’t keep mine.
“No way!” Sophie squeals, clapping her hands over her mouth. “Keely, this is so exciting. You’re going to have the best night. Prom night is kind of perfect. Maybe not as perfect as your wedding night, but the next best thing, right? Do you love him?”
Love him? The question is so ridiculous I almost laugh. But Sophie isn’t kidding. She’s looking at me with big, sincere blue eyes. When I don’t answer right away, she blinks and clears her throat.
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. It’s fine if you don’t, I just—”
“No, it’s okay,” I say, trying to smile. “I don’t love him. I just want . . .”
What? I just want to get it over with? I just want to take my mind off things, to forget about Andrew for a while, to use Dean as a distraction? I wish I knew what I wanted. Wouldn’t that make everything so much easier? I wish I loved him. If I loved Dean, then maybe I could forget for a second that Andrew loves Danielle.
“It’s just the right time, isn’t it?” I say, the best answer I can give.
“I wouldn’t know,” Sophie says. “I’m waiting for marriage.”
“What?” I ask. “You’re still—”
“A virgin?” Sophie finishes. “Yeah. It’s no big deal. I’m just not ready yet. I’d rather wait until I know someone loves me, you know? The guys at this school aren’t worth it.”
“But what about Andrew?” I glance over my shoulder again and see that Andrew and Chase have started dancing, jumping up and down in that silly way guys do when they’re showing off. Andrew notices me looking and waves a hand in our direction, at me or maybe at Sophie or Danielle, motioning for us to come join them. The genuine glee on his face makes my chest ache.
“Andrew didn’t love me,” Sophie says. “You should know that better than anyone.”
“Of course he did,” I say. But we both know it isn’t true. I think back to all the times he complained to me about her. Andrew and Sophie had been all wrong for each other.
Maybe Sophie knew it all along. I haven’t given her enough credit.
“It’s fine, Keely,” Sophie says, smiling. “He wasn’t the one. Actually, he was a pretty bad boyfriend. I always thought, I mean, we broke up because he just wouldn’t—” She stops suddenly, turning to look at Danielle. “Never mind, sorry. I shouldn’t be bashing your date like this.” She stands up and grabs the handle of the muffin basket. “I’ll just keep handing out these muffins and you can forget I even said anything.”
“He just wouldn’t what?” Danielle asks. She’s not one to let statements hang unsaid in the air. Sophie sighs and looks back at me.
“He wouldn’t stop talking about you, Keely. It was exhausting.”
“We’re just friends,” I say immediately, the line coming naturally. But her words ignite something in me and suddenly I feel like I’m a hot wire.
“Yeah,” Sophie says. She picks up a blueberry muffin, ripping a bite off the top. Grainy sugar crumbs sprinkle down onto the surface of the table. “I get that now.”
THIRTY
WE HEAD OVER to the table to dump our purses and then grab the guys, pulling the rest of them out onto the dance floor. The song is upbeat and happy and despite everything going on, the fact that everybody in the circle is probably mad at somebody else, none of it matters. This might be the last time we’re all together, one big messed-up group, and I think we’re all feeling the pull of time.
The song changes to something slow and we break apart to dance with our dates. I wrap my arms around Dean’s neck and feel his skin, damp and sticky. He passes me the flask and I take a quick sip. I’m so used to the taste of whiskey at this point I almost like it. Or maybe I’m just trying to convince myself I do.
A fast song starts up and we’re all together again and I throw my arms up in the air and I’m spinning and dizzy and happy. The music slows and we all put our arms around each other so that we’re rocking back and forth in one big circle. And then before I know what’s happening, Chase has snaked an arm around Danielle’s shoulders and they’re dancing alone. I expect her to pull away from him—after all, hasn’t she been pulling away from him every day since my birthday?—but she doesn’t. She’s laughing and pulling him closer.
It’s like we’ve all been waiting to follow her lead, because as soon as she accepts Chase’s dance, we break apart in different directions. Hannah lunges for Dean, pulling him into her, and before I can change my mind, I reach for Andrew. I nod my head in thanks to Hannah, knowing she’s doing me this favor on purpose. She nods back, and in that moment I know that she knows. I don’t have to tell her she’s right.
“Hey,” I say, placing my hands on his shoulders.
“Hey,” he says, and wraps his arms around my lower back. I’m trying to keep a respectable distance between us because everyone is watching, but he moves closer, so I’m forced to wrap my arms around his neck. We’re touching all the way from our hips to our chests. I know it’s wrong to be this close, that I’m only torturing myself, but it feels right to be fitted together like this, like we’re matching puzzle pieces. I rest my head on his chest and wish I were tall enough to brush my lips against the soft skin of his neck. He smells familiar, like cut grass, the same way he smelled when he was over me on his bed, his body covering mine. The music is playing soft and slow around us, but I can barely hear it. All I can hear is my heart beating, the blood rushing in my ears. I know if I pull my head back just slightly, I could kiss him. I keep my head locked on his shoulder so I won’t be tempted. I feel suddenly like I’m about to cry. It was so much easier before I realized I loved him. I want to rewind the last few hours and become that girl again.
“Are you having fun?” The sound of his voice is close enough to tickle my ear. I nod my head and bury my nose into his chest. I’m worried he can sense how I feel, that he can read the truth of it on my face.
“I’m going to miss you,” I say, pulling away from him far enough that we can see each other.
“Collins,” he says softly, reaching a hand up to my cheek. He must notice my eyes are watering. “Are you okay?” His expression makes me want to tell him everything.
“I . . .” The words catch in my throat. I know they’re too powerful, that even though they’re just words, their meaning will change everything. They’re words that can’t be unsaid. Besides, what would be the point?
“Keely,” he says, his thumb brushing lightly against the sensitive skin of my cheek. It’s strange to hear my first name from him, and the sound of it feels intimate and personal, like he’s seeing me naked.
“Drew, I—” I start to speak but the music changes to something fast and wild and the thumping beat feels like a slap. I remember suddenly where we are, the people surrounding us. It feels like I’ve been dunked into the cold water of the lake.
“Did that make you jealous?” Danielle asks Andrew, grinning and pulling on his arm. “If I tell you Chase is a better dancer than you, will you be mad?” Before Andrew can answer, Ava comes flying at us, tripping on her heels and using me as support so she doesn’t fall.
“Want some champagne?” She holds up a new full bottle. I don’t know where she found it and how she hasn’t gotten in trouble yet.
An arm circles my waist and I turn to see Dean behind me. I let myself lean against him, nervous about what he might have seen between Andrew and me. I wonder if Dean can tell how I feel. If he even cares.
“Ava, put that bottle away,” Danielle hisses. “You’re a mess. Where did you even get that?”
Ava takes a long sip. “I pulled it out of your ass.”
Just then the music cuts out and a voice comes over the speakers. “If everyone could take their seats, we’re going to start the crowning in a few minutes.”
Our principal, Mr. Harrison, is on a raised platform at the other end of the ballroom, holding a stack of white envelopes. We all head to our seats. I end up between Dean and Charlie, so I lean as close as I can to Dean and completely ignore Charlie when he asks me if I can hand him a soda. Andrew is across from me with Danielle, so I focus instead on watching Ava and Ryder, who are taking turns with the flask.
“Can you guys hear me?” Mr. Harrison asks. There’s an unenthusiastic murmuring from the crowd.
“Oh, just get on with it,” Danielle hisses, taking a sip of her soda. She sets it down on the table and brings a hand up to smooth down her hair. She doesn’t need to. She still looks perfect.
“You seem pretty confident,” Ava whispers in the loud way people do when they’re tipsy.
“I am,” Danielle says. “I mean, it’s kind of obvious.” She pauses for a second and then looks around at all of us. “No offense.”
“Oh, it’s obvious?” Ava asks, her voice rising a few decibels. Ava has never been good at keeping quiet, and now that she’s had a few glasses of champagne, she’s projecting in her full musical theater voice. She folds her arms in front of her, raising her boobs up in the process, so they’re dangerously close to spilling out of her strapless gown. “I’m glad it’s so obvious to you. Wouldn’t want any of the rest of us to get our hopes up.”
Mr. Harrison’s voice comes again, amplified across the ballroom. “All right, so prom court is only open to senior Prescott students. Apologies to all of you underclassmen. You’ll get your shot later.”
“Oh please, Ava,” Danielle says. She motions a hand toward Ava’s cleavage. “You shouldn’t go up onstage anyway, because you’ll just flash everyone. I’m saving you the humiliation. Like usual.”
“Come on, guys,” Hannah whispers. “It’s just stupid prom. This isn’t the Nobel Peace Prize.”
Ava’s face remains stony, her gaze fixed on Danielle across the table. Her eyes are glistening slightly in the corners, matching the sparkling glitter on her eyelids. She takes a quick breath, and when she speaks, her voice is high and strained.
“Well, I don’t think they’d give Pr
om Queen to someone who tastes like rotten fish.”
Danielle’s head snaps around and her eyes bulge. “What did you just say to me?”
Ava’s bottom lip quivers, but she stares unblinkingly back at Danielle. Andrew is looking straight ahead, back rigid, eyes on the stage. His ears are pink.
Mr. Harrison speaks again. “Can I get a big round of applause for the folks at the Walcott for helping out with this event?” There’s a smattering of weak applause. “And for the prom committee for all their dedicated work. You guys rock! It really does look like we’re under the sea.”
Dean leans close to me, nudging his shoulder against mine, and whispers in my ear. “Now do you get why it’s so high school?” He laughs. “What do you think—Heathers or Mean Girls? I guess it depends what decade you’re into.”
“Not everything has to be a movie reference,” I spit, more aggressively than I mean to. I love movie references. But sometimes it feels like they’re all Dean has.
“I said,” Ava starts, “I don’t think they’d give Prom Queen to someone who—”
“I heard what you said,” Danielle snaps. “I just want to know why you said it. Why the fuck would you say that to me?” Her voice is rising in volume, and at the curse word a few people at the next table look over. She sighs and lowers her voice. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.”
“Oh look, you’re telling me what to do again,” Ava says. “Surprise, surprise, surprise.”
“Can you just cool it?” Danielle hisses. “You’re totally out of line.”
Ava raises her hand up in a salute. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
Dean snorts next to me and covers his mouth, fighting off a laugh.
Mr. Harrison speaks again, and I turn back to the stage. “All right, so let me bring up the head of your prom committee. She’s got a few announcements to make for you guys, so hold tight. Sophie Piznarski!”
As Sophie walks up the steps and takes the microphone, I can’t help flashing back to what she told us earlier. I can’t believe I didn’t know Sophie is a virgin too.
