by Belleza
“Daddy, that truck been there for a few days.” Za’naa pointed to the black suburban that had the guards that were looking after my crib around the clock.
“You’re very observant, but it has been.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure,” I lied. “Maybe they’re new neighbors.”
“Or maybe they’re spies. Every time I see them, they are in the car. Why would they sit out in the cold if they have a home?”
I laughed because Za’naa was not going to stop questioning me about the security in the truck
I opened up the car door and let her inside and fastened her seat belt as I laughed at her observations.
“Seriously dad. You don’t think it’s crazy they sit in front of our door all day and night?”
“Would you feel better if they moved to wherever their house is?”
“Maybe but I still think it’s odd they sit in a car all day.”
“How do you even know all this?”
“I check your window when I’m home, and that car is always there.”
I bust out laughing. “Naa, you’re too young to be acting like one of those nosey grannies. Do you know where we are going?” I asked to get her mind off the team of security placed at our door.
“No.”
“Your mom wants to see you.”
“But I don’t want to see her.”
I looked over at her seated in the passenger seat and she had her face screwed up. Za’naa was usually all smiles and was not hiding the fact she didn’t care for her biological mother.
“I understand, but we gotta allow her back in your life. She is your mother.”
“I have one already. KeKe took her spot.”
I smirked. “So you cool with her being your stepmom?”
“Yes, especially since she’s going to have my sibling.”
“Seem like y’all spoke about a lot since I was gone that one day.”
“We’re like this,” she told me crossing her fingers. “So there’s no need for me to have two moms.”
“I can dig it but you do have two moms, and that won’t change.”
Za’naa pouted. “I rather we go see auntie instead.”
I gripped the steering wheel thinking about my aunt tiptoeing the thin line of death. I didn’t know how to inform Za’naa of the mishap, but I know I had to eventually. I just wasn’t ready to have that conversation. How can I explain to a six-year old someone they loved was shot and had a slim chance of survival? I wanted my aunt to have Za’naa that night too. What if my baby girl was there? Would she have been laid up in a hospital as well. I shook my head to in hopes to get the thought out of my head. This was too fucking much on us.
“We will one day. For right now we will talk your mom.”
“I guess that’s fine. Just don’t leave me with her.”
We went to Sky Zone where Qwinae and I agreed to meet up. I paid for our entry and Za’naa took her shoes and socks off and replaced it with the orange socks the guest were required to wear.
When Qwinae saw us she waved us over and I took Za’naa hand to walk over with me.
“Hey daughter.”
Za’naa waved at her.
“Can I get a hug?”
Za’naa looked up at me as if she needed my permission and I nodded my head. She reluctantly stepped closer to her mother and gave her a light hug.
“May I go play now please?” Za’naa questioned me.
“Yeah go ahead. Don’t let none of the big kids push you around either,” I informed her.
“I’m not. Uncle Sahdy taught me how to fight.”
I chuckled shaking my head reminding myself to get with Asahd ass for corrupting my six year old. I watched her wait in line to jump inside of the foam blocks and took a seat at the bench Qwinae was on.
“So how are you?” she asked.
“I’m good as I can be. My aunt’s in the hospital.”
Her mouth dropped. She’s been around so long before she disappeared she became a daughter to Shirley. “Is she ok.”
“I’m hoping. But what’s up? What did you want to talk about?”
Qwinae pulled in a deep breath and released it before rubbing her palms on her thighs. “My parents think it’s best that I apologize for the way I handled everything.”
“You’re the adult. You ain’t think that shit was fucked up? If you wanted to be apart of Za’naa’s life we could’ve handled that. Now you gotta work ten times harder just for her to get use to you. My baby still haven’t gotten over the fact you took her from school or said I wasn’t her father.”
“I said I apologized.”
I looked at her to see if she was serious or not. The bitch didn’t change one bit. “No, you said your parents thought you should apologize. That ain’t you apologizing on your own. You’re a grown ass woman telling me what your parents think you should do.”
“So you came here to bash me?”
“No I came here to hear you out.”
“Do you want the paternity test?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because Za’naa is my fucking daughter,” I spat grilling her down. “I don’t give a fuck about you being a whore and opening up your legs for a bunch of niggas. I raised her since birth. When you left I did all this shit on my own. Za’naa is mine and ain’t no fucking test can tell me otherwise.”
“Zayne, relax! I thought you wanted to be 100% sure.”
“Like I said, I’m sure. So what else is there for us to talk about?”
“I apologize for everything. I made a mistake up and leaving y’all like that, but I couldn’t face the fact that she may not have been yours. I thought you would’ve realized she didn’t look like you and I didn’t want to be around when that thought came into your head.”
She got quiet. Qwinae was probably waiting for me to respond, but I didn’t have shit to say. I didn’t think Za’naa looked like me that much only because I saw so many of her mother's features. The only thing I can say is that she got my deep skin complexion, but that shit didn’t matter anyway to me.
“Ok cool. So what are we going to do about co parenting?”
“I want my daughter back.”
“Want her back? When did you ever have her?” I questioned trying to keep calm.
“I’m here now Zayne and I want to be a mother.”’
“We can start off with a few visits. Nothing over night because Za’naa isn’t use to you and I will be around when she’s with you to begin with so she can be comfortable.”
She laughed shaking her head. “Are you serious.”
“Very.”
“You forgot I’m the one with the paperwork. I have full custody so technically you can not tell me what I can and can not do.”
“Oh yeah?” I asked with raised eyebrows and she didn’t respond. As far as I knew this conversation was over. Qwinae was going to make me body her ass in this center. Instead of fuckign up my day, I took my shoes and socks off and put on the orange pair I had for me. After securing our items in a locker I went to go find my baby girl so we can enjoy the rest of our day. She kept that custody shit up, she will never see Za’naa again.
MILL
I never imagined teaching would be this difficult, but it was. The second grade children were hard to teach because their main focus was on everything but learning. It was so discouraging because they lacked the drive to succeed but how could they when they weren’t taught these values at home?
Everyone preached how teaching in the suburbs was so much easier because the kids were raised differently which was true, but how can you feel accomplished by anything that you didn’t put any work into? You didn't grow from comfort zones, and I certainly wasn’t teaching for the money more rural areas had to offer.
I wanted to make a difference in the city I grew up in even if I changed one child’s outlook on life. There were times I wanted to walk out of the class because half of them weren’t paying attention or answeri
ng back but then I looked at the eager faces that actually wanted to learn and stood my ground.
Today was one of those days I stayed strong, and I was so happy I had the weekend to get my mind right. Outside of the classroom so much have changed drastically since Asahd’s Aunt was shot.
Asahd made it clear I wasn’t going to be by myself, so Keira and I ended our lease, and we moved in with Asahd and Zayne. We were kind of distant even though we were living together because he spent most of his time out of the house doing whatever with his brothers. It had me worried. So it was like all around the clock I was stressed. To make matters worse, I haven’t spoken to my parents either.
Getting inside of my car. My phone rung as soon as I shut the door behind me.
“Yes, Asahd.”
“Didn’t I tell you to call me before you left the school?”
I pulled the phone from my ear to make sure I was on the phone with him and not my father and even still, he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that.
“I had a long behind day. I forgot. Please forgive me but what difference would it have made?”
“You know what’s going on.”
“I’m very aware and trust me I’m not happy about this shit at all,” I spat and quickly regretted my choice of words. It came out as if I was blaming him for everything. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Whatever.”
“I’m serious, Asahd! I had a rough ass day, and you get on my line barking orders out to me as if I’m a child rather than your equal. You didn’t even bother asking me how I was feeling or how my day went.”
“I’m only trying to protect you. I can’t be around you 24/7 now, and I’m up at the hospital if I’m not working. I only ask that you bare with me for the time being.”
“I am,” I replied starting my car and pulling out of the parking lot.
“How was your day?” he asked.
“Stressful. But it really doesn’t matter? Is there any good news about your aunt?”
Asahd sighed, and I pictured him running his hand down his face. “Nah… nothing has changed. I guess that's good right?”
“I hope so,” I responded.
“You don’t have nothing to do tomorrow right? I’m all yours tomorrow. We can go somewhere and get our mind off the shit that’s been going on.”
I finally had a smile on my face. “That will be nice, but Netflix and chill would be just fine,” I said making my next turn.
That’s when I noticed a car trailing right behind me. It was the same black truck that was behind me since I left the school, and I thought I was tripping, but they were close.
“How did you get security to come to me that fast?”
“What you talking about? I didn’t.”
I looked through the rear view mirror and saw the black truck still behind me. I switched lanes, and they did the same as well.
“What are you talking about?” Asahd asked pulling me from my thoughts.
“I think this car is following me.”
“What car?!”
“I don’t know!” I shouted feeling uneasy. Maybe I should’ve remembered to let him know when I was ready to leave the school so I could have security protection.
When I pulled up to the red light, the truck quickly cut a car to pull up beside me. The moment I saw the dark, tinted window roll down and the barrel of a gun sticking out. I ducked down, and all I heard was glass shattering.
My phone dropped out of my hand, and Asahd was shouting my name so loud I could hear him yelling as the bullets ripped through the air. The only thing I prayed was that I made it out alive.
To Be Continued…
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