I had to get out of the room.
Right now.
I took the baby monitor with me and went outside to have a cigarette.
My mind and my heart were in a wrestling match where there would never be a winner.
There were so many hearts resting in my hand.
And I knew exactly where my heart rested.
I touched the side of my head and it stung with pain.
I shook my head.
I had been right all along.
Except now, I had even more to lose.
Chapter 17
Nova
I heard laughter from the kitchen and I quickly started to mess with my hair. As though that was going to hide the fact that I was teetering on feeling like a dark version of hell. In some ways I wondered if it would have been better if I had actually gotten sick.
“Now that’s the stuff nobody ever teaches you,” Cherry’s voice said.
The smell of butter and cinnamon attacked my nose and my mouth fell open as I gravitated toward the kitchen.
“Or where the hell it all came from,” a voice said.
I froze in place.
Elijah.
“What does that mean?” Cherry asked. “You know where that came from.”
“Still can’t pinpoint,” Elijah said.
I inched closer to the kitchen.
“Well, when a man and woman love each other…,” Cherry started to say.
I saw Elijah leaning against the counter holding a cup of coffee.
Looking fucking badass and delicious.
“Wrong,” he said. “There was no love there. Ever. I’ve only ever loved one person.”
“How can you be so sweet and so messed up at the same time?” Cherry asked.
“I have no fucking clue, Cherry,” Elijah said.
“Ugh,” she said.
They both started to laugh.
I stepped into the kitchen as though I hadn’t heard anything.
“There she is,” Elijah said. “Sleep good, babe?”
Cherry looked at me, squinting her eyes.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said. “I’m hungover. And, no, I’m fine. It was a good night. Elijah was there.”
“Go sit and eat,” Cherry said. “And have some coffee. You look like you’re dressed for Halloween.”
“Wow, thanks for that,” I said.
“Hey, I’m good with that,” Elijah said. “I love slutty Halloween costumes.”
“What?” I yelled.
I hurried to look at myself to make sure I wasn’t accidentally naked or showing too much skin or…
Cherry smacked Elijah with a towel. “Don’t ever talk about Nova like that again. And not in front of the baby.”
The baby…
I turned my head and gasped.
Cecily was sitting in a highchair at the table.
She was playing with some toys, mostly just smacking her hands and making baby noises that were cute enough to help me forget the situation that surrounded her innocent life.
I looked at Elijah.
He put his coffee cup down and walked toward me.
His hands touched my face and he kissed me.
Right in front of Cherry.
“I don’t care what Cherry says about you, babe,” he whispered. “You look fucking beautiful. Even when you wake up hungover.”
My cheeks burned hot.
“Okay, lovebirds, move it along,” Cherry said. “You’re not hanging around here all day to play house. Eat and figure something out.”
We all went to the table.
Elijah sat down next to Cecily. I sat next to Elijah.
I dove into a plate of pancakes and chugged coffee like a fool. I probably looked like a messy toddler, but I needed it.
“I think you two have a lot to talk about,” Cherry said. “So I’m going to take these dirty dishes to the sink and you two are not to follow me. If you want more food, I’ll cook more.”
“I’m full,” I said. “I need a shower.”
“Yeah you do,” Elijah said.
He waved his hand in front of his nose.
I leaned toward him. “I think that’s your daughter.”
He turned and looked at Cecily.
“Did you crap?”
“Elijah,” I said.
“What?”
“Don’t say it like that.”
“She can’t understand me,” he said. “And even if she could… what do you want me to call it? Poopy?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t know.”
“What’s wrong?” Elijah asked in a fake, baby voice. “Are you afraid of poopy? A little poop poop? Some stinky?”
I punched his arm and stood up. “Jerk.”
Elijah gasped. “Don’t talk like that in front of the baby, Nova.”
“I’m going to take a shower.” I looked at Cecily. My heart hurt. I swallowed hard. I licked my lips. Cecily looked at me. “I’m sorry about him, Cecily. He’s a fool. Don’t ever be like him.”
I got myself another cup of coffee and went to go take a shower.
After I chugged the coffee, I brushed my teeth for what felt like an hour. Then I stood under the hot water of the shower and tried to catch my breath.
Elijah had told me he had Cecily for the day today. That he and Rory were working on their schedules. Which meant he had been telling the truth. That he and Rory really were nothing and would never be anything.
But that meant I had to figure this all out myself too.
How to approach Cecily.
Do I hold her? Can I hug her? Is Rory okay with this? What does she eat? What if I have to change a diaper? What if she cries? What if she gets sick and Elijah and Rory have to be together to take care of her?
The questions piled up on top of one another.
I finished my shower and with nothing but a towel on I exited the bathroom to find Elijah and Cecily on the bed waiting for me.
It made me stop for a second.
Yet it felt so… normal.
Elijah on his side with his hands behind Cecily’s back, helping her to sit up. The look in his eyes and the smile on his face said it all.
“Hope you don’t mind,” Elijah said. “Cherry was getting annoying.”
“Annoying as in telling you what to do with your life,” I said.
“Exactly.”
I went to my dresser and grabbed some fresh clothes.
“You could get changed right there,” Elijah said with a grin.
“I could,” I said. “But… not in front of the baby.”
“Why not?”
“I’m figuring this all out, Elijah,” I said.
He sat up and took Cecily with him. He stood up, holding the baby.
I hated that he looked somehow hotter while holding her.
He closed in on me.
He leaned down and pressed his lips to my bare left shoulder.
What that did to me… to places on my body…
My eyes moved and met Cecily’s eyes.
I stepped back.
“Let’s figure it out then, babe,” he whispered. “If you’re okay with that. I have her all day today. I was thinking we could take her down to the beach. Play in the sand and the water. And when she gets tired and fussy we could go back to the house. I can put her down for a nap and you and I could have some alone time in my bed.”
“I could use a nap,” I said.
“I wasn’t talking about sleep,” Elijah said.
“I was,” I replied. I jumped to my toes and kissed Elijah’s chin. Then I touched Cecily’s little hand. “Always keep control over him, Cecily. Okay, girlfriend? Don’t let him talk you into anything.”
“Great parenting advice,” Elijah said.
“I’m not a parent… I’m… a… a… whatever.”
That hurt my heart again.
I hurried into the bathroom to get dressed.
I stood at the sink in my bra and panties and took a few deep breaths.
It was
going to be hard no matter what.
But I loved Elijah.
He loved me.
My phone buzzed against the sink.
My eyes moved to the screen.
Dex.
Wanna share a surfboard again today? I know someplace much more private we can explore together. (Hint: it’s our bodies)
That was the contrast of my life.
I looked in the mirror at my reflection.
Outside the bathroom door I heard Cecily let out a loud and long cry.
It was Elijah with a baby and a lot of emotional crap that came with it.
And then it was Dex… visiting for a little bit, looking for a little fun.
I deleted Dex’s text message and finished getting dressed.
Elijah had stood there for me and next to me during the darkest of my secrets getting spilled all over the place with my parents. So I was going to do the same with him.
Stand by his side no matter what.
Even if a part of me just wanted my Summer Boy back.
* * *
I loved her.
From the second I saw her in a little bathing suit all the way to throwing some serious attitude at Elijah, I loved Cecily. She knew how to press Elijah’s buttons and it was fun to sit there and watch him scramble to make her happy.
We had a big towel down on the beach and all hung out there.
We took her down to the water and we all crouched down to the wet sand and let Cecily touch the water as the waves came in and pulled back out.
“What do you think?” Elijah asked me. “She’ll be on a board soon, right?”
“Definitely,” I said. “We can get one right now. A little one. Pink. With skulls.”
“I love it,” Elijah said. He looked at Cecily. “What do you think? You in, little girl?”
Cecily looked at Elijah.
Water moved toward us and touched her feet.
She wasn’t expecting it so she jumped and scared herself, bursting into tears.
Her cry was heartbreaking.
Elijah stood up, hugging her. “It’s okay. It’s just the water.”
Before I knew what I was doing, I touched her back. “Hey, girlfriend. Are you okay?”
Cecily turned and looked right at me. A tiny teardrop on her cheek.
Her eyes a rich, dark brown color.
They weren’t Elijah’s eyes at all. Meaning they were Rory’s eyes. And that pained me. It made me feel strange. Almost guilty.
Cecily’s chin quivered and she cried again.
“Oh, no, girlfriend,” I said. “It’s okay.” I touched her cheek and wiped away the tear. “Nothing to be afraid of. Your… your Daddy will always protect you…”
Cecily then made a motion like she wanted me to hold her.
“You can take her,” Elijah said.
My body stiffened.
I slowly took Cecily from Elijah.
Her hands clung to my shoulder.
A wave of emotion ripped through me.
I felt so stupid as I stood there ready to cry.
Just holding this little life… I looked at Elijah.
But it wasn’t a little life I had anything to do with.
I managed to walk back to the towel.
“She stopped crying for you,” Elijah said. “Damn, babe, she likes you.”
“Of course she does,” I said, gaining composure. “Have you met me?”
“Oh, I’ve met you,” Elijah said, getting close to me. He put an arm around me. “Trust me, babe, I’ve met everything you have to offer.”
I blushed.
Then I realized the way we were standing.
Like we were a family.
Which maybe we were. Or would be. Or could be.
I sat down and gently placed Cecily on the blanket.
“We should get out of here,” Elijah said. “She needs a nap soon. And believe me, if I don’t keep her on schedule, things get crazy.”
“Oh?” I asked.
“Do you mind holding her while I pack up?” Elijah asked.
“Nope,” I said.
I scooped little Cecily up while Elijah packed.
I walked her down the water again.
The beach breeze hit our faces.
I let her play with the fingers of my left hand.
“Maybe you will surf out there someday,” I said. “I think you’ll be amazing at it.”
I paused as though Cecily was going to say something back to me.
She didn’t. Obviously.
I carried Cecily back to Elijah’s SUV.
He put her into her car seat and we drove back to his father’s house.
I saw Elijah’s car in the driveway and saw the window was missing.
“Who did that?” I asked.
“I’ll explain later,” he said.
“It wasn’t me,” I said with a smile.
Elijah didn’t smile back.
“Hey,” I said. “What…”
“Later, babe,” he said to me.
I didn’t like the whole later thing, but whatever.
We walked into the house and were met with his father and stepmother, if that’s what you wanted to call her.
They were both dressed very nice. Very fancy. Getting ready to leave.
Elijah’s father stared him down but didn’t say a word.
Rosemary, however, looked at me. Then she looked at Elijah. “Where’s Rory?”
“Gone for the day,” Elijah said.
“So you have a stand-in mother?” Rosemary asked.
My lip curled.
Cecily let out a cry.
“I have to get her down for a nap,” Elijah said.
“I’ll be in touch with Rory,” Rosemary said. “Make sure what’s happening is okay with her.”
Elijah stepped forward.
I grabbed the back of his shirt. He was holding Cecily. There was no need for family drama right now. At the same time, his father blocked the path to Rosemary.
Father and son stared each other down.
Cecily cried again and the awkward moment finally ended.
Alexander and Rosemary went one way and we went a different way.
Upstairs, I stood in the doorway and watched as Elijah changed Cecily’s diaper and got her ready for her nap.
He walked the baby to me and said, “Give Nova a kiss goodnight.”
I was taken back for a second. I brushed my lips to Cecily’s chubby cheek and was overcome with the smell of her clean clothes and powder and that baby smell everyone talked about.
“Sleep good, girlfriend,” I said.
I left the bedroom and went into Elijah’s room.
The emotion inside me was a lot to take at once.
I was still tired from the night before. My head still sort of hurt. I was confused. I was in love. I was envisioning a world where it was me, Elijah, and Cecily. At the same time, there was the real world which also included Rory.
It was so much to take in at once.
I stood near the window and watched the ocean until Elijah snuck up on me and scared me.
When I screamed, he laughed. “Shhh, babe… the baby is sleeping…”
I slapped my hands to his face. “I hate you.”
“No you don’t. This is nice. Right?”
“It’s something, Elijah.”
“I told you this would work.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Elijah brushed his lips against mine and then walked away to get the baby monitor.
I walked around his bed and sat down.
Cecily was on the black and white screen, on her belly, her arms and legs tucked under her.
Already asleep.
“I’m jealous,” I said. “I could use some sleep.”
“Shut your eyes,” Elijah said.
“No. I’m fine.”
“I was going to go have a cigarette,” Elijah said. “Want to join me?”
“No thanks,” I said. “I don’t smoke.”
“S
o funny, babe,” he said. He towered over me. He slipped his hand into my hair. “When I get back, you’re all mine.”
“You think so?”
“I know so, Nova. I can’t wait to taste you. And touch you. And have you.”
“Then stop talking about it,” I said. I leaned back on the bed.
Elijah put his hands to the bed and hovered over me. “Hey. Thank you, Nova. For being here. For all of this. I know it’s fucking crazy. But I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“Then don’t,” I said.
Elijah kissed me and moved from the bed.
When he reached for the baby monitor I touched his hand. “I’ll watch her.”
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “Go do your thing. Take a break. I’ll watch her.”
“Love you, babe.”
“I love you, Elijah,” I said.
He left the bedroom and I helped myself to the bed.
I put the baby monitor next to me and stared.
I pictured Elijah the first day I met him. The way he just walked the beach as though he owned it. The way he just talked to me and Britt without an ounce of fear.
The way my life had been shaped after that.
The craziest and best summers ever. The loneliest autumns, winters, and springs though. Just waiting and waiting… and waiting…
Now he was all mine.
My thumb stroked the baby screen monitor.
Through the small speaker I heard the faint sound of a lullaby.
It was so soothing, I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.
This was actually nice.
It was fun.
It felt good.
Cecily asleep. Elijah outside having a cigarette. Me in his bed, slowly dozing off.
I drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.
I couldn’t wait for the touch of Elijah’s lips to my neck to wake me…
Chapter 18
Elijah
I smoked. I smiled. I glanced back at the house a few times, knowing what was waiting for me in there.
Everything I truly wanted.
Shit, I didn’t plan for Cecily. I could never speak that out loud though because I didn’t want my love for my daughter to be diminished over the notion that she wasn’t planned. All that mattered was the love I felt for her. I could never get back the time I missed out on either. I never got to see Rory’s belly grow big. Or feel Cecily kicking. Or go through the motions and emotions of Rory giving birth. Or have those first precious nights figuring things out.
HIDDEN CREEK CRY: a hidden creek high noval Page 20
