by Sandy Raven
“Mama said it was quite likely that I might have the same issue, since her mother had the same problems. So I called for a midwife to consult. Mrs. Metcalfe said we will never know if those times I was late with my monthly flux, that I was not in fact having a miscarriage, as it was so very early in a possible pregnancy.”
It tore at his conscience that she still wanted to remain hopeful. And while he did too, he also knew what the specialist in Edinburgh had told him. “Dr. Drake is an expert in this field, and he has assured me that it is not likely, sweetheart.”
“Go into my center desk drawer in my morning room. There you will find a Valentine letter I have written to you. You can read it there if you’d like, or bring it here. I know it’s a day early, but… I feel you need to read it now.”
Trey went down the hall to his wife’s morning room. He walked into the bright, cheery room and immediately caught a whiff of her perfume lingering in the upholstery. It made him smile. This was the place where she conducted the business of the household and their social calendar. Her furniture was very feminine, of the French provincial style, whitewashed with gilt accents, and her drapes were a pale pink and gold, to match the pink and gold pattern woven into her hand-tied Persian rug. It was her private domain. If she left him to return to her parents, he’d never be able to live in this house. He would leave it, and all of his memories here.
He opened the center desk drawer and saw her sealed letter to him, and took it. He debated whether to open it and read it now, but decided just before he broke the seal to get his letter to her from his bedroom. Trey wanted to give her the letter he’d written, so they could read them together.
Trey hoped she wasn’t so angry with him for his actions that she refused to consider adopting the seven sisters.
With a letter in each hand, he re-entered Caroline’s room and approached the bed.
“May I?” He wanted her permission to sit on the bed while they read their letters. She motioned for him to have a seat and he handed her his letter. “I thought we could read them at the same time.”
He waited until she opened his and began reading, before he broke the seal on hers. He lifted the single, folded page of scented paper to his face and breathed in the perfume she’d used on it. It was his favorite scent of hers, a light rose musk that she had made for her. He remembered telling her one afternoon while they walked in Hyde Park that he found it arousing. She’d given him a little smile, and with a mischievous glint in her eyes, said she was glad that he liked it.
He smiled and lifted his gaze to meet hers. Her eyes were filled with tears that had yet to spill over and his heart ached for the pain he had caused her.
He unfolded the single page and read her words, and suddenly his entire world was upended. As if he felt like he’d been punched in the gut by a man twice his size then had the rug yanked out from under him. He was swimming in a whirlpool of ice water and walking through flames all at the same time. And at last, her behavior of fifteen minutes earlier made sense. He began to laugh. Laugh so hard tears rolled down his face.
He wiped them away and waited for Caroline who was still reading his multiple-page letter. He re-read her words to him, words he would always remember. Her elegant script was a blur this second time around.
My dearest husband,
You are the best investment I have ever made. And if I’m not mistaken, I will show a return on this investment soon, with a precious little dividend arriving in mid-August.
Love,
Your Caroline
Chapter Six
Caroline couldn’t believe her ears. Her husband had just said that he was unable to sire children, and yet she was pregnant with his child. He said he saw a specialist, a doctor, who had told him that it was unlikely. If the man was here she would give him a good piece of her mind. Then she’d throw up on him! Because there was no other man in the world who could be the father of this child.
And her poor husband… The man had held her just moments ago, while she tossed up what felt like an entire pot of that horrid herbal concoction she’d been told to drink. While it might not have been quite the enormous quantity that it felt to her, her husband had been quite the soldier. He never cringed or ran from her while she was in distress. No. He rubbed her back and told her everything would be fine after she vomited on his favorite winter dressing gown.
Now, here he was handing her a letter he’d written to her, as he held hers to him.
She couldn’t believe the epistle he’d written her. She only gave him two sentences. Of course, she’d drawn hearts and flowers around the edges of the paper and made it look Valentine-appropriate. Being a man, Trey—hadn’t. But that had nothing to do with the content of his letter. Because he was a very romantic former cavalryman. She looked down at the letter in her lap and started reading.
My Darling Caroline,
I cannot begin to quantify the extent of my love for you. It has grown more with each day and I believe it will grow more with each day we are blessed to be together. I know how much you love children and I have wanted nothing more than to share the love we have with children of our own.
But it appears now that my ability to sire any children has been taken from me by the injury and subsequent fever I sustained in the war. There have been times this past week since learning of my changed condition, that I wished I’d died on that battlefield rather than have to tell you this sad news.
He wished he’d died! How could even think such a thing? They could always adopt children. And he wished he’d died! That was frightening to the extreme. Caroline would rather have a husband who had been maimed and alive, as opposed to dead. She continued reading. She wanted to finish the letter before she commented on what he’d written.
It has devastated me as much as I’m sure it will you, because I wanted nothing more than to be able to give you that house filled with children that you have always wanted.
While I was in Edinburgh, I met with a friend of mine who introduced me to his sister, who is the director of an orphanage run by the Presbyterians. I learned that there is a family of seven girls who are in desperate need of a mother and father. If this is a path you would consider, we could have that family, if you would be willing to adopt seven girls, all at once. The youngest is just turned two years, and the eldest is about to turn fourteen. Our decision needs to be made very soon, as they are about to be separated because the older girl must leave the orphanage for a work house now.
I have asked the director, Mrs. Donalson, to please wait for my reply before saying anything to the girls or separating them. I would not want them to suffer the pain of separation or to give them possibly false hope, until we came to a decision.
That’s the husband she loved! He would see a situation and know that they could be of service, but more than that… He was willing to accept and love children not theirs by blood. Her heart just swelled with pride for his loving nature. They were truly two halves of one being, and she loved him no matter what he’d kept secret from her.
I pray that you forgive me for not telling you the truth of why I had to go to Scotland in January. I pray that we can get over this disappointment of not having children of our own blood. But more than anything, I pray that you can accept the fact that I would love children not of my seed as much as if they were our natural children. Caroline, you are my heart, I would never want to go down this road called life with any other woman.
No matter your answer, you will forever have my love.
Always,
Trey
A single teardrop fell onto his signature, spreading the blue-black ink through the fibers of the high quality paper he’d used. She looked up at him and nodded her head when she looked at his questioning eyes. He leaned over the bed and kissed her cheek.
“Are you certain about… a babe?” His voice sounded odd,
“Without a doubt.” She gave him a confident grin. “I have all the symptoms. The midwife from Lincoln has been here, and she concurr
ed. Do you know how hard it has been to keep this from my mother while you were gone? She wanted to call a physician because I’ve told her I’ve been plagued with a stomach upset. The past few days I’ve had to pretend to be contagious because she came here to see for herself. She has no idea.”
“I can send a letter to Mrs. Donalson. She will understand the change of heart because of your—”
“No!” She pushed away from his arms so she could see his face. “You haven’t given me a chance to tell you. I want to give the girls a home. They need us, and we shall adopt them. We can leave for Scotland in a few weeks, when the weather warms a bit and the roads aren’t so bad. Meanwhile—”
“Caroline, Mrs. Donalson can bring the girls to us. All I have to do is send her a letter. But… Are you certain? I mean, you’ve been sick.”
“I’m not sick, Trey. I’m just pregnant.” She couldn’t believe the man. He would label her an invalid just because she carried his child. Admittedly, when she was in the midst of throwing up last night’s dinner before this morning’s breakfast, she felt rather like an invalid, but once it was done, she felt fine. “And I can manage children. All they really want is reassurance that you really care about them, and you’ll be there for them. Give them guidance and set boundaries, educate them, and you’ll see—they grow up wonderfully.”
“Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?”
“I am actually getting better, thanks to that herbal concoction that I drink every morning.” She gave him a sheepish look. “It doesn’t always stay down. But the midwife, Mrs. Metcalfe, said that as time passes, keeping that disgusting tea mixture down would get easier. And it has.”
Her stomach roiled again just thinking of the horrible taste. “Just not this morning.” She scooted to the edge of the bed, and put her feet over. “Mrs. Metcalfe said the morning sickness usually goes away after the third month.”
“And when is that?” Her husband handed her the bed jacket she kept at the foot of the bed.
“A few weeks, maybe a month.” She was mentally making a list of the things she needed to do, the letters she needed to write now that she’d finally told her husband, even if it was a day early.
“That far… Caroline! This is wonderful news!” He kissed her on the cheek, and she grinned.
“I know! It’s exciting, isn’t it?” She searched the floor on his side of the bed, found her slippers, and put them on her feet. “Can you call for Nelly, please? I need to get dressed for the day. Oh, my… I have letters to write.”
“Take it slow and easy, please, sweetheart. You’re carrying our child.” Her husband started to laugh, much like she’d been laughing earlier, except his was more nervous laughter. “You are carrying our child! Caroline! A baby! I had all but given up hope.”
After her mother told her of her difficulties conceiving, she thought she also might have an issue getting with child. But she didn’t need to worry about it now, she was going to have a babe and seven daughters!
“So much for your specialist, hmm?”
She pulled the bell her husband had forgotten she’d asked him to do. “I have work to do. What are the girls’ names? And my parents— Mother— I have to send for her. They will be so happy. And surprised.”
“Caroline, slow down. Do not over-exert yourself.”
“Men!” Caroline rolled her eyes at him. He must think she was an invalid. If it weren’t for the morning sickness, and the occasional evening nausea, she felt fine. She entered her dressing room and the smell of Trey’s reeking dressing gown overwhelmed her in the warm room. She clapped her hand over her nose and mouth and cried, “Get that out of here, please.”
An hour later found her in her morning room, at her desk, composing the first of the many letters she wanted to write this day. The first was to her parents, to tell them that her husband had arrived safely, how much she loved them, and to tell them that she was going to make them grandparents later in the summer. She asked her mother’s forgiveness for not telling her first, because she wanted her husband to be the first to know about his child’s imminent arrival.
Trey had said he would take care of writing to the sister of his friend, the director of the orphanage, telling her of their decision. Meanwhile, Caroline wrote her next letter, the first one to the eldest of the girls, Rose.
She thought how she would address the letter, and decided to lead with her heart.
Dearest Rose,
My name is Caroline Wilson. I would like you to consider coming to live with my husband and me in Lincolnshire as our daughter. My husband and I would like to adopt you and all your sisters, and give you the opportunity to grow up together in a loving and caring household which I know we can provide for you.
We have no children as of yet, though I am expecting a babe in August. I feel you should know this, as I do not wish to enter into a relationship with you hiding anything. I believe I could be a good mother to you and your sisters, if you would give me a chance.
I grew up as an only child and always wanted siblings. As that never happened, I knew that one day I wanted many children. When my husband returned from Edinburgh last night he told me about the seven of you. He was in Mrs. Donalson’s office the day you all entered, upset over the possibility of being separated. I cannot blame you for being worried. The mere thought of having my family separated from me would make me beyond angry.
If you accept our offer, you will have two grandmothers and one grandfather, and many aunts, uncles, and cousins on my husband’s side of the family. We have a large home, with extensive grounds for you all to play.
I only ask one thing of you. Give us a chance to be a family. I have heard about your situation and for that I am very sorry. But know that if your father ever returned, we would expect Mrs. Donalson to tell him where you are. That is a promise I will make to you and all your sisters.
Please speak with your sisters. Read them this letter, and if you all agree, Mrs. Donalson will bring you all to us as soon as is possible for her. I hope you will write me and let me know your collective decision.
I await your reply,
Lady Caroline Randolph Wilson
Caroline handed Trey her letter to read as soon as she sanded the ink. He’d been sitting in a chair in her morning room while she wrote her notes. She thought he was hovering since he learned of her changed state, but she didn’t want to take that up with him just yet. Right now she almost enjoyed his attention, though she could see where that would quickly get tiresome.
“You write to her as though you’re writing to a friend, or another adult,” her husband said. “She’s a child. She doesn’t need to know you’re expecting a child.”
“I disagree. She knows what a pregnant woman goes through. Remember, she’s seen her own mother deliver most of her siblings.” Caroline folded the letter when Trey handed it back to her. “I want her to know that I will not differentiate between her and any natural born children we have. I do not think it fair to her to hide from her my condition.”
Trey handed her his letter to Mrs. Donalson, and Caroline read it. “This is very good.” Her husband had assured the woman of their joint enthusiasm at adopting the girls, and Caroline was again reminded of why she loved this man so much.
“I am sending her a draft of a hundred pounds to get the children each a few new clothes, shoes, and perhaps ribbons for their hair. It will also pay for their travel expenses as they come to us.”
“You think of everything. I knew there was a reason I married you,” she teased.
Mansell knocked on the door of her morning room, and before Caroline could call out for him to enter, the door burst open and her mother swept in and hugged her as she sat at her desk. Oh dear, she thought, here it came—all the petting, coddling and… interfering.
“I knew it! I knew it, I did! Why you didn’t tell me, I’ll never understand.”
“Because I thought it important to inform the father of my child that he would, in fact, become…” Her mother�
�s crushing embrace was suffocating her. Caroline extricated herself and finished. “That he would become a father.”
Her mother went to Trey and gave him hug, still talking at Caroline. “And that maid of yours lied to me when I asked her very pointedly, ‘Is my daughter carrying a child?’ and she just plain denied it.”
“Please, Mama, I asked her and Mrs. Greaves to keep it a secret so Trey could learn first.” One day soon, she was going to have sit down with her mother and discuss her lack of respect for boundaries. Caroline had been a married woman for almost two years now. She understood her mother’s concern while she was sick, especially after learning what she had that day back in January when she’d learned why she had no siblings. But she was not sick, and her mother needed to respect the relationship Caroline had with Trey. Her mother often treated them both as her children, and she wanted to resolve this before her babe was born. “I have even more wonderful news, mama.”
“Whatever could be more wonderful than becoming a grandmother, I’ll never know.” Caroline hoped her mother could manage with what she was about to learn. She was not just getting one grandchild, but eight!
“Trey and I will likely be adopting a family of girls who have been orphaned. They are in need of parents and—” She looked at her husband, and returned his smile. Caroline feared the news might was too much for her mother as her smile began to fade. “Trey and I think we will be the perfect parents for them.”
Her mother’s previous excitement was now gone. “Caroline, are you certain you can handle this? I mean, you will have a newborn soon, and—”
“—And that is why we want to bring them here and have them comfortably situated before the babe is born.” Her mother would always worry for Caroline first. She was her only child, Caroline understood this, her mother just needed to realize that she and Trey were capable of making decisions. Or, perhaps it was just Caroline she doubted was capable of being an adult.
