by Jon Fosse
and Asle nods
And then we can do something we’ve never done, he says
Maybe we should go down to The Boathouse? Asle says
Your family’s Boathouse? Per Olav says
Yes, Asle says
and Per Olav says that’s a good idea and then they go down to The Shore, below the country road, and they walk along The Shore and they get to The Boathouse and then they go behind The Boathouse because the back door there, or really it’s more like a kind of hatch, is kept shut with just a rusty hook and Asle opens the door and Per Olav goes in and then Asle goes in after him and it’s almost totally dark in The Boathouse itself and Asle keeps the hatch half open and Per Olav takes out a matchbox and strikes a match
You’ve got a match? Asle says
Yeah, Per Olav says
And more than that, he says
and then Per Olav takes out a pack of cigarettes
Where did you get those? Asle asks
I took them from Grandpa, Per Olav says
He left some on a shelf in his room, he says
and Per Olav lights another match
Have you ever smoked? he says
No, Asle says
You? he says
No, Per Olav says
and then the matches burn out and Per Olav says now he’ll open the pack of cigarettes and they’ll each have a smoke, but it’s strong and Asle needs to not inhale the smoke into his belly because then he’ll throw up, he says, yes, someone told him that, that he’d had a cigarette and when he sucked the smoke down into his belly he threw up right away, but it was probably also because he’d sucked all the smoke into his belly, Per Olav says and now their eyes are used to the darkness in The Boathouse so they can see fine and Asle sees Per Olav open the pack of cigarettes and he hands a cigarette to Asle and then Per Olav puts a cigarette in his own mouth and then he says that Asle has to breathe in just when he puts the match to the cigarette and Per Olav lights a match and he puts it to the white cigarette and Asle breathes in and the cigarette lights and Asle holds it away from his mouth between his index finger and middle finger and he sees the glow and he sees smoke rising from the glow and it’s beautiful to watch and then he puts the cigarette back between his lips and he sucks in a breath and a little smoke comes into his mouth and he breathes the smoke out and it smells good
The smoke smells good, Asle says
and he takes another drag, and slowly breathes the smoke out, and he sees the smoke vanish into the darkness, and then he takes another drag and he holds the smoke in his mouth a little longer before he breathes it out and Asle realizes that he likes smoking, so he’s going to be a smoker, Asle thinks, and he takes another drag and he sucks the smoke a little way down into his throat and he hears Per Olav start coughing
Ugh that was horrible, he says
and Per Olav throws the cigarette down on the floor of The Boathouse and steps on it
I felt sick right away, he says
and Asle sucks smoke even farther into his throat and he feels something like a nice tingling in his whole body, yes, it’s like he feels calmer and somehow better, he thinks
You like it, you like smoking? Per Olav says
Yeah, Asle says
Really? Per Olav says
Yeah, Asle says
and he says that when he gets older he’s definitely for sure going to start smoking and Per Olav says well not him, and then he says Asle can keep the cigarette pack and the matchbox and Asle asks doesn’t he want them himself and Per Olav says no way and then Asle says thanks and he puts the cigarette pack and the matchbox in his pocket and then he thinks that the best place to hide the cigarette pack and matches is probably in The Boathouse, there are some beams running crosswise near the roof with various nets hanging on them and some of the nets are so rotted through that they fall apart as soon as you touch them and Asle thinks he can put the pack of cigarettes and matchbox up on one of those beams, one with a junky old net on it, he thinks and then he climbs up on a couple of fish crates and puts the pack of cigarettes and matchbox up on a beam
I think I’ll go home, I feel kind of sick, Per Olav says
and Asle nods and then Per Olav leaves and Asle leaves and he puts the hook back in place and then they go up the path and when they get up to the road they say see you and then Per Olav goes farther up the way and Asle crosses the road and then walks up his driveway and he goes inside and hangs up his jacket in the hall and takes off his shoes and then Mother comes over to him and she says you smell like smoke
Have you been smoking? she says
Are you big enough to smoke now? she says
Breathe on me, she says
and he breathes on her and she asks how Asle got cigarettes? and who did he get them from? and he just says he got them from someone, and she asks who he got them from? and Asle says that he’ll never tell her, never in his whole life, not even if she kills him, he says and then he sees Mother go up the stairs and I lie there in bed and isn’t that the sound from an engine I hear, and a grinding noise? a screeching noise? yes it is, I can hear a tractor engine far away making a loud noise and I hear a plough scraping and it’s cold where I am in bed under the duvet, so I probably need to just get up, I have to get up now, I think and I stand up and I turn on the light in the bedroom and I see my clothes lying there on the chair and I get dressed fast and the clothes are cold and I go into the main room and I turn on the light there and it’s cold in the main room and I think that I should have started a fire in the stove and not just stood there peering into the nothingness, but I’d rather go back into the bedroom and lie down in bed again for a bit, yes, the way Bragi’s smart enough to be doing, I think, because it’s still early in the morning, I think, but I don’t want to know what time it is, I think and wow is that tractor making a racket, I think and I look at the picture where the two lines cross, there on the easel in front of me, and I see that I’ve signed the picture with a big A in the lower righthand corner which means that I think the picture is done whether it is or not, I think and I look at those two lines crossing, one purple and one brown and I see Asle running downstairs into his basement at home, they were having potato dumplings for dinner and Mother asked him to go get a bottle of juice and Asle pitter-pattered on his little feet down to the basement and went into the pantry where the glass jars of preserved plums and apples and pears were, and lots of bottles of juice, because in the autumn Mother makes juice from all the gooseberries and redcurrants they have, and there’s a bin full of potatoes, and Asle takes a juice bottle and runs outside, and no, no, I can’t think about that, I think and suddenly Ales is right next to me and she puts a hand on my back and she just stands there next to me and it’s so good to feel her hand on my back, I think and I see Asle sitting in a car and a man is holding a towel around his wrist and they’re driving to see The Doctor and Asle is somewhere outside himself and he looks back at where he lives, at The New House and The Old House, and he thinks that this is the last time he’s ever going to see the house and everything is shimmering slightly, in a mysterious light that he’s part of and that’s much bigger than him, yes, it’s everything that exists, and from this light, yes, that’s like it’s put together out of tiny dots of flickering yellow, yes it’s like a cloud of yellow dust and from that cloud of shimmering yellow he sees himself sitting there in the car with his bleeding hand because Asle slipped on the ice and smashed the juice bottle and a piece of glass cut the artery in his wrist, and Asle feels very weak, and he is in the shimmering cloud of glinting shining transparent yellow dust and he’s not scared, he feels something like happiness, like a great peace, no, there’s no word for what and how he feels, how he’s seeing, Asle thinks and I look at the picture there in front of me and Ales is stroking my back, up and down, and I see Asle sitting there in the car with his bleeding hand and Ales rubs and rubs my back and it’s so soothing and good to feel her hands, I think and I see Asle sitting there with a bleeding hand and I don’t want to think
about that any more, it’s better to put it in my pictures as best I can, I think, and it’s in the painting with the two crossing lines too, I think and then I realize that Ales has taken her hand off me and she’s gone and I just stand there and look at the picture even though it’s cold in the room and I should light a fire in the stove and I see Asle standing outside the front door at home and looking at Father who is looking almost without believing it at a brand new car, it’s grey, and it looks like Father can hardly dare to touch the car, much less sit in it, and Mother is standing there and she says it’s amazing, now they have their own car too, she says, yes it’s hard to believe, but it’s true, she says and Father says that it’s not exactly their car yet, it’s the bank that owns the car, he says and Mother says well still it’s their car, and Father says yes yes and then he says look, look down at the bus stop, there’s The Bald Man, he doesn’t take buses very often, just when he needs to go to Bjørgvin, Father says and Asle looks down at The Bald Man and it’s so cold in the room, I need to light a fire in the stove, I think, but what I really want most to do is go lie down and tuck myself nice and tight under the covers with Bragi, I think, and it would be fine for me to go lie back down in bed, warm up a little, why not, I think, and I go back into the bedroom and lie down on the bed fully clothed and Bragi is lying there and he lies down right next to me and I spread the covers around us well and I feel Ales lying down right next to me, there’s Bragi on one side and Ales on the other side, and she’s warm and comforting, and I think it was good to come back to bed and warm up under the covers instead of standing there in the cold main room, I think and Ales asks me if I’m doing all right and I say everything’s fine, everything’s the same as usual with me, yes, as she already knows, I say and Ales doesn’t say anything and then I just lie there and I think that I should have turned off the lights, in the main room and in the bedroom, but that’s all right, I think and I hear Ales say that we are always together, the two of us, and I stare straight ahead and I see Asle and some other kids sitting under an overhanging rock, in a kind of shallow mountain cave, there’s alpine blue sow-thistle there, it’s still raining out, and there are three boys and three girls and they’ve climbed a little way up from the country road, it’s not so far up to the overhanging rock, and then they went under it and there are tallow candles they’ve left there and a box of matches and they light the candles and it’s pretty cold so they sit close together and Asle puts his arms around the waist of the girl sitting next to him and she leans against him and she puts a hand on his leg and then Asle feels her mouth on his cheek and then she finds his mouth and they kiss and she opens her mouth and he opens his and then they touch the tips of their tongues together and their mouths kind of suck together and Asle feels his dick getting hard and he puts a hand on one of her breasts and it’s small, but it is a breast, and her breathing starts to get faster and he strokes her breast, over her pullover, and then she takes his hand and puts it under her pullover and brings it up to her breast and then Asle holds her breast in his hand and it fits into his grip and then he feels that her nipple is hard and he takes the nipple between his thumb and finger and she’s breathing even faster and then she moves her hand from his leg and puts it on his trousers where his stiff dick is and she keeps her hand there and then she gently moves the palm of her hand back and forth and the whole time their mouths are stuck fast to each other and then Per Olav says no look at those two and they let go of each other and Per Olav says he didn’t know they were a couple but he knows it now, Per Olav says and I look straight ahead and I realize that Ales is gone now and I think is it still early in the morning? or maybe it’s still night even? but I don’t want to look what time it is, I think, and I should have slept more, I feel sleepy, I think, and I retuck the covers around me and Bragi but it is morning already because I hear the racket from the engine in the old tractor, and a scraping noise, like from a plough, or is that just something I’m imagining? no I hear it, a screeching noise, I think and I think that it was a good thing I drove back to Bjørgvin and that I found Asle there in the snow, because it’s so cold now he really could have frozen to death, I think, but how is he doing? they took him straight from The Clinic to The Hospital and I need to drive to The Hospital to see him today, I think, and I need to drive the paintings down to Bjørgvin today and bring them to The Beyer Gallery, I haven’t made any plans with Beyer about that but even if he isn’t there I can take the pictures in and put them in the room Beyer calls The Bank, because the gallery is open and there’s always some girl or another there, if Beyer isn’t there himself, and it’s always a new girl, a student, Beyer says, it’s a student who wants to make a little money, he says, but they never stay long, there’s always a new face to see there, so he probably pays them badly, he must, and so he always has to get a new girl, I think, because Beyer, well, he doesn’t throw money around, and that’s why he’s become the well-off man that he is, I think and then I hear the racket from the old tractor disappear and I think that in that case Åsleik must be here already, he’s parked the tractor out in front on the stoop, because he was supposed to come over today, but I didn’t think he’d come so early, I think, and then I hear a knock at the door and I think that if I don’t open the door Åsleik will just come inside and I get to my feet and it’s so cold in the bedroom that I wish I could just stay lying in bed all day, I think and I’m so cold I start to shake my arms to warm up and Bragi is lying there in the bed, under the covers, and he looks at me with surprised eyes
You just stay right there, I say
Just stay where it’s nice and warm, I say
and I hear footsteps and I hear a door open and I go into the main room and there’s Åsleik standing and looking at the painting of the two lines crossing, in warm clothes and a fur hat and boots, he’s standing and looking at the picture and he says boy I certainly get up late, it’s been light out for a long time, he says
You didn’t get up? he says
Yes I did, I say
And then you just lay back down, he says
Yeah, I say
Anyway it’s ten o’clock, he says
Yeah, I say
and I think that I never would have guessed it was so late
You’re usually up at five or six, he says
Is something wrong? he says
No, I say
You must have just been especially tired, he says
Yes, that’s to be expected, he says
and he says that driving down to Bjørgvin and back the same day and then driving there again the same day, and in such conditions, snow and blizzards and slick roads, the way I did the day before yesterday, and then driving from Bjørgvin back to Dylgja again yesterday, yes, that would take a lot out of anyone, he himself would barely come out alive, Åsleik says and then he says that it’s so cold in my living room that it’s warmer outside and he’ll just light another fire in the stove then, like he had to do yesterday, and the day before too, it really seems to have turned into his job now hasn’t it, pretty much, he says, but maybe I could at least make some coffee? Åsleik says and I say yes
No, I shouldn’t have stayed in bed all morning, I say
I don’t think I’ve done that for years, I say
No well I can’t remember the last time I did anyway, Åsleik says
and then he goes over to the stove and he puts the wood chips and kindling and a log in and he lights the kindling and then Åsleik stands there and looks in at the wood and says that’s good dry kindling so it’ll catch in a second, he says, and who do I have to thank for that kindling? and wood? yes, for being about to have a nice warm room? it’s him, yes, sure is, Åsleik says and I don’t say anything because I’ve heard this so many times before, so many, I think and Åsleik says he’s here to get something in return for the wood chips, kindling, and logs, the driest birchwood, he says, and that, that, as I know he wants a painting to give to Sister for Christmas, and every year before he’s always chosen one of the small paintings
but yesterday we agreed that this year he should pick one of the big paintings, or bigger ones, none of the pictures I paint are really all that big, Åsleik says and he says now he wants to choose one before I drive to Bjørgvin and deliver the pictures to The Beyer Gallery, and that’s why he dropped by so early, or earlyish, because if he didn’t misunderstand me I was planing to drive back to Bjørgvin again today with the paintings and take them to Beyer, who I had such trust in, such faith in, even though he, like a lot of other Bjørgvinners, was just out for money, to make money, money money money, buying low and selling high, that was the only thing people in Bjørgvin cared about, whether they bought and sold fish or paintings, yes, that’s how they’d always been and that’s how they still were, Åsleik says and I’ve heard him say this so many times before, obviously, because neither Åsleik nor I ever have that much new to say to each other and that’s why we always talk about the same things, because you have to say something
Yes it’s burning well in the stove now, Åsleik says
and he stands there and looks at the logs
I’ll let it burn a little with the hatch open, then I’ll put another log in, he says
Because damn it was cold in your room, he says
But it won’t be long now before it’s nice and warm, he says
At least warm enough to be in the room without a coat and hat and boots on, he says
and I go over to the stove and stand there and stretch my arms out above the stove and it’s nice to feel the warmth coming up to my hands, my arms, my whole body, I think and Åsleik stands next to me
Now it’s warming up the room, he says
Yes, I say
But what did you do with the dog? Åsleik says
He’s sleeping, I say
In the bed in your bedroom? he says
Yes, I say
and then we stand there silent
Bragi, that was his name, right? Åsleik says
Yes, I say
and again it’s quiet
You’ve talked about getting a dog so many times, now you’ve finally done it, he says
