by Jon Fosse
and he holds Asle’s shoulder tight as Asle just stands there and doesn’t know what to say, he just knows that he doesn’t want to play guitar anymore, he thinks
We can’t play without a rhythm guitarist, Olve says
and Asle doesn’t say anything
Say something for fuck’s sake, Olve says
and Asle still doesn’t say anything
You’re not serious? Geir says
You’ll ruin the whole band, he says
and Asle says that he doesn’t want to play guitar anymore and again Olve shakes him back and forth
You can’t just ruin the whole band like that, Geir says
and then they stand there, all four of them, and they don’t say anything and then Terje asks what he’s going to do instead of playing guitar and Asle says he’s going to start painting pictures again, because that’s something he can do, he says
Yeah just fucking go home and paint more of those goddamn barns, Terje says
Just keep on doing your paintings, he says
Pictures of goddamn houses, pictures of goddamn barns, he says
Or maybe you’re going to go suck The Bald Man’s dick? Olve says
and then it’s suddenly quiet for a moment and then Geir says Asle can’t just leave, they’ve been talking about starting a band for so long, every single breaktime for a long time they’d talk about it, and it was Asle who came up with the idea, and then the others went along with it, and now they’d gotten all the equipment, everything they needed, and gotten permission to practise in the Barmen Youth Centre, yes, everything had worked out and now he was just going to leave? Terje says
And it was me who did almost everything else, Olve says
Sound system, mikes, microphone stands, yeah, who was the one who got all of that together? he says, it was him wasn’t it, Olve, and that was because it was all sitting up in the attic at home since his father had played in a band once upon a time, he’d been a guitarist and singer in a band before he got married and since then his father always said that girls had broken up a lot of bands, and he’d thought about that a lot, Olve says, but for a band, a whole band, to be destroyed just because one person didn’t feel like being in it anymore and just left, no, no way, he says
So get back up here on this stage, he says
and Asle just stands there and again Olve shakes him by the shoulder
Someone else can borrow my guitar and equipment for now and then pay for it whenever he has the money, Asle says
and Olve shakes Asle’s shoulders and then he lets go of the shoulder in his right hand and he raises that hand and he stands there with his fist in Asle’s face
You hear what I’m saying, now are you going to do it or not? Olve says
You hear me, huh? he says
Do you get what I’m saying? Olve says
and Asle just stands there and then Geir says can’t he just come back up onto the stage? and they can practise a little more? it’s going so well with their three songs, he says
You can’t just leave, you can’t just quit, Geir says
I quit, Asle says
You quit? Geir says
Yes, Asle says
and it’s silent for a moment
I can’t play, he says
and no one says anything
And I’ll never be able to play, he says
The only one here who can sort of play is you, Olve, Asle says
Shut up, Olve says
and his fist is still in Asle’s face
And Asle, you lent me the money for the drums, Terje says
The whole band is thanks to you, he says
It’s because you didn’t have anything yourself, Olve says
And your parents didn’t want to help you out either, he says
They couldn’t, Terje says
Because your father doesn’t have a job, Olve says
The bum, he says
He’s barely worked a day in his whole life, Olve says
Apart from getting women knocked up, he says
Other men’s wives, he says
Fuck that fucker, he says
All right, shut up now, Terje says
and then they all just stand there and Asle says that there are lots of bands with just three people, drum and bass and guitar and Geir says that those bands are good too but the best bands have two guitarists, a lead guitarist and a rhythm guitarist, he says
Someone plays rhythm and someone else plays lead, he says
And sometimes they both play rhythm, Terje says
And I’m the lead guitarist in this band because I’m the only one who can play a solo, or can learn how to play a solo, Olve says
and he says that he’s the singer because he’s the only one who can learn songs, both the words and the tune, so without him there’d be no band at all, Olve says and then no one says anything
I’m trying my best to play the drums, Terje says
Yes, yes, Olve says
and he just stands and holds his fist pointing right at Asle’s face
Me too on the bass, Geir says
Yes, yes, Olve says
and he says that we haven’t been at it very long, we’ve barely started, he says
I don’t want to anymore, Asle says
and Olve’s hand making the fist comes closer to Asle’s face and then Terje grabs Olve’s arm and pulls it back and Olve yells what the fuck are you doing and he jumps at Terje to shove him away and then beats at Terje with his fists but Terje is much bigger and stronger and he grips Olve’s hand and then Terje hits Olve hard in the face and knocks Olve down and it’s quiet and Asle sees blood coming out of Olve’s mouth and Olve wipes his mouth off and then raises a hand and feels around his mouth and he says you fucker you’ve fucking knocked two of my teeth out, he says and Olve gets up and he opens his bloody mouth wide and both of his top front teeth in the middle are half-gone and then Olve puts a hand inside his mouth and takes out the two bits of broken teeth and Terje says he didn’t mean to, he’s really sorry, he shouldn’t have done that, he was just so mad because Olve was talking shit about his father, Terje says and I look at the white road, and now it’s probably as light out as it ever gets this time of year, and I drive slowly and carefully on the narrow winding road to Instefjord and I look at the white road and I see Asle standing in the auditorium of the Barmen Youth Centre and on stage there’s Olve and Terje and Geir and also Amund, who bought Asle’s guitar and joined the band, Asle thinks, and this is the first time they’re playing at a dance, he thinks, and Olve has gotten new front teeth and Amund bought the guitar and the mike and amp from Asle and started playing rhythm guitar instead of him, and with a little of the money he got from Amund he bought himself a brown leather shoulder bag to keep his sketchpad and pencil in, Asle thinks as he stands there and Sigve is standing next to him and Asle thinks that Sigve is the only person he knows of who lives in a boathouse, he is a few years older than Asle and he lives with his parents upstairs in a boathouse, a little ways before The Co-op Store, and then Sigve asks if maybe they should go outside and have some beer, he’s put his bag behind a rock outside a little ways off from the Youth Centre and it’s full of beer, he says and Asle says a little beer would be good and Sigve and Asle go outside and Asle rolls a cigarette and lights it and he and Sigve go over to the rocks where there’s a black bag of beer bottles and Sigve opens a bottle and passes it to Asle and he takes it and drinks some and then Sigve opens another bottle for himself and then he raises the bottle and he says cheers and Sigve and Asle drink and Asle notices that Sigve has already drunk a lot and then he says that Asle needs to be careful with alcohol, that’s something he needed to learn himself, yes, Asle’s probably heard that he’s spent some time in prison, yes, The Prison in Bjørgvin, by The Fishmarket, Sigve says and Asle doesn’t respond and he thinks that the night he went home after the last time he played with the band it was darkest autumn, and he’d run into Sigve on the road and Sigve was carrying a black bag
in one hand and had a bottle in the other and it was the same bag he has with him tonight, Asle thinks and Sigve was on the cups of being drunk and he’d said you have to go see your parents sometime and then he’d handed Asle a bottle and Asle had taken a little sip from it and it had burned in his mouth and then Sigve had slapped himself on the cheek and said again that you have to go see your parents sometime and then Asle gave him back the bottle and then Sigve walked on carrying the black bag and the bottle, Asle thinks and now he and Sigve are sitting and drinking beer by a rock above the Youth Centre and Sigve says that Asle probably remembers the night when he was going home after being in prison, he took the bus home from Bjørgvin, because he was in The Prison by The Fishmarket, and that night he got out the bus a long way before he needed to, and then he’d walked so slowly that Asle had caught up to him, and everything he owned was in that bag, Sigve says and he points at the black bag, and to tell you the truth it was three half-bottles of spirits and a chessboard with pieces, because he’d learned to play chess in prison and the first thing he did when he got out was buy a bag, yes, the one he had the beer in now, and then three half-bottles of spirits and then a chessboard with pieces, Sigve says and he says that he was so dreading going back home to his parents but he didn’t have anywhere else to go, he says and then Asle and Sigve sit there by the rock a bit above The Youth Centre and Asle smokes and takes a sip of beer and he notices how much he likes beer and cigarettes together
You’ve probably heard? Sigve says
Heard what? Asle says
Who my real father is? Sigve says
and Asle says he heard it was a German soldier, he says
There’s nothing more shameful, Sigve says
and he says that it brought shame on both his mother and him, and he didn’t understand his stepfather who married his mother, it was probably because no one else wanted to marry him, the stepfather, Sigve says and then he says that he, the stepfather, was always nice to both him and his mother, it’s not that, but why did they have to live like that, there was no one except him and his parents who lived in a boathouse, in a loft in a boathouse, and there was a steep flight of steps, practically a ladder, leading up to the loft, and there they had a room with a kind of kitchen, and two small bedrooms, that was it, Sigve says, and he understood perfectly well that neither his teachers nor anyone else had liked him, the German kid, he says and he drinks his beer and then he says that Asle doesn’t like him either, but that doesn’t matter, he’s good to drink with anyway, and that was why he’d ended up in prison, because of his drinking, but now he had no money again, like so often, and so he couldn’t drink either, he says, but he’d made a few kroner during the fruit harvest and that’s how he could buy a few bottles of beer, he says, and now The Labour Office had found him work at The Furniture Factory in Aga, he was due to start in a week, and they’d also found him a little old house right in the centre of Aga where he could live, and the rent was low, Sigve says and Asle looks at the three blue dots Sigve has tattooed between the thumb and index finger of his right hand and he has a heart, a cross, and an anchor tattooed in the same place on his left hand and Sigve says that Asle despises him as much as everyone else does and Asle says he doesn’t despise him, how can anyone choose who their father is? and as for living in a boathouse, in a loft in a boathouse, what’s wrong with that? Asle says and Sigve says that there’s no one else in the village who lives in such a hovel and then Asle says cheers and raises his bottle and Sigve raises his bottle and they drink and I look at the white road and I think it’ll be good to drop off my paintings for the next show, because almost every time it feels in a way like I can start painting again only after I’ve delivered my pictures, I think and now I’ve reached Øygna and up on the hill I can see the house where Åsleik’s sister lives, Sister, as he calls her, whose name is actually Guro, and where Åsleik always celebrates Christmas, it’s a little grey house, and you can see all the way from the road that the paint is flaking off, and it looks like the house is on the verge of collapsing, and then there’s a barn next to the house, it’s about to fall down too, a lot of tiles have already fallen off the roof, I see, but inside that house, that dilapidated grey house, is a whole collection of pictures I’ve painted, of small pictures, yes, almost all of the best small pictures I’ve ever painted, I think, and I think now I’ve never even met this Sister Åsleik talks so much about and whose name is Guro and who, every single year since the man she used to live with left her, The Fiddler, Åsleik invites me to go visit with him for Christmas, I think, and every year I’ve said no, but maybe this year I will go with Åsleik to spend Christmas at Sister’s house? I think, and I told Åsleik I would, or maybe would, and why shouldn’t I, really? I think, or maybe not, because ever since Ales died and went away I don’t really want to do anything for Christmas and maybe it’s because I like driving to Bjørgvin on Christmas Eve to go to Christmas Mass at St Paul’s Church and I couldn’t do that if I was in The Boat with Åsleik sailing to see Sister, this Guro, no I don’t know, but maybe this year I’ll go with him anyway, spend Christmas at Sister’s? that way at least I’d be able to see all the pictures again that Åsleik has bought and given to Sister as Christmas presents, and since they’re some of the best small pictures I’ve ever painted it would be nice to see them again, I think, so I can just think about that, because Åsleik keeps asking and asking me to go with him and maybe I should go and I think Åsleik was really surprised, I think, yes, almost shocked that I would go with him to spend Christmas with Sister, with Guro, as her name is, and that was what the woman I ran into the day before yesterday was called too, the woman sitting in Food and Drink, who I saw later that night, when I was managing to get lost in the snowstorm in Bjørgvin when I was just supposed to go the short way from The Beyer Gallery to The Country Inn, it’s hard to believe but whether I believe it or not it’s just as bad, I think, and I must not have been entirely myself, I think, not since earlier that evening when I’d found Asle lying covered in snow in The Lane, and I really thought at first that he was dead, but I got him up and then there was everything else that happened at The Alehouse, at The Last Boat, as it’s called, and then at The Clinic and everything, I think, and so I ended up getting lost in the snowstorm and luckily I ran into the woman who’s also named Guro and she brought me to The Country Inn, I think, and she said that I’d been to her apartment many times, yes, that I’d spent the night there sometimes, but that I’d been so drunk that I couldn’t remember it, she said and I think that I’ve driven past the house where Guro, Åsleik’s sister, lives and I’d never noticed before how much the paint was flaking off that grey house of hers, I think and then I think about my sister Alida, who died so suddenly, no, I can’t think about that, not now, it’s still, even now, still, still, I think and I’m at Instefjord and I turn onto the bigger country road that runs north and runs south down to Bjørgvin, and the road is well cleared and there are lots of tracks of cars that have driven on it after it snowed and I drive south and I look at the white road and I see Asle standing outside his house looking at Father who is standing there looking at a brand new car, it’s grey, and it looks like Father can barely bring himself to touch the car and Mother is standing there and she says no it’s unbelievable, now they have a car too, and it’s about time, everyone their age she knows has a car already, she says and both Mother and Father stand there like they’re almost too scared to touch the car, much less get in it, much less drive it, and The Car Salesman, a guy from Stranda, is standing there, it was he who drove the car up to the farm and a friend is now waiting for him in another car to drive him back to Stranda and The Car Salesman holds out his hand to Father and says pleasure doing business with you and Father says thanks you too and then Father and The Car Salesman just stay standing there in silence and then The Car Salesman says, because someone has to say something, that well Father’s a car owner now and Father says well it’s the bank who owns it, not him, and The Car Salesman says there aren’t many p
eople these days who have enough cash to buy a brand new car outright without taking out a loan, he says, and Father says he’s probably right and then The Car Salesman says that they should get into the car and he’ll explain the car to Father, he says, and he wouldn’t believe how many people wanted to buy a new car these days, so many, he says, yes, he can’t get enough cars to sell them, he says, so Father too had to wait a little while before it was his turn, The Car Salesman says and Father nods and Mother says it certainly took a while and The Car Salesman says that people are so impatient nowadays, they can’t wait to get their own car so they can drive for themselves, drive around wherever they want, he says, every day he gets calls from people waiting to get their new car, isn’t it ready yet? soon? they ask, The Car Salesman says and Mother says anyway they got their car eventually, she says
This is a great day for us, she says
Yes, it truly is, The Car Salesman says
and then he tells Father that he should get into the car, in the front seat, and he’ll show him how the car works, he says and Father goes hesitantly over to the car door and opens it and then Asle sees him get in and sit stiffly upright in the driver’s seat and he grips the steering wheel and twists and turns in the seat and Mother says that it won’t be many years now until he too can get a driver’s licence and she says well it’ll be a couple of years anyway and Asle says that he doesn’t want a car and Mother says she knew he’d say that and then The Car Salesman sits down in the other front seat
Just think, you’ll be fifteen so soon, she says
Yes, yes, Asle says
and then she says that anything she says is wrong, that he always blurts out an answer as soon as she opens her mouth, she says and Asle doesn’t answer and then he hears the car start and he sees Father sitting behind the wheel doing this and that and The Car Salesman is gesturing and a nice sound is coming from the engine and then the car jerks suddenly forward, yes, almost makes a hop, and both Mother and Asle are startled and then luckily the car stops and Father is sitting looking straight ahead and he looks totally scared out of his wits, Asle sees
