by Jon Fosse
You’re leaving home today, Father says
and Asle doesn’t say anything
You’re only sixteen and you’re moving out to live by yourself, he says
and Father says that he never did that himself, never moved away to go to school, and he regrets that, yes, except for the year at Agriculture School he’s lived his whole life on this farm, he stayed here and tried as best he could to grow fruit and build boats, traditional Barmen pointed boats, yes, the way he’d learned to from his father, Asle’s Grandfather, and now it must be something like ten years since he died, Father says, yes, it’s a fine kind of boat, traditional Barmen boats, and he likes being a boatbuilder, it’s not that, he says, but Asle had never seemed interested in building boats and he’d never wanted to put pressure on him to learn, he says and they stay standing there silently for a moment, and so, Father says, he kept on, growing and cultivating fruit, yes, he spent all his time building boats or growing fruit, he says
I should have gone to school too, Father says
So I’m glad you have the chance to do it, he says
and he says that after Asle goes to the high school, and gets good enough marks, he’ll be able to do whatever he wants
You can become a doctor, or a minister, Father says
and he laughs
A minister, are you kidding, Asle says
You be a minister, he says
Well then a doctor, Father says
A doctor, me? Asle says
Yes, well, a doctor, a teacher, Father says
I don’t even like school, Asle says
and then Father says that The Academic High School is totally different from the schools Asle’s been to up until now so maybe he’ll be happy at The Academic High School at least sometimes, he says
Maybe, Asle says
Yes who knows, Father says
But you need to go to class in any case, do as well as you can, he says
Yes, Asle says
Because you’re a clever one, you’re smart, he says
You must realize I know that, he says
and Father says that both he and Mother knew that his bad marks in school weren’t because he lacked the ability, he says and he says that as long as Asle listens to his teachers and does his homework he’ll graduate from The Academic High School just fine, he’s sure of it, he says and Asle sees Mother come out with two shopping bags and she says it’s the food she wants to give him to bring along and she puts the shopping bags in the boot
The boot’s almost full now, Father says
Yeah, Asle says
Get in the back, Father says
and he points at the back seat and Asle suddenly remembers that he’s packed all his other painting supplies but forgot the easel
I need to get the easel, he says
But we don’t have any room for it, Father says
Well I need it, Asle says
and he says it can be folded up and he can hold it in his lap
And I need to bring my finished paintings too, he says
and he suddenly thinks he can put them in the old suitcase at his grandparents’, up in the attic of The Old House, and Asle tells Father that and then Father unlocks the door to The Old House and Asle runs up the stairs to the attic and gets the suitcase sitting on a box there and then he thinks that he wants to bring the grey blanket Grandmother had covered herself with when she was sick, the grey blanket that she gave him and said he should have on the day they came to get her and drive her to The Hospice, and he goes into the main room and the blanket is sitting there nicely folded on the bench and he opens the suitcase and puts the blanket in and then he hurries outside and into the room that was his in The New House and he opens the suitcase and puts all the finished paintings in the suitcase and he tries to put layers of the blanket between the different paintings, and then he goes outside and puts the suitcase on top of everything else in the boot of the car
Well now it’s full, that’s for sure, Father says
and he pushes the lid of the boot closed and then Mother gets into the car, in the front seat
I can’t forget my easel, Asle says
and he hurries into the room he used to have and he goes back out and while he’s folding up the easel Father locks the front doors, both The New House’s and The Old House’s, and then Asle gets into the car, in the back seat, with the easel on his lap, and there’s plenty of room for the easel if he holds it crossways on his lap and then he puts his shoulder bag on the seat next to him and then Father starts the car and it doesn’t start right away but then it does with a little jolt forwards
Oof, Father says
What’s wrong with you now, he says
and then the car stays still for a second before Father starts driving slowly forwards and turns the corner of The Old House, where Grandmother and Grandfather lived, and it’s been many years since Grandfather died, Asle thinks and he thinks that he woke up and saw Grandmother lying in Sister’s bed, since Asle and Sister shared a room, and Grandmother looks at Asle with tears in her eyes and he sees tears running down her cheeks and she says Grandfather’s dead
Grandfather died last night, Grandmother says
and Father drives slowly down the driveway and Asle sees Grandmother lying there on the bench in her main room, there in The Old House, with the grey blanket spread out over her, and she can hardly move, her arms are all she can use the same as before, and she can talk a little, but not like before, and Asle sits there next to her a lot and talks to her a little and maybe she asks him to get her something or help her move a little or something like that and he does it and then one day an ambulance comes and when the men pick up the stretcher with Grandmother on it she hands Asle the grey blanket and he’s a little surprised and then he says thank you and Grandmother tries to say that he should have it, Asle thinks and then they carry Grandmother out the door and into an ambulance and then they drive her to The Hospice, and The Hospice is in Aga too, not too far from The Academic High School, on a hill behind The Hotel, so they’ll go visit Grandmother at The Hospice today, that’s the first thing they’ll do, Father said, Asle thinks, and then they’ll drive to the house of the woman who’s renting the room out to Asle, he said, he thinks, and Father drives out onto the country road and Asle looks at his home and he thinks it’s good to be driving away, it’s a deeply good feeling, he thinks
Yes so first we’ll look in on my mother? Father says
Yes, Mother says
and it’s like there’s a kind of bad feeling in her voice
Yes, that’s what we’ll do, Mother says
And then drive to the apartment, she says
Yes, Father says
You know where it is, right? Mother says
Yes, she explained it all, the woman who’s renting it, there are two green houses by the road before you get to the centre of Aga, on the downhill side of the road, just before a little river, and he could just turn in and park between the buildings, is what she said, Father says
Right, Mother says
And then ring the bell at her house, of course, Father says
And if we can’t find it we have her phone number and there’s a phone booth in the centre of Aga, next to The Co-op Store, he says
Yes, I remember, Mother says
and then they drive on and no one says anything
But first we’ll go look in on my mother at The Hospice, Father says again
Right, Mother says gruffly
and they drive on and no one says anything and Asle thinks that he can’t wait until they’ve left and until he has his things in the room he’ll be renting and living in now and he can’t wait to be alone there, and in the morning he’ll start at The Academic High School, tomorrow morning is when he’ll start at The Academic High School and from then on he’ll be a high-school student, he thinks, but not until eleven o’clock, he thinks, and it’s a bit of a walk from where his rented room is to The Academic High School, so he needs to leave in ple
nty of time, Asle thinks, and he looks at his watch, which Grandmother gave him as a confirmation gift, and Asle should never have gotten confirmed, he thinks, because it’s hard to imagine anything more idiotic than all that Christian nonsense, he thinks, but he got confirmed anyway for some mysterious reason and the reason was probably the simple one that everyone else was doing it and had always done it in the village, but he doesn’t want to think about that, not now anyway, no, it was just awful but he did get some presents and a little money, Asle thinks and as soon as he turns sixteen he’ll officially withdraw from The National Church, he thinks, he’s sure of that, because he saw it when he almost bled to death, he saw it then, yes, he saw that no National Church and no Minister knows anything about it, and The Minister just babbled on and on, Asle thinks, because reality, facts, that’s something no Minister knows anything about, Asle thinks and it won’t be long before he turns sixteen and the day he does he’s going to write to The Minister and say straight out that he doesn’t want to be a member of The National Church anymore, Asle thinks and he wants to say that out loud but he lets it go, because if he says it Mother will just start in with her nagging again, and then he says it anyway
When I’m sixteen I’m officially leaving The National Church, Asle says
Yes, you’ve already told us that, Mother says
You’ve said that lots of times already, she says
The day will come when you need God, you too, she says
I’m sure it will, Asle says
But God and The National Church have nothing to do with each other, he says
Yes, yes, Mother says
What they’re doing there is an abuse of God’s name, Asle says
and then it’s quiet and Father doesn’t say anything and Asle sees himself sitting on the swing outside the house and Grandfather is dead and Grandmother is standing in the door to The Old House and she’s holding at arm’s length a bundle of dead Grandfather’s clothes and Asle sits on the swing and looks at her and Grandmother asks him if he could carry Grandfather’s clothes down to the cellar and Asle can’t say no, no matter how much he doesn’t want to do it, no matter how creepy the thought is, he thinks, and then he goes over and takes the clothes and it’s a whole armful and he goes down to the cellar and he opens the cellar door and he drops dead Grandfather’s clothes right on the floor and he goes back up to the area in front of the house and sits back down on the swing and he sees that there’s a grey wool sock right in the middle of the area in front of the house that must have fallen out of the bundle of clothes and he sees Grandmother come out to the door and she points at the sock and she’s sobbing and she says can’t he take the sock down to the cellar too and Asle goes over to the sock and picks it up between his thumb and one finger and holds it as far away from himself as he can and he carries the sock down into the cellar and drops it on Grandfather’s other clothes, Asle thinks, and then he hears Mother say you need to let them pass and Asle turns around and the easel twists a little and he sees a long row of cars behind them
Yes as soon as I can, Father says
Yes, Mother says
There’s a long row of cars behind us, she says
Yes I can see that, Father says
sitting there bent forward, his chest almost leaning on the steering wheel, and he’s staring straight ahead and he’s driving so slowly so slowly, and man how embarrassed Asle’s always been about Father’s driving, he always drives so, so slowly, he thinks, but now he’s not embarrassed about it anymore, now he no longer has to care about it, he’s not embarrassed anymore the way he was when he was young, Asle thinks and Father signals and pulls over and the car stops and the first car behind them speeds past with an angry blast of the horn and then a long row of cars drives past them
Yes, yes, Mother says
It’s good you finally pulled over and let them pass, she says
and Father doesn’t say anything and he just drives on and Asle dozes off and maybe falls asleep and then they’re in Aga
So we’ll go see my mother first? Father says
Yes, Mother says
and they drive up to The Hospice on the hill above The Hotel and Father parks the car and then they go in through a double glass door and Father goes over to the reception desk and the woman there tells him what room Grandmother is in, and on what floor, and then they go up some stairs and down a corridor and Father stops in front of a door and he knocks on it and there’s no answer and then he opens the door and goes in and Asle goes in and he sees Grandmother lying in a bed and her lips have turned a bit blue and she holds out her hand and he goes and takes her hand and then sits down on the edge of the bed and he sits there holding Grandmother’s hand and Father asks how she’s doing and Grandmother tries to say something and Mother says that she seems happy, here at The Hospice she’s probably getting the best care she could get anywhere, Mother says, and she says that she’s bought a little fruit for Grandmother and a little chocolate, she says and she puts a white paper bag on Grandmother’s bedside table and Father stands there and Asle sees that he doesn’t know what to do or what to say, it’s like he doesn’t want to be taking up any space at all, Asle thinks, sitting there holding Grandmother’s hand and Mother says that Asle is starting at The Academic High School in the morning and that they’ve rented a room for him, they put an ad in The Hardanger Times and got a phone call the day the ad was printed, there was a place for him in the attic of an old shoemaker’s workshop, the husband of the woman who called had had a workshop, but he was dead, and whoever the shoemaker’s apprentice at the time was used to live there but since he’d died no one had lived there, so the apartment had been empty for several years, but now she’d realized that maybe someone going to The Academic High School and who needed a rented room to live in could live there, she’d said, Mother says, and Father accepted right away, she says, so now both Grandmother and Asle will be living in Aga, Mother says and Grandmother nods and Asle feels her gently squeeze his hand
I’ll come and visit you every day, Asle says
and he looks at Grandmother
I’ll come every day when school gets out, he says
And if you want me to buy you anything I’ll do it, he says
and Grandmother shakes her head
But maybe sometimes? he says
Yes well now that you’re living in the same town you can go see Grandmother a lot, Father says
Yes, Mother says
and then they say take care
I’ll come back tomorrow morning, Asle says
and Grandmother nods at him and Asle lets go of her hand and he sees that Mother and Father are already out in the hall and I look at the white road and I’m driving south and now it won’t be long till I get to Bjørgvin, I think, and that’s good, because then I’ll drop off the paintings and then I’ll go see Asle at The Hospital, I think and I look at the white road and I see Asle sitting in the car that’s parked between the two green buildings, one big house and next to it is what must be The Shoemaker’s Workshop, Asle thinks
I think this must be the place, Father says
and he gets out and stretches and then goes up the steps to the house and he stands there and looks at the nameplate and he knocks and then an old grey-haired woman comes out and she stands and talks to Father and then she goes back inside and then comes out and she’s put on a coat and Asle can see that she’s carrying a keyring and Mother says they should probably get out of the car and then she opens the car door and gets out and Asle opens his door and gets out and then he just stands there in his black velvet jacket with the brown leather shoulder bag on his shoulder and he’s holding the easel in his hands and he doesn’t really know what to do with himself and he hears Mother say hello and he looks down
Hello, yes, The Landlady says
Welcome, she says
Here he is, Mother says
Ah that’s him, The Landlady says
and Asle stands there and he looks up and he sees The Landlady wa
lking up to him taking little steps and Asle holds out his hand and she holds out her hand and they shake hands
Hello, Asle says
Hello, The Landlady says
Welcome, she says
and Asle sees Mother standing there squirming and he thinks that she’s standing there embarrassed about him, about his long hair, his long brown hair, about him standing there holding an easel, that everything about him embarrasses her, Asle thinks
Yes so here he is, Mother says
and it’s like she’s saying it into thin air, without any connection to anything, Asle thinks
So, you’re starting at The Academic High School, The Landlady says
Yes, Asle says
and they stand there silently
Are you looking forward to it? she says
Yes, Asle says
But it’ll be a real change now, won’t it, The Landlady says
Leaving home and living on your own, I mean, she says
Yes, Mother says
It’s hard to believe he’s already big enough to move out and live on his own, she says
That he’s already so grown up, she says
Yes, it used to be that you were considered grown up once you’d gone to the minister and been confirmed, The Landlady says
Yes, Father says
And then you had to just take care of yourself, The Landlady says
and it’s like she wants to tell them something, but she stops herself and doesn’t and Asle thinks that she was almost certainly going to tell them something about how it was when she was a girl and about having been in service somewhere or another and then The Landlady says that for a few years before she was married she was in service for the minister in Barmen at his house and ever since she got married she’s lived in this house, she says
Yes, Father says
I’ve lived all my adult life in this house here, The Landlady says
and she raises an arm slowly and she points at the green house they’re standing next to
And my husband was a shoemaker, yes, she says
Yes, Father says
It was good steady work for many years, she says
Before the shops started selling shoes from foreign factories, she says
