by Jon Fosse
Kneaded eraser, Asle says
Yes it’s a kind of ball of putty that you erase with when you’re drawing in charcoal, she says
You don’t know that? she says
No, Asle says
I’ve always just drawn with a pencil and I’ve never used a ball of putty, for whatever reason, so I just keep the mistakes and let them be wrong, because it’s often the mistakes that eventually lead to something right, he says
and Ales says yes and that the sheets of paper for drawings in the admissions tests are twenty inches wide by sixty inches high and you’re supposed to draw a whole person on that, a man or a woman who’s sitting there, and you’re supposed to draw him or her from head to foot, and that’ll be hard for her, well, she isn’t so good at drawing, she’d asked her mother to sit for her as a model, but it ended up with the two of them laughing and joking, and then, when she applies for a place at The Art School, she’ll have to turn in between three and five of her own pictures, drawings, paintings, watercolours, whatever she wants, yes, but there needs to be at least one painting, and then one of the pictures has to be a still life, she says and she does have two watercolours she’s happy with anyway, and then, yes, you have to go off and wait a few days until they decide who’s going to get a spot and who isn’t, and the names of the people who get into The Art School are written up on a sheet of paper that’s hung up on the bulletin board by the entrance, and the worst thing is that you don’t know how long it’ll take for the admissions to be decided, she thinks it usually takes a week but the decisions can also be made sooner, so people go and check the bulletin board constantly, yes, of course, that’s how it is, Ales says and since she can’t get into The Art School like him without going through the normal admissions, it’s only the exceptions who get in that way, and people who clearly have talent but who haven’t taken an examen artium for whatever reason, and age is also a factor, Ales says and Asle thinks so it’s because he, or Sigve, faked his ID card that he got into The Art School and not, as he thought, because his pictures were so good, he thinks and they let got of each other’s hand and then Ales puts her arm around Asle and pulls him towards her and then lets go of him
You have such nice long hair, she says
You too, Asle says
You have brown hair and I have dark hair, Ales says
and she says she usually has her hair in a ponytail or a braid, and she was wearing it like that when she got to The Bus Café too, but when she saw him she untied her hair and let it fall loose, she says, and Asle says that her hair is dark, and it’s almost as long as his hair, and while his eyes are blue hers are dark
Can I sit with you? Ales says
Yes of course, Asle says
and then Ales sits down and Asle says that he’s just read a review of an exhibition that a painter named Eiliv Pedersen has up at The Beyer Gallery and he says that he thought it was maybe Eiliv Pedersen that he showed his paintings to and Ales says that it definitely was, and that it’s a good exhibition, actually she doesn’t know how much she likes Pedersen’s paintings but she has to give him one thing, that he always uses such muffled colours, there are a lot of different greys and almost-whites in everything he paints, you almost can’t call what’s in his paintings colours in the usual sense, and then they all run together, there are no clear and definite edges or transitions in his pictures, everything kind of runs together, Ales says and Asle says that he’d really like to see the exhibition but he doesn’t know his way around Bjørgvin at all and he has to go to the house of the woman who might rent him a room at three o’clock and she asks where that is and he says it’s on University Street and then she says that in that case it’s no problem to go to The Beyer Gallery to see the Eiliv Pedersen exhibition and then she can go with him to University Street after that, she says and Asle says yes, yes, he’d really like that, if she doesn’t mind, and she says no of course not, there’s no harm in seeing the exhibition a second time, she says, because she already saw the exhibition the day after the opening, with her mother Judit, she says
Because both you and I are going to have Eiliv Pedersen as a painting teacher, she says
Yes well you will anyway, and I will if I get into The Art School, she says
His show got a very good review in The Bjørgvin Times anyway, Asle says
and he hands her the newspaper and she reads it and she says that was really a good review, and Anne Sofie Grieg knows what she’s talking about, she doesn’t have a degree, she used to be a housewife, but she and her husband, a lawyer, travelled a lot to lots of European cities and they visited most of the great art museums, plus she’s read a lot, yes, her mother and Anne Sofie Grieg are friends and they see each other now and then, Ales says and she says that it’s unbelievable how many art books Anne Sofie Grieg has at home, she’s been to her house a few times with her mother Judit, she says and then they stand up and Asle puts his brown leather shoulder bag on and Ales says that it’s a nice bag and then she takes his hand
Because now we’re a couple, at least sort of, she says
and then they leave The Bus Café and they go straight up the road, the way Asle had already gone, and then Ales takes a right and they walk down a few little alleys and Asle has no idea where they are
Now we’re boyfriend and girlfriend, Ales says
Yes, Asle says
Have you ever had a girlfriend before? she asks
No, Asle says
I’ve never had a boyfriend either, Ales says
But I do now, she says
and I sit in my car, and I’m sure that a deer is about to come leaping across the road or that I’ll be able to see one or more deer in the light from my car, I think, but I can’t just stay sitting here like this because Åsleik is waiting for me, I think and then I see a deer standing by the side of the road and then the deer stands there and looks at me and I look into the deer’s eyes and he looks me in the eye and I just sit in my car and the deer just stands there by the side of the road and we look into each other’s eyes and then the deer turns slowly away and vanishes into the darkness and I start driving and I look at the white road and I see Asle sitting in a living room and Liv sitting next to him and Liv’s mother comes in with a plate of open-faced sandwiches and puts it down on the coffee table in front of them and she says that Liv’s father should sit down too and Asle thinks that they can’t stay here at Liv’s parents’ house, because even if it is all right with Liv’s mother it isn’t all right with her father, he hasn’t said a single word to Asle since they arrived, not even Come in or Welcome, and hasn’t greeted him, and now her father is saying he’s not hungry and that he thinks he’ll go lie down, it’s been a long hard day at work and he’s tired, he says and then he says good night and Asle thinks they need to leave, but where will they go? yes well there’s got to be someplace to live for them too? he thinks, but if he doesn’t have money, well, then what do they have? he thinks, so they’ll probably have to stay for free at Liv’s parents’ house for a while, but then, and it won’t be long, then he’ll get an artist’s stipend and maybe they’ll also get assigned an apartment at The Student Home, since they’ll have a child, that would be good, anyway Asle has applied for a place there but surely there’s a waiting list for the places like that, so he doesn’t know, but anyway he’ll find some other place to live, plus maybe Liv would rather live with her parents until they’re ready to get their own place to live, Asle thinks and I sit in my car and I look at the white road and I drive slowly and now I see the turn-off to Åsleik’s farm and I drive up the driveway and the light from my car is now shining on Åsleik’s house and damned if I don’t see Åsleik standing out there in front of his house, next to his tractor, yes, Åsleik is standing there waiting for me, I think, even though it’s pretty cold out, and at least those lamb ribs are sure going to taste good, I think, because it was good that I slept for a couple of hours today, yes, that did me a lot of good, so now it feels like I’m back on my feet, I think and I pull up
in front of Åsleik’s house
Finally you’re here, he says
Am I late? I say
Yes well I’m hungry in any case, he says
and Åsleik says that the lamb has been sitting and steaming for hours but that’s not a problem, it only makes the lamb better, since it’s from a ewe and not a lamb, he says, but it’s been hours since the mashed turnips were done, and they’re good, and the secret to making good mashed turnips is easy enough, you just cut the turnips up into small pieces and boil them for a long time in their own juice, yes, much longer than you’d actually need for the pieces to get soft, and it’s fine to mash them, and then you have to pour out all the cooking water, of course, and then the rest of the water steams from the cut-up turnips and then you add a lot of butter, really a lot, and then of course you mash it and finally add a little salt to taste, and maybe a little pepper, Åsleik says and I say well I know that much, I say and I notice that Åsleik seems a little offended and then he says let’s get inside, it’s too cold to be standing outside, and I say that I was surprised to see Åsleik standing outside the house and he says he was waiting for me, hunger was gnawing at his stomach, and when the gnawing got worse he had to come outside to see if I was driving up, and finally I did, and the potatoes were done a long time ago too, but they’ve been covered and with lots of dishtowels on the lid of the pot so he hopes they’re still fairly hot, and if they’re not totally hot that doesn’t really matter, Åsleik says and I say I’m sure it’ll all be delicious and Åsleik says that Sister called him today and she said she’d seen me at The Coffeehouse yesterday but she hadn’t had the courage to talk to me, even though she wanted to, she’d just gone into Bjørgvin to do some Christmas shopping, and when she was waiting for the ferry to take her back home, first she took the ferry to Instefjord and then the bus to Øygna, yes well I knew how it was, when she was sitting there waiting she saw me come into The Coffeehouse and she’d thought about telling me that her house was full of my paintings but she hadn’t dared, she’d said, and then she’d asked him again if maybe I’d think about coming to celebrate Christmas with them
Yes, maybe, I say
Seriously, you think you will? Åsleik says
You’re not just fooling around? he says
You’ve always said no before, he says
Yes, I say
and Åsleik says it would be so nice if I came with him on The Boat and the two of us took it to Øygna, there’s a bay there, and it’s a good harbour, he says, and it would be so nice for both him and Sister if I would honour them with his company, he says
Yes, yes, I think I will come this year, like I said, I say
I hear you saying it but now I’m having a hard time believing my own ears, Åsleik says
and he says he doesn’t know how many times he’s asked me to come, and I never wanted to, and I think that I don’t really understand it myself, yes, why I want to go with Åsleik to celebrate Christmas at Sister’s house this year, and so it was her I saw sitting in The Coffee-house yesterday, all the way at the front, by the door, the woman with a suitcase and some shopping bags on the floor next to her and who looked exactly like the Guro who lived in The Lane, I think and so this year I’ve said that I want to go with Åsleik and celebrate Christmas at Sister’s house in Øygna, I think, and I think that I have no desire to paint any more pictures, I’ve painted enough, I think, and now I want to try to sell all the paintings I have and then I’ll have done my part, said what I have to say, I think, and Åsleik asks me to come in and I take off my shoes in the hall, they’re just the cut-off boots, and then I go into the main room and everything there is the same as before, I don’t think Åsleik has changed anything since his parents died, the cushions, the pictures, everything, everything is the way it’s always been, I think and I realize that it makes me feel comfortable that everything’s the way it’s always been and Åsleik probably feels that way too, so that must be why he hasn’t changed anything, I think, and Åsleik has set the big table in the middle of the room nicely, with his nice silverware, and there’s the tablecloth, and there’s a pitcher of water on it and a bottle of beer and a bottle of stronger stuff and in front of where Åsleik usually sits, facing the hall door, there are two glasses, a beer glass and a shot glass, and then opposite Åsleik there’s just a big regular glass, and the pitcher of water is next to it and Åsleik says that I should sit down at the table and then he’ll just warm up the mashed turnips a little but it won’t take long, he says and Åsleik goes out to the kitchen and he comes back in and he says that it’s so nice that I’m thinking about spending Christmas with him and Sister in Øygna, not least because it’ll be much nicer taking The Boat to Øygna together, because to tell the truth he’s never liked being alone in a boat, and he always is, yes, it’s only because he doesn’t have anyone to come with him, because it’s much nicer, and safer too, if there’re two people, Åsleik says and then it was also quite a coincidence that Sister and I ran into each other yesterday, because we’ve never set eyes on each other before, no, well, not that he knows of, Åsleik says
No I’ve never met your sister, I say
and I say that I noticed someone sitting at the first table at The Coffeehouse, right by the front door, next to the window, she had medium-length blonde hair and she had a suitcase and some shopping bags on the floor next to her, I say and Åsleik says that must have been Sister, anyway she does have medium-length blonde hair, and her name is Guro, yes, he says, and in those shopping bags, in one of them, was both wine and spirits, because Sister, yes well Guro, she likes the stronger stuff, yes, maybe a little too much even, no, it’s not that she drinks all that often, no, she doesn’t have the occasion to, seeing how she lives, and then she also doesn’t have that much money, he says, but when she does get the chance she likes to toss ’em down, yes, Åsleik says and he goes out to the kitchen and then he comes back with a dish of potatoes in one hand and a dish of mashed turnips in the other and then he goes out again and comes back with a huge plate with a heap of lamb ribs, yes, they’re really long ribs and the smell of the smoked Christmas lamb is incredible and Åsleik puts the plate down on the table
And here we go, he says
and he gestures to the plate of lamb ribs with both hands to sort of present it and I take a generous helping right away, three good-sized ribs, and then Åsleik opens the bottle of beer and he pours himself some and then he opens the bottle of spirits, it’s only about half-full, and he says he hasn’t tasted spirits since the Christmas ribs last year, and he pours himself a little shot and I pick up the pitcher of water and fill my glass
Yes well you’re sure missing out, Åsleik says
and he raises his shot glass to me
I’ve had my share, more than my share, I say
and Åsleik says well then that’s the way it is, he says and then he serves himself, he also takes three large ribs and then he passes me the dish of potatoes and I serve myself and I pass it back to him and while Åsleik serves himself some potatoes I serve myself mashed turnips and I pass the plate on to Åsleik and he looks at me and he raises his beer glass
Cheers, Åsleik says
Yes, cheers, I say
and I raise my glass of water and then we toast and drink, he drinks his beer and I drink my water and then he takes a little nip of his stronger stuff and I cut off a bite of the perfectly tender lamb rib and damn if it doesn’t taste incredibly good, I think and I say that Åsleik, yes, when it comes to food he’s a real genius, I say and Åsleik says that Sister’s lamb ribs are even better, he has to admit it, and I’ll soon see for myself, Åsleik says and then we eat slowly and in silence and then Åsleik says now isn’t that strange, that I’ve lived in Dylgja for so many years and never once set eyes on Sister before today, and that was only because we both happened to be in The Coffeehouse
No, it’s odd, there aren’t that many people who live around here, I say
You’re right it is, Åsleik says
Yes, an
d Sister’s name is Guro even if I always just call her Sister, he says
Guro, yes, I say
So it’s agreed, this year we’ll take The Boat together and celebrate Christmas at Sister’s house? Åsleik says
Yes, I say
Let’s drink to that, he says
and Åsleik raises his shot glass and I raise my water glass and we toast and then something comes over me suddenly, something like terror, yes, I’m almost overwhelmed with the same fear, the same anxiety, that came over me when I had to read out loud at The Academic High School and I say I need to get back home, I say and Åsleik looks at me not understanding
Well that was a rush job, he says
Yes, well, I say
and I’ve stood up and I say thank you for the wonderful meal, it tasted unbelievably good, I say
But why do you have to leave so soon all of a sudden? Åsleik says
and I don’t know what to say and just say that I remembered something and I say we’ll talk soon and I go out to my car and I feel that some of my fear has gone away and I start the car and I think that I need to say an Ave Maria to myself, that usually helps when the fear comes, which does happen, even if not too often, and never without some specific reason, and then I say Ave Maria and that usually helps, I think and sitting there in my car I take my rosary out from under my pullover and I think now do I really believe in this, no, not really, I think and I hold the cross between my thumb and finger and I say inside myself Ave Maria Gratia plena Dominus tecum Benedicta tu in mulieribus et benedictus fructus ventris tui Iesus Sancta Maria Mater Dei Ora pro nobis peccatoribus nunc et in hora mortis nostræ and I move my thumb and finger up to the first bead and I say inside myself Pater noster Qui es in cælis Sanctificetur nomen tuum Adveniat regnum tuum Fiat voluntas tua sicut in cælo et in terra Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie et dimitte nobis debita nostra sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris Et ne nos inducas in tentationem sed libera nos a malo and I move my thumb and finger down to the cross and I say Our Father Who art in heaven Hallowed be thy name Thy kingdom come Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil and I hold the brown wooden cross between my thumb and finger and then I say, over and over again inside myself while I breathe in deeply Lord and while I breathe out slowly Jesus and while I breathe in deeply Christ and while I breathe out slowly Have mercy and while I breathe in deeply On me
