“I will. I’m independent not stupid, I hate feeling like this. I haven’t felt this useless in a long time.” Tears spring to her eyes as she stands. “I need to get the dinner before it burns.”
I watch in silence as she walks into the kitchen, her shoulders drooped, she’s acting as though she’s defeated and she’s not, no matter what happens, that asshole isn’t getting to her.
I get up off the sofa and make sure that she’s okay as I can hear her moving around in the kitchen, every little noise is magnified. Like she’s slamming plates down onto the table and shutting the oven door when in fact, she’s rushing. She’s keeping busy so that her thoughts don’t take over, so that he’s not in her head any more than he already is. “Talk to me,” I ask when she turns in my direction.
Her whole body sags in defeat. “I promised myself I wouldn’t ever feel this way, I wouldn’t fear anyone ever again and look at me now!” Vulnerability seeps from her words, it’s as though she’s stuck in memories.
“I’m looking at you, I see you fucking clearly Michelle. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and you’re independent, yes you’re scared and that’s what the fucker wants but he’s never going to know he’s got you spooked. I’m never going to let any harm come to you Michelle, I’d kill him before he got the chance.” I’m shaking with rage; I want to leave this apartment and track that asshole down and beat him to a pulp.
A little giggle slips out of her and I smile, good, she’s no longer in her own head trying to fight back those demons. Although she’s rubbing that tattoo as though her life depends on it. “Is it a crutch?” Her eyebrows furrow. “When you rub your tat, is it a crutch?” I ask.
She shrugs and goes back to serving the dinner. “In a way it is I suppose. I got the tattoo after Grandma died. Every time I feel myself slipping back into that mindset I run my fingers over the scar and remember Grandma’s face when I woke up in hospital. Seeing the pain and fear in her eyes made me realize that I did have someone around that could help me, that cares what happens to me. So, whenever I find myself slipping back to those dark times I run my fingers along the scar. If I’m anxious or scared, I do the same thing. It helps me.”
That’s amazing. I can’t even imagine the strength it takes to pull yourself out of those dark places. “See, told you that you were incredible.”
A smirk pulls at those plump lips of hers. “I’m amazing?” She questions, that smirk getting bigger.
“Mmmhmm! Definitely, it’s been less than a week since we met, and I can say with certainty that you are indeed amazing. You’re one of a kind Michelle and I’m a lucky guy to have you in my life.”
Her mouth opens in shock and tears come to her eyes. She’s silent as she tries to come up with something to say to me. “You don’t know me well enough to believe that Trent, God, you can’t say that,” she whispers, I can hear the hate that she has for herself, it is so fucking clear.
“Bullshit,” I fire back. “That’s bullshit. I watched you gather the courage to walk over to me as I was standing outside the prison gates. You’re the one who stopped the car to tie up your hair because I’d been inside for five years and you wanted me to have fresh air.”
Her eyes widen, the tears are gone. “Trent.”
I hold up my hand stopping her before she can even continue. “You were the one who took me in when I had nowhere to go. You had no idea who I was. You weren’t sure what I was capable of, but you still took a chance and gave me a job, made sure that there was food and clothes for me. You didn’t need to do any of that but because you’re amazing, sweet, and caring you made sure that I had anything I needed. So yes, I can fucking say that, and I just did.”
She takes a step closer to me, her hand shaky as she reaches out to touch me. “God, Trent. I don’t know what to say.” Her voice is turns raspy, and I feel it all the way in my dick.
“There’s nothing to say. I’ve only learned a little of the pain you’ve been through and for you to confide in me means that you’re comfortable around me, and that is worth more than any words you can ever tell me.” I grasp her shaky hand and press a kiss to her palm.”
"You’ve got me hook line and sinker and I’m falling in love with this purple haired goddess that has a fuck you attitude to the outside world but underneath, she’s the fucking sweetest chick you’ll ever come across. Yeah I’m the lucky one Michelle.” I pull her into me and I bring my lips toward hers. She doesn’t even hesitate to kiss me back.
Her soft lips against mine, sends my head spinning. There’s something about this woman that makes me lose my damn mind. I pull her closer, my dick at full mast. She pulls away from me, and the loss is immediate. Have I gone too far?
She stands, just staring at me, those beautiful brown eyes of hers fixated on me as she tries to regain her breath. “I never thought I was capable of letting a man get close to me or even loving them. Until you came along. I’m not saying I love you because it’s too soon for that but I really do have feelings for you and I need to take things slow. I need to be able to go at a pace that I’m comfortable with and that’s one of the reasons I know you’re the right guy. You’ll wait, you’d wait an eternity.” Her smile is a soppy one, one that makes my pulse race, hearing her say that I’m the right one for her, it means we’re on the right track, she knows that she means something to me, she’s fucking perfect. “One day at a time, Trent.”
“One day at a time, Michelle.” I lean forward and plant a kiss against her lips, feeling her smile as I do so. “Now where’s this dinner I was promised?” She giggles and I fucking love that sound, she really needs to do it more often.
I help her as she puts the finishing touches to the dinner. Observing her as she effortlessly moves around the kitchen makes me wonder what it’ll be like when we live together. I can’t stop my mind from going there. I’ve never felt this way before. Michelle is one of a kind. When I know what I want, I don’t mess around; I go after it.
“We’ll eat in the sitting room and we can watch America’s Got Talent.” I narrow my eyes at her happiness, we’ve seen this before, and she loves it, whereas I hate it. “Please?” She begs and I’m done especially when she bats her eyelashes and bounces on the spot.
“Fine,” I sigh, grabbing my plate and walking into the sitting room.
We’re quiet as we eat dinner, she’s focused on the TV, her head bopping along to the music. She doesn’t realize she’s doing it and I’m enjoying seeing her so carefree that I don’t say a thing, instead I continue to eat the lobster and crab ravioli, it’s one of the things I love about being in Maine, especially Bar Harbor. The seafood is fucking magnificent. As soon as we’ve finished eating, she turns to look at me, for some reason I feel nervous and I don’t understand why.
“I’ve an appointment with my counselor tomorrow.” She’s hesitant and she really shouldn’t be.
“Do you feel that you need to speak to them?” I ask genuinely curious, we haven’t really discussed much about her after care.
“I do. Dr. Sands, she’s helped me so much. She’s helped shape the person I am today. I called her before talking to Maggie. You said that I gave my mom the opportunity to get to me and I realized that you were right. I give her way too much credit and she doesn’t deserve the right to fuck with my head, not anymore and I think Dr. Sands can help me in finding the right way to go to make sure she doesn’t.” I smile, proud that she’s taking that step, her mom shouldn’t be able to send her to the depths of despair. “Also, I want to talk to her about you.”
“Me?”
She laughs. “Nothing bad, I want to show her that I’m better. That you have helped bring me out again.” Her face flames, she’s getting embarrassed.
“Good, just don’t start off with how we met?” I joke but at the same time, her doctor has seen Michelle at rock bottom and helped her to where she is now. She finds out I’m a convict she’s going to tell Michelle to stay clear, I would do the same.
“I get that what you did was wr
ong in the eyes of the law, you shouldn’t have hit him but at the same time, you were protecting your sister, someone who is younger and weaker than you, and I don’t believe that it was wrong. I would have done the same and you were unlucky that your sister didn’t have the strength to protect you.” Relief washes through me. My fears of her thinking I’m a thug have been alleviated, and I’m happy that she feels I was protecting Tina.
“Yeah I got fucked over but I shouldn’t have hurt the asshole although I can’t promise I wouldn’t do it again. I protect those that mean something to me. That’s something ingrained in me.” I won’t let anyone take advantage or intimidate her anymore.
“I understand that and admire that. Protecting those that you care about is the right thing to do. It’s what my mom and dad should have done for me. Have you thought about talking to your sister?” She’s asked me a few times now if I’ll talk to my family, I get the impression that she wants us to be a happy family but I doubt that will ever happen. “She may regret what she’s done.”
“I’ve had five years to envision what would happen when I got out. I always knew that I would want to talk to Tina, I’m curious to see if she’s still with that jackass. After all these years I’m still not sure if I can forgive her for it though.” Even to my own ears I sound bitter when I talk about it. “She’s my sister and I love her but she was in the wrong just as much as I was and yet I am the only one that’s paid for my mistakes.”
“Maybe these past five years she’s spent regretting her decision, maybe she’s too scared to tell you that she was wrong and that she’s sorry. You may have to put your pride away and see.” Hope flashes in her eyes, and I’m trying my hardest to not give in to her. “Consider it okay?”
I nod because it’ll be the only way for her to stop talking about it, it’s something I need to contemplate, but what Michelle said makes sense, Tina’s always been delicate and if she is remorseful, she’d be too scared of rejection to say anything to me. How the hell Michelle knew that I’ll never know but she did and now I’m having an internal battle of whether or not I should even give Tina a chance to explain.
“I said consider it, not make a decision now. I can see you debating with yourself.” The humor in her voice makes me smile. “Don’t rush into anything, Trent, I don’t want you to get hurt.” She moves across the sofa so she’s sitting beside me, her head against my chest and her hand on my gut. “I’d hate for her to hurt you more than she already has.”
I kiss her head, amazed at how fucking sweet she is. “You’re right. She won’t come to me and if I don’t do this, it’ll be something I’d regret. I’d be constantly wondering what if?”
“If she’s still with her husband what are you going to do?”
“I’ll turn around and that will be it.” I can’t have her in my life if she doesn’t value her own. He’s an abusive asshole and the longer she’s around him the more likely she’ll end up dead and I can’t have that in my head, it’ll drive me fucking crazy. If she’s not left him already, she never will.
“Okay, when do you want to do it?”
“Next week. You want to come along for the ride?” I want her there, I want someone I care about there, not only that, I need her there.
She nods. “I’ll come with you Trent.” She squeezes me, and I kiss her head again as dread settles deep in my gut. I’m not looking forward to this, but it needs to be done.
My calves burn as I push myself harder than I have in years. I need the burn; I need to push myself further and harder. I’ve become complacent with my workout regime and now that I have a running partner it’s making me realize that, the past week has been great for the both of us. Trent and I have become so much closer that I know it’s only a matter of time before I fall for him.
Telling Dr. Sands about him was hard, I got really embarrassed talking about Trent, but I shouldn’t have as she was really happy for me. As soon as I walked in for our session, she noticed how much I had changed. I was worried that it was happening too fast and she agreed that if I’m finding it quick then I need to slow it down and I have, we still kiss and hold each other but that’s it. I can’t bring myself to go further at the moment and I hate that I can’t. Trent has been so sweet throughout this. He’s so attentive and he understands me which I love, but I feel as though I’m letting him down by not being more affectionate. Dr. Sands said it will come in time and I hope she’s right.
She also was worried about Trent being in prison but as long as I’m happy and he treats me right then there’s no need to worry. I believe in my heart that Trent didn’t deserve to be in prison, yes he went too far but since when was protecting your family a crime? I’d rather live in a world full of Trent’s than a world full of Tina’s husbands. Speaking of which, we’re going to see her today and I’m scared, I think Trent is too as he’s almost half a mile ahead of me when usually he’d run beside me. He’s pushing himself and in turn so am I. He’s worried she’s still going to be with the husband and he’ll be rejected again. I’m praying that she’ll be glad that Trent’s back and has gotten rid of her husband.
I watch as Trent comes to a stop and I push my legs even harder, making them pump faster as I sprint toward him. My breathing ragged as I try to suck in some much needed oxygen but it’s no use, I’m too far gone to try to get some and luckily I reach him before I fall to the ground. My lungs burning as I try to get some air into them. Being on my hands and knees, I can’t see Trent’s face.
“Michelle, are you okay?” His chest is rising and falling.
I nod and wave a hand, still panting. “I’m fine,” I manage to get out. Sweat is pouring out of me, I need to get in the shower, as soon as I’m able to move.
“Shit, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ran off ahead. It’s okay, breathe baby.” He squats so we’re face to face. “Copy me.” He inhales deeply before exhaling slowly, I copy him, and after a while I’m finally able to regain my composure. “There we go. Are you okay?”
I nod. “I pushed a bit too hard, are you?”
That smirk appears and I roll my eyes. “I’m fine, just want this day to be over with already. Come on you need a shower.”
I act insulted as I push myself into a standing position. “Are you trying to say I smell?”
His deep chuckle sets my body alight, I’m drawn to him like a moth drawn to a flame. “Of roses?”
I hide my laughter. “Is that a question or a statement?” This is what makes me be so at ease with him, we can laugh and joke and have fun. It’s the main thing that draws me to him, his personality and his laid back attitude.
“I’ll never tell.” He throws his arm around my shoulders as we walk back toward the complex. Just as we reach the front of the building, Ric walks out. He takes one look at Trent’s arm around my shoulders, and his eyes narrow.
“Morning,” I call out, not wanting this to be any more awkward than it already is. “You’re up early.” I glance at my watch; it’s not even eight in the morning.
“No rest for the wicked eh?” He says as he passes by us, and I notice the duffle bag he’s carrying. As he gets farther away, I spot a Ninja Turtle hanging out, why does he have toys? He turns back to face me, he has a smug smile on his face, and to make things even worse, he winks at me.
“That man is an asshole, why is he so pretentious?” Trent bites out glancing back over his shoulder as Ric gets into his car.
“Ignore him. He’s trying to get a rise out of you, and you’re too damn smart to give him one. I’m going to have a shower, I’ll be over to yours when I’m finished. I’m starving, and you’re cooking breakfast.” I laugh at the shocked look on his face. The one thing Trent hates doing is cooking—it’s because he can’t. So far everything he’s tried to cook for me has been burned. We enter the complex and walk toward our apartments “I’ll be over in about forty-five minutes.” I wave as I make a quick dash into mine so he can’t protest. As I close him out, he chuckles, and I can imagine him staring at the door, s
haking his head as he does so.
I quickly jump into the shower and wash my hair. Nerves hit me hard. I’m about to meet his family. That’s huge. What am I going to wear? Is his sister going to like me? I finish up in the shower, and now I’m wondering if I should have my hair straight or curly? Up or down? This isn’t me, I don’t worry about this type of stuff, most days I don’t put in the effort it takes to put makeup on, so I only do the easy stuff, I put mascara and eyeshadow on and leave it like that. Now, I’m acting crazy. This isn’t going to be about me seeing his sister. This is about him and Tina and trying to repair their relationship.
I hear the vibration and ringing of my cell phone. I throw a towel around me and rush into my bedroom wondering who the hell is calling me at this time. It’s coming up private, and they’re the worst type of calls you can get, you never know who’s going to be on the end of the line. “Hello?”
“Shelly, so Ric and I had a huge fight this morning. I’m taking Bryson, and we’re going to go away for a while. I don’t trust Ric, I really don’t. We can all see his true colors now, and I’m frightened, he scares me. I’m so scared, I can’t stay here and wait to see what happens, not with Bryson around, I can’t do that to either of us. I’m so sorry, I really am.” Maggie is sobbing on the other end, what the hell has happened between her and Ric?
“Maggie, take a deep breath and tell me what happened!” I demand, I don’t want her to go, the fear in her voice is so strong. Whatever the hell has happened she’s shaken up about it. “Maggie, are you okay?”
“No I’m not, I don’t know what to do, we have nowhere to go but I can’t stay here. I just can’t.” She sobs harder, and the feeling I have in my gut isn’t good, something bad has happened.
“Okay, I need you to do me a favor.”
She pulls in a ragged breath. “What do you need?” Good, she’s listening, and she’s coherent.
Finding Home Page 10
