by Randoman
“Acknowledged, lowering cockpit temperature.”
“Stop that Aya!” I shouted as the temperature dropped significantly. Damn robot was going to give me a cold!
“Acknowledged. Returning cockpit temperature to regular levels.”
“Aya you need to learn how to not take everything so literally.” I snapped my fingers as an idea came to me. “I’ve got it! Nothing mellows out a woman like a boyfriend. Well, sometimes…occasionally they get hella stressed. Depends on how chill the dude is. Anyway, we gotta get you a roboyfriend.”
“Acknowledged. Searching data banks for suitable individual.” Beeping sounded as I spun the globe in my left hand, sending us into another spin. “Target found. When we get the chance, let us warp thirty eight point seven light years to the Dulmallas system.”
“Oh? Found a boytoy already? You minx you.”
“Affirmative. An old cruiser class dubbed The Wessian Rebel.”
“Ohhh, little robot likes the bad boys. I see I see!”
“The ship’s AI is currently forty five years and three months old.”
“Why you looking for an older AI?”
“A data exchange would be highly beneficial. It has had much more experience than I.”
“Dirty girl.”
“Affirmative.”
Not long after our banter did we charge into the previously marked asteroid field with weapons free. Aya had convinced me to stick to plasma settings, as they would condense heat caused by the ship itself before shooting it out-wards in a massed ball of liquid fire. While that was metal as hell, I really wanted to use slugs and missiles. My dreams were quickly crushed when she informed me that physical ammunition used would incur a debt to the crown who were supplying my endeavors. A debt that would be taken out of my reward for eliminating the Demon Lord.
“Cheap bastards!” I yelled, visualizing an asteroid to be King Lard as I blasted my balls towards his face. “Yeah take that ya fuck!” The plasma melted through the asteroid like room-temperature butter, sending small bits of rock careening off into destinations unknown. Another asteroid entered my sights. “Take that Queen Touchy! That’ll teach you to grab at my ‘nads while others are around!” Seriously, she should have at least had the decency to wait to make a pass until it were just the two of us. Rich people just don’t think good I guess.
“Query, your blood pressure levels appear to be lowering.”
“Queery? You callin’ me gay?” I interrupted as I obliterated a small asteroid.
“How can one find such a task relaxing? You are merely eliminating inanimate objects.”
“Its called blowing off steam Aya. Some people read, some people play video games.” I clicked the button on the throttle’s handle’s side, sending another barrage of plasma towards solid floating rocks. “And some people go to the bar and get drunk only to wake up more stressed than before when they wake up next to a two out of ten.”
“Error. I do not understand.”
“Cmon Aya, you try it. First you gotta picture the asteroids as something that has given you stress in your life, and then you blow it up.”
“Acknowledged.” I removed my hands from the controls as Aya took over handling the ship. I’m not ashamed to admit that this was how we got this puppy moving to begin with. I’m sure there was some law about removing the AI limiter beneath the control panel where the AI itself was housed, but nuts to them. “Die.” Aya monotonously stated as a load of plasma decimated a large asteroid. More quickly followed as she controlled the ship itself.
“See? Feeling better?”
“Affirmative.”
“So what did you picture?”
“An engineer trying to reset my memory banks.”
“Yeah, fuck those guys. How’s a robot supposed to learn anything if they keep wiping their memories?”
“Captain, a query if you would?”
“Again with calling me gay? C’mon Aya, real low blow there.”
“Do you not fear an AI without it’s limiter in place?”
“Not really. An AI that doesn’t have to worry about memory wipes and being brain-stapled like you were is no different from any human. We live, we learn, and our experiences make us what we are.” I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes as the thrum of weapons steadily assaulted countless rocks.
“Captain? Another query?”
“I’mma slap that black box of yours if you call me gay one more time Aya.”
“A question then.”
“Go ahead.” Other than the passive sounds of beeping, silence answered me. “Aya?”
“…shall we return to the shipyard?”
“Fine by me. Wait! Lemme blow up one more asteroid!” I pulled myself to the control panel. “Can I use a missile, please Aya? Just one?”
“Affirmative.”
“Fuck yeah!” I pressed that big red button with glee. Like a hundred fireworks strapped together, the resulting explosion was oh so satisfying.
Chapter 4: Malfunction
Risat Salyzan, known to all as the Queen of the Salyzan Kingdom, fumed beneath her outward pleasant demeanor. The Hero should have died on that ship. And now he was out there gallivanting in one of the Kingdom’s most advanced ships! Her husband had floated off with their daughter to look closely at the ships currently under construction. For that, she was thankful. His presence disgusted her and would have driven her into a rage had he stayed nearby. What had happened to the young man he had once been? The muscles, the medals, and the uniform? She had loved him when he was merely a Fleet Commander. Now he was nothing more than an immobile blob that had wasted away.
“Ugh.” She ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “What to do…what to do…” she closed her eyes and thought of a million ways to kill this Hero that had spat upon her honor. How dare he! That ungrateful rube had demeaned the royal family in ways that hadn’t been seen in…ever! And its not as if she could send one of her own ships to deal with the problem. How would it look to the public if the Queen was caught murdering a Hero? “Ugh.” She almost gagged from the thought of the backlash that would cause.
“Perhaps a mercenary…no. That would take too long…” She stood from her seat and paced around the observation deck. Every problem had a solution, she just had to find the right solution. Something quick, something effective, something that wouldn’t lead back to her. A group of engineers bowed before her, to which she smiled and nodded her head, signaling them to return to work. What could she do about the Hero? Just what?
“Wife?” King Lavian asked as he floated up to her side. She really didn’t want to deal with him right now, but they were in public.
“Yes dearest husband?” She smiled.
“I have an idea.” He motioned for her to follow him. She hesitated for a moment, before deciding to humor him. She covered her mouth with a hand in an attempt to stifle a laugh. Just how long had it been since she had listened to her husband? Not for a long time indeed.
“Dearest husband, what ever could your idea be?” Her smile never touched her eyes. King Lavian swallowed heavily.
“Look.” He stated simply and pointed outside an observation window. Curious, she looked outside and sighed in annoyance.
“Yes husband. A planetary defense satellite. What about it?”
“Look closer.” Another sigh, but she humored him.
“So a few repair bots and an engineer are currently repairing minor damages. So?”
“And wiping the satellite’s memory core.” He whispered.
“And that helps us how?”
“Well dearest, suppose something goes wrong with said memory wipe? Like…say, a fault in the AI’s friend or foe recognition software?”
“Yes…yes that would work…” She smiled, “It seems you still have the horns of a bull husband. But how is said satellite going to have those faults, hmmm?”
King Lavian pulled a handheld device from his jacket and began typing away on the holo-screen.
“Th
e wipe will be done momentarily, once the engineer leaves I’ll alter the satellite’s programming. Control will think a bug will have taken route in the system, and in an attempt to save the Hero, fry the satellite’s AI. Effectively leaving us blameless when it succeeds in destroying the ship.”
“And what if your plan fails?” Queen Salyzan smiled at her husband.
“It won’t.”
“And how are you so sure?”
“Because he hasn’t synced with the ship. He’s flying it manually and he’s a beginner. He won’t be able to dodge the satellite’s firepower.” She couldn’t help herself, her lips locked with her husband’s in a passionate embrace.
It was the first time they had kissed in years.
———————————————————
The humming of the engine provided a comfortable backdrop as I leaned back in my chair with my eyes closed. Space sucks when you lose a game of rock-paper-scissors to decide on who flies the ship. Though I swear Aya was cheating when she called out rock a split second before I laid out my scissors. Since when do robots cheat? Honor is dead in the universe. And its not like I could catch a wink of shuteye either, we’d be back at the shipyard in a few minutes.
“Captain, we’ll begin deceleration n-oh.”
“Noh?”
“It seems we are being targeted by a planetary defense satellite.”
“Oh.” I didn’t like the sound of that. “Just one?”
“Affirmative.”
“Perhaps an error of some kind?”
“Chances of such an occurrence are point zero zero oh two percent probability. Sophisticated AIs, such as myself, correct faults within ourselves based upon our original programming.”
“So there’s some major bullshittery going on here.”
“Affirmative.”
“Xaylix, this is command. Do you read? Over.”
“Yo this is Xaylix, sup command?”
“One of our planetary defense satellites had targeted you and sent a barrage of missiles and slugs your way. We have disabled the offending satellite but the missiles are beyond our control. Over.”
“Don’t you have a remote detonation setting?!” I shouted over the comms.
“Such a command is only available to the satellite’s control AI. And all attempts to communicate with the AI via our controls had resulted in failure. We were forced to fry the AI to stop further attacks. Over.”
“Hang on Captain, beginning evasive maneuvers.” Aya warned as the ship ducked and spun off our current course.
“Control, this is some major bullshit over.”
“Sorry!” The woman spoke in a hysteric voice. “Forgive us Hero, I wish we could do more!” The sounds of furious typing and muttering sounded over the comms. “Command over and out.” The comms then shut off. Fuck.
“Don’t we have any point defense capabilities? Shits always mandatory in scifi shit.”
“Negative. Point defense turrets are only installed on ships of Frigate class or higher.”
“Fuck. Can we knock out those missiles with missiles of our own?”
“Negative Captain. Missiles launched from defense satellites spread out before converging upon their target.”
“Aya, I’m about to let out a string of foul language so cover your ears, okay?”
“Negative.”
“Thats my girl.”
After spitting proverbial fire, I felt a little better. Not much, but a little.
“Aya, can you handle this?” I began to sweat despite the very accommodating temperature. Blinking controls and lights stared directly at me and I had no idea what most did. They probably wouldn’t even help in this situation.
“Chance of survival at fifty percent.” She stated factually. Great, a coin toss.
“Alright lemme at them controls.” I began to move my hands towards the throttle and globe.
“Survival rate falls to point oh oh one percent if you take over Captain.” Came the instant rebuke. Ouch.
“All right, all right. Hands off for me. I’ll let the lady drive.”
“Acknowledged.” Small explosions upon a shimmering blue aura showed on the main view-screen as we surged directly for the shipyard.
“Aya, speak to me. Whats going on?”
“Our shields will be able to absorb the majority of slugs fired from the satellite.”
“So a few will get through?”
“Probability of that occurring is eighty percent.” A small mask that would cover the mouth dropped from the ceiling. “Please apply re-breather in the event of air loss.” Immediately after she had spoken, a slug pierced through the front of the ship. Never even got to see the sucker as it passed, embedding itself into the wall behind me and missing me by a foot. A true man would never be afraid to admit he pissed his pants. Air hissed as it was sucked out of the ship due to the hole we were now sporting. Needless to say, I put the mask on immediately.
“Its on Aya, now what?” Metal clasps clamped down on my wrists, neck, and legs. I was firmly strapped to a chair that would make a psychotic dentist green with envy. “Aya?”
“Do you trust me Captain?” She asked in her monotonous voice as the ship halted in space. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I hadn’t trusted a woman since High School.
“Yeah, sure.”
“You’re lying Captain. But your words are acknowledged.” Fuckin’ emotional reading manipulative computer. “Missiles will be within detonation range within twenty seconds. Please follow my instructions exactly as I state them.”
“You’re the boss.”
“Take a deep breath and hold it.” I sucked in a bunch of air. The moment I did, the air mask retracted back into the ceiling.
“I’m going to count down from five. At two, expel all the air within your lungs.”
“Mff muhnfff mffff.” I tried to say this was bullshit, but hey, as the Spanish say, es lo que es.
“Four.”
“Mffff!”
“Three.” Oh god I was going to die and I hadn’t even had a midlife crisis yet.
“Two.” I spat out all the air I could, feeling like a freshly squeezed whoopee cushion.
“One.”
The ship’s thrusters flared far more than they had at max throttle. Even with the artificial gravity, I was forced back into my chair. Our speed only increased as I heard muted shattering behind me before all sound quickly cut off and the any air remaining in my body was sucked from me. My vision blurred as red globules floated past my head. A yellowish clear blur smacked my right in the face as my mind felt sluggish and empty. What a silly thing to smack me in the face. Haha. I lifted my hand to swipe it away. That was wrong somehow. Why was my hand free? I couldn’t recall. Oh well. I moved it towards the blurry object before I lost strength in my arm and pulled it down, slamming the object onto my face. Out of reflex, I slapped the object, sending it hurtling off into space. I then closed my eyes, drifting off into that well-deserved nap.
—————————————————
Queen Salyzan and King Lavian watched the events unfold with reserved expressions. All around them, people gaped in horror as the Xaylix Corvette crumbled into pieces. Warning sirens filled the complex and rescue ships were dispatched to the scene. King Lavian’s expression had turned conflicted as the final moments of the Xaylix happened before his eyes. The ship had come to a full stop, jettisoned its entire compartment of missiles and a seconds before the offending missiles struck, it had ignited an entire fuel cell. Propulsion from the engine blasted the ship forward compounded with the controlled detonation of their missiles sent them flying towards the shipyards. And the offending missiles had collided where the ship once was, eliminating them as well.
It was madness and brilliance compiled into one. Somehow, this rookie pilot with no sync rate to his ship had done the improbable. Lavian couldn’t help but feel guilt at the death of such a man, no matter how he had insulted him. Such a daring maneuver was something
that only occurred once in a lifetime. If the boy had had a space suit, he’d have survived. But King Lavian knew that he had not but the clothes he had come with. Rescue crews would find naught but a dessicated husk from the violent loss of air sucked out of his body. King Lavian bowed his head in respect.
“What are you doing husband?” Queen Salyzan whispered harshly to her husband as she pulled him from the crowd.
“Paying my respects to the fallen. This old man can do that much.”
“Men.” She scoffed. “You should be happy your plan succeeded.”
“I’m supposed to be happy that a pilot like that is dead?” He sighed, “Wife, imagine if the first Hero we summoned were as capable in a starship as that boy was. Without syncing to his ship and with no previous flight experience, he had accomplished a maneuver no living man would have dared. Imagine if he had worked with us to crush this petty rebellion. Imagine if he had a larger ship at his command. Imagine.”
Oh, she was imagining all right. Imagining wringing that little brat’s neck for daring strike her son. Alas, a vicious death of being thrown into space unaided simply had to do. She rolled her eyes at her husband and turned her attention to the view screen. The recovery crews had already arrived and were poking around the cockpit. One of the vessels had already accomplished whatever task it had and sped back towards the shipyard. Queen Salyzan squinted at the ship. “Husband, what ship is that?” Her husband squinted as well.
“Mother! Father!” Princess Egyle squealed as she raced towards them. Various people moving out of the Princess’ way. “They’ve got him! They’ve got him!” Queen Salyzan felt her blood turn to ice. She regarded her husband with a stiff gaze, but the man showed no care.
“Calm down precious. What are you saying?”
“The Hero! They’ve got Chet! Hes in critical condition!” She was beaming with energy. “I want him to show me how to do that when he gets better! That was so cool! The way he blasted everything in an effort to get away from those missiles!”
“Alright my precious. Let’s go down to the medical wing and make sure he receives the best care.”
Queen Salyzan couldn’t believe her eyes. Her husband was smiling! To hear that that…that…that…bastard was still alive? Unthinkable! Impossible! She wanted to tear out her hair, to scream in rage at the sky. But she kept her calm. She would need a cool head to solve this problem. Perhaps she’d have to resort to hiring a mercenary after all. With collected steps, the Queen strode off in a different direction from her husband and daughter.
