by Randoman
“I’m not crying.” She glared at me. Good, some progress.
“Sulking then. So why aren’t you out there in this badass Battleship helping your new allies?”
“I-” Before she could utter her excuse, I quickly cut her off.
“You have no excuses Avon. You started this without being prepared and now you’re going to have to adapt. Those people now need you and you are failing them, keep it up and your rebellion is dead in the water before you can blink.”
“You’re right.” She nodded. “It may not be the most ideal situation, but I need to make the most of it.”
“Thats the spirit.” I patted her on the shoulder. “Now get out there and fight the good fight.”
“I know that last time I asked you said you didn’t want to get involved…” She knelt before me, “But we could really use your support. The people will expect you to fight alongside us. If you don’t…”
“Then they’ll know they’ve been tricked.” I nodded. “Well Avon, I suppose that depends entirely on you.” She looked up at me as if she knew exactly what I was going to say next.
“Aevalonis Malwyrd Kalrastros, will you be my woman?” I asked with a hand extended towards her kneeling form. Her face became a storm of emotion as thoughts whipped through her head. Time itself seemed to stand still as she considered.
‘Shes not going to-’ Aya began, but was interrupted when Avon grabbed my hand with her own. Gently, I pulled her to her feet.
“I do this for the people I must protect.” Avon’s eyes stared directly into my own. “I will be your woman, Chet Rosenfield.”
‘I don’t fucking believe it!’ Aya cried out in my mind.
I got the girl and my robot to curse and all it had taken was the galaxy being torn in half to make all this happen. It was a good day.
Finale: Shotgun Wedding
I stood at the far side of a cleared out hangar on the Battleship Nylumi, where hundreds upon hundreds of aliens sat in fold-out chairs and stared at me expectantly as I stood perfectly still in my new dark-blue military uniform. Hortur, Jiirl, Yvael, and Princess Egyle, known to all as Dalria, all sat at the front row of the assembled crowd. Lyrin was within the crowd, currently giving me a deadly glare. Balros was in there too, you couldn’t miss a nose that broken in a crowd like this.
Slightly off to the side and behind me stood an alien who I had made a acquaintance with. Chief Engineer Obsal, one of them Korglans, wore some sort of fancy robe threaded in red and gold. He cradled a massive black book in some alien script under one of his arms. This was a situation I had never planned on ever happening.
I was getting married and I was shitting bricks.
I only wanted to make Avon my woman, not get married damnit! I wasn’t ready for marriage. In fact, I had never planned on getting married ever! Marriage is a scam used by women to obtain men’s valuables through divorce. Thats what dad said when he left anyway. Now I well and truly understood the meaning behind Eminem’s words when he sung about his mom’s spaghetti, he was actually singing about getting married. My knees were weak, my arms were heavy, and if it weren’t for the fact that I hadn’t even had breakfast, there’d be vomit on this uniform already.
I hadn’t even known about this ceremony until I had shown up a few minutes ago! This morning, Avon barged into my room, threw me these fine threads that I was rockin’, and said to meet her in hangar three at noon exactly. The moment I entered, a hangar full of people sitting in chairs turned to look at me. When I had tried to back away, a pair of guards intercepted me and motioned for me to walk down the aisle. Without a doubt, I was currently the victim of shotgun wedding.
‘Relax Captain.’ Aya began in a calming tone. ‘This is nothing more than a swapping of vows.’
‘Easy for you to say Aya, I dont even know what vows to make!’
‘Standard galactic wedding ceremony vows normally include a pledge to protect one another till the stars die out.’
‘Is anything about this standard, Aya?’
‘Negative.’
‘Exactly. Besides, I’m not the only one getting married here. Technically since you’re a part of me, you’re involved in this too.’
For a few moments, she had gone completely silent.
‘…Captain.’
‘Yes Aya?’
‘I am currently processing nervousness.’
‘Welcome to the club.’
My body tensed as the sound of a magnetic door unlocked at the far side of the bay. All eyes turned to focus on the new arrival. Dressed in a form-fitting black gown, Avon strode forth with her red eyes burning directly into my own despite the distance between us. Her high heels clicking against the metal floor with each forceful step. Her once free-flowing long black hair had been tamed and her wings had spread out in full length, flapping occasionally. Must have been a nervous tick of hers.
It wasn’t long until she stood face to face with me, her right hand outstretched towards me. Out of reflex, I gripped her hand with my sweating palms. By the brief grimace on her face, she wasn’t impressed by my perspiration. My heart pounded wildly in my chest as she moved to stand next to me, her hand in mine. Obsal looked to Avon and I as he took the book from under his arm. Avon nodded, I merely stood there thinking how fucked my life was now.
“Born unto molten earth are we, fused of rock and stone where life is forged by the hands of fate. Through life, our cores do erupt and expand…” Obsal spoke in his loud boisterous voice as he began the ceremony.
“What the fuck is this?” I whispered to Avon at my side.
“Its the Korglan ceremony of bonding.” She shot back.
“To seek another core whom shares a hope to be bound by one another…”
“Bondage?”
“Bonding!” Avon rolled her eyes. “Do you even listen?”
“Not when I’m nervous.”
“You’ve almost been killed multiple times, and this is what makes you shake in your boots?”
“I’m bad with commitments okay?”
“And through the eras shall we roam until the very stars fade from the sky…”
“Some Hero you are, afraid of a little ceremony.”
“If you think I’m bad right now, you should hear Aya.” I muttered as my body shook. “Shes just saying ‘Error’ over and over.”
“Why?”
“Because I explained to her that since shes part of me, technically shes getting married too.”
“May we last forever into eternity into the cosmos themselves…”
“So whose idea was this anyway?” I asked.
“Jiirl’s.” I should have known. That snake woman had a penchant for meddling ever since her first day on my ship. “She even said to avoid telling you until the last minute.”
“What? Why?”
“Because she says you seemed like the type that would run away.” Betrayed by my own crew member. Now I know how Caesar felt being stabbed in the back by his dear friend Brutus.
“Do you, Aevalonis Malwyrd Kalrastros, swear to forge an eternal bond to the one standing beside you?” Obsal questioned with his booming voice.
“I so swear, until the stars in the skies die out.” Avon spoke seriously as she bowed her head formally.
“And do you, Chet Rosenfield, swear to do your utmost to maintain said bond until you are naught but stellar dust?”
My throat felt as if it had been filled with sawdust. My mind went blank as all the eyes in the room focused on me as I began to sweat.
‘Aya help! What do I say?’ I cried out in despair.
‘Error. Error. Error.’ She repeated in a mantra. I was on my own. Fuck.
Sharp fingernails pinched my hand as Avon glared at me. Right, I’ll just copy her.
“I so swear, until the stars in the skies die out.”
“Then may the two become one, until time itself is no more.” Obsal bowed to us.
Avon stared at me expectantly.
“I’m unfamiliar with Korglan
customs,” I whispered, “do we rub rocks together now or something?” She sighed in exasperation, grabbed me by the head, and pulled me close to her.
“I cant believe I’m doing this.” She whispered angrily, closed her eyes and locked her lips upon my own. Oh right, that would come next in this ceremony. Not wanting to be outdone, I swept her up in a bridal carry. Her eyes opened in shock and her wings reflexively flapped while I continued our kiss. It would have been great were it not for her horns digging into my forehead. That was going to take some getting used to. Cheers roared from the gathered crowd and feet stamped against the metal floor.
“Put me down.” She demanded with a flushed face and worried eyes as I pulled away.
“Nah.” I responded simply with a grin as I began to carry her down the aisle. The only people not cheering us on was Lyrin and Balros, but fuck those guys.
“Where are you taking me?” she growled as the door to the hangar closed behind us. I didn’t respond, but I did wiggle my eyebrows suggestively towards her. “You’re an ass Hero.”
“I love you too, dear.” Her flushed face was worth the verbal abuse.
“At least put me down now…”
“Nope. Its the husband’s responsibility to carry the wife to their room for the consummation.”
“Thats two decks up and quite a long walk away.”
Without another word, I set her down. She was right, I wouldn’t be able to carry her that long. By the look on her face, she was a little disappointed that I acquiesced so quickly.
“Don’t worry dear, when we get close I’ll carry you again.”
“Hrmph.” She turned her head away, but kept stealing glances towards me.
It had taken awhile, but I had finally made this beautiful blue babe my woman. Now I just needed to help this rebellion overthrow a galaxy-spanning Kingdom. No big deal.
